My fear was just a shadow
And then a voice spoke in my head
And she said, dark is not the opposite of light
It's the absence of light
And I thought to myself
She knows what she's talking about
And for a moment I knew what it was all about
Another Tuesday, another Taste! And, another month of reviews following a theme! For the truly excellent month of September, on this show we shall be reviewing various prominent chicken wing options, pubs or otherwise.
Few foods (at least in North American culture) seem to better exemplify a night hanging out with friends at a bar and watching a big game, than chicken wings. I've learned, from trying to bake the frozen kinds, that there really isn't anything that quite replicates the genuine article you get at your local watering hole.
Of course, there's such a thing as a bad chicken wing, and perhaps we shall come across such examples as the month goes along. For now though, lets start with a well known chain of pubs (and one I used to work for!) here throughout Toronto... the Firkins.
Before we begin though, first off just for clarifications sake... despite my previous employment at a Firkin I have an entirely neutral position coming into this. I don't hold any grudge against the company, nor is there such lingering affinity for me to sing unjust praises towards the food. I'm just a guy, reviewing something from their menu. Hell, I didn't even visit the location I used to work at (and that's mostly because it's too damn far from my house).
Second, and the way more interesting part: well I didn't initially plan it this way but for this chicken wing month.... I will also be trying the spiciest sauce each place has to offer for my wings. Because goddamnit I'm sure my taste buds burning in agony is what all you wonderful readers come for! Geezus what have I done...
Quick backstory on the Firkin Pubs: their website doesn't say really anything but I believe(?) the first one opened up sometime around 1987-88 and it was one of the downtown Toronto locations (maybe the one I worked at? The Eglinton/Yonge one? The Church Street one? Who knows, I worked there in the Beforetimes after all). Regardless of my anecdotal accuracy, there are about two dozen Firkin locations now, mostly in the Greater Toronto Area but also in Cambridge, Ontario; the Halifax airport (it was hilarious finding that one by accident in said airport while still employed) and even for some international flavour, a couple in American airports also.
I went to the Gull and Firkin, because it's close to my house damnit, and got myself a pound of wings doused in Meryl's Deadly Seven sauce. I assumed it was a different name for their "suicide" sauce and I'm certain I was correct. No fries though, because to be honest I worked there for three years and unless they were super crispy (or free while hungrily working a busy shift) I always regarded their fries as generic frozen meh (if you must though, get the cajun seasoning... trust me).
The wings! Keep in mind I tried everything on that menu at least once, but I'd rarely go for the wings because even with a staff discount the portion size still seriously underwhelmed me. This is still very true: now paying full price, plus tax and tip? This just isn't very much food for eighteen bucks. Is this a metric pound of wings? Seriously. I could go get a large walk-in special pizza for 2/3 of that price and have something to eat for the next day. Not off to a good start here.
Also not a good start: the slightly tough, overcooked exterior of these. First bite and yeah, it's a bit chewy on the outside and several parts on the ends of the drumsticks especially are crunchy. Thankfully the meat within is not a struggle, it's actually quite decent, not overly fatty and tastes like properly cooked chicken.
Texture is such an important aspect of chicken wings since, being a fairly simple dish, the sensation of eating them is about as important as the flavour (which will mostly be whichever sauce you choose). These Firkin wings are just pretty okay in that regard, with the tougher exterior compromising the enjoyment especially once cooled off. The modestly tender chicken within is far more enjoyable but not enough to balance everything.
Time for some positives though. This was the first time I'd tried the Firkin Dip in about two years, and as far as wing dips go this one is an all-star. It's nothing mindblowing or even that complicated (it's like a thin, creamy dill salad dressing) but compared against blue cheese dips or random ranch sauces (blech) this is a winner. Plus the portion size provided is above standard, which I certainly really appreciate when leading into my next point. Let's call it...
The New Hotness: Like I mentioned above, for Chicken Wing Month I'm getting the spiciest sauce available at every place because I am an idiot. Meryl's Deadly Seven sauce alleviates that self-burn though, while replacing it with another. As a flavour, I wasn't a fan: it's very vinegary in scent and taste. One old cook I used to work with created a similar kind of sauce (off menu) we'd serve to one specific patron for her fish tacos, and this Meryl's sauce very much resembles that thick pulpy sauce he created (which was wildly hot) if it'd been blended with vinegar to soften it up somewhat. The heat is there though and doesn't waste time. It hits you quick (unlike other super hot sauces I've liked more, that slow building burn promising doom is the fun part) and it seemingly seeps into every bite of the wing. Even parts that are just chicken within, no outer layer, no sauce and the burn from your mouth has faded... nope the pain is still there. Problem is there's little taste beyond the heat, which is fun and accessible (I mean, don't let your great grandmother try it, but if you can handle spice this won't obliterate you) but flavour wise it's just like a hot vinegary chili paste.
On a New Hotness Scale, with '1' being a slice of white Wonder bread (with a glass of water on the side for dipping) and a '10' being the spiciest holyfuck I've ever had (a million Scoville sauce called Million Dollar Sauce)... this would be about a 7.5 I think. It hits you, your nose runs a bit and your eyes water, you'll be taking some breaths.. but it also fades reasonably. Granted, I also wouldn't want to enter a contest to eat as many as I could in ten minutes (at my old Firkin we did this for a Super Bowl a few years back... wouldn't have wanted to see those washrooms the next day).
Overall... rating Firkin wings... I'm not blown away. The heat and the dip are the best parts about this. Everything else? I mean it's definitely fine, but for the price you're paying and the amount you get this just isn't worth it. There are far, far superior wings out there that are tastier, larger and cheaper even with fries. Here's hoping we hit on one of those spots next week.
(As for the Firkin, get the chicken curry instead because that is darn good.)
Burnt Ends -- It's from Thursday, but I write about baseball too don't ya know.
Joey From Etobicoke -- More baseball, more Joey still bangs.
Garden For The Gardiner -- I can't really make much of an honest opinion about how the city is tearing down more of the Gardiner Expressway here in Toronto, ripping down the eastern terminus near the DVP. I don't drive, see, though I bicycle past this particular demolition point fairly often (and incredibly frequently back in the Beforetimes). This is really just an excuse to share this article about how when they ripped out another eastern section of the Gardiner 20 years ago.
It's very weird to see what that stretch of Lakeshore Blvd looked like back then, which again was not very long ago. I don't think I'm coming out of left-field when I say the present configuration is a significant improvement, not just for cyclists looking for safe routes but for neighbourhood palatability. There are businesses that have opened along that stretch of Carlaw I doubt could or would want to exist if they were nestled next to a highway off-ramp.
Nobody likes being stuck in traffic, I get it. I sure as heck don't (cyclist traffic can be a thing, especially on long weekends and you encounter casual Bike Share riders on the trails who have no clue how to pick a bloody lane). Hey though, I'd like to think most of us can agree that improving our neighbourhoods is more important than a goddamn freeway. I say most of us, because in that same article someone commented how they lament the Spadina Expressway was never completed. You know, the 1970s expressway that would've destroyed Cedarvale Park, Nordheimer Ravine, most of the Annex etc. But isn't Allen Road so awesome to visit????
The Slice Reheat Question -- I know I know, I'm genuinely obsessed with this stuff, and last week's pizza coincidentally is one simply impossible to salvage by any method. I still swear by the pan on low heat option (especially covered) but the toaster oven works just fine (also on low-ish heat) for certain pizzas. That article is a fun read (for science, obviously).
Morons Of The Week -- (Seriously. If you do this, you don't need a vaccine. You need a fucking brain transplant.)
Tuesday Tune -- Finally picking a Beastie Boys song this week. So naturally, we're going with the most un-Beasties sounding song from their first three albums. It's funky, chilled out and damn great.
That's it for another week. Stay tuned for next time when we confront another offering here in Chicken Wing Month! And yes, they will be spicy and there will be suffering (can't wait! Ha ha... ughhhh). Until then, be kind to each other, keep a cool head and don't spill that mustard.
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