The Tuesday Taste - Elijah's Automatic

 

 

I want a new drug

one that won't go away

One that won't keep me up all night

one that won't make me sleep all day

 

 

Another Tuesday... another Taste! We are back after a mini-hiatus, brought upon by eating way way way more chicken nuggets than is right for any sane level of human consumption. I think I've reached my nuggie quota for the century, thank you.

Instead in this return we're rolling with the meat and potatoes of food reviews: the humble hamburger. Hey! I like that alliteration, really rolls off the tongue. Has anybody opened a place called "The Humble Hamburger"? If you're reading this and now decide to do so, go ahead and have the name! My only stipulation is a free one of your Humburgers (or "Humblurgers") once in a while. With a Modest Milkshake on the side of course.

 

Out on the very northern edge of Mimico is Elijah's Automatic, the latest food venture from accomplished restauranteur Shant Mardirosian (founder of Burger's Priest most notably, along with noteworthy pizza spot Fourth Man In The Fire). Upon selling his share of Burger's Priest in 2017, Mardirosian was legally bound not to open a competing burger business for multiple years (leading to Fourth Man as a detour venture). 

Upon the expiration of that settlement Madirosian went right back into the food that had gained him so much success and recognition, taking over the property of an old law office between Royal York and Islington on Queensway... opening up Elijah's* last summer (2024). 

*yes another biblical reference, as Madirosian went to seminary school before entering the restaurant industry and as such all of his projects have had some type of religious allusion 

 

 

Unlike his now teenaged Burger's Priest (and the countless others following the current smash burger boon), Elijah's Automatic is meant as a counter option to those griddled patties. Flame Broiled on a grill (think what Burger King claims to be) with the flames kissing the meat... resulting in a smokier and char flavoured burger. That's the intention.

I went mid-afternoon on a sunny Wednesday, meeting up with a friend (hope your arm heals up soon!) who was likewise curious from driving by. Elijah's certainly isn't designed or laid out like any typical burger joint or even restaurant, with a set of steps to the elevated front door and a pair of dark minimalist rooms to navigate before finding the counter from which to order. Consider as well the strange interior decor of the place: very black walls with bright neon lettering or images... and it feels less like you're in a casual burger restaurant and more some kind of uncertain scene from an artsy late 1990s indie film (hey, the very first post on Elijah Automatic's Instagram does ask "what if you could taste the 90s again")

Elijah's also has a nifty elevated side porch/patio (didn't take a photo sorry) that surprisingly wasn't an addition when the place was transforming into a burger restaurant. Check Google Maps streetview, you'll see the side porch there well before Elijah's opened. I'm certainly having a hard time imagining what a random law office would use a spacious wooden patio for...

 

 

Beast mode! Er, fries. Beast Fries! A unusual fry concoction: their smokey ketchup-heavy burger sauce mixed in with a LOT of diced grilled onions. There's a good mix of sweetness, oily sharpness from the onion, plus some base rich creaminess from the mayonaisse blended in. 

I don't love it... there really are just too many chunks of onion in it... but it's interesting and generally works as something to smother your french fries in (there's also far more of it than the fries, oddly enough). Also not sure if there's supposed to be shredded cheese on here: the online menu says yes but the lady actually behind the counter, when describing the item, did not mention it. To be fair I'm not sure how much the addition of cheese would really elevate this anyhow: there's already a gloopy, thick texture as is, while flavour-wise cheese would just be doubling down on sharp creaminess.  

As for the fries (beef fat fried)... very nice. There's a good thinness, lightly salted, slight oil to the touch... pretty much like McDonald's fries if they tasted like actual potatoes. Really good stuff! Simple, crispy. I found the fries much more enjoyable than the messy "Beast" experiment all over them. Next time... I'll give the chili cheese a try instead. 

 

 

So for reasons I don't entirely understand... Elijah's Automatic only offer their burgers as doubles. No single patties allowed! (My companion even asked). Meaning that what you see here, the Bacon Automatic, is a double bacon cheeseburger... with nary a vegetable in sight (except for some barely noticeable sliced pickles).

In a burger like this the beef is definitely the intended star of the show... the focus of the spotlight... the big cheese, the head honcho, top dog... so how does it taste? Answer: pretty good. There's a faint bit of smoke-flavour to the beef, but what I mostly got was a taste of grill/char as a kind of accent to the exceptionally juicy (and fatty greasy) burger patty (though not to the point of being a dripper). Since it is on the greasier side the texture is likewise quite enjoyable, with the ratio of beef-to-bun being close to exactly even and that very bun serving as a decently soft vehicle for that soft beef action. 

It's good that this beef is indeed, um, good... because the rest of everything else on here does not make much of an impression. The cheese is fine, nicely melted into the burger patties for the most part... but I barely notice/taste any of the burger sauce or pickle or (biggest offense of all) even the bacon on here at all. I kept forgetting this was actually a bacon cheeseburger until a pocket of bacon in the center of the burger at last revealed itself. The bacon is quite crispy... perfectly salty and nice on those fleeting bites you get it... sadly the lacking presence leaves considerably more to be desired. 

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Overall! I'd say I generally liked what Elijah's Automatic is offering... although I wasn't all that blown away by it. It's a tasty, juicy, fatty beef burger all the way through that brings a thicker presence/texture than your en vogue smash. The biggest critique from me is how there's not a whole lot else going for it (possibly by design), it just needs a little more presence from those supporting condiments (sauce, bacon especially) to really make the whole song sing. 

Worth a try if a simplified classic grilled burger, where the beef is the big focus, is your thing... while the Beast Fries definitely have a little too much going on (the opposite problem) but nevertheless are a good quality french fry once you separate the oniony sauce explosion from them. 

Call it a slight recommendation: there are burgers in Toronto I'd much prefer, but Elijah's without a doubt grills a tastier burg than the Harvey's next door to them (and I generally find Harvey's pretty solid). Quite good! I would go back again and try some of their other creations. 

 

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Burnt Ends

We've indeed been pretty quiet here in this strange little corner of the internet... but there have been a few articles of interest in the meanwhile since my chicken nugget burnout. 

I tried Wendy's grilled cheese cheeseburger (spoiler: it was bad). 

Plus a few pizza reviews: an extremely sauce heavy pie from Left Field Brewery, a good one from Terrazza and an internationally recognized one from out in Hamilton. Check em out if you haven't already! (and read again if you have, heh)      

 

 

Baloney

In this age of self-research and whatnot, there is a ton of falsified facts and misinformation out there being pedaled with disingenuous intentions (you can all trust me, though. Obviously. My subjective observations are 100 percent right, duh).

Anyhow, I found this little article (from Carl Sagan!) about rules for detecting bullshit (for lack of a better term) a useful handbook to keep in mind when sifting through arguments that claim to be honest but may not be on the level. Critical thinking! My personal belief is that they are going to have to start teaching it to children in school at a very young age... like have it right there with basic math, geography, history etc as one of those major subjects.    

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-baloney-detection-kit-carl-sagan-s-rules-for-bullshit-busting-and-critical-thinking?utm_source=firefox-newtab-en-us

 

 

Spilled Ice Cream

Sigh. The Toronto Raptors.

As someone who both works a lot of games in the arena and is a big fan of the team, I spent a lot of what was a lost season this past winter insisting to my co-workers that "next year they're making the playoffs! A high draft pick, a couple trades... you'll see!" Especially with the Eastern Conference weakening significantly due to several key injuries... my optimism seemed justified. 

Instead... the Raptors take a fairly safe but generally considered meh upside player with their top pick in the draft, keep the same roster mostly intact and worst of all new ownership pushes president Masai Ujiri out the door. Goddamnit, guys. God... damn... it...

Is it still possible the 2025-26 Raptors are good? Totally. With good health (looking at you Ingram), some further development from the considerable collection of young guys (Shead, Walter, Dick, Mogbo, Chomche and Murray-Boyles) and quick chemistry from a talented and skilled starting lineup that hasn't ever played together yet... you can squint and see a sixth seed in a wide open conference. 

But... well... losing Ujiri is a lot more than just any other team losing an executive. Think of where the franchise was when he took the reigns in 2013: a place with a destitute playoff history (one series win) best known for it's biggest stars leaving town under less than amicable terms. An NBA backwater with a team named after a dated cultural reference. Saying the Raptors were a joke is almost too harsh, but they were certainly an afterthought among afterthoughts. 

The shift in culture Ujiri instilled, not just among the team but its fanbase as well... cannot be overestimated. Almost immediately there was an unapologetic belief and swagger that we could actually win, which Ujiri himself insisted to us constantly... and while there were some serious bumps along the way (the Wizards sweep in 14-15, goddamn LeBron) he indeed was proven correct. 

Like I said, Masai Ujiri meant more to this team and those following it than just any executive dude wearing a suit using two Blackberries at once. In many ways he was the spiritual face of the franchise, believing in it when everyone else was jaded and skeptical. Perhaps he was guilty of holding on a bit too long with those players he'd found the most success with (VanVleet, Siakam) and that can be a blemish on the extraordinary resume sure. It's still an extraordinary resume... the man legitimately transformed a forlorn franchise into genuine global respectability. 

A very very sad day to lose him (here's hoping these new corporate overlords actually know what they're doing...)          

  

 

Tuesday Tune

Mostly because of a funny coincidence: I had "Back In Time" stuck in my head the afternoon I went to try Elijah's... and right as I walk in they're playing this song. It's a sign!

 

 

That's all for this week! We will be back on a semi-regular basis going forward, so tune back in and stay tuned, damn it! Until next time... stay safe, stay cool and don't spill that mustard. 

 

This Week In Pizza: Cowabunga

 

Road trip! Grab your best mixtape, load those 2-4s in the trunk, bring your most garish Hawaiian shirts and get ready to roll because... um... we're going to Hamilton? Uh... wooooo...

Jokes aside, I've spent ninety-five percent of my life giving little-to-none in the way of thought towards the city affectionately known as "The Hammer". Recent creative developments have necessitated my visiting Hamilton on a semi-regular basis and so it's been a neat experience getting to explore a bit of a place so neighbourly close to Toronto yet so vastly unknown to me. 

This exploration has to include their pizza scene, obviously... with the most renowned place to folks outside of Hamilton being Cowabunga (dudes). Like many other reputable pizza joints, Cowabunga opened up in 2020 (a challenging year to start a business but a good year for delivery food that travels well) and appears to have become a sensation from day one... the crown jewel being their celebrated "Best Cheese Slice In The World" victory at the International Pizza Challenge last year. That's best in the world, which means better than just number one! The article is definitely worth a read: crazy to think it all almost didn't happen because their luggage (with the ingredients inside) vanished at some point crossing the US border. 

 

 

The birth of Cowabunga and their considerable success is a testament to the strong connectivity of the online pizza community... with founders/co-owners Andy Huynh and Justin Tanada initially meeting and interacting via Instagram through a shared love of all things pizza (I can relate, fellas). Both worked in various pizzerias for some time and eventually tried their own hand at making their own pies... at first hoping just for a stall in a Hamilton farmer's market before a space on Upper Wellington Street (in an area known as "The Mountain" to Hamiltoners/Hamiltonians/Hamiltonites/sorry I don't know) became available. 

The small space had been a previous home to other pizzerias over the years (meaning less work to modify the place for pizza production) and once ready, the intention was to be just a simple takeout spot. Clearly the demand for their pies said otherwise.     

  

 

While that original location of Cowabunga is further south and still a take-out only venture, I checked out the newer one (a much shorter stroll from the West Harbour GO Station) which has a considerable amount of seating (including a streetside patio), a full bar (the pink and blue lights tucked into the back of that photo) plus an assortment of arcade machines because... well you can see it's just that kind of place. 

 

 

I had other business in Hamilton more urgent than pizza (believe it or not) and so getting a full pie wasn't ideal from a time perspective. Fortunately there is a sizeable slice counter... although unfortunately they didn't have any of their quite intriguing 1-Up creation available... but fortunately they did have some of those famous cheese slices fresh from the oven. Fortune! One slice of cheese, one of pepperoni, a dip... and I was on my way. 

 

 

I think part of what has made Cowabunga such a widely appealing sensation is their straight-forward simplicity, although there are some well-crafted details to be found within said simplicity. The pepperoni slice definitely falls under what I like to call an "Arcade Slice" wherein it's loaded with pepperoni and is plenty greasy on the fingers (perfect for loosening up the tight joysticks and buttons on a Frogger machine). But not too greasy: it's far from dripping oil or making the paper plate transparent. Just the right amount here. 

There's also terrific light crunch to this slice... with gentle pillowy softness around the crust and cheesier middle. The pepperoni (as you can see) are the little cups and have a lovely crispiness to their edges. The overall texture of the slice really is excellent: enjoyable from first bite to last, losing none of it's pleasantness even once cooled off. 

That texture really is the key here as the flavours, while also really good, aren't especially distinctive or mind-shattering in their own way. Odds are you've tasted these nearly-exact flavours at this strong quality before at another likewise fantastic pizza joint. I'm not docking points for that... a damn good pepperoni slice like this is more than welcome anywhere on my block. 

 

 

Now we have the big one. The dough-winner for Cowabunga which launched them into international pizza fame. 

Honestly, if not for that award there's next to zero chance I'd have ordered this. I'm really not a "just cheese" slice kind of guy. Maybe if there's some blue or goat or some kind of additional smoked cheese on there... but just basic pizza cheese and sauce? At least a classic Margherita has some basil on there. So boring.

 

 

Nevertheless I obviously had to, so here is that cheese slice from Cowabunga. 

Like the pepperoni slice, the texture is wonderful. Easily foldable (if that's your thing) and floppy enough to droop a little off the edge of the plate (these slices are also quite sizeable). Again I love the softness of the dough here... it's quite bready (possibly sourdough as well) and nicely baked without being overly chewy or stiff and crumbly. It sounds silly to say (I mean write) but without question my favourite thing about both these Cowabunga slices was the actual sensation of eating them. Endlessly satisfying.

For "just cheese" there are some layers of flavour in here also. A tiny hint of sweetness, good oiliness... while the tomato sauce definitely has a dominant touch of finely ground garlic powder in there. The mozzarella is baked just right to still have some gooey give to it and not have any kind of that tough/crunchy bubbled shell (that tastes like plastic) you often find from far lesser pizza joints. Instead those baked bubbles on the cheese are light and airy, the slice still plenty cheesy and soft beneath. 

Beyond all that... it tastes like a cheese slice. A really, really good cheese slice sure... but it's a freaking cheese slice. I can't possibly elaborate on that any deeper, right? Good lets move on.

 

 

Quickly on the dip, which is a Truffle Parm. Way more of the parmesan flavour than any truffle, the richness of which shows up faintly here and there but is barely noticeable. Really tastes like a quality housemade caesar salad dressing (it probably is) without any fishy saltiness... making it a more than acceptable pizza dip. 

 

       

Overall! I don't really have anything negative to say about Cowabunga Pizza. No immediate criticism jumps to mind. I loved both slices on first bite... although the cheese slice did lose that well-meaning charm and become semi-boring about halfway through, which as I said is more of a 'me' thing (cheese slices just don't excite me).     

Would I recommend Cowabunga? Absolutely. While I am going to give a high grade, I will say that a true final judgement lingers upon how their more complex pizza offerings fare. Among other pepperoni and cheese slices I've ever had, these would rank among the very best... but I'm not quite there as far as saying they are among the absolute best pizzas I've ever had until I dive deeper into their bag, if that makes sense. 

Still, they are pretty darn good... making me eager to try some other Hamilton pizza joints (Tony G's, Mai Pai) that have also been recommended to me. For now, I'll give them an "A--" with the potential to move up significantly should those more complex/diverse pizzas be as good or better. If they opened up a location in Toronto and maintained this level of taste and quality, they'd comfortably make the Top 25 for the entire city.   

          

 

This Week In Pizza: Terrazza

 

From Italian, "terrazza" translates into English as "terrace" which honestly still works as a name for a restaurant, right? "Honey, lets go out for dinner at Terrace"... it's an elegant sounding word! Brings to mind an image of somewhere outside and comfortable, probably with a great view of a landscape. Replace that with just 'patio' and it doesn't quite bring the same sophistication, does it? "Dear, we're going to be late for our reservation at Patio!" These subtle differences between similar meaning words... endless fun. 

Terrazza gained some recent publicity when famed online pizza reviewer Dave Portnoy paid them a visit for one of his videos (for the record I visited Terrazza for this review several days before Portnoy did... just saying). This however was not the first time this low key Harbord Street restaurant was associated with a notable event: back in 2022 owner Frankie Lasagna (yes he's happy to tell you that's his real name) notoriously missed catching Aaron Judge's historic 61st home run ball by just a couple of feet ("I needed a fishing net and I would have got it"). Shoutout to my long time friend, occasional pizza-trying-associate and partner in trivia night crime for remembering this delicious nugget.

 

 

In my Annette Food Market article I mentioned how Annette is one of my very favourite streets in all of Toronto... Harbord Street likewise would make such a list (future article maybe? Hmmmm). Somewhat overlooked between the much livelier downtown arteries of Bloor and College, Harbord brings a breezy residential quaintness I've always enjoyed immensely. Plenty of little shops, parks, trees, cafes, the western portion of the UofT campus, interesting brick houses... and of course a history of renowned restaurants (Piano Piano, The Harbord Room) have called this stretch home. Plus, they have a bike lane. What's not to like?

The origins of Terrazza are indeed tied tightly to Harbord Street. Frankie Lasagna (he of the infamous home run ball miss) was practically born into the restaurant business: in the late 1980s into the 90s his father ran LIPS (a fast food style joint apparently known for their "Fat Lip Burger") in the same space Terrazza currently occupies. Lasagna and his family grew up in the Harbord/Shaw area and keeping those roots was clearly a priority when the opportunity came in 2008 to open up his own spot. This page on their website explains it all in a little more detail.

 

 

This is the part where I come in. See, an old close friend of mine and I had initially planned to finally try Public Gardens on King West. Problem was... this being a Friday evening... they were booked solid all night, not even a waiting list (damn trendiness). So we hatched a Plan B: Giulietta! Neither of us had ever been and they've been on my infinitely growing need-to-try pizza list for some time. Plus the temperature was gentle and made for a pleasant walk. Problem was... this being a Friday evening... Giulietta was also totally booked up! This was a pickle indeed. 

I checked my Pizza Map (yes I keep one digitally, don't act surprised) and noticed we now weren't too far from Terrazza (a place I knew very little about beyond their name on my list) and so headed there, hoping this third time was indeed the charm. After all, we were getting pretty darn hungry at this point. 

Fortunately, we were in luck and got ourselves a table on their lovely (and quite leafy) streetside patio. Famished as we were, we agreed upon a rose shrimp dish as an appetizer to share... a dish so tasty we both forgot to take a picture of it! (like I said, hungry). Let this now be known as the Legend of the Terrazza Rose Shrimp: anytime you're intending to review something but it's so delicious and you are so starving that you just forget to snap a shot of it... there it is.

Seriously though, that rose sauce was so damn good we were eating what was left of it with our forks. 

 

 

While I went for the pizza (obviously) my esteemed reviewing compatriot ordered their carbonara, which I acquired some of in exchange for one of my slices. 

I've always found carbonara somewhat basic (boring) among pasta dishes (I like em saucy... there's a saying that'll never be taken out of context, nope)... but this Terrazza carbonara really brought a lot of good, deep flavour. There's a consistent eggyness on every bite, a nice touch of ground pepper and crumbled crispy bacon throughout (as well as some thicker strips)... plus the addition of chili flakes (sprinkled generously by my friend) added a good layer of heat to these more grounded, salt and pepper flavours. 

 

 

While between the two I've no regrets towards my pizza choice (even if I weren't Mister Crazy Pizza Reviewing Man) nonethelsss I was quite impressed with Terrazza's pasta. They certainly made a dish I don't often gravitate towards quite delicious. 

 

 

With their pizza, alongside a few signature offerings Terrazza does the "build your own creation" thing... which unsurprisingly I endorse wholeheartedly. Setting me loose to devise my own pizza, in a casual dining restaurant no less, is akin to handing your child a large plastic bag in a chocolate shop and saying "have at it". 

The wheels of imagination immediately spun into motion upon seeing the potential combinations... almost overwhelmingly so. You can overthink these things, after all. However, I settled on three toppings that are a usual go-to for me: pancetta, goat cheese, and caramelized onions. Salty, creamy, and sweet. Hey, this isn't my first pizza rodeo (Pizzodeo?).

 

 

What we have here is a fairly soft and floppy pie: very cheesy (even without the goat cheese) with a very minimal amount of crispiness within the dough. Somewhat oily but not overly so, which is mostly from the onions anyhow. 

The toppings are fantastic. The goat cheese brings a fantastic dry creaminess and is spread out considerably and generously throughout the pizza. Caramelized onions bring just that right amount of oniony sting with a sweet softness that combines so wonderfully with all the cheese on here... meanwhile that pancetta... great stuff. A perfect balance of fatty and crispy, never at all chewy and you just enjoy every bit of it you get on here. 

 

 

I'll say this is a very very good pizza without any real weaknesses. When you get closer to the crust, the heaviness of the cheese gives way to a more airy, spacey texture... with the bread having a notable floury taste to it. It's baked perfectly as well: slight char in the right places, cheeses all the way melted. The tomato sauce, while good, didn't make much of an impression on me (at least not enough of one for me to actually take a note of it). 

Still, the toppings are really the star of the show here... and not to sing my own song here (which is obviously what I'm about to do) but that flavour combination of cured pork, goat cheese and sweet onion is a definite winner I highly recommend to anyone. I can't exactly give Terrazza credit for my own creative (and modest) genius... but I will give full credit for utilizing excellent ingredients and preparation in making this taste as darn good as it does. 

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Overall! I think what we have here is quite simple: very good Italian restaurant makes very good pizza. Is it among the absolute best in the city? In my books, not quite... and I'm not going to look up what Dave Portnoy scores it because I'm not all that interested, personally. I was actually here first, damnit!

What I see here is an extremely charming restaurant in a lovely part of Toronto that I indeed recommend checking out if you so please. The pizza doesn't quite have enough of that intangible "whoa" factor that is unmistakable in the absolute greats of the greats... but it is pretty darn good and I'm happy to grade it in the strong "B++" range, placing it in the level of Toronto pizzas you definitely should go out and try someday. 

Just make sure, if you also get the shrimp rose... take a picture for me!

                              

Quick Bites: Wendy's Grilled Cheese Cheeseburger

 

 

Odds are that you, like me, have recently been seeing occasional ads promoting a new menu item at Wendy's that may raise an eyebrow. A grilled cheese sandwich combined with a cheeseburger? Wild! Man you gotta try that! After all, you only live once... (and it's a short life indeed if you're eating stuff like this).

To be honest, this item really strikes me as purely a "wow they made that?" gimmick designed to attract a curiosity market (and seeing how I am currently writing about the thing... I guess it worked). A grilled cheese hamburger isn't all that new or unique either (Burger's Priest for example was blowing people's minds a decade and a half ago with this type of witchcraft). At least KFC's Double Down challenges the very notion of what a sandwich actually is/can be... even if that example is less tentpole innovation and more existential crisis.  

 

 

Here the composition is simple: it's a typical Wendy's single cheeseburger (sans tomato, lettuce, sliced onion and ketchup) with an additional bun/bread and cheese slice on top and beneath the burger. You can make it a double patty if you prefer but even at this point you've already abandoned all hope ye who enter here. 

 

 

There's a way this thing could've maybe worked but the sheer mediocre-ness of Wendy's is a critical limitation. Sadly, the processed cheese not melting at all within the "grilled cheese" portion of this sandwich is simply an instant failure that cannot be recovered from. 

Think of a really good grilled cheese sandwich for a moment: that light crispiness, maybe semi-buttery, with the gooey cheese ideally oozing out from between the toasty bread slices. Personally I favour an old cheddar over fake plastic cheese for a grilled cheese sandwich but the crucial point is that the cheese melts... which clearly this Wendy's one does not. 

The top and bottom buns aren't all that grilled either, which results in every bite having a strongly cakey (almost biscuit-like) texture amongst all that cling-to-your-mouth fake cheese. There's the slightest subtle griddle flavour in here as well but really, you can tell this is something very little time or effort was involved in making. It's hard to make a dry sandwich taste appealing and slathering the burger patty in generic mayo is not the way. No thanks.

After two bites I approached this more as a regular cheeseburger, which made it somewhat more enjoyable... although the lack of any supporting condiments beyond mayo and plastic cheese (there's an amount of fried onion so minimal I barely want to mention it) results in a solidly below average burger and well below the okay-ish standard you typically find from Wendy's.

So yeah. It underwhelms as a burger and as a grilled cheese sandwich it's a complete dereliction to the concept. Don't let curiousity tempt you, stay away.

 

 

Because I don't actually eat fast food all that often (seriously, it's only for reviews like this!) I was completely unaware Wendy's now offer a vanilla version of their famous Frosty dessert. This I also had to try. 

Honestly, this was a pleasant surprise. For something quite obviously not high quality ice cream or vanilla, those flavours and textures (artificial they may be) did linger in the mouth far longer than anticipated. Once melted and liquidy (the cream becoming weirdly thick and bubbly) the enjoyment and suspension of disbelief did fade considerably... but I was genuinely impressed to get something tasting close enough to resembling real vanilla. 

The only issue became an unshakeable thought about how something in here was missing. I love the richness of a creamy vanilla... but it's a simple, repetitive flavour. This needed another presence to complete it...

 

 

...like some Rolos! You only live once indeed...

 

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Overall... the grilled cheese cheeseburger really serves little purpose, both for Wendy's or the consumer. It isn't tasty as either a cheeseburger or a grilled cheese... the flavour is just unmelted fake cheese, cakey bread and mayonnaise... plus it isn't even visually appealing or crazy enough to approach 'online sensation' territory'. 

The vanilla Frosty on the other hand... a terrific and smart innovation I just might have to revisit again once these warmer summer days become more consistent. Maybe Reeses Pieces as my addition next time (I'll plan ahead and not get them while the dessert is melting, whoops)... 

      

      

This Week In Pizza: Left Field Brewery (Liberty Village)

 

 

Left Field Brewery is a spot I have a significantly soft spot in my heart for. What's not to like? Their backstory is awesome, their first location is up the street from where I play softball (the little taproom there is great), they're baseball themed, their branding is stylish and most importantly their beers are consistently fantastic! 

If this were a review just about their beers (and I were currently drinking such things) this article would be glowing so much you'd need shades. Alas this is a pizza program (er, article) and so we have to stick to the merits of only pizza-related things, damnit. As refreshing as their non-alcoholic cherry spritzer was...

It was a wet stormy Wednesday night and I was at the Liberty Village location of LF with some old dear friends for their trivia night (which Left Field does in a somewhat unconventional way). Seeing pizza on the menu... well I think you can guess what happened next... you're reading it right now!

 

 

I'm consistently drawn to the combination of sweet and spicy, thus making Left Field's "Hot and Honey" pizza the most appealing among their rather limited (four) pizza options. Not as limited are their selection of dips, with over a dozen concoctions ranging from Buttermilk Ranch, Sriracha Ketchup, Onion Dip and Eephus BBQ Sauce (to name a few). While I'm also consistently attracted to garlic sauces in all varieties... their "beer and cheddar" dip sounded far too intriguing to pass on.

Typically a cheesy beer dip would be associated more as an accompaniment for a big salty pretzel rather than a pizza slice, but my rationale was "hey, pizza also consists mostly of bread too, right?" Plus... I really just wanted to try this dip.

I'll say that I didn't get so much of the beer flavour beyond an undercurrent of wheaty breadiness in the taste and texture, which made the consistency of the dip a bit looser than some of your thicker, gloopier cheese sauces. The cheddar presence was also on the subtler side: less of an immediate luminescent sharpness and more a grounded, slightly malty (perhaps from the beer) cheesiness. Pretty interesting... and quite effective as a dip for the crusts.

 

 

Not a pizza that's going to win a whole lot of beauty contests, especially under the yellow lighting of Left Field Brewery's upstairs. Also: are pizza beauty contests actually a thing? Please let this be so... I could totally be a judge for such an event, for real! My credentials are obvious!

This "Hot and Honey" is a pretty straight-forward creation: tomato pizza sauce, mozzarella, Calabrese salami, a drizzle of honey, bomba sauce and grana padano cheese. The pizza came to the table extremely hot, which can definitely distort one's impression of how spicy a pizza actually is when actual heat is sizzling the insides of your defenseless mouth.

As a pizza, this is an extremely saucy one. If Zula in The Junction was the one most overloaded with cheese, Left Field is the one way too supercharged with tomato sauce. It oozes out! Normally I like a pizza with a good amount of sauce (the steadfast advocate for deep dish that I am) but this is a bit too much even for me. It is a solid sauce though: not too sweet, with a general heartiness that reminds me of a good homemade spaghetti.

Adding to the sloppiness of the pie is that honey drizzle, which truly is a fantastic touch on a pizza like this. Honey sweetness has a certain lightness to it... like a gentle kiss on the cheek its pleasant and brief. The only issue is when you drizzle honey on something extremely hot, like a pizza fresh from an oven... the honey tends to expand and seep into the closest creaks and cracks (such as in-between the slices). Basically... honey makes pizza very sticky! Still worth it though. 

 

 

This pizza actually reminded me a lot of Domino's, which in these parts normally would be an insult akin to telling your significant other they do indeed look fat in that outfit. In this case though it's more of a similarity in composition: you've got a bit of a cornmeal dusting on the bottom (like Domino's), the heavy amount of sauce is also similar as is the overall level it's been baked to. The main difference is that Left Field makes a far superior pizza in every way: the heavy sauce actually has a presence beyond "red tomato-like filler", the slices don't dry up and lose all flavour once cold, plus the salami on this is enjoyable with a lingering taste as well. 

The slight sprinkling of parmesan is a pleasant touch although not all that noticeable considering how most of the flavour is dominated by all that sauce. I'm certain the bomba is also mixed into the tomato sauce, which does give the pie a particular oily and spicy zing on most bites. This might not be an ideal choice if your day has already been shrouded by bouts of heartburn. 

 

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(I didn't take my usual exterior shot of the place because it was raining so damn much I just wanted to escape back to the shelter of the Exhibition GO Station as quickly as possible!)

 

Overall. I think Left Field makes an entirely respectable pizza. Definitely enjoyable, holds up once it (mercifully) cools off, while the ingredients are of a pretty solid quality. That said, I wouldn't be in a rush to have another one whenever I happen to visit the brewery again in Liberty Village. Far from a disappointment but likewise far from a "you really gotta try this" level. Nothing particularly unique or creative to it, just a pretty okay-to-fine bar style pizza. 

For me I'd place it squarely in the "B-" range, probably on the outside of the Top 100 in Toronto. Perfectly suited to share with some buddies and beers (like that Eephus Ale... oh do I miss it) over a ballgame on the big screen, but the pizza itself won't at all be the memorable part.                        

  

The 125th Tuesday Taste! - A Grand Chicken Nugget Caper

 

She wrote out a story

about her life

Think it included

something about me

I'm not sure of that

but I'm sure of one thing

Her spelling's atrocious

Another Tuesday.... it's the 125th Taste! 

It's been a fun ride and I hope you all have greatly enjoyed these little articles here, in my weird little corner of the internet... with still plenty more reviews to come. For now, lets jump right into the meat (pun intended) of this quasquicentennial* episode and talk about a heckavalot of chicken nuggets. 

(*definitely not a word I knew off the top of my head)

 

Chicken nuggets (or similar small fried chicken forms) occupy a curious place within the fast food universe. Their creation dates back to the 1950s and Cornell University, with multiple sources crediting food science professor Robert C. Baker as the forefather of this culinary innovation (the initial purpose of which was, shocker, for the poultry industry to efficiently sell more chicken). This Reddit thread does a solid job diving deeper into that origin. 

Far from being considered a meal, nuggets fall very much within the realm of 'snack'... enjoying the versatile appeal of such a distinction. Whether it be as a light finger food easily munched on the go, a big communal dish split and nibbled upon by friends, or just a something edible and soft a small child can put in their mouth (thus keeping them quiet for a precious moment)... chicken in such a bite sized package really appeals to all ages and situations. 

My goal here was to sample and compare every chicken nugget sold by all the major fast food players here in Toronto. Thing is, not many of them actually offer actual nuggets! So... I had to stretch the definition a bit... opening the door for items like "popcorn chicken" and "boneless wings" (items ending in "bites" etc). Also, sorry to chicken tenders but you've much too much girth for this one. As long as it was chicken (or closely resembled it) and could be eaten in two bites or less, we're good. 

While I am ranking these (because ranking things is fun) this is not meant as any kind of thesis on why chicken bites or nuggets or popcorn chicken is superior this way or that blah blah blah. I'm calling 'em how I sees 'em... or tastes 'em, rather. I'll save my general conclusions for the end. Lets roll:

 

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#13. Mary Brown's 

 

 

The epic disappointment of this entire epic adventure. This is Marlon Brando saying "I could've been a contender" in the backseat and then the car also crashes into a lamp post or something. I wrote very positively about Mary Brown's sandwiches for an early TT review back in 2021 and anticipated that same chicken in a smaller bite-sized version would share at least some of that tastiness. 

This was also an awkward purchase, as Mary Brown's only offer what they call "Pop-In's" (popcorn chicken essentially) and an order of just a box of those would've landed around seventeen bucks. Hey, this wasn't exactly a cheap project to undertake in one day! Instead I got the much cheaper Mash-Up Bowl, which had some of those Pop-In's on top. 

 

 

Really, these aren't terrible or anything but they're extremely bland. Simple flavour, not much in the way of salt or pepper or anything... plus they're so small that half of what you're eating is a ball of breading anyhow (one way to keep costs low). Not to mention the chicken itself inside... it's fairly dry and stringy. You know you have a problem when the residual gravy from the mashed potatoes gets on your chicken bites and even that can't soften them up a bit. 

I wouldn't say these were the worst tasting on the list but when you factor in my considerable expectations, how long these took to make (almost twenty minutes) their rather pathetic small size and unpleasant texture... I think this placement at the bottom sadly makes a lot of sense. Too bad but... I'd stay far away from these and stick with the sandwiches instead. 

 

 

#12. Domino's

 

 

No, we're not looking exclusively at the fast food giants specializing only in chicken (this would be a very short article if so). Certain pizza spots have also dipped their, um, pizza toes in the fried chicken pond... and while I probably missed a few (Papa John's and Nova for sure) the ones I did try were each insightful in their own way.

 

 

The insight I gained from Domino's chicken bites? That Domino's is exceptional at making more than just pizza tasteless and unappealing. 

These are very, very soft... with far too much of an artificial ground pepper scent and flavour (enough to make you sneeze) to them. Very little chicken presence or texture at all... it's just the floury breading that fills your mouth without even any pleasant crunch or crispiness to make at least the motion of eating these semi-enjoyable. Once cold they dry out terribly also, adding insult to your tongue injury.

 

 

I wonder if these were baked rather than fried, which if so, fine... but can you give a pinch of oil or butter or anything to liven this up even a bit? These were like gnawing on a pack of economy-priced bagels, plain and half-off.

Combined with the dreadful honey BBQ dip that came with these (a thick malty gloop that was more artificial brown sugar than anything) and the price (eleven dollars) this is the opposite of a winner. It only escapes the bottom of this ranking via it's texture being meh... but honestly these taste like those cheap chalky chicken nuggets the big box grocery stores make-in-house and sell near the meat section. Avoid.

 

 

#11. Pizza Pizza

 

 

Like Domino's, this is another one I did not anticipate being any good. And I was right! Though whereas I'd prefer Domino's pizza over Pizza Pizza (the correct answer is neither of course) as far as chicken goes? Pizza Pizza gets the nudge above for their popcorn chicken being a tad cheaper (nine bucks) and bringing a flavour that isn't blech. 

 

 

It's a generic flavour sure, minced and oily and mostly of the fried bready covering... but there's some okay salty juiciness and these at least had some utility as leftovers in a salad (yes, even a boring salad is more interesting than these). Pizza Pizza also don't include a dip with their chicken, it's an extra charge! I didn't bother with that. 

There's little else to say. Not quite the worst, certainly not the best... and in the end aggressively forgettable. Much like Pizza Pizza pizza itself. So far it is quite eye-opening how these pizza places treat chicken exactly like their pies.           

 

 

#10. Burger King

 

Our first legit actual chicken 'nugget' so far. Points for looking good hey hey (you'll need them).

These are very cheap (six for just over four bucks) and it reveals as much after a moment. The crunch is quite nice and pleasant I will say, there's a baked, crumbly breading to it. Really, these are like those store brand frozen nuggets you buy from the grocery and bake in the oven for half an hour or whatever... those crumbles on the baking sheet and that unmistakable heavy smell? It's right here, folks. You just can't see it. 

 

 

I wasn't in love with these. They do have that same frozen aftertaste despite being fairly juicy. I don't get much chicken flavour or seasoning beyond just that hard coating of bread, making the enjoyment of these nuggets very reliant upon whatever dip is immediately close at hand. Rubbery and tough once cold as well. Meh. 

         

 

#9. McDonald's

 

 

A classic. A legend. You can smell the plastic slides and the ball pit already, as like the McNuggets themselves these are childhood scents and tastes seared into your memory until the end of time. 

Notoriously I don't care for almost anything and everything on McDonald's menu... although admittedly the last time I'd eaten a box of McNuggets I might still have been the age where jumping around in plastic ball pits would be socially acceptable. 

 

 

Still, the McNugget is interesting and different amidst the others on this list. The breading (somebody mentioned to me this past weekend how they're triple coated and triple fried or something) has a distinct light and oily taste to it... much like those chicken balls some cheap Chinese restaurants (basically The Mandarin) have on their menu. 

Again, that strong oily taste is so weird because these nuggets aren't even oily to the fingers at all. Regardless, they generally are okay (I guess) but don't taste of real chicken (or meat) whatsoever and at a shockingly steep price (7.45 for just six of these flat little things?) I'm cool with letting the rest of the world have all these. Go ahead, everybody else on the planet Earth. All the McNuggets are all yours. This is my gift to you. 

 

 

#8. Wendy's

 

 

Almost identical to McNuggets in shape and size. The flavour is less noticeable than McDonald's (nothing else tastes like McDonald's I'll give them that) but with Wendy's there's an improvement in the overall crunch.

 

 

To me, this is a very standard exhibit A of what a fast food chicken nugget should be. Extremely cheap (3.79 for six), some pleasant juiciness, still not much real chicken flavour and far worse for you than you could ever expect. They're really not all that great (that one dimensional flavour gets tiresome by the third one) but at a low price it's entirely acceptable I suppose. A serviceable choice if this is the specific thing you're craving.           

 

#7. Harvey's

 

 

A notable step up in quality from everything else so far, although (perhaps just my personal taste) I thought these looked a lot better than they actually tasted. Keep in mind, this was the very last stop on a day I'd tried ten other bite-sized chicken items so... it's entirely possible (probable) my taste buds had simply had enough of this madness. 

 

 

The size of these Harvey's nuggets are a definite improvement compared to the others, with not much (5.60 for the five/six you see) elevation cost-wise. There's crunch but it's a harsh crunch: you can see how jagged these nuggets are and that translates into some pretty dry bites at points here. No gentle layer of just slightly cooked batter: it's either chicken or crunch so the gums of your mouth better be ready. 

 

 

Hey, back to looking like real chicken again (and the flavour of such a thing). Alas where so many of the lesser entries on this list suffered via tasting of only breading... this one just tastes like white-meat chicken with little else. That little else being an odd slight bitterness in that breading, similar to old overused frying oil. 

A bit of adventurous seasoning and/or less intense crunch (try a little tenderness please) really could've made this a real force on the list. As is... a respectable, solid option but nothing all that special. 

 

 

#6. Pizzaville

 

Another pricier one (12.24 for eight) from a pizza spot. Pizzaville however (already a finer quality pizza than Dominos or Pizza Pizza) rises above via both including a dip with these chicken bites and giving a 'regular' or 'spicy' option. 

 

 

Naturally I went spicy. A good choice, as the heat is mostly a vinegary zing baked into the outside breading of these bites. It's sneaky and present enough to actually be noticeable... which hey after the repetitive offerings I've tried so far, a wink of flavour was seriously welcome.

 

 

All that minced up chicken in there certainly robs it of any genuine chicken flavour. It's still fine... the texture is quite springy, juicy and soft, pairing well with the quality round crunch on the outside. These are impressively satisfying, a solid and tasty entry on the list. The flavour of that outer breading really makes it: a crumbly texture with a decent amount of seasoning. Well played. 

 

 

#5. Shake Shack

 

 

I have a couple of complaints. First of all... these are by far the oiliest chicken bits on the whole list. Maybe ever! These things are practically dripping with the stuff. Maybe they're Edmonton fans...? (ah yes, a joke that will only be funny for another few weeks at best)

 

 

Second complaint: similar to my McNuggets gripe, this just isn't a whole lotta bang for your buck at nearly ten dollars for these six morsels of chicken. I could hide this box in the sleeve of my coat if I had to... although with all that oil that sounds like a fabulous way to ruin said coat. 

 

 

Beyond all that... Shake Shack do make some quality chicken bites. The breading is rather flaky and light on the crispiness, while the meat within is generally tender, real chicken and brightly flavourful. There's also a honey mustard dip that pairs nicely here: reminding me of a mustard and mayo mix because of it's thicker and creamier consistency (which works well to cut into all that greasiness here). Good stuff overall! Just a steep price for a small amount of food makes this a tough sell, with that oily presence seeping into every bite it just isn't quite my jam.

 

 

#4. Pizza Hut

 

 

I'm a bit surprised to find Pizza Hut here, taking the crown as the best chicken nugget among any of the big fast food pizza chains. I guess down on Wing Street they take their fried birds seriously? 

 

 

The pricepoint is reasonable (7.90 for five boneless wings here) and each piece is a good size (two big bites will do ya). There's a wet sensation to each bite, plus a combination of a fatty batter and a considerable crunch in the breading... making the texture really quite deep and good. Even once cold, those elements impressively remain while the flavour of the sauce (this was garlic parmesan) seeps further into the chicken within.

 

 

I didn't think I was going to like these all that much, yet with each bite they grew on me more and more. Pizza Hut has an unmistakable and distinct greasiness in their food and that is indeed present here, meaning that of all the chicken items on this ranking I wouldn't be shocked if this is the worst one health-wise. Nevertheless, they do taste guiltily good. A modestly pleasant surprise.

 

 

#3. KFC

 

 

Now the biggest surprise. I gave up on Kentucky Fried "we can't legally call this chicken anymore" Chicken many, many years ago... so long ago this very West Collier Street may not have even existed yet. This was one on my list I fully expected to be flavourless, stale, dry or just plain terrible. Likely all these. 

Huh? KFC popcorn chicken is... actually good? Still? Like somehow this is the singular thing they never messed with from decades ago when most people all thought their chicken was super delicious... how is this possible? Somehow... yeah I quite liked this. 

 

 

The texture has a bouncy, airy rubbery kind of give to it... much like a breaded calamari. It's quite salty but not abrasively so. It really doesn't taste like chicken whatsoever (maybe it is calamari, heh) but that breading and texture is just so on point you find yourself not really caring. Even cold its devil powers remain intact. This is dangerously delicious... truly I must keep myself away from this indefinitely and forget this ever happened. I'm still in shock how this is possible. 

 

 

#2. Popeye's

 

 

I think Popeye's as a franchise has become a real roll of the dice from location to location. My mum has regaled me with some gross inedible stories of one in St. Catharines... meanwhile the now shuttered Beaches location had likewise taken a significant quality dive in their years before the end (at least it's becoming a Gus Tacos now). 

Yet some Popeye's locations do seem to still exist where, like that KFC popcorn chicken, the recipes have been impervious to the passage of time and public reputation. Danforth near Dawes Road... perhaps is one of these golden nuggets hiding in plain sight.

 

 

The price (4.20 for five) plays like your cheapo nugget joints like Wendy's or Burger King... yet the size of each nugget is almost twice that of those two pretenders, there's a notable smell and taste of "these were actually fried today", there's real tender chicken (with genuine juiciness) below that crispy flaky breading, and that classic vinegary greasiness of Popeye's is oh so present on here. 

So, so greasy... like coat your lips greasy... but it's oddly not super heavy either. A neat trick that this particular Popeye's magically pulled off. Maybe I got lucky who knows... but believe me when I say these were really damn good. Well done.

 

 

 

#1. Wingstop

 

 

Our champion and to be honest, the margin of victory was quite comfortable. Of all these, Wingstop's boneless wings were the only ones I took a bite of and thought "this is really damn good, there's nothing wrong with this at all". 

I should've gotten a more subtle flavour for these to be tossed in (or gotten the sauce on the side) but I did my best not to allow that to affect my perception of these purely as breaded chicken chunks. Besides, them giving me an extra wing (seven instead of six) was a far more effective way to garner my favour. 

 

 

Wingstop wins mostly because they've got everything here I've praised on this list all together in one tasty sized package. The chicken flavour is present throughout and lingers nicely in the mouth, there's an accessible soft crunch to every bite, these still taste great cold and don't go stale or dry, there's great balance in the texture, they're sizeable... honestly my only real complaint is how slippery these are to eat with your hands (gotta be careful). 

Legitimately delicious stuff... the only one I could see myself going back for in the near future. 

 

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After all that... what have we learned exactly? I'd say several things, actually. 

Most obviously of all: that too much of a good thing can be bad, and that too much of a mediocre thing is definitely bad. Sampling eleven of the thirteen entries on this list in a single afternoon was really quite an experience... both secretly amusing to visit all these places (like I was in on my own hidden joke) and exhausting for the palette. I think I'm good on the chicken nugget/bite-size front for several months, maybe years, at this point.                

I'd also say that most people have very different preferences when it comes to chicken nuggets. Sharing my plan and progress on social media as I went, quite a few friends messaged to say this one or that one were their favourites. Even the very next day, both at my rec baseball league game and my work shift afterwards, people were sharing their opinions and general thoughts on the matter and there really wasn't any overall consensus on which ones were truly the worst or best.

This is my roundabout way of saying: chicken nuggets just might be that kind of food where everyone has their own taste and preferences for whatever reason... with my list here simply being some random on-the-spot musings of one man on a cloudy weekend. 

Whether or not my rankings aligned with what yours would be or not, hope this was a fun and insightful read nonetheless! Now if you excuse me, I think I need to eat like twenty broccoli crowns and bags of spinach to balance my diet back to normal again...

 

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Tuesday Tune

Slooooooannnn.... Sloooooaaaaannnn... this is from their awesome concert mini-film for their show at Massey Hall about a decade ago. They are an extremely fun live band and remain so to this day.

 

   

That's it for another week! After the arduous (and overall pricey) undertaking of this chicken nugget project, I might take next week off just to recharge the batteries (and wallet). Until next time, whenever that may be, stay cool, stay safe and most of all... don't spill that mustard.