You've got to coax him slow
That's the only way
that he'll confess
Tell him that the truth
Will help him live with less
Another Tuesday, another Taste! Considering the frugal situation of the past week here in WCollier Street Land, this seemed an opportune time to finally try the thriftiest of the Canadian pizza chains... a brand so aware of its exact appeal their very name is a proclamation to that fact.
Back in 2018 I was pretty hard on 2-4-1 (I gave them an 'F'!). Most of that poisonous sentiment was at the time based on a truly awful pepperoni slice I'd had from the Bloorcourt location several years earlier (I was starving and couldn't even eat half of it... and this is me we're talking about here). To be honest, I have pleasant memories of 2-4-1 pizza as a kid. There used to be a location on Dupont near St. George (right next to the old People's Food diner/Rose and Sons now) which was incredibly close to my dad's house and Huron elementary school. Once a month would be pizza night... we'd get a pizza each (a small I'm sure, although my appetite as a child is supposedly legendary) and I'm pretty sure it would usually be a pepperoni pie with pineapple (with my dad always adding parmesan to his, which I found gross at the time... damn kids eh).
Later on in high school days, a friend and I would often joke about a pizza place called "3 for 1" (which actually existed). A mutual friend of ours even once proposed (we were poor teenagers drinking even poorer beer don't forget) that sometime we should order from a spot he knew called "4 for 1 Pizza", which I can only imagine serves a pie that doubles as a flotation device.
Now, many years (and many pizzas) later, we're coming back for an honest review of 2-4-1. As I often like to, this is where I'd provide some backstory on the history of this franchise... except there is nearly nothing the internet can tell me about them. I am not kidding... aside from headquartering in Scarborough and opening in 1986... the rest of their "About Us" section just goes on about the incredibly high quality ingredients (yeah right) they use. Perhaps their origin story just isn't particularly remarkable? Now there's a joke that writes itself.
Straight into this thrifty pizza (thriftza?). First off, it smells pretty good. I mean, it is pizza after all... a scent that objectively is on par with fresh laundry, a garden after a rainfall and cookies emerging from an oven. As a tribute to those pizzas my dad and I used to get, I decided on a three topping option with pepperoni, pineapple and bacon (no parmesan though).
Starting with the sauce.... yikes. It's absolutely dreadful. You know those Primo brand "pizza squeeze" bottles certain grocery stores have? Or Lunchables pizza? This is like that. The processed cheese slice of pizza sauce: liquidy, tastes closer to ketchup than tomatoes (there's no lingering sting to it at all), while the flavour is one dimensional, lacks aftertaste and is just unpleasant by how unreal it is. There is nothing fresh about this, no barest resemblance of in-house preparation or of real food here. Sure enough, as I was waiting for my pie I saw one of the cooks pour a big bag of this "tomato" sauce into one of their bins... and it came out as smoothly as a carton of skim milk. Appallingly bad stuff.
Thankfully, the rest of the pizza does significantly better. It's a doughier type of pizza, which I might be more fond of than others, and while the bread of this pizza tastes fleeting and rather artificial (a running theme here) at least the end result texture-wise is positive. Likewise, the cheese is soft and very well balanced: not dense like a brick (*cough* Domino's *cough*) or flighty and flavourless like Pizza Pizza. This actually tastes like okay-ish mozzarella, doesn't completely dry out once the pie gets cold, and the coverage throughout is on point. Easily the best part of this.
As for the toppings... they rose above my primary concern going into this: excessive greasiness. This is certainly oily in places, but again that soft mozzarella does a good job of not making this a "oil dripping off every slice" type of affair. Don't get me wrong, those type of pizzas can be delicious... I just wouldn't trust this particular pizza chain to pull that off successfully.
The pepperoni is as generic as it gets... mediocre pepperyness and no nuance in taste or texture. It's a paint by numbers affair, though slightly crispy on the edges and soft in the cups (at least it's something). The bacon is bacon crumble, so meh. The pineapple though... extremely weird, like you can taste the can in some of those bits. They're semi-stiff and rubbery in some bites also... if you're a militant "no pineapple on pizza" type of person, this particular example would make for good ammunition.
Overall! It's not a good pizza and I cannot recommend it... unless you find yourself like I was this weekend with about fifteen bucks left in the bank account. To be fair, this was better than I expected 2-4-1 to be. Aside from the horrible sauce the rest of this was entirely acceptable as food (though I was suspiciously still hungry even after wolfing down this whole thing). It's definitely better than Pizza Pizza because it actually has flavour, and I might even take it pound for pound over Domino's as well (though Domino's wins if they're both fresh). For a grade, this is probably between a 'C--' or a 'D++' on my pizza scale. It ain't great, doubt I go back anytime soon... but I've had worse and the nostalgia will always be fun.
As for next week, I swear I'll review something better and more interesting. Such is long overdue.
Burnt Ends -- Feels odd to toot my own horn as it were (though that's what this weekly section of the review is, I suppose), but I was intrigued by last week's bit about fry dips so much that I'm angling to write an entire piece about all the various options/possibilities for dipping fries. Stay tuned for that! Otherwise, the usual projects are progressing at the usual speeds.
Double Double Spy And Trouble -- In a story that doesn't seem to be getting nearly any attention at all, it seems Canada's favourite coffee chain has been up to some pretty shady doings. I mean hell, that link I just shared is an article from an American newspaper. I haven't seen CBC or any of our local news outlets report on this. Whatever, I don't drink coffee and I've already reviewed Tim's food (it kinda sucks).
This Week's No Context Looney Tunes Image --
Tuesday Tune -- I wouldn't call them Canada's greatest band, but they sure as hell have to be Canada's most iconic one. I'll never forget their last ever concert: I was playing baseball that day and afterwards every car in the parking lot near the field had the radio broadcasting that concert while we all drank beers together. A wonderful moment and night nestled fondly in my memory.
Here's a tune from their excellent 1992 record Fully Completely.
That's it for this thrifty edition of the TT! After the past couple weeks of bland chicken sandwiches and bargain shelf pizza pie, next week will definitely be something to reawaken the dormant palette. Until then, be safe, be well, enjoy the emerging summer and don't spill that mustard.
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