Pizza! Now that I have your attention, lets talk about this delicious, magical thing. Despite the versatility of pizza as both a meal and/or snack, there are lots of ways to make a wicked pie and even more ways to screw one up. I'm no stranger to the dough, cheese and sauce Triforce, and as such I'd like to share my thoughts on some of my favourite (and much less fun, my least favourite) pizza joints I've encountered here in the city of Toronto. Starting with... the major-ish pizza chains available here in T.O.
First off, my admittedly flimsy criteria. For the purposes of this article, I'm more interested in comparing specific big money pizza chains against each other in a ring of judgemental fire, rather than including spots in Toronto that have multiple locations but are relatively independently owned and maybe provide much more of a "sit down" dining experience and product. This is why I'm not including prominent spots like Pizzeria Libretto or North of Brooklyn in this piece. Instead I will save my thoughts on those particular spots and many others for another article coming soon (!) in the near future.
As for my grading system and what I'm looking for: firstly I'm not grading on a curve. The grades are A through F and based comparatively against the highest ranked pizza I've ever had (which spoiler! not on this list). What I'm looking for is overall quality in taste, ingredients, toppings, leftovers value, and entries also gain/lose points on nostalgia, personal experiences, unique aspects of their brand and potentially just plain old cheapness.
Now without further delay! Here in 2018, are my Toronto pizza chain rankings.
Blaze Pizza ~ (B--)
A relative newcomer as a Toronto pizza option, Blaze is a California based chain that advertises itself as Chipotle Mexican Grill meets pizza: a rapid fire pie that is still made to order and has tons of ingredient options and combinations. Heck, even LeBron James is involved as a promoter/investor.
The concept itself you have to admit is a clever one: offer a flat rate for a one-size pie and allow hungry customers to choose their own sauce and toppings without (mostly) additional charge. It's not quite Kramer's idea for a pizza joint where you make your own pie (cucumbers???) but it's about as close as you can get without getting unqualified people sticking their hands into a 900 degree oven. Add in the fact that these pies are ready to go usually in under five minutes and you've got that sweet spot between fast food and spontaneous freshness.
The pie itself (the reason I'm writing this after all) is light, fluffy and tasty, a good balance of cheese and sauce (plus get more or less of either if you please). It's super thin, thus allowing the faster cook time, with a modest crust consistent in texture with the dough. As a result it will noticeably bubble, where you get an occasional air pocket in the middle of your slice (a disadvantage to a thin pizza cooked super fast), by far Blaze's biggest weakness as a product. Plus as a thin pizza, with air pockets potentially inside, you go for take-out it's gonna get cold fast.
There is reheat value though (if you don't overnuke it) and meanwhile the toppings aren't your run-of-the-mill greasy spot on the corner options. They've got some goods (mini meatballs? roasted garlic cloves? giddy up). They also offer arugula as a topping and have the good sense to tell you they put it on after the pizza has already cooked (because lets be real, lots of well meaning pizza slingers can make that mistake).
Overall, as far as taste goes it is basically equal or just slightly above the next entry on my list, but the current uniqueness of their operation and the wide range of topping options gives them the bump. Blaze is my highest ranked Toronto pizza chain here in 2018.
Pizza Nova ~ (C++)
So I'll get this off my box here right away: I'm a bit of a Nova fan boy. I've had conversations with various folks over the years (cooks even) whom prefer Pizza Pizza over Pizza Nova, which personally strikes me as a committable offense.
Now sure, a problem you get with a chain with dozens of locations like Nova is that some are for whatever reason not up to snuff (see my comments about Pizzaville later). And that's totally fair. However, to complete that Pizza Pizza/Pizza Nova argument, I propose that a bad Nova is the exception, while a good Pizza Pizza is likewise an exception. I've had disappointing pies at both, but Nova does not disappoint as a method of operation.
As for the pizza itself, it's the little things I like. Affordable? Yes sir (their 1 topping walk-in special is an undersold steal and definite go-to for me). The sauce has big bits of soft tomato, the crust is often firm but crisp and not overly chewy, their bacon option is actual bacon strips (not crumble) and they don't need to put a ton of cheese on in a vain attempt to deceive you it's good. Also, it's not stupid greasy and reheats really really well if you're willing to use the oven. Overall, it's a no-brain option if it's late at night and your alternative is Popeye's chicken that's been sitting under a lamp for seven hours. Bonus points for their garlic option, as when you order it as a topping you get big chunks of oily, soft roasted garlic all over your pizza. It's magic, baby.
Pizzaiolo ~ (C)
Five years ago this would have been probably a solid B or B-. But for some reason, as seemingly almost every downtown corner here in Toronto opened up a location, the quality of their slice has noticeably slid. There's a certain taste in the dough you get, a kind of olive oil wheaty texture, that is consistent with all of their pizzas and I guess I don't much care for it. On top of that, they are a bit one dimensional in terms of what to go for. Their whole pizzas are pricey (compared with other options) and rather unimpressive in both size and taste. Slices are their main appeal.
Not to slag on them endlessly, there are some very good qualities with Pizzaiolo. Their slice options are creative and diverse (though unchanged over the years), they like Nova use bacon strips instead of crumble, and a single slice is both affordable and satisfying. The crust isn't anything special but the quality of their toppings is solid, they use good sauce and utilize multiple kinds of cheese very well on their offerings. For nostalgia's sake, the location at Jane and Bloor was once a popular stop for me after baseball games, as well as the Yonge/Bloor location when I was inbetween afternoon classes at U of T. Many a good pie was had there and then.
Overall, my complaints are that they haven't really evolved since sprouting so many (so many!) damn locations, the quality of the product has slipped and their full pizzas are not worth the cost or the time. Otherwise it's an entirely acceptable choice.
Mamma's Pizza ~ (C)
Another nostalgia story: the first time I tried Mamma's I was probably in my early teens, maybe a bit younger. I went to the location near the Toronto Reference Library (still there I'm certain), had a pepperoni slice and was convinced for a significant period afterwards that this was my favourite pizza of all time, and thus THE best pizza anywhere.
I no longer think that (shocker) and I doubt Mamma's would even make my Toronto Top 20 list if I were to write such a thing (spoiler). But, they'll do you decent. It's oily as hell though (and it loses points for being aggressively so at times) and so razor thin that a solitary slice isn't likely to kill those hunger beasts. As such it holds a unique place among Toronto pizza chains, in that it thrives for that more "gourmet thin crust" avenue than the others. Certainly imperfect, yeah, but good within that imperfection.
Another funny story. I had a shift at noon this past New Years Day and had no change for the streetcar. The closest spot was the Mamma's location in the Beaches, so I popped in for a slice (obviously fresh at 11am) and was told by the fella behind the counter that I was the very first customer of the year. By unrelated chance I haven't been back since, but I really want to pop in again around maybe 11:55pm on December 31st and bookend the story.
Papa John's ~ (C-)
This is where it starts getting tough. Having American fast food chains up here in Canada ain't anything new, and if anything there are a few more I wouldn't mind seeing establish a presence (cough cough In-N-Out).
American pizza chains are not quite that, since I strongly think that a lot of them flat out suck. Not American pizza per say (because a lot is @#%$&*#@ good), but a lot of their pizza resto chain imports are really damned unimpressive. Papa John's isn't exactly an exception, just that it has a "best of the rest" quality to it. There's an appealing softness on each bite, the crust is gently oily and they don't skimp on the cheese. But it's nothing special. The tomato sauce is generic and sparse, the toppings are generic and blandly delivered, and it's the type of pie that's already slightly overcooked when you get it so the reheat value is minimal.
(Speaking of minimal reheat value, a consistent trend you get with pizza of lesser quality is just that. As such I'd like to introduce the First Bite Rule. Think for a moment: you're hungry, and here's a pizza, any pizza, fresh steaming out of the oven and the cheese is gooey, stretching in strands as you lift up that first slice for the first bite. Honestly, the majority of pizza is at least good in that initial moment. It takes some impressive blandness/awfulness to disappoint there. And some are up to the challenge).
Pizzaville ~ (C--)
My thoughts on Pizzaville have fluctuated wildly over the years, and at this point are probably the lowest they've ever been. The location (now long gone) at Yonge and Dundonald was a gem of a discovery for me in my high school days: a cheap good slice with a great crust and lots of cheese and authentic sauce (bits of soft tomato and everything!).
But for whatever reason, not every location possesses the same level of quality that my long lost high school one did. I grabbed one of their pickup specials recently and while tasty at first, the overload of bland "cheese" sent my stomach barking at me. The sauce level is also not as generous as before, with a tomato bit here/there almost just for show, the crust quickly stale, and the whole ordeal left an experience of having eaten pizza at it's most competently generic. They promote a variety of interesting toppings and execute them on the pizza in a similarly generic fashion, giving an initial excitement that fades after the first few bites. This grade would be much lower if not for those previous pleasant experiences nearly a decade ago, making me suspect this ranking has only one direction to go.
Domino's ~ (D+)
Credit where it's due: their walk-in special is damn cheap. A small pie for under five or six bucks (depending on the location) is a steal of a deal. And the pie itself will be filling. But man, of all the pizzas I've ever had in my life Domino's is the one you gotta eat all of within like twenty minutes. Once it goes cold, it's over my friends. Even a toaster oven can't save it. Maybe it's the big, thick crust, or the equally monstrous layer of solid, cheesey cheese designed to taste like Cheese(TM), but it doesn't reheat even slightly well. You're more likely to burn it and still have cold cheese in the middle, than to recapture its best, freshest moment.
The rest is what you expect. Sauce for the sake of sauce, insert-a-topping here. You know the game.
Pizza Hut ~ (D+)
This will probably piss off some folks, because I know some of you love this stuff. Sure, but again the First Bite Rule is in raging effect. Similar to Domino's, but even more drastic: EAT THIS MOF FAST SON! Because once it goes cold, it's over. Unlike Domino's, which is too thick and bready to reheat properly, Hut is way too damn greasy. You microwave it or oven it, and you're heating pure grease everytime. It could be steaming like crazy, too hot to eat, yet the middle is lukewarm at best. And then all the oil is cooked, the pizza tastes weird and bland, and it still goes cold in two minutes.
As for the pizza itself, it's about as good as a cheesy, thick greasy pizza with barely any sauce can be. It has a certain taste (the grease I figure) that makes it unique among the other offerings on this list, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it at birthday parties when I was a kid. People clearly love it and I'm not saying that's bad or anything; like what you like to eat. Me personally, I just don't think it's particularly good pizza. In almost any way.
Panago ~ (D)
You know those mini pizzas that are sold in the frozen food section? Sized like an old CD-ROM, they usually come in packs of two or four, the flavours either cheese, pepperoni, deluxe, and the instructions say to bake them in the oven but they're perfectly fine (extra gooey in fact) if you zap them in the microwave? That's Panago.
But enough of me revisiting Grade Eight, this pizza has a lot not going for it. First, it's way too damn expensive for what you're getting! Seven bucks for a "personal" size pie that's smaller than most of the slices on this list. If by personal you mean "I'm personally offended at the size of this thing", then yeah, that's accurate. Second, the overcook problem. I don't mind some spots of cheese on my pizza that are a little more crispy or well done than others, it adds flavour and character. But this whole thing is covered in those brown blotches, leaving a thin burnt layer your teeth have to chomp through on each bite. And third, did I mention the size/price ratio?
It's not all completely bad. The dough is oily sweet, the sauce surprisingly flavourful (if mass produced) and... um... they're a Canadian company? Overall, it's a weird combination of Domino's and Pizza Hut, mixing the strengths and weaknesses of those two pies into this weird hybrid. Overcooked cheese of Dom's, the oozing of oil/grease of Hut. But it's not as good as either of those because even when it's fresh, the cheese doesn't string off each slice because it's already done to a crisp. Plus.... seven bucks? Come on.
Amato ~ (D)
This one is a personal vendetta of mine. In terms of style, Amato is very much a poor man's version of Pizzaiolo. They feature some interesting slice options (more so than the remaining entries on the list), their hours appeal to those hungry night travelers in need of some sustenance to combat the beer blues, and it's cheap.
One of my complaints about Pizzaiolo was how their dough/crust has this weird oily, wheaty taste that catches up to you after about halfway. Amato has a similar effect on me, except that feeling isn't taste driven, it's biologically driven. On three separate occasions (completely sober, as a disclaimer) an Amato slice has made me extremely sick, and their product has not stayed in my body particularly long. On that alone they should be much further down my list, but on taste alone it's entirely "meh". Greasy, uninteresting, a stiff crust and seriously lacking in sauce. I'm not a fan at all, and it blows my mind a friend of mine in the west end prefers a nearby Amato over even more nearby King Slice. Lord help us all.
Pizza Pizza ~ (D-)
Ah.... hello old nemesis.... I'm going to enjoy this...
A friend and I have argued that some Pizza Pizza locations are significantly better than others. As the dreadful Beaches outpost has taught me, that is surely true. But Pizza Pizza at its best, it's complete absolute best! Is merely OK. Most of the time, it's a damn cardboard disc with cheap cheese and sauce haphazardly dumped on top. There is nothing they offer that even approaches above average: the pepperoni is flavourless, the cheese and sauce there really just for show, the crust barely edible without that garlic dip (okay, that stuff is dangerously above average) and the prices (beyond a random medium pep special) aren't even reasonable considering the quality consistently on display. If you're desperate, I get it. I've been there. I've eaten way too many of their chewy, hollow panzerottos and hated the universe every time. But we grow, we evolve. We can move on.
Two tales to tell here. First, I ate Pizza Pizza almost everyday for about two months back in 2006. I was 19, working on Queen West and at the time there were legitimately no other options around there. I tried everything on the menu, gradually resenting it and myself more and more on each occasion. Everything I ate tasted exactly the same, every single time, like I was trapped in a time loop. Every slice, each chicken wing, the same amount of cheese, sauce, the same portions of everything, all that same flavour. I had to escape, I had to break free somehow ------
Second tale, is really just go down to the States and ask someone if they've ever had a Pizza Pizza pizza. Or don't. They don't need or deserve the free advertising.
Little Caesar's ~ (D--)
Good god. I tried it once back in 2011 and probably should again (at least for the purpose of this article), but man I really, really don't want to. It was BAD, folks. Real bad.
Some people say that bad pizza is like bad sex, that even when it sucks it's still good. To those people I feel the upmost sorriness for, because clearly not only is your sex life bad, but you're eating shitty pizza on top of that? Brutal.
The main problem I remember when I tried it was how assertively generic it tasted. Lots of bad pizza will try to hide behind huge amounts of cheese or sauce, with varying results. Caesar's doesn't even go for that. Instead it's not much cheese, not much sauce, and barely anything else either. I mentioned earlier how Blaze is trying to combine fast food with a good pizza experience and we'll see how that plays out over time. This here is the case of how it goes horribly, horribly wrong. Their "Hot N' Ready" special is the nadir of a pizza waiting for you as you walk in. I honestly couldn't even finish it, I was so appalled by how offensively bland it was. But it gets worse...
2-4-1 Pizza ~ (F)
Life is too short, people. Get a couple extra bucks and get something that doesn't taste like Groundskeeper Willie's retirement grease.
(all photos found via Google Search, I do not own or claim to own any of them.)
