The Tuesday Taste: Osmow's Lamb on the Stix

 

And when your hand is on your heart

You're nearly a good laugh

Almost a joker

With your head down in the pig bin

Saying, "Keep on digging"

 

Like an uninvited guest long overstaying, the never ending nightmare of these modern times keeps on chugging, now with the seriously escalating conflict between Israel and Palestine. This is a way too complicated topic to even approach on a bloody food article, but in some way I have to comment how the damage and casualty count sure seems to be awful goddamn one-sided doesn't it. John over here explains it better than I can.

Hey, there's still food to review. Woooo! Something I'm actually qualified to do! Sigh. Anyways if you're somehow still with me, this week I went off and tried Osmow's for the first time. 

I'd never even heard of them until about a year ago, seeing the commercials with a certain Toronto Raptor or two (I'd love to try one of those "shemarmas"). I still miss Norm, go Blazers. The Osmow's story began (according to a framed poster I read in their Danforth/Dawes Road location) when Sam Osmow (an Egyptian immigrant) was running a struggling submarine sandwich shop in Streetsville. So the legend goes, one day Osmow made himself a middle eastern lunch that smelled so good, a customer requested one instead of a sub sandwich. Shortly afterwards he rebranded the restaurant towards such cuisine in 2001, and thanks to food festivals (remember those) and free samples they built up a following. Now in 2021, there are over 85 locations.

It's a nice story, but does the food taste as nice? I ordered the lamb "On The Stix" (french fries), wandered off to Ted Reeve park and gave it a try.

At first it was a bit overwhelming: there is a lot going on with all these spices and sauces. The garlicy sauce is the most notable and probably their most famous addition (this location advertises selling it in bottles), and to me the thin creamy sweetness of it reminds me of a donair sauce. The Halifax donair was in fact invented by a fellow who immigrated to Nova Scotia from Greece, which of course is directly across the Mediterranean Sea from Egypt. Geography lesson! The other dominant sauce tastes more like a finely blended red pepper paste, which not only adds some colour but an earthy pinch of heat also.

The dish is heavily seasoned, giving much of every bite a peppery, chili flake or herb (rosemary?) sensation. It carefully toes that line between just right and overkill (my La Sala review). As for the main attraction, the lamb, I was pleased to see it cooked on a griddle to order and the results show. The texture is quite nice, juicy and tender, and the amount is plentiful. Usually for these reviews I'll order the bigger size but here the medium was plenty large enough. It's quite tasty, with that nice fatty peppery taste I greatly enjoy with lamb, yet is not at all greasy. The onions that are sauteed along with it are minimal but just enough of a presence to add a hint of that classic fried onion sweetness. I'm quite impressed.

One thing I find with items like this, such as chili cheese fries, poutine etc, is that seeking out and eating the fries first is a good strategy. I mean, fries with some toppings. French fries are just no fun once they get cold, with occasional exceptions, plus if you have a ton of toppings left but are full... save it for a sandwich! (damn I'm far too thrifty sometimes... times are tough, man).  

They can't all be winners, though, and the biggest weakness by far here are the fries. Er, I mean "Stix". Given the choice between Stix or "Rocks" (rice) I only went for fries because, well.. reviewing what rice tastes like seems a bit too obsessive on detail even for me. The fries aren't bad, just your standard generic (definitely frozen) cheap fare. To be honest I kind of expected that and I'm not really disappointed, just that now I know and certainly wouldn't get them again. There are also the options to get your meat/falafel/beyond meat option atop a salad or chickpeas. I like chickpeas, but not enough to eat a whole bowl of em.

Overall, I'd say this is a tasty dish and I'd be curious to try some of the other options. Apparently they offer a chicken shawarma (or shmarmma if you're Fred VanVleet) poutine at the moment... yeah no I ain't trying that. The prices ain't no bargain for a fast food joint (even the daily specials exceed ten bucks) but the meat is of a good quality and with all those sauces and seasonings it surely isn't bland. A solid outing. 

 

Burnt Ends -- Ughhhh fine I'll get to the fireworks factory already!!! Yeah there isn't much new to report this week in regards to my other writings. My review of the Pink Floyd albums has progressed to the point I've listened to every album and have a first draft of my thoughts upon each one. Honestly though I spent most of the last week writing new songs, which is something else I do.... just not often since I began these weekly fast food reviews. Now the fun part:

 

Hey Doug -- You slimy cartoon buffoon with a drawn on smile and your ears plugged to the world. What're you just sitting on a pile of missing money like Scrooge McDuck while just throwing your arms up and crying poor? Watching you try and come across like a down trodden "man of the people" while attacking anyone disagreeing with your government's obvious gross incompetence is about as enjoyable as poking my eyeballs with pine needles, and at least doing that would give me a fresh piney scent. Playing politics in a pandemic... there's no limit to how pathetically low you go, so just go. Away. Forever.              

Requests??? -- Don't worry, I'm not running out of ideas yet (I've actually got something really fun and cool planned in about a month) but if you've been reading and enjoying these reviews, and there's something I haven't tried yet that you'd like to see me give a shot... drop me a line! The only criteria for the Tuesday Tastes are that they have a minimum of four locations (which thankfully the wonderfully delicious Rudy does). For instance, I could actually review Pizzeria Libretto now (um, again), but I can't do PG Cluck's (damnit), at least not for this particular series. Anyways lemme know if there's a place you want me to check out and I'll add it to the queue. And thanks for reading! (especially getting this far this week).

 

My Old School -- Another new segment? Sorta. I noticed something on BlogTo and despite their typical disingenuous click-baity headline, it was a interesting read about a UofT food truck I remember very well. Ol' Brown Ideal Catering wasn't my usual go-to in those days (I liked the Chinese food truck usually stationed a bit north, their portions were like two meals) but I definitely ordered a sausage and fries on many occasions I had a late class at Sid Smith. The fries in particular I remember being really solid, fried in that old type oil that makes the edges a bit brown, while the flavour of countless previous french fries drips out of these things. And they were always crazy hot, you had to wait like ten minutes before even attempting a bite. Pure nostalgia. Maybe if we ever reach a point of life resembling what it once was and that truck returns (and I'm still doing this, hopefully), I'll do a bonus review of it. That would be a trip for me, no doubt. 

(also someone please get my Steely Dan reference)   

Tuesday Tune -- You can probably tell by my opening that I'm not feeling particularly chipper this week, and so here's a song combining politics, anger and a band I'm writing about! That's what we in the writing biz call a.... *checks notes*.... *realizes there are no notes*.... um.... a Threeve-er...? Just go with it. 

That's it for another week, another taste. Until next time, be kind to one another and at least try to keep more sane than I am (hummus and chips for breakfast? Ahhhh F* it no one cares). For now, stay cool in these upcoming summer days and don't spill that mustard.

 

 

The Tuesday Taste: Rudy's Rude Dude Double Cheeseburger

 

 

 

In the corner of the morning of the past

I would sit and blame the master first and last

All the roads were straight and narrow

And the prayers were small and yellow

And the rumour spread that I was aging fast

 

Shake Shack is a New York hamburger chain that has garnered attention through their excellent "smash" burger style and... damnit! I did it again...

This time, the comparison is on level ground. I definitely want to wax poetically about the great classic American cheeseburgers I've had (and they do wax well)... Rudy though... if you want to call it an imitation you might have to check your mirror. I don't even know what I mean by that but damnit I'm standing by it!

My conclusion is that, as an imitation of a classic American smash burger, this is simply flawless. Each bite carries a differently enjoyable texture... the melted processed cheese assists the natural juiciness and the best bites seem to dissolve in your mouth. So... that's a positive.  

Another positive is how the burger patty tastes like actual beef. Not overly seasoned to hide its flaws... it genuinely shares the likes of high quality meat and that, combined with the expertly melted cheese and just soft enough bun... every bite is marvelous. The texture stands out most to me: the outer edges of the patty are crispy and greasy... loaded with flavour like crunchy bits circling a burger doughnut. Inside, it's all prime juicy hamburger beef and cheese taste... just wonderful to sink your teeth into . 

A burger this good invites nostalgia: and not shyly, it's holding a party. I wouldn't quite put Rudy within that highest regard of In-N-Out or Shake Shack, but it comes pretty damn close. Rudy definitely strives to be more of a Shack kind of burger, and it certainly has the right idea. Even the logos are somewhat similar. 

The fries meanwhile, remind me of McDonald's fries, just better. Instead of relying on salt and oil, these taste like actual potatoes (the aftertaste lingers longer and at least gives you the sensation of consuming actual food). To paraphrase a line from my dear friend Amanda Ryan, who accompanied me on this one: "these taste like what McDonald's fries were probably like back in 1950". It balances that line of salty, thin texture, without that feeling of instant regret as you consume chemicals. These are solid fries: not as good as the burger but impressive enough to catch my tounge with their thin crispiness and consistency. 

Overall... yeah Rudy is pretty damn good. Probably one of the better available burgers you'll find in Toronto currently. They get the details (crispy exterior patty, super melted cheese, good bun) right, and I respect that endlessly. This concludes my mini classic double-cheeseburger arc, and the results!

 

Big Mac: very bland, kinda bad in every way

Burger's Priest: solid, the quality is good but it's overrated and pricey 

Rudy: brings the goods, I really have no negatives to say

 

Burnt Ends -- I'm making significant progress on my Pink Floyd ranking article, it's been a curious journey listening to every album again... what a truly exceptional band. Meanwhile, I've been writing about baseball, and on that subject I also recommend this historical article about the Chicago Cubs from an excellent writer I hold in very high regard. Beyond that... 

 

Hey Doug -- you vacuum cleaner sucking up failed ideas, you rancid pile of dumpster refuse forgetting garbage day... all you have left is just blaming anyone else for your obvious failings, like a Wack-A-Mole that spits venom if the player misses. When the going gets tough, you ain't tough one ounce... clearly you hide in the corner until the next photo opportunity. Hey nobody fall for his pathetic charade, please. Resign you fool. Maybe that way I can possibly get back to work this century.

 

100 Up/Tuesday Tune -- A personal moment: I feel very out of shape. So, I've started running north up my street (which happens to be a cliff) every day for the next 100 days. I'm really only mentioning it at all as a way to keep myself accountable. Secret reveal! Anyway, I'm gonna keep trying it, but meanwhile here's the first song I charged up that evil angle to:

 

 

Hey! Oh! That's it for me. Be kind to each other, get that jab if possible, let's try to build a better world tomorrow and the first step is don't spill that mustard.

 

The Tuesday Taste: The Burger's Priest's High Priest (with Cheese Fries)

 

Belligerent ghouls

run Manchester schools

Spineless swines

cemented heads

Sir leads the troops

jealous of youth

same old suit since 1962

Another Tuesday, another Taste. In-N-Out Burger is a long established California burger chain that frankly is... oh wait! Wrong review. Damn I did it again.

Burger's Priest is a Toronto-based burger chain that has now expanded dramatically, and fairly recently: their flagship and original location on Queen Street East here in Toronto only opened in 2010, according to their website. Calling them a success would be an understatement, as they now have over 25 franchises all over Ontario and Alberta. Not bad.

Also according to their website, their founder grew up in California (truly the genesis of the "great American cheeseburger" and moved to Toronto for seminary school, which explains the Burger's Priest name. I'm not sure if it's the same dude, but I'm quite positive one of the people behind starting up Burger's Priest is also behind the Dundas West pizza point 'Fourth Man In The Fire'. Actually, considering that is another religious reference... it's probably the same guy. What'd you say? Look it up? Hey, that would require me clicking my mouse a few more times. I'm not made of airports!

Anyway it's the same guy. Shant Madirosian clearly likes these literal heavy concepts in regards to his restaurant ventures. Both 4th Man and Burger's Priest imply that their mission is to uplift our taste buds from the general blah we've been subjected to, enlightening our tongues to a higher place. I'd call this pretentious nonsense... except I also reviewed a Big Mac last week and anything to scrub out that experience from my brain would be most welcome. Plus I'm also somebody planning to review the catalogue of Pink freaking Floyd... when it comes to pretentiousness I can't throw stones. 

Fourth Man In The Fire is legitimately very damn good. I've even reviewed it before. But what about Burger's Priest? It claims that it wants to redeem the idea of hamburgers back to what they are supposed to be, like it was in the beginning. I spent a lot of my childhood in California, and so I'm very familiar with that classic ideal of an American cheeseburger. Does this one stack up? Can it hold a candle to this messiah it clearly strives to be?

No. It doesn't. This is good, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't completely blow my mind... which is what the scripture (and price) wants to do. Overall this is a solid, tasty double cheeseburger: you can taste that addictive melted cheese everywhere, shredded lettuce, the grilled onions are a nice presence (and yeah, I hate onions but when you can sneak them by me and I actually like it... several bonus points). It's exactly what a classic double cheeseburger is supposed to be, and what a Big Mac simply isn't.

But it isn't perfect, or even exceptional. The patty is the weakest part: at least it tastes like beef, that's a good and reassuring thing... but there isn't much in the way of juiciness or seasoning flavour to really let it ascend. It's rather bland in a "good quality" kind of way. I don't want it buried in seasoning salt (like A&W), don't get me wrong... it's simply mediocre in texture and taste. It does the job just fine, which is my biggest criticism: this is good... quite good, but not great. 

The supporting elements do good work, and really are the strongest part. They give much needed texture: the cheesiness compensates for the beef intake, the sauce is a nice mayo touch (and this burger is good enough that it doesn't use it as a crutch like the Big Mac... *cough*), and the onions really do make this a nice inbetween between a classic Cali cheeseburger and an east coast or Winnipeg smash burger loaded with fried onions. 

I think I got what I expected here: something good but not living up to what it thinks it is. Keep in mind I am fortunate enough that the closest location to me is the very original one at Queen and Coxwell, so this is as genuine an article as can exist for this. Frankly, I enjoyed it. The cheese fries were an exceptionally pleasant surprise (like generic good fries: fried in good oil, not dry once cold and tasting like potatoes) and the cheese sauce they use is really gooey, thick and delightful. There needs to be more of it.

Burger's Priest overall isn't quite so amazing that I'd rave about it to everyone, because it just isn't. A solid 'B' in my books, and maybe I'm spoiled because I've had the chance to try the places Burger's Priest really wants to be. Still, I'd consistently go back to BP if they weren't so damn expensive...

 

Burnt Ends -- Little bit slow on the East End Eats this week. I went to a new place here in the Beaches Saturday night with the intention of reviewing them, but they were so backed up with orders I would've had to wait over an hour! A good sign. Gotta support your local restaurants, and I'm patient enough to go try again during a less busy time. 

Beyond that I'm hacking away at my review of the Pink Floyd discography. It's definitely a trip, and I'm nearly finished listening to all these albums. Meanwhile my buddy and I are still ironing out our Radiohead article collaboration. Both of these things are coming relatively soon so... ugh unintentional rhyme... stay tuned.      

 

Hey Doug -- Ugh, you get off easy this time... you greasy burnt doughnut. I'm in a good mood so I'll settle for calling you an inept villain in a Garfield cartoon, whose obvious buffoonery is casually thwarted by a feline easily bribed by lasagna. Just resign already, you garbage bag full of rancid laundry. See you next week! 

 

Tuesday Tune -- I pulled a fast one on those of ya who know and love the band whose lyrics I used in the opener. Well here's a great song by a great band, but this here is a cover by an even greater band (and you'll rarely see these fellas playing a tune and having this much fun):

 

 

That's it for me! Until next time, stay safe, stay healthy, be alert and don't spill any of that mustard.