The Tuesday Taste: Burger King's Big Fish vs. McDonald's Filet-O-Fish

 

 

And just when I was sure

that his teachings were pure

He drowned himself in the pool

His body is gone

but back here on the lawn

His spirit continues to drool 

Another Tuesday, another Taste. As I wrote last week, various circumstances are making these reviews trickier to pull off consistently every Tuesday, and so there's a good possibility of another extended hiatus coming on the horizon. For now, we're playing it week by week and with the 75th episode potentially arriving soon... hopefully that can serve as a grand send-off should we reach that threshold. 

For now, lets ditch that sad talk and instead dive into some sad sandwiches! Or... are they actually sad? My expectations certainly predicted sorrow. This is an idea I came up with back when I brought the TT back to life this past April: how would the fish sandwiches of these two fast food burger juggernauts match up against each other? I mean, neither appeared interesting enough on their own to devote an entire review to... so why not pit them against each other in a classic battle royale with cheese? 

I'd never tried the BK Big Fish before, but the Filet-O-Fish? Definitely familiar, although it had been a long, long time. I was an extremely weird kid (so much has changed since) and went through a period of at least four years where I refused to eat any kind of beef burger. It's probable at six years old I got really sick one night after eating a cheeseburger cooked by whoever, and thus stubbornly decided to not eat any burger ever. Again, I did this for years. Considering how much of my childhood I spent in California, and thus within close proximity to many In-N-Out Burgers... it's a true face palm.

While eventually I realized how damn amazing a good cheeseburger is, during this exile from burgers I vaguely remember going to McDonald's quite a few times (as will inevitably happen when you're 7 years old... or any years old it seems). While these are fuzzy childhood memories from the mid 90s here, I have solid recollection of getting the Filet-O-Fish quite a few times as a burger substitute during this period. Until this review you are currently reading... whenever that last Filet-O-Fish 9 year old me ate was, would've been the last time I ever had one. 

Fresh eyes! Or... fresh tongues? That would be more accurate, although I only have one tongue... whatever! Lets get into this comparison between these two fish sandwiches, you know before all the awful processed chemicals in each of them render me incapable of properly forming thoughts plastic butter rocket show!         

 

First, lets compare both of these by basic appearance. This is indeed a photo I took, with both sandwiches having been prepared and given to me within 20 minutes of each other (Victoria Park and Danforth happens to have a McD's and a Burger King within a couple long football tosses of the other).

On the merit of appearance, I think this is an easy victory for Burger King. It's a far larger sandwich, you've got the lettuce to add some colour whereas the Filet-O-Fish looks more the part of a collectable kid's toy than an actual edible item. BK also has the better logo, for whatever that's worth (looking at bubbly words between two buns? I like the imagery). 

Second, the price. Both of these were surprisingly light on the wallet: the BK Big Fish was about 30 cents cheaper at 5.68 with tax (I don't get combos because I'm cheap and both places have terrible fries regardless). Considering how again I'm not even an occasional purchaser of food from either establishment, I presumed a fish sandwich would be more expensive than any trademark beef burger they offered. You go to any grocery store and even the cheapest fish will likely cost more than ground beef. While this surprise was a pleasant bonus to my slowly dwindling wallet (like seriously I need a real job)... the low price point with both of these raised a suspicious eyebrow towards their quality. Regardless, price-wise this has to be a draw. Neither was even six bucks by itself, so they both win.

 

 

Getting into them individually, lets start with McDonald's Filet-O-Fish. If you've read the Tuesday Taste for a while, you should know by now that I hold no affinity for McDonald's whatsoever. The Big Mac tastes of imitated food, the McChicken far too processed and juicy to seem real, and my experience with the Quarter Pounder left such an unremarkable impression I wrote 5am prose (truly the best kind of prose) instead of a real review (which is still one of my favourite Tastes I've written, heh).

However! I gotta say... this actually wasn't bad. It wasn't good... don't miss catching me on this curveball, but for the first time since reviewing McDonald's this actually felt more like a real food item than a quickly assembled and distributed product. 

The quickly assembled and distributed aspect of it is by far its greatest weakness. Looking back on my previous McDonald's reviews, I mention every time how their buns completely suck. Well shocker! This bun here is also terrible and completely sucks. It's so stiff without any kind of natural flakiness (real) bread would have in that condition... instead you get an awkward texture with little give and tastes of nothing beyond plastic butter (callback to a previous joke!). 

It's also a minimalist sandwich, as beyond the bun and fish patty all you get is a dollop of tartar sauce and a slice of processed cheese. Also... processed cheese on a fish sandwich? Why??? This is incredibly strange to me... cheese in its natural form and various marvelous shapes and tastes, is not a typical compliment for any fish, in any of its form. I could see something like a goat cheese or a melted mozzarella... more for creaminess or cheesy texture, but processed cheese? It's so weird! Not as weird as how they placed it on this particular sandwich however...

 

 

I mean, this is just funny. Why is my Filet-O-Fish licking its lips? Does it sense some prey off in the distant wilderness of the swampy Quarry Lands? You ever get a sandwich that could take a bite outta you?

All right, enough self-amusement. Despite its simplicity and horrible bun, the Filet-O-Fish was actually rather decent. The processed cheese is obnoxiously out of place (and thankfully physically out of place in this case), but I was okay with the taste of the fish here. I would've liked it a bit crispier, as the outside corners tended to lack juiciness... but all the way through I could taste an actual fish flavour throughout. Quite similar in texture to a quality frozen battered fish filet, except with enough tenderness and consistent taste (and not that frozen flavour that stings the tip of the tongue) to elevate it just a bit above the generic players in that game. 

Seriously, I was surprised how 'okay' this was. The texture and taste of the fish was consistently there, and it was never too dry or tough. Compositionally (it's a word now damnit) this definitely needs more: McDonald's clearly has pickles... a couple of those (even in the wimpy condition McD's would provide) really could elevate this sandwich another level. Their tartar sauce as well: I liked how it had bits of relish in there and a very slight hint of citrus sweetness in the mayo... but like the sandwich it is really missing something. Eating this, while exceeding my low expectations, was disappointing in how there are so many ways to make this thing better. Nobody wants your garbage cheese* on there! Trade that out for some pickles, coleslaw... even goddamn lettuce! I don't like you, McDonald's... not at all... but even I think you can tweak this into something I'd respect. 

*I'm sure a lot of people like the bland un-melted processed cheese on the Filet-O-Fish, and hey... it's okay to be wrong

 

 

Onto the second challenger of this main event... the BK Big Fish. 

Wow... where to begin with this one. I must say, the size of the sandwich gave me initial optimism, not to mention the plentiful lettuce. This is a potato bun as well, not exactly the freshest version you'll find (the cracking veins you see are surely exhibit A) but for this bun to actually have some kind of distinctive flavour and texture presence is an enormous step above the pathetic hand-held shells McDonald's offer. 

The "tartar" sauce is where this fish sandwich really starts to lose the goodwill, like a found wallet immediately erupting single dollar bills onto busy Bay Street. This is not a tartar sauce. Trust me, I've made basic tartar sauce before. It's absurdly simple. Mayo, relish, lemon juice, maybe some dill, profit. This here (aside from a speckle or two of relish that might exist by mistake) is just mayonnaise that may have been left out in the sun too long. At least McD's tartar sauce had some of that relish tang, and enough sweetness to actually be distinctive... and I cannot believe I'm favourably comparing McDonald's against anything but here we are. 2022 man.

Okay... so this is just a fish sandwich with lettuce and mayo. How's the fish? Isn't that the whole point of everything here, Mr. West Collier Street? TELL US THE POINT ALREADY! Well, first be sure to like and subscribe to West Collier Street so you can get all the updates to see what reviews I'm planning in the future! 

Look... I'm gonna keep my thoughts on the BK Big Fish as concise as possible. This is an obvious challenge for me, no shit... I could write a dozen paragraphs about my history with hummus (and would be happy to do so). Concise thoughts! Um, the BK Big Fish kinda sucks. Like, really sucks. It's bad... and here's why:

First off, the edges are exceptionally dry. I was suspicious how it took a single minute for my Filet-O-Fish to be ready, and then was optimistic how it took several minutes for my BK Big Fish to come out. That must mean they're making and frying it to order, right? RIGHT? When will I ever learn. Nope, this BK Big Fish has the texture of having sat outside on a porch overnight and then microwaved to be presentable. Horribly stale and flavourless on the outsides, while the interior tenderness has oozed away into the next plane of existence. Can I join it? This fish sandwich was just so goddamn bad... despite its size I think I got a hint of fish maybe three times in the dozen bites it took to consume it. Meanwhile the texture and flavour of the fish was rubbery and weird... did I say weird? That too, but also revolting. 

All you taste is mayo, lettuce, a not fresh potato bun and then a fried fish patty that seems squeezed free from any flavour it once had. It's pretty terrible, and my poor stomach immediately disagreeing with my life choices upon finishing it? Deal sealed. 

 ---

Overall! I would recommend neither of these. The Filet-O-Fish though, actually, does what I really thought impossible: make me nod at McDonald's in semi-respect. It is the clear winner here because as boring and (way better it could be with some additions) basic as the Filet-O-Fish is... it does taste like a collage of fish flavour throughout. The somewhat crispy texture and tenderness is there, and while I'd like it a bit crispier... the middle part of the sandwich does not lack the ground-floor necessities to make a breaded fish sandwich work. Man.... it needs a way better bun and something (anything!) to punch up the supporting flavours though. As is, the Filet-O-Fish tastes like a first draft. Like any first draft, to make it better you probably have to ditch the thing you put in there just to appease your own sense of cleverness... like processed cheese on a fish sandwich for starters.

The BK Big Fish is awful, and I definitely recommend you steer far away from it. This is something that could maybe be good... they clearly have an strong concept of construction (lettuce, potato bun) of how to make a sandwich interesting... but the fish itself is just so far below-acceptable that none of it matters. Blech. Also 'Blech the Sequel': McDonald's wins this showdown! That's it, I'm retiring. Freedom 35, right? That's what Ricky, Julian and Bubbles planned in season 3 it worked out amazing for the--- oh. Goddamnit. I'm doomed. Thanks for reading everybody! 

 

Burnt Ends -- Gonna write a look at the Sloan discography. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week... but soon. 

Oh, I also wrote a huge baseball article about the top MLB free agents and how they might fit on the Blue Jays. 

 

Tuesday Tune -- It's a grim one for these grim times. Beauty in the sadness and all that.

 

That's all for now. As I mentioned above, this might be the end for a while. Hopefully the upcoming week puts life in a better light, both for you and for myself, but until whatever that is... stay safe, stay well and don't spill that mustard.

      

      

                 

The Tuesday Taste: Eat BKK Thai Kitchen

 

 

I can't feel this way much longer

expecting to survive

With all these hidden innuendos

just waiting to arrive

It's such a wavy midnight

and you slip into insane

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste. Another weird week. Novembers never seem to agree with me mentally, and the Winter blues seem to be hitting quicker than usual around here.

 

After a busy weekend, despite a Monday completely off I wasn't in any mood for a big food adventure that would occupy my entire day traveling across Toronto (which is a pretty big city don't ya know). Instead, for the second straight week it was back into Leslieville/Riverside... this time to sample Thai restaurant Eat BKK.

Eat BKK, a concept based towards recreating Bangkok street food (the 'BKK' represents those letters in Bangkok in fact), started out a few years ago as a little sit down spot in North York just south of Sheppard and Yonge Street. They've since expanded to five locations, with three of the newer outposts stationed strategically in "hip" food stretches like Roncesvalles, Bloor Street in the Annex, and of course Queen East... which is where I come in.

 

I'm criminally unfamiliar with Thai food, at least as far as I'm concerned. I mean, I spent two damn months in the place... the one completely on the other side of the world just so we're clear... but most of my Thailand culinary experience involved plenty of rice dishes, various night markets where I was probably too eager to purchase something that smelled good (if hooves are still attached, maybe stay away) and a rigorous routine of Corn Flakes with milk and honey in the morning. Man, 22 year old me was boring... he probably wasn't even horribly sad most of the time!

Oh... said the quiet part loud again. Anyway, I really enjoyed almost all of the food I had when in Thailand about six decades ago (whenever 2010 was, who knows), but since returning to North America I've rarely gone back to that excellent cuisine. Heck, even a really good place I reviewed a couple of years ago (and close to my house) isn't a spot I've ordered from more than a couple times. This isn't like a cheeseburger, pizza or any old sandwich for my taste buds, with stacks of previous knowledge and thoughts to draw from. Not in my wheelhouse with this one.

However, I know what I like and also like to think I have a decent sense of general quality with anything that enters my mouth (please don't insert your own joke here... because I just did). I also didn't have any expectations for Eat BKK going in: I knew very little about them beyond seeing their marquee at various places throughout town. 

Walking into the Riverside location to make my take-out order, the interior aesthetic caught my attention rather immediately. The major wall with the tables had a very "street art" type of colourful mural which covered almost the entire surface. The rest of the restaurant reminded me a lot of the festivals I encountered in the small towns I visited in the middle part of Thailand: frilly colourful decorations and plenty of gold ornaments and writings in Thai upon a blackboard atop the bar. An unusual fusion that threw me off somewhat, but certainly a unique one.

 

Lets get into this actual food while my brains still almost work. I ordered one of their fusion-y dishes: a Khao Soi beef curry poutine. I know I know... I truly debated getting one of their actual currys in addition to this poutine item listed as a "Starter" on their menu... but also I'm not made of airports damnit. Besides, I felt this was an interesting way to experience both their interpretation of a classic Canadian dish with their general flavour quality as a Thai restaurant. There's a method to my cheapn--I mean madness. Probably.

I found it initially curious how they packaged the beef curry part separately from the fries, cheese and other toppings (which you can see in the header photo of course). It didn't take long for me to realize the cleverness in this set-up: soupy liquids will make french fries soggy extremely quickly, especially confined in a warm takeout container for many minutes of travel. Upon digging in, I wondered if I should simply use the curry as a dip for my still crispy fries and cheese... alas the thin consistency of that sauce made for a messy and ineffective method of eating this. As such, pouring it all on top seemed the prudent option.

 

                  

Starting with the "poutine" half... sorry but this isn't really a poutine. It's possible other BKK locations use actual cheese curds or that they used to... regardless this here was a shredded cheese mix and so that's a strike against it. Frankly, it's really the only negative because otherwise this worked nicely. The fries have a light beer battered crisp/taste to them, while the generous dose of green onions combined with tiny crispy fried onions really add a nice cutting of flavour into that noticeable fried potato taste (this thing had all the onions, clearly). Ordering a dish from a Thai restaurant (mini)chain with french fries as a key component... yeah I was really just hoping the fries weren't awful. Fortunately, these hit the mark thanks to that slightly battered layer... even submerged in the curry the firmness and flavour of the fry persisted.

How about that beef curry. There's a nice mix of a broth-like consistency with some coconut richness, and a hint of soy (that specific saltiness) in the cooked beef itself. The beef was initially a bit tough, but allowing it to marinate (as it were) in the warm curry softens it up and really unlocks a pleasant tenderness and unmistakably beefy taste. It pairs nicely with the very onion-heavy fries and cheese as well: if these were regular potatoes instead of battered fries this would just be a Thai beef curry, and an enjoyable one at that. 

I suppose in the absence of the poutine novelty, I would've liked a bit more punch of spice in the curry itself (there are hints of chili pepper but very, very mild). The beef is good enough but I imagine atop a rice dish instead of the advantage of soaking in delicious flavourful sauce... it would grade as pretty okay but not memorable by its own merit. As a portion size... it hit the spot for me and was pleasant in the stomach afterwards (an underrated element of ordering takeout, I feel). If considering it as an appetizer before a big main course, this poutine is big and heavy enough to probably require some sharing with people at the table. 

---

Overall! As introduction to Eat BKK, what I sampled impressed me enough to consider going back sometime again for an actual main course to judge. I didn't expect this to be bad but I had some concerns... instead I can tell this is a mini-franchise that gives a decent hoot about making delicious Thai food with caring process and preparation. I will go back again, so there's a future review right there. They also did the not-easy job of moderately impressing me while in one of my constant weird moods... that has to be worth a bonus mark somewhere on the quiz. Check them out! And let me know if you do/have already.         

 

Bank Shots -- It's one thing to rob a bank... but robbing two banks in the same day? Well apparently even that wasn't big enough for somebody here in Toronto the other day, who attempted to rob three banks in the span of two hours! That's some wild stuff, man. Are we sure it wasn't actually this guy?

 

Tuesday Tune -- It's a song by The Cars.

 

 

That's it for this week. With all the cold weather and my motivation to go outside (or do anything really) seriously waning, we're gonna be playing it week by week with these Tuesday reviews for a while. Might end up taking an extended break in the future, we'll have to see how things go. Until next time, stay warm, stay healthy out there and don't spill that mustard.

The Tuesday Taste: Belly Buster Submarines

 

 

You say you've lost your faith

but that's not where it's at

You had no faith to lose

and you know it

I know the reason

That you talk behind my back

I used to be among the crowd

you're in with 

 

Hey another Tuesday... another Taste. After the truly "delightful" experience of reviewing Subway a couple of weeks back, the idea of how to best wash out that particular grotesque sub sandwich from my memory has lingered since, like an unwelcome house guest. Well... it just so happens that local mini-chain Belly Buster recently opened their fourth location on College Street, a perfectly timed reason to finally feature them on the Tuesday review.

Despite this recent expansion (their Queen Street East outpost has also opened just in the past year, while the King West spot is about a decade old), the original Belly Buster Submarines has existed up north of Yonge and Lawrence for nearly fifty years now and continues to go on strong.  

I'd only been to a Belly Buster once before, which was the King Street location for a quick lunch with some co-workers during my days of working TIFF screenings at Roy Thomson Hall. It was honestly a while (and multiple jobs and also that global pandemic thing) ago, so I don't really remember what I ordered or whether it totally agreed with fickle ol' me. In many ways this 2022 visit was like trying Belly Buster for the first time all over again.

I went to the Queen East location (because I live in the east end, so duh) and went for a standard turkey sub sandwich: whole wheat bread with lettuce, green peppers, cucumbers, spicy honey mustard, mayo and sub sauce. As I mention anytime I get a burger, I'm pretty simple with this stuff. The temptation to add pickles was there also, but seemed redundant with cucumbers present already... plus aside from hamburgers or fried chicken sandwiches, I find pickles aren't really a "must have" topping for me. This is surely true sacrilege to many people I know who simply adore pickles (we're talking pickles on pizza stuff here) but my enjoyment of them leans much more into mild territory. I've never even once purchased them from a grocery store, seriously.

Diving into the pickle-less submarine sandwich you see above... well there isn't a whole lot to dive specifically into detail about. This is pretty much a very straight forward turkey sandwich, with a plentiful amount of turkey I was pleased to see. To compare it against some of the other sub sandwiches I've previously reviewed for the TT... this one probably is the best. Subway was of course beyond dreadful, Mr. Sub (despite my nostalgia for them) is very very average and the closest Quizno's to downtown Toronto is now at Browns Line. 

I would put Belly Buster ahead of Quizno's anyhow, and this is coming from somebody who was truly a big Quizno's fan. They're very different sandwiches and while I do love Quizno's flavourful sauces and general toastyness... those strong elements do expertly disguise some pretty flat ingredients sometimes, or a notable lack of contents within the sub. Those ingredients and contents are still far, far superior to Subway, which I'll say again barely resembles actual food. 

What works here is Belly Buster is a much more well-rounded sub sandwich. The whole wheat bread, while not mind blowing, really has superior depth and softness to that unfortunate Subway sub I reviewed (perhaps the most simultaneously hollow and stale bun I've encountered for these reviews). Buster's bun brings a good mix of firmness to contain the contents and also enough softness/freshness to make the texture enjoyable as well. A perfectly acceptable bread vessel. I've possibly never mentioned this but I've really become a bread snob as I've aged into my 30s. When buying bread for my own uses at home, it has to be baked in store regardless of the style, though especially with buns. I abandoned any of the mass-packaged Wonder/Dempster/D'Italiano stuff many years ago, and the difference in taste and freshness with baked in-store products (especially when toasted) can't be properly explained beyond "I ain't ever going back". 

This sub you see here was not, in fact, toasted... yet it didn't really need to be. Cold turkey is itself still extremely enjoyable when the flavour is genuine, and this one brings enough of that to work. You get the tender flakiness, a hint of saltiness and plus eating this whole thing made me want to take a pleasant nap almost immediately afterwards... which is probably a good sign of its quality? Certainly better than after the "chicken" in that Subway sandwich, which made me want to curl into a ball on the curb of a busy public street. Anyhow, for a cold cut the turkey here was tasty and plentiful.

The supporting elements do a solid job as well. The green peppers (despite being oddly diced into tiny cubes) have some good crunch to them, as do the cucumbers (thankfully with some moisture to them as well). The shredded lettuce is reasonably fresh (at least to the point it doesn't soggily stick to itself) and the cheddar cheese is a notable secondary presence despite the turkey slices outnumbering it possibly 5-to-1. I suppose the sauces are the weak link: the spicy honey mustard was nicely sweet but I would've liked a bit more punch to it, while the mayo is your standard mayo and the vinegar/pepperyness of the sub sauce helps the turkey but provides little else. Belly Buster offer quite a few BBQ sauces and while curious to try them, a turkey sandwich to me didn't quite seem an ideal match for such a tasting. 

 

Overall! It's been a while since I whole-heartedly recommended something here on the Tuesday review, but this was a damn fine (and affordable) sub sandwich that filled my stomach and sent me to slumberland. This was really quite good... nothing life-changing (unlike the pizza place a few doors east of their Queen location) but Belly Buster get the basics right and the result is a quality submarine sandwich. I will likely go back and try something more adventurous in the future, although in the meantime I really have to try Good Behavior first (now with a spot on Gerrard East) if another sub craving should strike.                       

Burnt Ends -- With the weather here in Toronto finally taking its unfortunate turn into the chilly early months of proto-Winter, my desire/tolerance towards cross-city food adventures will wane a bit. This does not mean any kind of hiatus from the TT! At least, perhaps not yet... there are plenty of ideas I've been saving that also require minimally tedious stomping through snow. 

This does mean however that I might switch gears and focus back on more creative writing projects (which I've been sorely neglecting), or writing more about music/band discographies again. I still haven't covered a Canadian artist or band yet, and I've got an excellent idea who the first will be...

Oh, and if you missed it: last week I checked out Panago Pizza. It's... at least a pizza.  

 

Another Pie Bites The Dust -- While not an elite Toronto pizza in my books (probably the fringes of the Top 50 now), still very sad news about Lambretta Pizza on Roncesvalles and their unfortunate tango with financial losses thanks to the pandemic and a hardline landlord. They still have a new-ish location on Davenport I believe, so this hopefully isn't completely the end. 

Tuesday Tune -- I woke up Tuesday morning with this song in my head, and it's enough of a classic that no further explanation is really needed.

 

 

That's all for this week! Hopefully, if the world survives (fingers crossed) we'll be back with another review next Tuesday. Until that time, stay safe, stay warm (stupid approaching Winter) and don't spill that mustard.

The Tuesday Taste: Panago Pizza

 

Saw you in a way

Beyond figurin' out

These lines of life

have been drawn

and can't be removed

Our eyes is all it took to know 

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste. Well, after sharing a review trilogy of exceptional pizzas on the site earlier this past week... it seems like we couldn't just leave pizza alone for a while on that high note, could we? Nope... wrapping this all up with Return of the Jedi just wasn't good enough apparently... just had to keep it going. 

Semi-fortunately for this reviewer and pizza lunatic (I mean 'fan'), this additional entry into this mini-saga was far from the clusterfuckery of Rise of Skywalker (or *shudder* the prequels). Don't get me wrong, this pizza isn't even in the same universe as any of those three I reviewed last week... but I came into this fearing it could've been a whole lot worse. 

Panago (according to Wikipedia... Panago's actual site gives no history) appears to have started in the mid-1980s in Abbotsford, British Columbia as a venture of the Rooke brothers. While since establishing a modest presence throughout most of Canada, the majority of their operations are still very centralized in Western Canada (along with about 3/4 of their locations it looks like). 

I probably first noticed Panago sometime in the late 2000s (their first Toronto location was apparently at Bay and Gerrard, which I can somehow still visualize on the north side of Gerrard there). Strangely, at this time I never gave them a try despite still living downtown. Oh, this was me waaaay before I worked at Pizzeria Libretto or devised my brilliant Pizza Nova garlic hack, or even had any experience working adjacent to a kitchen... heck I probably still thought Pizza Pizza was okay at this point (oh to be so young and foolish). No, it would be about a decade later that I finally tried Panago's pizza... and the reason I remember this is because it was absolutely terrible.  

There is evidence of my thoughts on this at the time! Looking back, I was a bit too harsh on 2-4-1 Pizza in that piece (they're certainly not good, but not worth an 'F'). Pizzaiolo likewise deserves a better re-evaluation than the 'C' I awarded (I'd probably land them a 'B--' now... maybe I was just sick of them back then). As for Panago... they received a 'D' in that review, a review which I wrote shortly after that bad experience. Doubling down on that grade here would mean this is a pizza significantly inferior to the one I had from Wing Machine... which I still regard as one of the worst outlets I've ever willingly thrown money into (dropping it from a high building to watch it float down would have at least been visually something). Anyhow, lets see if or how much Panago recovers here on this re-visit.

 

One issue that likely happened that first time I tried Panago in 2018: I was grabbing a mini-pizza with just pepperoni on my way to work at Roy Thomson Hall. It probably took longer to bake than I expected or my timing was off... because I have a memory of keeping it untouched and cooling above my locker while rushing out for the pre-shift meeting. By the time I returned (possibly an hour later after setting up a bar and likely training some new person) the pizza was not only cold but totally dried out. Like a mummy. Not even the toaster oven in our break room could salvage it... it was a stale flavourless mess and there weren't even the most microscopic of charms to win me over. 

Coming into Panago this time (the very same location on Bremner in fact), I wanted to change it up from my usual topping go-tos. Panago has quite a variety of sauces, ranging from your typical tomato sauce into weirdness like coconut curry, jalapeno white sauce, chipotle cilantro and 'Cheezy Cheddar' (the 'z' really sells it). While curious about these, I wanted to judge their traditional merits as a pizza and so stayed on tomato sauce. However, all these options inspired me towards a topping combination rather unusual for me: steak and red peppers.

First off... I like the generosity of those toppings. There is a good spread of them on here, wherein each bite is almost certain to have something of those two flavours. As for that actual flavour... genuinely not bad. The red peppers are diced fairly small, which isn't ideal to begin with and really works better on nachos or hot dogs (I prefer a firmer crunch on a pizza). When they're this small, these tiny pepper bits dry out very quickly in the oven or on a reheat and you just end up tasting the skin of the pepper, while the rest fades or bleeds out. The steak, however... I was very skeptical this would be anything beyond generic beef strips, unseasoned and blandly cooked to hell. Instead... there's actually a hint of grill-flavour on these pieces, some saltiness and a slight juicy beef aftertaste. Similar to what you might get out of a Medium-Well steak in terms of chewiness and minimal bloodiness. Surely the most pleasant surprise here.

Diving into the basic pizza elements... this is where the curtain gets pulled and Panago veers into a ditch. Double conflicting analogy bonus! Actually... the tomato sauce is rather decent. Not much depth in texture or presence, but at least you can taste it most of the time and it has a light sweetness to it, kind of like the very next step above something generic and forgettable. The cheese likewise is fine... when it isn't overcooked and bubbled to the point of robbing its precious softness. 

This Panago pizza is rather like a Domino's pie if it were flatter... there's less of that tasteless overcooked blech throughout simply by there being less pizza here (which is to Panago's credit, for the record). Unfortunately like Domino's, Panago becomes a real slog to eat once cold. Most of the flavour disappears, the cheese gets stiff and after a few bites of tasting nothing and chewing for a century-long minute it becomes time to give up. 

Good cheese is important for a pizza to be decent when cold, but most important of all on that avenue is the dough... which sadly is Panago's most glaring flaw. This bread is incredibly bland and unremarkable in every way. There's a hint of a crisp crust layer that you'd get with a likewise pan pizza like Pizza Hut, but where Hut clogs your soul with greasiness... Panago's crust has nothing to it at all. And it desperately needs something, because even as just baked bread it lacks those basic enjoyable flavour and texture qualities. Some salt or dusting of pepper, perhaps? The tiniest drizzle of olive oil? I can now see why Panago likes promoting their bizarre base sauces and various dips. Also... the bottom of these slices are noticeably chewy as well, even when the pie is still warm. It's strange because it doesnt exactly get stale or dry out, rather that the dough itself is tough despite being kinda spongey. Whatever it is, it's bad.

--

Overall... I'd say Panago's biggest shortcoming (the bland, tough dough) would be a shame blocking an otherwise solid pizza. Except, I won't say that! Nah... the bread is very disappointing but even if it were okay, there really isn't anything else here in this pizza that truly impressed me. 

At its best... Panago is extremely okay, perhaps one of the most mediocre among the many mediocre pizzas I've encountered. There isn't any one element (beyond that steak, to which I probably just got lucky choosing it) that stands out as notable or distinct about the Panago style. It isn't completely terrible, which means it has improved in standing since my first taste a few years ago... but I wouldn't recommend it either. Even fifteen years ago Toronto had a bundle of better options than this, now there are multiple baskets of far superior quality throughout. Panago gets a 'C', as exact a score as can be for something this 'meh' and quickly forgotten.  

 

Burnt Ends -- Oh my words! I finally get to write this weekly blurb of the review where I update what I've been working on with multiple articles of my work to share. As referenced a zillion times above, here is the Great Pizza Review Trilogy of October 2022: Revolver Pizza Co, the great Descendant, and the newest honour roll kid Bello Pizza.

Inbetween eatin--I mean reviewing pizza, I wrote a baseball thing for BattersBox where I revisited some predictions I wrote back in March for the then upcoming MLB season. Baseball! I'm gonna miss it real bad in about a week or so, like I always do.

 

Tuesday Tune -- With Halloween having just passed, I wanted a spooky song this week. Plus, after almost seventy of these weekly restaurant chain reviews I've never shared this band I rather love a lot. So here it is:

 

 

That's all for this week! I can pretty much guarantee next time we won't be diving into yet another pizza, but hey you never know... Until next time! Stay safe, stay warm and don't spill that mustard.

 

                  

This Week In Pizza: Bello Pizza

 

 

It couldn't have been easy to open a food concept during the COVID-19 pandemic... although pizza certainly might be the type of food immune to such a plight. Bello (among a few others in Toronto) would be an example of this, opening sometime in early 2021 in the back of a cafe on the foot-traffic heavy stretch of Bloor West Village near Runnymede station.

Bello had been on my list pretty much since I first read about them last Spring, and despite going to Runnymede station almost every Saturday in the Spring, Summer and early Autumn... until this past weekend I'd never gotten around to trying them. I honestly kept forgetting they existed! 

Well, I rectified that mental oversight and finally gave them a long overdue visit. As mentioned, the place has a slick cafe immediately in the front, which surprised me at first and made me wonder for a second if I'd somehow wandered into the wrong place (I'd slept three hours in four days at this moment). I even needed help finding where the menu was posted. All the pizza stuff is in the very back... and after a lot of deliberation I selected their 'Chorizo' pizza... a white pie with mozzarella, fior di latte, scallions, chorizo (marinated/cooked in some kind of garlicy chimichurri type thing) gorgonzola and rapini. 

They bake their pizzas at high heat in a gas powered oven, resulting in a ready time not quite like the "90 seconds or less" you see with wood fired ovens... but the pie you see above was all boxed up and waiting when I returned ten minutes later. After finding a spot in a nearby park where the bees weren't assaulting me (seriously... bees in October?), I was able to dig into this terrific smelling Bello pie.

Well... the smell matches the taste... the shoe indeed fits. This is exceptional pizza... soft, cheesy, loaded with varying tastes and flavours... with the perfect texture balance of char and pillowy dough. All of this melts in the mouth like an oozing of joy for the tongue, the sharper flavours (scallion, rapini) perfectly complimenting the creamy, cheesy foundation.

 

 

As you can see above, it's on the thinner side as far as pizzas go... but it optimizes that minimal space. The bottom dough is delightfully soft (you can see how it bends on my fingertips), with a enjoyable blended taste of baked bread and butter. There's a hint of Alfredo sauce in the creamy cheese foundation as well (the tiniest bit of crushed black pepper)... it's an incredibly rich, yet accessible base and taste balance for the assertive flavours on top. 

The toppings themselves... they sting. But in a good way! Perhaps not for everyone (we are talking about me here... my solution for if something has too much garlic is to add more garlic) but these sharp flavours compliment the rich creaminess precisely. Oftentimes while eating this, I forgot there was gorgonzola on here until that intense earthy cheese attacked and petrified my tongue. Gorgonzola truly is the Medusa of cheeses... ah? Ah?

Probably my only complaint about this pizza at all is the excessive amount of those onions on here... it does on occasion dominate the flavour on particular bites. The chorizo isn't a consistent presence either, but when it appears the best configuration (the Voltron if you will) of this pizza is unleashed. You get all the rich creaminess, the stinging elements of the scallions and the delicate dough... with an incredibly delicious morsel of juicy, peppery pork. Just exceptional stuff.

Bello pizza isn't exactly cheap (this pizza was 26 dollars without tax and tip), but to their credit this is a larger pie than a usual standard wood-fired oven product (Bello on their website promotes it as a 14 inch pizza). It's still a bit pricey, and while that will likely prohibit me from trying them on a frequent basis when in the area (which is frequently in the summer months)... there is no denying what a marvelous treat eating this high quality pie truly was. I will definitely go back at some point and also recommend trying them if you haven't. It's an 'A-' grade for me, but it's very very close to an 'A' and regardless of those semantics this is probably one of the best ten pizzas I've had in Toronto. 

           

This Week In Pizza: Descendant Detroit Style Pizza

 

 

Despite being an east-side-guy, until last week I'd only ever visited the great Descendant Pizza twice... my last visit being nearly four years ago with a pair of then co-workers I haven't spoken to since the Beforetimes. Heck, I've probably been to Domino's multiple times in that span... and I don't even like Domino's at all. Clearly my pizza credentials need to be re-evaluated.

I've written about Descendant before, as they have topped my Top Toronto Pizza list ever since that very First Pizza Quest. Of course, a lot has changed in the Toronto pizza scene since that initial ranking in early 2019 (and my follow-up a year later). Places like Revolver, Badiali, One Night Only, Mark's, Levant (to name a few) have since emerged as slingers of pie extremely worthy of acknowledgement and consideration. Trying Descendant again after this long bundle of time... I was confident they would still be excellent but was very curious how they measure against the hot newcomers.

Descendant is, of course, a Detroit-styled pizzeria and the brainchild of chef Chris Getchell... who I only recently realized is somebody I worked with at Pizzeria Libretto Ossington about a decade ago. He was briefly an assistant chef there and definitely had some inventive concepts for pizzas (Hot Honey and pickled onions being a few), although a very hard-nosed traditional Neapolitan joint like Libretto wasn't quite the most open minded spot for Getchell's ideas. Hell, it wasn't until a year into my tenure there at the original Libretto that they even began to offer a freaking pepperoni pizza... and it was as a daily special. Regardless, with Descendant Getchell clearly created a kitchen environment for himself where he could refine and experiment... and the success speaks for itself. 

Do the results? To avoid dawdling (as I often do)... yeah. They do. This pizza is still stellar, and still probably tops my list in Toronto. The difference now is that it might not be them (and Defina) running away from the field as my favourites anymore... some of the new contenders have made the race closer. 

 

 

Lets talk about the pizza itself. What I think differentiates Descendant from other newer Toronto joints doing the rectangular Detroit style (8Mile for instance) are the depth and details of the flavour. The pizza you see above is the 'No Name', which has a ton of different things on it. Your usual cheese and sauce (which are arranged differently in the Detroit-style don't forget... the sauce is on top) are supported by pepperoni, Italian sausage, Calibrian chilis, hot honey (of course), shredded pecorino romano cheese and dollops of ricotta cheese with some cilantro sprinkled about. 

There's a lot going on! And what makes this work, as it always has with Descendant, is how each bite is notably unique from any other. You're getting a totally different adventure every time: maybe you get more of the ricotta and chilis one bite, then just sauce, cheese and the pepperoni next time. Any of them work in any combination with each other... it's downright harmonious. 

The quality of the separate ingredients is on point also. While more of a supporting topping than part of the foundation, the tomato sauce is exceptional... thick and vivid with immediate sharp flavour. The pepperoni has some fatty, juicy depth to it... like if you bought a high-standard stick of pepperoni but you don't own a meat slicer and your knife can only cut it so thin. It still works and gives it more of a presence and fatty texture in this flavour circus. The ricotta adds some great light creaminess and acts as a perfect foil to cut through a lot of the salty pork taste throughout the pie. The chilis are the least noticeable of the toppings, but do add a funky little surprise when biting into one and suddenly getting a hint of heat. 

How about the negatives? Well... there's... um... the rougher top of the pizza irritated the roof of my mouth a little? Or there's the... the... you know the... uh.... um.... 

Lets talk about the texture of the pizza itself. The exterior is very crispy: you've got your crunchy, lightly burnt cheese on the edges (similar to the cheese you find atop a cheese bagel) and the pecorino tends to harden once the pie cools. Beneath all that, however.... you've got some very soft airy bread (Getchell in the link above explains how he has attempted to replicate focaccia for his dough) while most of the hot honey oozes between the slices and pools at the bottom. The hot honey is delicious and works as a natural thing to dab the breadier part of the square slice into, although having this honey everywhere makes eating this a very sticky affair (especially you have a beard like myself).

 

There isn't a whole lot else I can say. Descendant is still goddamn delicious, with each precious bite tasting like some kind of new journey for your taste buds. It's very worthy of holding it's 'A' grade (the very highest) in my book and my 'Best in Toronto' crown... still truly one of the best pizzas I've ever had.  

             

This Week In Pizza: Revolver Pizza Co.

 

 

Back in late 2020, I adventured out to Mimico in hopes of trying two Etobicoke pizza joints for my Third Pizza Quest. The two places were Mamma Martino's, a longtime staple of the area, and a newer arrival on the scene: Revolver. 

This Third Pizza Quest was tragically aborted soon afterwards, as my cell phone (containing all my notes and photos of the near dozen places I'd tried at this point) was stolen. As such, I didn't think much of Revolver Pizza for a while. "It's all the way on the other side of town! Bah!" was my sentiment, despite hearing further praises of it from a west end baseball chum who knows his 'za. 

Well clearly, at long last, I went back. The very same friend of mine I'd visited Revolver with that first time really wanted to go to San Remo bakery, and since they happen to be on the same block... the opportunity was obvious. After a stop at the bakery (that place is wild, their sandwiches are larger than bricks!) it was pizza time. 

I went for two slices (why not?): a standard Hawaiian slice (though with smoked bacon instead of ham) and their Chef Special, a white pizza consisting of salami, rapini and sesame seeds. Plus a garlic aioli dip, because again.... why not.

It's really a wonderful thing when the quality of a pizza is perfectly balanced in very aspect. Here, you've got something with just the right ratio of cheese, dough, toppings and (in the case of the Hawaiian) tomato sauce. I probably love myself a deep dish pizza more than many others of course, but even I acknowledge how that type of pie is going to be an overload of cheese and sauce more than anything else. Revolver is the opposite of that, and it's damn fine stuff.

As for the flavours, these slices were simple but just enjoyable to eat. Well baked yet maintaining a firm gooey texture on each bite, with just enough crisp and slight char also. The pineapple on the Hawaiian was juicy (not dried out like you'll find in cheaper joints) and while I would've liked a bit more bacon on here... the basic cheese and sauce combo on this thing is so tasty this really isn't an issue at all. As is, a great mix of subtle sharp (the pineapple), salty pork, a tomato sauce on the sweeter side and perfectly melted mozzarella. Really well done.

The Chef's Special slice was the weaker of the two slices, but still delicious in its own way. You definitely get a better taste of the cheese on this one, which is good because Revolver's cheese is fantastic. Just a really soft texture that feels pleasant in the mouth. The lightly fatty salami and bitter rapini is a fine combo while the sesame seeds add a nice little nutty flavour under the surface of the other toppings. 

Meanwhile, the garlic aioli is a terrific compliment for your crust dipping needs. A nice mix of creaminess and garlicy punch, with the ideal consistency where it doesn't drip everywhere nor do you need to scoop it to get it. The crust itself is quite good too... a nice hybrid of charred and bubbled flavour with soft bread within. 

 

I'd say this is an excellent pizza, certainly worthy of a spot in my top 25 (maybe top 20) with a grade firmly at the 'B++' level. The key word is balance: no aspect of this pie tilts askew in any direction, it's just very well rounded in every way. Definitely worth the trip out to Mimico if you, like me, aren't particularly close to that neat part of town. I will mention though that a friend of mine, who visits there more frequently than I, suggests the slices are better than the whole pies. Hey, nothing wrong with a place specializing in slices when they're this darn good.

     

    

 

The Tuesday Taste: Subway Sandwiches

 

Reading the draft

wasn't sure where to laugh

The language wasn't

very refined

Skipping ahead

she wasn't sure where it led

The patterns

were too hard to find 

Another Tuesday.... another Taste. The less said about the previous week, the better.

In many ways, a sandwich is a lot like a city. You have these different ingredients with their different flavours, different origins, all layered together and working within a bready shell. Cities are usually surrounded by bread, right?  

The origin story of Subway begins in 1965, off in Bridgeport Connecticut, when Fred DeLuca borrowed a thousand dollars from family friend Peter Buck (not the guitarist from REM) to start a sandwich restaurant. The rest of the tale is pretty obvious: the restaurant was a hit, aggressively expanded into franchising and became a recognizable brand by the 1980s/1990s, then their growth completely exploded thanks to intensely marketing themselves as a "healthy" fast food option... especially brought home by their spokesman being a dude who lost hundreds of pounds eating their food (and I'm sure that dude turned out to be a totally normal person and definitely not some creepy weirdo sex criminal....)

Full disclosure: I've never liked Subway all that much. I grew up on Mr. Sub, really liked Quizno's when it was cheap and located in the building I worked in (or actually still in Toronto), and honestly if for whatever rare reason I'm specifically craving a sub sandwich I'd strongly recommend Belly Busters over any of them (just open one more location and I can review Busters for a Taste, in fact).

However... I've already reviewed Mr. Sub and Quizno's as well just before that last location departed downtown Toronto forever. So... I had to properly review Subway at some point. Way back in the early days of the Taste I sampled Subway's "Sidekicks", an assortment of mini potato bun sandwiches they still offer... but those weren't actual submarine sandwiches. So... against all better instincts... here we go into Subway.

--

I went for their "Chicken Bacon Peppercorn Ranch" which at least sounded interesting. Apparently I could've made it "crispy" chicken for an extra three bucks! I decided against it, seeing as this thing was already about to run me thirteen bucks and if I'm buying just a sandwich for seventeen goddamn dollars or more, it's gonna be from an actual restaurant or well regarded food stall. Still, I had decent hopes that this could, maybe, actually be somewhat okay. 

Then I saw the chicken they use. Hooooo boy. Look, minced up/pulled chicken can be delicious in a variety of ways and situations. But the key to making that good is A: the right seasonings, cooking method and (if you like) sauces. Or like B: a chicken salad type concoction, where you use a lot of mayonnaise and/or egg to keep the texture together and creamy. This was nothing like either of those... more like somebody had just thrown various "chicken" parts through a shredder and let it sit around and dry out... then added water to keep the moisture. Tasty! Though to be honest, their chicken breasts didn't look a whole lot more inspiring... rather like beige hockey pucks.

Lets get into the sub sandwich itself. They didn't have any cucumbers (not a good way to win me over), their green peppers were sliced about as thin as envelopes and the lettuce had that sad, faded morose green colour to it. Thirteen bucks please! To be fair, their bacon looked and tasted okay... a bit like that thin bacon you get on a Wendy's burger... not a lot of crispiness to it but you're at least aware of it and it tastes like bacon. 

That is about as much praise I can give this "thing". The chicken, unsurprisingly, was horrifically bland. The texture resembled something more akin to tuna and just like eating some fish that's been sitting out too long, my stomach did a couple of cartwheels to protest this assault upon it. The problem, aside from the blandness, is that most of what you taste in this awful thing is that chicken. There's nothing else to it! And any notable flavour that does rarely emerge from this soulless void disguising itself as a sandwich is quickly sucked back into that sad oblivion. You know how when you eat something really good, the tastes and sensations linger in your mouth for a pleasant moment before slowly dissolving? With most fast food the opposite is true: you get a quick fix of taste but it vanishes almost immediately... making you want another bite that much quicker. McDonald's, for me, holds the crown at this... although Subway has gotta be close. I do like fast food, honestly, but I also like for things to have actual flavour and for said flavour to last longer than it takes to blink. 

Also, for a sandwich with "peppercorn ranch" in the title you rarely even get a hint of that (hey Subway, you know you can cook chicken with peppercorns together, right?). As for the bread... well I've always hated Subway's bread (as will happen when you chip a tooth on it once), but I thought this time I'd go for the plain white bun instead of my usual whole wheat go-to with subs. I doubt it would've mattered, because their bread still sucks. Its consistently stale, aggressively tasteless (even if not fresh from the oven, good bread still tastes like something) and its crusty edges always leave me wanting to throw the bun out halfway through. This really was the biggest restaurant chain in the whole goddamn world recently? Seriously? Dear god...

 

Overall... look you don't need me to tell you that Subway is pretty terrible. Maybe if I'd gone for a more traditional type of sub, with sliced meats and whatnot, this particular experience might've approached something closer to bad instead... but even that pushes optimism to a brink. This will be the last time I ever go to one, and the only two times I've eaten Subway in the past decade have been just for these reviews.  

Still, no matter what combination of toppings or bread or toasted or whatever you try... Subway will consistently underwhelm you. Maybe the service will be pleasant... there are surely worse and less healthy fast food options out there... and maybe for some folks Subway is just a reliable and convenient "know what you're going to get" food choice when you're on the go and don't have the time to prepare something. All that is fair and true perhaps, but you can also look at a sandwich and just strive for it to be something better, no? Something worth savouring, enjoying, with well prepared ingredients and high quality all working together within the bun to excel... instead of settling for a status quo with crusty edges crumbling and getting discarded into trash bins? Maybe someday, maybe... but in the meantime, Subway sandwiches is indeed the John Tory of fast food outlets. 

 

Burnt Ends -- It's been a while since I wrote anything (at least I have a good excuse for this dearth of recent work) but! I've got a bunch of stuff coming down the pipe later this week. One review each day, Wednesday through Friday, in fact, in addition to this one you're already reading. So stay tuned for that! Trust me, they'll definitely be of a higher quality and ambition than a freaking Subway sub. 

 

Last Subway Stop -- Ah... I couldn't quite leave this talk of Subway sandwiches be without dropping this in here. Take it away, Johnny!

 

 

 

Tuesday Tune -- These awesome dudes released a new record just this past Friday and their consistency after all these years is staggering. This still might be their best record in a decade anyhow (maybe somebody should write a review of their discography?) and so enjoy this awesome tune from it. I might have to go buy a physical copy soon.

 

   

That's it for me! Until next week... stay cool, stay sharp out there, eat some good food (as in, not what I reviewed here) and most importantly, don't spill that mustard.               

 

The Tuesday Taste: Smoke's Poutinerie

 

 

Blue boy

older than the world knows

Honey

that's the way that life goes

No use

acting, so tough

Calm down, sweetheart

grow up

Another Tuesday... another Taste! And on an actual Tuesday no less, unlike last time. This week, for the first time in a while, we're checking out something that isn't fried chicken or a pizza (but is still a late night favourite)... poutine! 

Chances are if you're ever experienced a few drunken nights out in downtown Toronto, at some point you've had a Smoke's poutine in front of your face while you attempt to shovel most of the contents into your mouth-hole. 

Thing is, there aren't nearly as many Smoke's locations throughout Toronto as there once were. The one at Queen and Bathurst (which I visited quite often when I lived around there briefly) is long gone, as is the one in the Annex (I can't even remember exactly where that one was). It does appear that Toronto had a bit of a poutine boon in the late 2000s-early 2010s, with Smoke's and Poutini's rapidly expanding locations in that relatively short period of time. You also had Poutineville, a small Montreal chain known for all-you-can-eat poutine, open up in the Annex with significant hooplah during the same period. Dundas Square would even host an annual poutine eating contest (sponsored by Smoke's) and the crowds were larger than you might think.   

As with many sudden food crazes, the craze burnt itself out. Poutineville barely survived two years before shuttering, while Poutini's original and last standing location on Queen West bit its last curd early in the pandemic days. We did have the truly exceptional Nom Nom Nom food stand emerge from this period of course, so that has to be considered a major win. Likewise, Smoke's is still around... just with a very diminished presence throughout the city. They have a stall in the arena where the Toronto Marlies play, which is about as obscure a permanent location can get. 

The Marlies weren't playing, so I instead went to the Adelaide location after watching the worst baseball game that has ever happened (you know which one). If you're reading this and are not familiar with downtown Toronto, this particular stretch of Adelaide Street (between Peter and Simcoe) is right in the guts of the club district... heck this very Smoke's location is next door to a freaking nightclub. As you can imagine, this being a Saturday around 11pm, venturing into this part of the city was like strolling into an obnoxious hurricane. I suppose all hurricanes are obnoxious, now that I think of it... but regardless! Within thirty seconds of parking my bicycle there was already a fire truck coming into the crowded scene.

I went in to order my poutine, electing upon their simple pulled pork option. While Smoke's do offer plenty of wild options and combinations (something which founder Ryan Smoklin says was inspired by the great La Banquise restaurant in Montreal), I wanted to sample the basics here. My go-to back at the Queen and Bathurst spot was their bacon cheeseburger concoction, but I wasn't confident they put curds on it (possibly a cheese sauce instead). Couldn't take the chance.

The very moment after I ordered, I went to grab a couple of napkins ten feet away... and was shocked to find my order ready before I returned. We're talking maybe fifteen seconds here, at most. which is a suspiciously short amount of time for a hot dish to be ready. Sure enough, it was barely warm even as I was leaving the joint. Considering the chaos of the location I understand the extreme haste, although they weren't exactly packed inside at this particular moment either. Whatever... I got the hell away from that street of madness and found a spot outside Roy Thomson Hall to chow down.

I think what makes a bad poutine are two key elements: indifference towards the quality of the ingredients, and an imbalance of those ingredients. This is why most of the huge burger joints can't get it right: their foundation is crummy to begin with (weak gravy or bland limp fries for example) and there is almost always way too much of one thing. Drowning your fries and cheese in gravy might work for some people (blech) but it makes for a crappy ass poutine.

Harmonious balance is crucial to a quality poutine, which Smoke's does get right. There is the optimal amount of everything here and it is spread out enough that you can ration each key component as you go. Even at the end, there is still a bit of everything left. The construction of this poutine is far superior than the actual taste and quality... which sadly did not overly impress.

The hurried nature of getting my order out to me couldn't have helped... which is kind of a problem, isn't it. None of these curds softened or melted even slightly. The pulled pork however is by far the weakest thing here, as it offers little else beyond texture and a faintly juicy sweetness. It's somewhat saucy but there just isn't a whole lot of flavour in the meat or the sauce, just a generic stringy pork presence. Not great stuff. 

Fortunately, the rest of the ingredients manage to carry these weak links. Or, at least enough to move this meal well beyond any thoughts of bitter regret. The basic trifecta of poutine (fries, gravy, curds) are done with smarts here. You get some seasoned fries with the right mix of crisp and potato taste, your curds (though mostly stiff) are serviceable, while the gravy holds it all together with an enjoyable combo of richness and sweet (possibly the pork sauce bleeding into it) that proves quite effective. Replace the forgettable pulled pork with a better prepared compliment and... well it'd just be better. No need to elaborate on that.

Smoke's poutine is very much what I remember it being even eight years ago: dependably okay, maybe even good if you get it on the right day. It doesn't blow your doors off with flavour, nor is eating it ever a particularly memorable experience (night of drinking or no)... but it is undoubtedly several notches above anything a mega uber fast food chain could possibly pull off. Their fries are tasty and their gravy has this very subtle salty 'something' to it that has always worked for me. Insert your own joke here. Alas, while I'd happily take these curds over some sad shredded cheese "poutines" I've encountered over the years, they lack that special buttery "oomph" you get with the real damn good ones. Meanwhile, their secondary toppings have always been extremely mediocre, even my once beloved Bacon Cheeseburger version. 

Overall... I'd say Smoke's biggest strength is you know the general moderate quality you're getting with it. Plus, if you're hungry and drunk... you can definitely make far, far worse food choices (not that your arteries might entirely agree with that sentiment)

 

Burnt Ends -- I wrote a baseball thing about some stupid team that blew a big lead in some stupid game that cost them their stupid season. Come for the Pavement reference, stay for the stupid words I somehow managed to write at 6 in the morning about that stupidness. 

 

Stupid Season -- Continuing on that, my dad (who does not write stupid words) did his annual piece where he assigns grades to most members of the Blue J--- I mean that stupid team that stupided stupid stupid. Regardless of this runaway joke, or the extremely horrible way stupid Saturday played out, his insights on the team are strongly on point as is his usual.

 

Tuesday Tune -- I just love the sound of this song. Give me that echo jangly guitar all day. Plus, it has the word 'blue' in it, which reminds me of a certain team that ahhhghhhhhhf here's the song!

 

 

That's all for this week. Hope you all enjoyed some delicious food this past weekend. Until next time... stay safe and don't (unlike some other birds recently) spill that mustard. 

 

                 

The Thursday Taste? Regino's Pizza (and Chicken Wings)

 

 

Now the rainman 

gave me two cures

Then he said "jump right in"

The one was Texas medicine

The other was just railroad gin

And like a fool 

I mixed them

And it strangled up my mind

Now people just get uglier

And I have no sense of time

 

Another Thursday, another.... Taste? Huh? Are we sure we have the right 'T' day here? 

 

Regardless of that! This week we checked out some fare from Regino's, a pizza chain with over a dozen locations, with most of them in the outer reaches of the GTA (the one I checked out on Danforth near Warden is the closest they get to downtown T.O).

I've actually reviewed Regino's before, but seeing as that was nearly four years and hundreds of articles ago (yikes)... I figured why not pay them a re-visit. Especially now that my tastes have become so much more refined and sophisticated! (hah). 

After working up a hunger by riding the Leslie Street Spit, I made my way up to Danforth and placed an order for a large three topping plus a pound of wings (they had a 28 dollar special for both). Hey, I was really darn hungry.

 

 

Starting with the wings, instead of going for a regular 'hot' sauce I decided upon their 'Regino's Spicy' which sounded intriguing. Indeed, this turned out to be a different kind of wing sauce than what you typically find (especially at pizza joints). There wasn't exactly a high level of heat in this 'Spicy' sauce, rather it was more akin to a medium spicy mayo in taste and creamy consistency. Some nice sweetness as well, with a quite pleasant slight zing of lemon going on. It was almost like a tangy secret sauce you might find on a cheeseburger somewhere, except liquidy enough to serve as the drizzle you see above. Interesting and different.

The chicken itself... well these aren't exactly top notch wings, but they're certainly not the worst I've reviewed recently either (*cough* Wing Machine *cough*... it'll be a long time until I let that one go). These were definitely on the oily side though, and somewhat over-fried on the outside (quite a few tougher, chewy bits). For the most part they're okay-ish, the oiliness doesn't leave your stomach turning and many outer bites have a tasty light crispiness to them (like deep-fried chicken skin would). The meat inside is pretty generic. I'd say all of this results in a very average/slightly below average chicken wing, even for a pizza place. 

 

      

Speaking of that pizza, time to sink our teeth into that. I went for something slightly different toppings-wise: going with bacon, sun-dried tomatoes and garlic (shocker). The bacon is a bacon crumble, which is what it is... and the garlic is barely a flavour presence (very disappointing), so this is not off to a strong start. The sun-dried tomatoes, however, really provide a fairly distinct sweetness and texture to the affair. It's an odd combination with the very salty bacon orbs, but the two actually compliment each other nicely. 

This is a very doughy and cheesy pizza, which gives it somewhat of a cheaper taste (the regular tomato sauce is barely there). Quite tasty when fresh (as any decent pizza is) but these types of pizzas tend to be a slog once they get cold since the texture and flavours become repetitive and one-dimensional. One point however in Regino's favor compared to somewhere like a Domino's or Pizza Pizza: this reheats extremely well in the toaster oven. Like, almost to the level of it resembling what it initially was straight out of its original oven. This also, despite the sorely lacking tomato sauce, does at least taste like a real pizza... unlike your typical frozen pie or Little Caesar's which has this empty fakeness to its flavours that are impossible to ignore. 

Regino's is probably closer to the Pizza Nova or Pizzaville level of quality than any of the others I just mentioned, which settles them somewhere in the 'C' to 'C+' range. Perfectly adequate, probably best shared when hungry after a long ballgame with your softball team. Overall... Regino's isn't a place I'd recommend actively seeking out (especially considering how scattered across Southern Ontario most of their locations are) but for what it is, it's completely okay and you could certainly do a heck of a lot worse. Very average pizza, while the wings (aside from the interesting sauce) are definitely more of a miss. 

 

Burnt Ends -- Last week I tried another pizza! And wrote about it! Stay tuned for more stuff like this in the future.    

 

Mac Attack -- A brief read on the history of Mac n'Cheese! From its origins as a meal fit for kings, to the era of instant meals like Kraft Dinner, to its recent resurgence as a high end dining option. As somebody who spent many of the pandemic times working on my Mac n'Cheese recipe (with real cheeses, for the record), this was a tasty little article about a very versatile dish.    

 

Sandwiches Galore! -- It's just a long slideshow of sandwiches you can find at various Toronto establishments. Who doesn't like that? 

Also... somewhat amazingly I've only tried 2(!) of the 50 in that slideshow. I've been to more than two of those places, just haven't tried sandwiches at several of them. Guess I'm too preoccupied with a different type of food... 

 

Tuesday Tune -- I recently found this album (on CD) at a Value Village, and so I have to share one of my favourite tunes from an all-time classic. The lyrics are just so great and bizarre (greatly bizarre? Bizarrely great?).

 

 

That's it for the Taste this week! Next time we'll try to do the usual Tuesday thing, but until then hopefully you enjoyed this 'un'usual Thursday edition. Stay safe, stay cool/warm/whatever you prefer and don't spill that mustard. 

 

 

 

This Week In Pizza: Eataly (La Pizza e la Pasta)

 

 

 

While waiting for my fried chicken from Pelicana to be ready, I decided to wander around my old haunting grounds of Yonge and Bloor to kill some time. These wanderings led me inside the Manulife Centre (a favourite winter-time shortcut in junior high) and immediately my impatient hungry stomach reminded me of a place on my pizza list to try: Eataly. 

To avoid precise details, Eataly is essentially a gigantic Italian food mall... they have a cafe, specialty grocery store (with seafood, butcher, cheese counter etc), a huge catering kitchen, a brewpub outpost by the excellent Indie Ale House (which was super tempting to indulge in) and of course, a pizza counter. 

It's also very easy to get lost inside of this place. There are three floors filled with tonnes of anything and everything, while the pizza slice I was seeking happened to be on the very top floor tucked in the corner. Eventually, after a few escalator rides, I found the right counter (among the dozens) I was looking for... resulting in the slice you see above.

This has to be the most expensive slice of pizza I've ever purchased. Yikes. With tax it came around to nine bucks, which is pretty damn sobering I gotta say. Fer-cryin-out-loud, I know a gem of a spot near Runnymede and St. Clair where you can still get an entire medium sized pizza for cheaper than this little slice. Still, if the pizza itself is truly excellent... it's worth it, right? Well...

Eataly Toronto has commissioned a company called Rossopomodoro to spearhead their pizza operation. Rossopomodoro is an Italian restaurant chain/brand which, while successful with locations throughout Europe, isn't exactly a small organization of pizza consultants (and in fact they've been bought out by an English equity firm). 

This shines through a bit with the slice you see here. There are some very nice flavours working separately here, but none of it is quite harmonious enough for this to reach the true high echelon of pizza quality that the (absurd) price suggests. The bread is the greatest weakness... it's fairly stiff and beyond a slight hint of wheatiness, there isn't really anything to it. When dipped in hummus it tasted great, but that happens to be Sunflower Kitchen hummus (the best) from my fridge so Eataly doesn't get points for that.

The rest of the elements here are definitely good, although lacking in quantity. The sausage is flavourful and juicy, the dollops of mozzarella (likely Bufala mozza) are soft and buttery, there's a wicked tangy sweetness with some caramelized onions (the website says this slice has mushrooms but there's no damn way that's accurate) and the tomato sauce tastes like it was made with high quality stuff. There just isn't enough of any of this, especially the sauce (you barely notice it) and when you have a slice of pizza like this where the crust is almost a third of the product... well I spent three bucks on boring bread.

This pizza has enough positives working for it (the onion/sausage combo especially) that it gets awarded a 'B'. At the steep price of nine bucks for a slice though... I wouldn't recommend it to anybody except the Bay Streeters nearby who can afford such nonsense. When I tried Buca back in the original Pizza Quest, I lamented the steep price of that pie also (and that was in 2018 dollars)... but at least Buca gave me an exceptional pizza that was worthy of savouring every bite. This Eataly pizza is merely solidly good but with a couple moderate warts, which leaves it well below the bar in terms of how much it costs. Even in a financial vacuum, the best flavours aren't lasting enough to tempt a second visit. 

 

A REMINDER... THE GRADING SCALE!

A (One of the very best you'll ever have)

A- (Mind-meltingly good)

A-- (Super Stellar)

B++ (Stellar, but Lacking the extra "oomph" for an 'A')

B+ (Great)

B (Pretty Good)

B- (Good... imbalanced but still possibly worth a visit)

B-- (Solid)

C++ (Moderately Enjoyable)

C+ (Okay, Has Its Appealing Charms)

C (Decent but Flawed)

C- (Flawed)

C-- (Very Flawed)

D++ (Tastes Like Pizza At Least)

D+ (Resembles Pizza At Least)

D (Looks Like Pizza At Least)

D- (Calls Itself Pizza At Least)

D-- (Calls Itself Pizza And Is Lying)

F (That Sewer Juice Is Starting To Look Appetizing)