The Tuesday Taste: A&W's Teen Burger + Mozza Burger

 

I was, smoking with the boys upstairs when I

heard about the whole affair

I said "Whoa no

William and Mary won't do now"

Well I did not think the girl

could be so cruel 

And I'm never, going back

to my old school

 

Another Tuesday... you know what that means. We've got a double (heck, triple) feature on the Taste this week, meaning I'll be a bit more concise than usual? Fat chance! Tune out now while you still can!

Luckily to all of you still with me, this nostalgia is a good story. I've commented on the weekly show how it's oddly funny I've reviewed A&W multiple times via their veggie burger or Nashville chicken attempt... yet never an actual beef burger from them. Wendy's, McD's, freaking Burger King... an A&W beef option seems pretty overdue. Once I found out there was an A&W location on the corner of Church Street and Hayden here in Toronto... well there are A&Ws basically everywhere now in Toronto but that particular spot has extra personal meaning. 

In that carefree spring/summer of 2015, I was in an inbetween situation. Still adjusting to living in an awkwardly inaccessible area of the city (which is still my home), but more crucially battling a job market while trying to balance a university schedule. One job had proven to be pathetic in providing me hours (and featuring a "hands on" manager so clueless he'd probably go hands onto a hot iron despite warnings)... I needed something else desperately and Spirits Bar and Grill rescued me for a few months.

I grew up in the Church/Wellesley area, went to high school there, and while it was never one of my underage watering holes (RIP Duke of Gloucester) I always was aware of Spirits. Getting an interview there, despite living a dozen kilometers away, and getting hired on the spot... still lingers as one of my finer "selling what I can do" moments. The job was strictly daytimes and I mostly greeted people as they entered the pub, sat them at tables with menus... then when we got super busy I'd switch into food running mode and handle the complications of our busy lunch services. I was 27, had bartended somewhat already but man, I just really liked the vibe of the place... my coworkers were friendly and worked even harder than I... the management stern but fair... the owner... well I helped her move a huge 50 pound microwave out of the unit above the restaurant and she bought me a beer for it... damn I genuinely loved working there. Getting a free meal every shift also helped, but also the money wasn't great and I'm the worst morning person who ever lived. The fact I did this, biked 12 km at 9am from Monday to Friday for five months, and still was sad when it suddenly ended... 

And end suddenly it did. The news ambushed me after one slow shift, but there had been a lot of those and they simply couldn't afford me. I recall the newly opened Firkin On Bloor stealing some of our business and personally swearing to never support a Firkin ever... little did I know. Within a year or two the owner, wanting to retire after decades, sold the building and Spirits was no more. I'd figured, like everything of Bloor/Yonge I remember between 1994-2008, the building would be demolished and some cold new lifeless steel thing would take its place. Nah... instead, it's a(nother) fucking A&W. The building still stands though.

Renovations have made the original interior layout unrecognizable: the main entrance (where a small front patio was) which led to the tiny bar has been completely erased. Instead, the new entryway leads into the main seating section of the old pub, where they once had musical acts and comedy nights. The ordering station cuts off a huge back section of seating that used to lead into their formidable back patio, which instead of showing dozens of tables is now a parking area with a dumpster hidden away. The benches built along the wooden outer walls are still there, as a final remnant of what once was there. I'd show up an hour early to power wash this patio every Monday... now it rests next to dumpsters. Time waits for no one. 

Hey, was this supposed to be a food review? It was, you say? Your romanticism towards the past is excessive, you say? Sickening, you say? Fork in the eye, you say? Bah. Look, we're talking Canadian A&W here. In my opinion, they're reliably... reliable. I'll get into it, don't worry, but dissecting A&W is like picking apart something you think is overly adequate. It could be a lot better in many ways, but they do a lot of things right. So 15 million memory lane words later, lets talk about A&W and compare their two flagship options: the Teen Burger and the Mozza, while also grading them upon their individual merits. 

Here's the Teen first: I think this is a burger that can fool you if you're not paying attention. Not that it's bad, but it perhaps relies on an overwhelming exposure of flavour to hide it's averageness. Consider the dominant taste of a Teen Burger: what is it? To me, I get a lot of ketchup and pickle... then some bacon and burger patty... a bit of sliced tomato (no onions for me ever) and a stiff but light toasted bun just firm enough to keep it together. The varying tastes are salty (bacon and beef) against sweet (pickle, ketchup and tomato) and while it all works there's no middle ground where both meet. The cheddar cheese barely factors in and the beef patty itself is mere salty texture against these stronger presences. It's a burger that tricks your tounge by being so flavourful, yet it's dominant flavours aren't all that deep, or really compliment each other well. I'm still much, much happier to eat a Teen over a Whopper or a Big Mac (both of which lack flavour to offensive levels) and a bacon cheeseburger is always a bacon cheeseburger... I'd recommend less or no ketchup and (to the irritation of friends of mine) eliminate the pickles. 

How about the Mozza: when it comes to burgers I've always been one to veer on the side of simplicity. My level of minimalism (lettuce, mustard, mayo and maybe cucumbers) is probably not for anyone, but in this case it's damn effective revealing the overall quality of a burger without bitter or sugary shields. The result: pretty decent? Shrug? Some tasty elements: the bacon on a Mozza burger jumps out at you much more this time, as does the cheese (more in texture than taste... you get some buttery-ness and know it's there at least) which speaks to how less can be more. No ketchup, no pickles, no onions... just a "secret sauce" type spread (mayo, relish and something sweet blended hard together) along with the cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato and beef. I like the Mozza burger more as a reviewer (since I can appreciate it with less obstruction) and as a consumer, since it's more of what I want. I wanna taste that bacon, that crunchy lettuce, that salty beef patty, that burger sauce on the tip of my mouth... it just works better. Still plenty of flavour, but they work in better harmony here.

Now look, I have to comment on the A&W beef and this is the same for both burgers I tried... they remind me of ground beef you probably overcooked the first time, but keep reheating again and again. It's not overly chewy, but its rather lifeless and empty beyond the outer layer... the juiciness cooked out of it and no amount of over-seasoning and salt can hide that. Hey though, at least it still tastes like actual beef... there's enough of that left to convince even a killjoy like me that this is the real thing. Overdone and reheated yes... but there isn't that gross processed McDonald's taste, or Krusty brand imitation gruel of Burger King. 

Overall... the Mozza burger is a consistently good late night burger. The Teen is solid as well, once you tone down the secondary elements. I enjoyed eating both of these, and did so within five minutes of each other because I'm a glutt... I mean I biked 33 km that day. Their burgers are far still too salty/over seasoned (hiding their absence of texture) but otherwise, hard to find a more prevalent late night food chain with this level of acceptable quality. Not a recommendation, rather an acknowledgement of solidness.           

 

Burnt Ends -- Geez, enough of me already. Here's my latest Star Trek review (of an actually great TNG episode by the way) and I did a baseball thing evaluating the top 60ish MLB free agents and how they could fit on the Blue Jays. 5500 words on the latter... yeah I need a life or a girlfriend or something. But read those articles anyway!

 

Caesar Me? Caesar Him! -- Oh yes, there's an extra review this week. 

 

 

So Settle in! Here comes my super duper extensive look at these canned Caesar cocktails... don't even think of drinking another drink in your life until you read these next few words!

 

   

Motts -- A smooth initial greeting and finish, though inescapably artificial in feel... very salty... tastes decent but also like it's very very bad for you. It's fairly okay.

 

 

Matt & Steve's -- More of a pickled taste, which I like... more of a something to it. Still not like the real thing: a drink mixed with skill and care by a talented bartender, with fresher non-canned ingredients... I mean there's no substitute for that ever. Again this is quite decent though.

 

 

Walter -- The most genuine of the three and perhaps the weakest, undone by it's better quality. Hard to explain, but this one forgoes an accessibly thin and salty texture for pure tomato paste. It's thick enough to stick a finger in and residue lingers on the release... clearly this recipe strove for something resembling the real thing and only just missed the mark via its ambition. The salty tomato taste is there, and I don't mind the thicker texture (just takes longer to drink, longer to enjoy it) but damnit it needs more of a kick, more of a punch. Not just alcohol-wise (4.5 percent) just something beyond thick gulps of tomato dipped in celery salt... a stronger version of this would be delightful. Anyhow, this could be an excellent substitute for Clamato if you plan on trying homemade caesars... kinda recommend that, to be honest.    

Tuesday Tune -- What? No, you've used up your reserve nostalgia privileges for the next seven decades. Bah, while the jury sorts that out (the trial never ends, Jean-Luc)... enjoy a song I've loved since I was 14 years old. A band that fools you with a smooth sound while singing a different story. 

That's it for me! Bit of a longer one this week, hope you all enjoyed the journey that eventually (I hope) led to a satisfying conclusion. Until next time, stay safe, be well, send some well wishes and perhaps help, if you can, to those folks affected by the horrible mudslides and weather on the west coast. Turns out climate change is a thing, who knew? Right, basically every expert ever. Anyhow, don't spill that mustard.