I'm a man on a mission: this will be my shortest pizza review ever. Yes, I have a tendency as a writer (and person) to babble on (I just like telling stories damnit) but on this rare occasion there is little story to share. Four paragraphs at most, and we're counting this brief opening one.
Four Brothers is a pizza mini chain with other locations further west (Mississauga and Oakville) that have set up shop near King and Spadina here in Toronto. The decor is... odd: lots of open space, big open windows in the front (not exactly ideal when you're watching construction-loaded King West and your entrance-way is just a giant parking lot set back significantly from the street), and many old-timey looking chairs and sofas that are splattered with paint, Pollock style.
Does this look familiar? It sure does taste familiar. My critique of the pizza is: this is like any mediocre slice you've ever had in your life. Like, down to every detail. You don't need to try these guys, trust me you've already had it. Painfully forgettable. Generous with the toppings, I'll give them that... and it is on the larger side of slices. But flavour? There's just nothing here. Nothing lingers, nothing is interesting or even slightly memorable. No freshness or buttery texture with the crust... the cheese is typical "cheap cheese on a cheap slice", the ham strips are desiccated, the tomato sauce (which is barely there, so an offense to my particular tastes) is your bland generic fare lacking any punch, and you've got the cardinal sin of a bacon crumble on here. I have a soft spot for bacon crumble, not gonna lie... but it never ever appears at any pizza joint with any ounce of decent quality. How about an aftertaste? Do you like air? Because this one fades in milliseconds.
Overall. This is meh pizza 101, a beginners course that a washout is struggling to pass. What a letdown. They offer something called "pizza skulls" which are baked dough items shaped like skulls filled with pizza toppings. Trying to imagine such a thing is way, way more interesting than this lame-ass slice. Did I mention it was seven bucks? Really? It's King West and I'm sure they get a lot of drunken late night business... but I showed up in the late afternoon relatively sober (relatively) and this was the best they had to offer. You know it's bad when I, Crazy Pizza Man, only finish half of it, put it away and then forget it's even there when I'm hungry later. Seven bucks? Get lost. The pizza itself isn't offensive but it's just so insultingly forgettable and pathetic that I strongly suggest you stay far, far away. "D++". It's barely better than the true offenders like Pizza Pizza, and only barely. At least 2-4-1 is far cheaper, and the quality is an even match. I didn't go into this planning such a brief review, but taste-wise there's nothing else to say! Unbelievably lame pie.
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