Down in the street below
Hear the drunken archangel sing
I know what's on your mind, my boy
cause I can see, oh everything
Lead pipes, your fortunes made
Well take a tip from me
Another Tuesday, another Taste! Last week's detour into sweet toothery behind us, it is time to revisit a food so close to my heart I'm known for loving it to hilarious excess.
Yep, it's another pizza. Bet ya didn't see that coming.
I wrote a brief blurb on Little Caesars back in 2018 when I wrote my Toronto Pizza Chain rankings piece, not at all knowing it would be the ignition into me eventually trying over 100 pizza places and writing about each one... totally a sane thing to do. Anyhow, I actually wrote that review on memory... as in some of those places (like 2-4-1) I hadn't eaten in years but still commented upon their quality (or lack there of). Little Caesars was another I threw under a truck without having tried it in seven years, its badness leaving such a grotesque impression I didn't feel the need to ever subject myself to it again.
Hey though, here at the TT we don't goof around, damnit. I ate a Whopper for this show, if you need any further proof. Besides, tastes can change as can recipes (even from gigantic super chains). It'd been a decade and while my expectations were low, I was curious how Little Caesars would settle with me now.
Some quick backstory: Little Caesars was founded in 1959 and set up in a strip mall out in a Detroit suburb. The founders were a husband and wife team, Mike and Marian Ilitch, who eventually became also well known as the owners of the Detroit Red Wings and Detroit Tigers. Marian Ilitch is still one of the richest women in the world, according to Forbes.
Since they're a chain that began (and is still headquartered) out of Detroit, it seemed appropriate that I try their attempt at a Detroit style pizza. The rectangular deep dish style that joints like Descendant have done absolute masterful justice to (I still have to try Gianna's in Parkdale or 8 Mile... very curious about those).
I wasn't exactly sure what toppings I wanted, so I elected upon their "Quattro" pizza you see above, with each quarter of the pie containing different combinations (cheese, pepperoni, meat lovers and deluxe respectably). Not wanting one of their "Hot-N-Ready" options (which was what revolted me before) I requested no onions so to get a pizza certain to be fresh from the oven. Gotta at least try to judge them at their best.
Being told my pizza would be "ten minutes" was a quick red flag considering deep dish pizza, which usually take significantly longer to cook properly. Sure enough, this pie is a bit on the doughier side once you advance beyond the crusts. The dough though (d'oh!) is actually quite decent... the softness reminds me of eating a doughnut (and not one that's been mummified sitting under a heat lamp for eleven hours). It also has the oiliness of a doughnut, which is where this pizza runs into some issues.
Yeah, this is one greasy pie. My biggest gripe with Pizza Hut is the overwhelming grease, like "drip through the box" level stuff. Little Caesars isn't quite that bad but as this pizza cools off that taste of oil becomes increasingly present. My unlikely theory is this thing was pan fried instead of baked, explaining the outer crispiness in such a short cooking time.
This wouldn't be such a problem if this pie had significantly more flavour: as is it tastes pretty darn bland beyond mere texture. Nothing jumps out for attention: the tomato sauce, which is plentiful thankfully to at least provide balance, just resembles a generic pre-packaged offering you find in any supermarket. There's a bit of acidic sting to it, but as a sauce it's much too processed and lacking depth.
Really, there isn't anything overtly gross about this pizza... but nothing particularly impressive either. The primary elements are all varying levels of below average to mediocre. Of the four different slices, the meat lovers is the strongest simply by having the most going on with it. The cheese slice was okay when warm and gooey (but rather tasteless and bad when reheated), the pepperoni one very "meh" via how uninteresting the pepperoni is, and the deluxe slice undone by the withered and dry green peppers (a shame, since some fresh veggie crunch could have made it work). They use bacon crumble instead of strip bacon, usually a bad sign in terms of quality, although the Italian sausage bits were quite juicy and sharply seasoned... by far the best topping featured here.
My final conclusions would be how I need to reassess how I feel about Little Caesars. My 2018 review regarded them as awful with a D- grade... but this pizza wasn't awful. Bland? Unexciting? Very much so. It's not one I'd seek to order again, despite it being quite filling. This desperately needs more to it... better ingredients, any kind of seasoning... I mean when your crust is the most interesting and maybe most flavourful part (and it's thin, soft crispiness is quite good) you gotta step up your game. The deep dish aspect is the only thing going for this, which makes me suspect their regular pizzas, if made similarly, might be much much worse.
For now, this gets elevated to something like a C-, maybe a C--. It's below average without a doubt, but there's enough competence here that I won't continue slagging it for being horrific. This is without a doubt better than Pizza Pizza at least.
Bonus Round! -- Wait, you mean there's more this week? OHHHH MYYY GODDDDDDDD
Sure! You see, Sunday afternoon I was working a bar at BMO Field here in Toronto that sold only cans of Mill Street beers. I used to really like their offerings, until one by one they discontinued every beer they made I actually liked. The Coffee Porter, the Belgian Wit, Lemon Tea, Tankhouse, that legendary Blueberry Wheat beer I even asked about while getting a tour of their brewery... all gone. Naturally, I've stopped buying their remaining or new products. This made for some awkward fibbing when a few patrons came up to my stand and asked for my recommendations... since beyond the flagship Organic Lager and maaaaybe the Pilsner, I'd never tried any of these.
Thus, an idea was born. I went off to my local LCBO and bought as many of those beers I was selling on Sunday that they had, so to try them for myself and share my conclusions with you! Consider it a boozy dessert after the main pizza course of this article.
Organic Lager
Easy drinking, about as light as water. Legendarily inoffensive, the kind of beer agreeable at a party to anybody walking in the door who isn't a teetotaler or a complete suds snob. Unsurprisingly, it was the beer I sold the most of that shift. I don't love it, and I'd never go out of my way to purchase some (especially at $3.40 a can now? wtf)... but unlike your Bud Lights of the world this does at least taste like beer, with enough of that taste present to provide a beer drinking experience (Bud Light is the beer equivalent to mixing your dish soap with water to make it last longer... except that would have more flavour). Mill Street Organic has never been my kind of beer, but I confess it's rather alright.
Organic Pilsner
Gee, they sure plaster the "organic" moniker on everything, don't they. Like the lager, it's fairly smooth, but there's a bit more malt and barley to the initial flavour. Still doesn't leave much of a lasting feel. Very average, very accessible. Cool, I guess.
Watermelon Wheat
Smells quite nice, with that faint sweetness of actual watermelon. The flavour is much the same, not overly thick or murky like many (really good) wheat beers often are... with a subtle sweet acting like a thin blanket over a very ordinary brew. Sensing a theme yet? This is the one I like best so far, and is quite refreshing... but still just too light for me personally.
Hazy Organic IPA
Last one... will we finally get a brew with at least a little punch to it? Smell wise, you get that classic pine scent of an IPA... promising. It is somewhat hazy in appearance also. The flavour... like everything else here it's strangely smooth, especially for 6 percent. Definitely not overly hoppy, which depending on your taste is a good thing or a bad thing (I go back and forth myself). Not much aftertaste either... hoppier beers tend to linger on your tongue rather prominently and this one feels easy to wash away. I like the initial taste but there isn't a lot of depth to it.
Honestly... as beers these are all fine, it's just that beyond subtle differences they all kinda taste the same. Smooth, not much aftertaste, semi-watery... acceptable as a "premium" option for mass consumption but pretty uninspiring to a more expanded palette. Perfectly average, perfectly accessible. Mill Street's story of a little independent brewery in the Distillery District starting out in the early 2000s (well before the craft beer boon here in Toronto) and reaching such heights and success... damn good on them. However, I really miss their more creative, interesting options when they were still owned independently. That Lemon Tea Beer man... instead now it seems like they're just making slight variations of the same brew over and over.
Burnt Ends -- Nothing much to report on the writing front beyond that I'm editing a bunch of things. Got another Star Trek review on the horizon, still plugging away and adding to my look at the Led Zeppelin discography... stuff like that. I find editing extremely fun but it's certainly not very interesting to talk about.
One nugget of news though: I'm determined to finally do a ranking of the Star Wars trilogy films before the year is out... so be ready for that around the holidays (and be ready for my very bad Star Wars takes, being a far bigger Trek fan and all).
Tuesday Tune -- What can I say, I'm a sucker for early 2000s garage rock.
That's all for another week! Hope you all enjoyed the dual pizza and beer review, might try something like that again sometime (and doing the food before the beer was a good call). Until next time, be well, be kind, enjoy these warm November days but don't spill that mustard.
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