Hey!
Been trying to meet you
Hey, must be
a devil between us
or whores in my head
Whores at the door
whore in my bed
But hey!
Where, have you, been?
Another Tuesday... another Taste!
Naturally, upon seeing the title of this piece, your first thought will likely be "where the hell is there an Arby's in Toronto?"
Answer: there isn't! Depending on whether you prefer going south-west into Burlington, or straight east into Oshawa... those are your closest options... on foot those are 50.9 and 58km respectively using the Toronto ferry terminal as a departure point, according to Google Maps. Get those running shoes on!
It wasn't always this way. Back when I was in high school there was an Arby's location in one of the food courts in the Eaton Centre. Think I might've tried them once back then, no idea if I liked it (probably not if I only went once) and gave little notice or care whenever it was they departed (I rarely go to the Eaton Centre). This was not the only GTA Arby's to vanish in recent years... as the current total absence of Arby's in the 416 region has inspired a group of "activists" to publicly demonstrate/protest/something? about this fact. You be you, I guess.
Astonishingly, this is a chain with over 3000 locations, the vast... vast... vast! (vast) majority of them operating in the United States. They were founded by the Raffel brothers in Boardman, Ohio in 1964, choosing the name 'Arby's' as a phonetic pronunciation of "R-B's" (Raffel Brothers). The Raffel brothers weren't interested in making just another dime-a-dozen burger restaurant, instead focusing on roast beef sandwiches in an attempt to create a more upscale fast food option. The concept was considered foolish at the time, and there were some severe logistical and financial difficulties in the first decade... but the brothers were ambitious and by the late 1970s Arby's had nearly a thousand locations throughout the USA. Here in 2024, Arby's 3300+ outposts is second worldwide only to Subway among sandwich (non-burger) franchises. Yep, I was as surprised as you are.
I was sincerely, with all my soul, hoping they would be at least better than Subway (which is probably my least favourite fast food chain ever). But before we get to the actual reviewing: first of all... how the heck did I even get to an Arby's? I live in the east end of Toronto and as I said, there isn't even one lurking inside Scarborough Town Centre... which is still stupidly far from me.
Well, I didn't walk (or bike) 50+ kilometres to get to one, that's for sure. No, Arby's has a location in St. Catharines and since I happened to be there for a few days to visit my sweet and lovely mum... I biked a much more reasonable 3km to experience what this "we have the meats" is actually all about.
I'm extremely unfamiliar with Arby's menu (having only been once two decades ago) but I knew if I was going to review them I had to go for the roast beef.. and I had to get some curly fries because curly fries (still kicking myself not getting the Burger Drops ones). Some of the other options surprised me: a french dip? A Rueben? I was tempted, not gonna lie... but I also wasn't sure yet if this was going to be completely terrible and so elected on a junior buffalo chicken sandwich as the sidekick.
And here is that! As far as cheap ass junior chicken sandwiches go (but I was using my whole ass) this honestly isn't bad. It ain't good either: there's very little of that "chicken" element which is rather crucial to make a good chicken sandwich... but I appreciate the flavour contrast of buffalo sauce (which has some nice kick) and creamy mayo, and they wisely put lettuce on this thing as well (looking at you, A&W).
I wouldn't get it again. It's like they put a large chicken tender into a sandwich and drenched it in sauces, although I do like this buffalo sauce. Sharper than what you might find typically. The chicken itself... entirely fine but not memorable in any way. The middle ground of "buying a box of it in frozen form" which is it's own indictment.
Curly fries! If you read my Burger Drops review, or just a few paragraphs earlier of this one you are reading now... you'll likely suspect I love curly fries. They're such a rarity! Few places really offer them. Waffle fries and thick steak fries and crinkle cuts seem to be gaining some vogue, which is cool and all... but oily, crispy, slightly battered and or heavily seasoned curly fries are such a joy to me. I spent a lot of my childhood in California and there was this place in... Walnut Creek I wanna say? Anyhow, my aunt would take me there and I was just obsessed with their curly fries. There was nothing at all like it back in Toronto! They were so good... each fry was it's own special treat.
It's obviously difficult to separate something so mythically beloved as a child from the cold objective eye of weary and hardened adulthood (life is fun, eh). Nothing can ever live up to the "idea" of what those delicious curly fries were to me in that time. Nor should anything try to... so lets examine these Arby's curly fries without the weight of an Altas-like nostalgia hanging over them. They're struggling to hold up enough as it is.
My verdict on these Arby's curly fries! Meh. Just... very okay, much like the chicken sandwich. If they were a little crispier that would help, but the biggest problem is the lack of seasoning. There isn't a dusting of spicy powder or pepper or garlic or anything. The crispy texture is kinda there, kinda, but it needs more taste. So much more. After a couple fries you're going straight for the dipping sauces and hey, lets talk about those.
On the red right is what they call the "Arby's Sauce", while on the left is the famous (infamous?) Horsey Sauce. I have to confess... it never occurred to me until finally trying it why it was called "Horsey" sauce. My thought process in the moment: "Hmmm... like a mayo, but with a hint of horseradish! Interesting I wonde---ohhhh now I get it." I might be a fine writer, but I'm far from the quickest spoon in a knife fight.
These two sauces don't really yield much to discuss. The "Horsey Sauce" is certainly interesting via how uncommon this type of flavour/condiment is among big fast food chains, and yet that angle still does fit comfortably alongside their cold cut sandwiches agenda.
Myself... I really like the nasal sting of horseradish and this particular sauce is a beginner's course into that. To be fair, I doubt an enormous chain like Arby's would offer an insane eye-watering congestion clearer as a sauce (in packets no less) but I gotta say it how I seen it (or saw it) and this Horsey sauce is more sauce than horse. It's a generic mayo with just enough of a horseradish kick in the back to be somewhat different. Overall... decent as a dip but not exceptional. Better than the usual generic fare.
As for the "Arby's Sauce"... yeah this is some weak stuff. I can barely even tell what this is supposed to be. Sweet and sour? A thicker glob version of Swiss Chalet's "Chalet Sauce"? (also horribly overrated, hurl your pitchforks please). Is it a sweet faint BBQ sauce meant for the sandwich? It certainly does faint before it reaches your tongue. I don't get it, and there's so little to it I'm struggling to even describe why it's awful. But it is. An absolute nothing.
Onto the main attraction, the specific thing the Raffel brothers focused on over half a century ago to separate their brand from all the burgeoning burger chains: the roast beef sandwich.
Here's the thing: I can appreciate the small details while simultaneously firing my missiles into their execution. An onion bun! And the bun is nice and soft throughout (not the stale crap you find at McDonald's). Problem is... texture yes, but you don't really taste any of these details. The onion bun is such a slight hint that you forget it's presence within two bites.
The roast beef itself is... okay-ish. On a quality level it probably matches the prepackaged stuff you'd find in a cheaper supermarket like Food Basics or FreshCo... it tastes like roast beef no doubt, but there just isn't a whole lotta "ooomph" to it. No secondary taste or anything that lasts longer than a fleeting moment. This really is a fast food roast beef sandwich: gone before it's even over.
Perhaps I'm being overly mean. But... it's hard to write about this because like the curly fries, this roast beef sandwich is simply meh. Precise in it's inoffensiveness. There isn't much to say because there isn't anything notable about it! Even the cheese sauce is your typical run of the mill, nacho cheese goo that comes out of a 7/11 dispenser, and there isn't a whole lot of that on here anyway. The only thing that really works is the texture: the softness of the bun makes the experience of eating it fairly pleasant, and that brief connection of onion bread and roast beef is enjoyable.
But I'm grasping at straws here, and unfortunately this is also one of those sandwiches (hell, everything I tried frankly) that tastes much better on the first bite, but as you approach the last you're thinking more of just getting it over with. Much like my general impression of Arby's regarding this review: at first I was slightly impressed and thinking this was much better than my worst instincts had feared... but at the end the realization of nothingness creeps in. Positivity! Surely that's my style, ain't it.
Overall... seriously, dozens of people devoted their time to go out and make a public demonstration why there isn't one of these in the central Greater Toronto Area? Can I have some of your free time? Clearly you are not using it wisely.
I don't recommend Arby's at all, nope. But... I also don't regret finally giving them a good look and while the failings of all these items were how bland and forgettable they were... nothing was outright bad (aside from the "Arby's Sauce"). I would happily take that meh roast beef sandwich over any McDonald's burger or a Whopper, which as I've previously said offend me via sheer careless disgust.
I'll give Arby's some points: they are different. As a consumer, it is a different feeling going to a spot and ordering a roast beef sandwich instead of a cheeseburger. You can get a cheeseburger anywhere, but getting something resembling (and I use "resembling" very loosely) a deli sandwich, is a unique little corner of the fast food market.
And I'll say it again to finish this review off... I didn't think Arby's was bad. I was expecting the worst, as Simpsons and Seinfeld jokes raised me to believe. They occupy a bizarre middle ground... well above the ocean depths of the terrible but looking up at the surface of unregrettable decency. Honestly... if you must I'd say do what I did and try them out of curiousity, but only for that reason and only once.
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Funky Jobs On The Run
I've worked a lot of various jobs in my adult life, the vast majority of them in bars/restaurants, and as such some of the extremely brief ones do stand out in my memory for something comedic and/or bizarre. Enjoy this new semi-short feature on the TT.
Uncle Betty's/Worldwise Partners
With a decade of reflection... looking back at 2012 I realize how I've overlooked the extent of the chaos happening in my life at that time.
I moved twice that year (the first time having to abandon much of my furniture because of neighbouring bedbugs), quit a dead-end but still steady job at Pizzeria Libretto (while in the process of the second move of that summer)... all while starting to study English Lit at University of Toronto despite living in three very different and distantly separate areas of Toronto.
As a 24/25 year old it wasn't easy but mostly I shrugged it off in the end, and I was also endlessly fortunate to have a partner at the time with godlike patience, virtue and emotional support. Now... as a single soon-to-be 37 year old? Just writing about that level of madness makes me want to melt into the floor. There's a certain saying of "I wish I knew what I know now, when I was younger". This particular job story definitely connects with that philosophy.
2012 was, as described above, very chaotic for me. I'd quit a reliable job (again, knowing there wasn't much of a future), went to California with my wonderful lady for a few weeks, and then came back to Toronto in an shared house I'd lived in for barely a week... without much of a plan regarding how to pay the bills. Almost instantly (like two days after being back in Toronto) I scored a job as support staff at Uncle Betty's: a quirky Midtown brunch spot that at the time (they've been closed for a while now I believe) would have serious lineups on weekends, which is mostly when I worked.
Hate to say it, because it was a small spot and the husband/wife owners were good people... but this was an awful job. At least, as a support staff. You'd be busting your ass: running food, clearing/resetting tables fast because of the lineups, refilling coffee cups... and these servers were just complete total assholes. Barking at you, not helping to bus, questioning your speed as you frantically try clearing a table with a dozen plates solo, demanding everything while chilling in the corner now and again...
Look, now I'm in my 30s and for nearly a decade I've bartended far busier places than this dumb little brunch spot could've ever dreamed of... but I can also say in those absolute toughest situations dealing with the worst kinds of people I've never been an outright dick about things, especially to my co-workers. Have I gotten frustrated? Of course! But with a rare exception or two (including a baseball podcaster I'm fond of...) the servers at Uncle Betty's treated you like grunt work dirt, as did one of the owners when you were on the floor.
Hey, you can live with that in a busy environment as long as the money is good... right? Ha! Uncle Betty's is the third worst job I've ever had because... I'll never forget my first brunch shift, the moment after busting my stupid tail for six straight hours of a packed restaurant... each server must've sold well over two grand and walked out with multiple triple digit bills in tips for themselves... and getting fifteen bucks from all four of them combined. Fifteen fucking bucks! Oh, and a "thank you for your hard work" of course.
Remember... even at this young age I'd worked Libretto and the Madison and The Drake Hotel already... I knew what a busy service was like and this was like that, This is also working at the old minimum wage... Server's Minimum I may add... so like ten an hour? Fifteen bucks??? When the place is rammed for an entire afternoon, with a constant lineup, and there are twenty tables plus a patio? What... the... fuck? Fifteen bucks wasn't even enough to order myself some much needed food off of their menu!
I am kicking a dead-horse, seeing as Uncle Betty's has now departed and the only other two jobs I've had that were worse... were much, MUCH worse... nevertheless this does lead into my experience with Worldwise Partners. Hoo boy.
---
Genuinely I wanted this segment to be exclusively about my experience with Worldwise... but the Uncle Betty's tale actually works as a background to accentuate how desperate I was. I wasn't thinking entirely rationally, just seeking anything to free or distract me from a truly demeaning restaurant gig... and so seeing a job posting for an entry level marketing position, then getting an interview almost immediately... well I was 25 and the twinkle in my eyes hadn't yet faded as much.
Weird job interview. A bunch of other people, in a relatively nice office waiting space near Victoria and Wellington. Quick chat, instant job? Again... the twinkle can blind you. I think it was that same Friday, possibly the very next day but perhaps a couple days later after the interview... I was summoned for a "trial shift" of sorts.
Here's the thing, and why legally this company could say this was an "entry level marketing" job, and why I can also say within reason how this wasn't a total scam, not really... but also a complete misleading fucking deceptive lie and misdirection. Looking back... yeah neither the posting or in the interview did they really explain what the job exactly was, or what the work involved required... deliberately vague to a point they could've driven us out to a farm and had us shovel cow manure, with a crisp 20 dollar bill for the person who shovels the first 100 pounds. It would've been equally honest... or rather, as honest as a lie of omission can be.
I guess I was expecting some kind of office thing, where I'd (uncomfortably) have to call people on the phone. This was my anticipation arriving again at the same Victoria and Wellington office early that Friday morning. There were four of us plus a supervisor, who immediately and energetically informed us we'd be heading out on the road to spread the good word. Uhhh... okay.
Onto the subway we went, paying our own fares, and to the Yonge and Eglinton area... hilariously close to where Uncle Betty's was. Our first stop? The food court of that mall for lunch and that was also on our own dimes (I ordered nothing for the record, as to my credit I was quickly becoming uneasy about all of this).
Cleverly, to make this seem more legitimate... one of the 'trainees' among us was more of a veteran. "About a month he's been with us and already has impressed, getting promoted and scoring all the bonuses!"... praises he nodded at with a confident charisma. Indeed he did the job with either genuine or extremely well acted conviction.
By the way! Yeah the job was canvassing... aggressively canvassing... like wandering down streets and knocking on people's doors and pitching them something that frankly I'm still not sure was indeed legitimate. The sale was all environmentalism and saving forests or oceans and asking for donations for these seemingly just causes but... I mean come on. Even 25 year old me, with a pretty girlfriend, a twinkle in his eye and also needing cash desperately... even he couldn't help smell the fishiness of it all.
Alas... I wandered about the very wealthy side-streets south of Eglinton and Yonge for a solid few hours, on a chilly late December afternoon I was underdressed for (again thinking I wouldn't be fucking outside for a significant period)... going door-to-door asking for money like shifty trick-or-treaters. I hung back and never actually knocked on a door or spouted any manipulative bullshit... an honest truth I will repeat should the heavenly gates exist and look over my file.
Beyond the moral vacuum of being adjacently involved (and there were a few older folks we knocked on who did buy in...) this was such a long and unpleasant experience just by how cold it was. Again, they didn't give any kind of notice that "Hey! You'll be outside for a significant period and it's December in Toronto, so dress warm!". I've even checked my old emails (legit from 11 years ago) from Worldwise just to confirm this assertion! Nothing about it at all.
Lets wrap up this gross tale. I'd also learned, as we were already knocking on poor unsuspecting people's doors, that this was a commission based job without any hourly wage. Goody. Well, for reasons that still baffle me I stuck this through until the early evening. Our supervisor dude took us into a comfortable coffee shop on Mount Pleasant, spoke highly and happily of everything/whatever we'd done and asked each of us how we felt about coming aboard the team and being a part of something that was going to "change the world!".
He came to me and I said no.
There was a mild surprise, perhaps a faint follow up of "you don't want to be on this revolutionary team blah blah" but I was already grabbing my bag and politely saying this just wasn't for me. On one hand... I mean yeah no shit I should've just ditched these fucking idiots within five minutes... but on the other, well younger me was far more meek and although I knew halfway through this charade that I wasn't going to ever talk to these people again... I felt I had to do it properly at the very end. Unfortunately I was in a fall jacket and it was two degrees that day...
---
One final thing: when we were in that Eglinton/Yonge food court for lunch, I mentioned off-hand that I worked at a restaurant nearby, to which the supervisor jovially commented "you'll have to hook us up there!"
It's a comment that has never settled with me... not only because I'd already then given my notice at said restaurant, or that I couldn't have 'hooked them up' even had I wanted to... it was just such a hollow thing to say. An assumption (at best) that we were all this tight knit team... while you're my "supervisor" and I've barely known you for twenty minutes over a surprise subway ride that came out of my own wallet. Some of the best, most excellent people I've ever met and currently know in my life have been my supervisors at work, but that is something earned and gained over time... not just assumed and granted in the span of a confusing half hour.
Anyhow... I never got paid (never made a sale, bless me) and little did I know the bad restaurant job I was in the process of quitting, or this rejected flimflam trial shift... wouldn't be light-years close to as horrible as the job I took at the very end of 2012... but that's another tale soon to be told.
Also, if you don't totally believe me... here's a fine account of Worldwise that strangely parallels my own (funny that... honestly I did not write that).
23
I'm more than just a charming food reviewer you know ("charming" claim not yet validated by our lawyers here at WC Street). I recorded an album of very lo-fi songs which is free to listen should your ears be happy to. No pressure, I just welcome any kind of feedback... making music is an equal passion to writing for me (I'm just typically much shyer about it).
https://mixedmetaphors.bandcamp.com/album/xxiii
Tuesday Tune
I was very sad that Pixies played my work a couple of Saturdays ago (I
don't work Saturdays there) and I couldn't be there. Even without Kim
Deal... it would've been pretty cool to see them. So, here's a great
song off one of their great albums (I go back and forth between this or
Surfer Rosa as my favourite).
That's all for this week! Certainly felt like an Arby's night. Until next time... stay cool (it's hot this week), stay safe, and most importantly of all don't spill that mustard.
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