Part X --- Mundrake's Monologue
A most peculiar thing happened to me on my way to work this morning: an incident which I feel deserves at least a brief retelling, if not publication in a national newspaper.
My name is Mundrake Parker. I'm employed by a liquor store in the industrial part of town. As I have no car or bicycle I'm forced to rely upon public transportation, which in my modestly sized town is unreliable at best. I estimate I've culminated at least a day of my life waiting for the bus that takes me closest to work, and that is what I was doing when this remarkable incident occurred.
At the bus stop with me were three other men, all dressed in identical black suits and carrying identical briefcases. One was taller than the rest and was bearded, while the other two were clean shaven and of similar build and height. I paid no attention to them until one of the shorter ones began to speak:
'What'd McCormick say? Five o'clock?'
'Five o'clock. That's when they open the safe.' said another short one.
'This job's really got me nervous. Feels like we bein' followed.' said the tall one, glancing at me.
I began to feel dreadfully nervous, for these gentlemen were up to something devious! Certainly it was in my best interest to stay away, but curiousity is a hungry chap and I opened my ears further.
'Whaddya think? Hostages?
'Nah, leave no survivors.' replied the tall one, glancing again at me menacingly.
At this point I pretended to look at the bus schedule from my pocket but I could tell these criminals were onto me. I heard one of their briefcases open with a click and thought for sure it was a gun. The bus was coming and without thinking I threw my knapsack at the tallest man and ran behind the approaching bus for cover. Before any shots could be fired, however, seven armed federal agents poured out of the bus and demanded the surrender of the suited men. I peeked out confused from my cover to see explosives, firearms, fake passports and airplane tickets all upon the ground where their briefcase had opened. The leader of the feds marched up to me and shook my hand, a tremendous grin on his moustached face.
'Great work, lad! Great work! We've been trying to apprehend this gang for months now and your subtle bus schedule look was the tell that these were the men we were looking for!'
'Uh... thanks...' replied I.
'Which division are you assigned to lad? Special Ops? Fraud Detection?'
'Sal's Liquor and Smokes...'
'Excellent, excellent! Tell your supervisor a special commendation is coming your way!'
I was, of course, late for work. When I tried to explain to my boss that it wasn't my fault, and that a special commendation was coming my way, he seemed about as convinced as you'd expect, and promptly ordered me to clean up his bathroom downstairs. I'm pretty sure he spent all of last night eating bean and pork burritos. It wasn't until the feds showed up with a plaque of my commendation that he believed me, or when they arrested him for creating a dangerous biohazard in that same bathroom. Hey, these federal guys do good work.
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