There's bodies in the water
and bodies in your basement
If heaven's for clean people
it's vacant
Another Tuesday, another Taste everybody. And another pizza review? From me? Now that's some seriously unexpected stuff. Like the sky being blue or the weather forecast being wrong.
Full disclosure: I've never really been a huge fan of Domino's. Yet, I know many people who sincerely enjoy it and hoist praises upon them. One of my very first food reviews was ranking the pizza chains available here in Toronto and while Domino's was far from the top of the list, there were others I scored significantly worse (Pizza Pizza obviously one).
Truth be told, I wrote that 2018 article from memory, not by eating and then writing the review shortly afterwards (as I do for these). So... how does Domino's stack up this time, seven decades since that first review?
First though, some history. Domino's is a gigantically big huge pizza chain, with something like 15,000-17,000 locations worldwide. I went to one in Thailand! The history isn't all that interesting, except that the first non-American store opened in Winnipeg of all places? Also, the very worst pizza topping choice I ever made was at a Domino's (which still exists) near Sherbourne and Wellesley. I got a one topping pizza and it was pineapple. Seriously... this actually happened and nobody stopped me. Ah the mistakes of youth... (and I like pineapple on pizza, with other topping circumstances).
For this review I visited a new location (which was damn busy too) right across the street from the sadly departed Stratengers pub in Leslieville. That spot is actually going to become a Dave's Hot Chicken, which is at least somewhat better than it becoming a Subway or something like that (utilize that huge patio space though!). I got a one topping, this time going for bacon, plus a garlic dip because do I really have to explain.
Honestly, there were aspects to this pizza that were pleasantly surprising, and also unpleasantly surprising. Starting with the positives, the dough and crust were quite soft and tasty. In my mind I've always thought Domino's was consistently overcooked (the burnt bubbles atop the cheese sell this theory) and while the cheese along the crust was definitely on the crunchy and burnt side, the bread itself was actually quite nice. Likewise the cheese was soft, not overly caked on or thick, with a suggestion of being a decent brand of mozzarella.
Negatives? Well... I really hate the sauce. Normally I prefer a saucy pizza (being a personal fan and defender of deep dish) and this is that... but man it is just so thin in texture and flavourless beyond this acidic sweetness that is truly dreadful to intake. Pizza Nova also has it's flaws (their roasted garlic pizza or garlic dip isn't one of them) but the best thing about their pizza is how their sauce has real bits of stewed(?) tomatoes within and it really makes the texture taste natural. Domino's (assuming this is their standard sauce) is basically at the level of "pizza squeeze" sauce bottles you seek out at a 7/11 around 3am (we've all been there right? Right???)
But wait, I have more bad things to say! The bacon is a bacon crumble, which while somewhat tasty just never resembles the taste, texture and joy of consuming real, genuine bacon. Not blown away by the garlic dip either, as it gives little beyond an initial garlic sting. It's very thin, watery (like the tomato sauce) and needs something else there (like spice or peppery flavour) to approach being a worthy compliment.
Finally, if you've been a long time reader of my previous pizza reviews (and if so thank you so much!) you'll know I place a lot of value into reheat ability... and Domino's was considerably hard to reheat and enjoy in my books. This is still true, although my recently discovered technique of reheating with a covered frying pan on low heat is by far the most effective method. Problem is, this is a finicky pie and it's very easy to heat it too long and make it too crusty... and it still ain't great even if you hit the sweet spot.
Overall? Yeah I'm still not a Domino's fan, and I don't understand all the love it gets. I even had a friend message me not long ago asking for pizza recommendations, I gave a few, but then he said he was just gonna settle for Domino's (also if you're reading this, seriously go try 4th Man, buddy). To end on a positive though, getting a medium pie for 10 bucks is pretty damn sweet and while their deals seem to vary by location, the price of this very very mediocre pizza is accordingly on point. I gave it a D+ in 2018... yeah it's still a D+ pizza in my books... maybe a D++.
Burnt Ends -- Starting work on my Radiohead discography article right after I'm done this. Beyond that, still gonna get that Star Wars trilogy ranking going soon (does anyone have a Disney+ account I can share temporarily? It genuinely would only be for this purpose). Also, my birthday is coming up and I'm hoping to taste a lot of beers so maybe... some kind of abbreviated beer review? Lots of potential stuff coming soon as we descend into the autumn months.
Election Blues -- I do hate talking politics among polite company, and I feel that if you know me at least somewhat well personally you know which direction I lean on most issues (I'm not outspoken but I'm very firm in what I believe). But man, I have to call out Justin Trudeau here (who I am not a fan of to begin with) for just being a goddamn idiot. Calling an election sheerly for the purpose of consolidating power, while not uncommon, is just such a miscalculation at this moment in time (and during a bloody pandemic too) he deserves to lose. Except please no, because I know the party I'm voting for has a minimal chance of winning and the fella who could beat the Liberals has a platform which is sketchy as F***. His last name describes exactly what he is.
Not here to tell ya who to vote for, this is a freaking food review after all, but let's please not take another step backwards because there are so many social issues and problems we need to be progressive, assertive and open minded about.
The Legend of Evans -- I only wish I could be as accurate or concise as this true food reviewing legend, the Rich Evans.
Tuesday Tune -- Definitely a MuchMusic band/artist back in those days where... ummm when that was a thing. Isn't MuchMusic a teenage retail store or TikTok account now or something? Sigh. Anyway this song and video rules my ears and my nostalgia.
That's it for me! Until next week, stay safe, be kind to each other but most of all don't spill that damn mustard.
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