In the first place
it's probably just paranoia
But there's a ghost in my room and he says
I better run
It's a thing
I know it's a thing
I believe in
Won't you tell it to go away?
Another Tuesday... another Taste. The past several weeks we've gone down the path of Cuban sandwiches, Oklahoma cheeseburgers, and of course an endless string of breakfast sandwiches (think I'm good on those now for a long while). Well, this time we're bringing it back to the simple straightforward familiar pastures of some good ol' fried chicken.
One of the biggest reasons I still do these reviews every week (remember we're well into triple digits at this point, there are more episodes of this than most acclaimed television shows) is that it grants me an excuse to venture out and try new things and places. Or in the case of Cluck Clucks, places I'd heard about ten years ago and had forgotten about because... well a lot happens in a decade (especially this past one).
Cluck Clucks has established a notable presence in those ten years since Raza Hashim and Maryan Rizvi set roots on The Esplanade in downtown Toronto. Their locations are considerably spread out: Mississauga, Golden Mile in Scarborough, Ajax, Oakville, Kitchener... and of course Toronto.
I don't much care for several large sections of central Toronto but The Esplanade is a noted exception, especially that little stretch east of Jarvis. You've got one of the city's coolest basketball courts, the sneakily solid pizza of Bellissimo's (though I doubt their poutine is still four bucks) and plenty of green space and parks. A great area to spend a sunny summer afternoon or evening (though at night it gets a little sketchier).
It was indeed a pleasant Saturday evening when I walked inside The Esplanade Cluck Cluck's for this first time, although lingering in the area wasn't exactly the plan (seeing Sinners at the Market Square cinema was). Glancing through some articles about this location after the fact, I can say they haven't changed a single thing about their layout over those ten years. Same wooden ordering counter in the front, brightly painted brick walls and a fairly roomy, spacious setting. Bit dark inside, however.
I was told my order would be ready in 10-15 minutes (fortunately I had plenty of time before the movie) and within that quarter of an hour it arrived in all it's clucking(?) glory.
At this point it should be mentioned how weirdly consistent I am with certain things. If a place offers some version of cheese fries, I'm almost always going to try it.
The portion size here... is rather disappointing. This is far too small to be shared with a second person, nevermind amongst a table, while the amount here doesn't even fill up the little container it's in. Not a great look.
However... as cheese fries go these are pretty good. There's a very gloopy texture, much like your classic dispenser nacho cheese, only without the artificial sheen or plasticky taste. It still has a very bright "fake cheddar" type of flavour but it lingers in the mouth a fair bit longer than any cheap generic fare would. I wanna say I detected a slight hint of jalapeno within the cheese sauce as well, which was a nice subtle touch to it. They give you a lot of this stuff as well: there was a considerable glob of it leftover once all the fries were consumed, another point in favour of my "not enough fries" complaint.
The fries themselves are likewise solid. Simple seasoning (salt) and lightly crispy, on the softer side of french fries but still enough of that crispiness to avoid the dreaded floppiness (blech).
Now for the main event: the "Cluck Yeah", so named because... um... do puns really need explanation?
The Cluck Yeah comes on a cheddar jalapeno waffle, with fried boneless chicken, coleslaw and both a dill and chipotle mayo(s). Certainly a sandwich designed with being photogenic in mind (looking back I should've eaten this outside considering the nice weather and how dim the lighting inside Cluck Cluck's was).
Chicken plus waffles is not a combination or temptation my stomach has yielded to all that often. It's not all that crazy, not really: waffles are quite versatile of course (commonly eaten with greasy fried pork, syrup or fruit, or ice cream to name a few) if slightly boring when eaten just by themselves. Combined with chicken, which also by itself isn't bursting with flavour... well therein lies the challenge.
A bit unwieldy to eat but not as messy as one might think.
I'd say the presence of the two sauces (dill mayo and chipotle) help a lot to boost the overall flavourfulness (it's a word now, damnit) of the sandwich more than they are individually notable. The chipotle mayo gives a bit of earthy, slight smokiness (not much spice punch sadly)... while the dill adds a tiny bit of sour zing to an otherwise okay but forgettable coleslaw.
While advertised as a cheddar + jalapeno waffle, I didn't get much of either in here. Maybe a bit of fried cheese on some bites, but generally very much in the background within that general waffle flavour. That said, a very tasty waffle. The savoury element is there, with a faint butteryness and pleasant firm yet squeezeable texture. The smell is on point as well, that distinct batter-y scent that greets your nose in close quarters. Love it. Actually, I take back what I said: I'd totally eat this waffle on its own.
As for the chicken... this is a bit different than your heavily breaded, super crunchy chicken pieces often found on sandwiches like this. The outer layer is thin (like a flour fried second skin) and easily gives way to the tender chicken beneath it. Simple seasonings as well: salt and pepper for sure, along with some other subtle spices I can't pinpoint (actually reminded me of a much less abrasive KFC in this regard).
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Overall! I think what we have here is another entry into the "not amazing, but pretty good" column. Wasn't completely blown away by anything here, but everything I tasted was entirely enjoyable and I was pleasantly satisfied once finished. The sandwich holds up decently after a few hours as well (didn't wanna eat the second half of it in the theatre).
These flavours aren't all that complex or bombastic... what they do is work together well enough to make a quality fried chicken sandwich. I think I was expecting something with a bit more punch or pizzazz to it, nevertheless it is still a tasty experience. Having a good, quality waffle made to order really is the key that holds this all together.
Using a less breaded, softer fried chicken with the waffle is also a smart touch. A crunchier and greasier chicken, while potentially tasty on that accord, could create a clashing of textures (crunch is why you've also got a shredded coleslaw in here after all). While not oily or greasy, this chicken is still soft and juicy (it's strongest asset considering the simple seasonings).
I wish they gave more fries, but beyond that I thought everything here was a general thumbs up. Maybe not a fried chicken I'd recommend going out of your way for... if you're in the neighbourhood though, they likely won't disappoint.
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Lottery Luck Lacking
!!!RANT ALERT!!! (skip if you don't like my angry writing or just don't care about basketball)
What the F**K, man. What a total, complete joke.
Hey! Would you like to make one of the dumbest and most alienating trades in modern sports history, only to be immediately rewarded by hitting a jackpot off a basically 1/60 chance? I've heard it's better to be lucky than good, but I never thought it could extend full on into it's better to be a complete moron rather than unlucky. Maybe I should've known this sooner considering who currently occupies the White House for the second time.
I'm no conspiracy believer (here's comes that cringe inducing "but")... but! This whole thing is just so goddamn fishy. I'm not talking purely about any shady behind-the-curtain "get Doncic to LA and I'll reward you" stuff, which admittedly I'm now at least moderately suspicious of. No, it's more the: two years in a row the #1 pick has been won by a team that made the Play-In Tournament... which by nature is a team not even with a top ten worst record in the league.
I don't want to get into the actual calculations of the statistical probability of this happening twice in consecuative years, but seeing how last year the Atlanta Hawks had a 3 percent chance combined with Dallas having a 1.8 percent chance... this outcome we've seen play out is what, 1-in-2400? Higher maybe? Not impossible, no... but come on! Not impossible doesn't also mean not completely and absurdly ridiculous. When you consider the narrative of the league both trying to discourage teams from tanking (both Washington and Utah fell several spots despite owning the worst records in the league) and promote their fairly inconsequential Play-In Tournament... well all of this put together, I'm not convinced of the sheer total randomness happening here. Thanks NBA! I guess I'm a tin foil hat lunatic now.
Plus, in all this crap the Raptors fell to #9 (a drop from seventh) which makes this past season wherein they were intentionally not competitive for a playoff spot feel like it was much painful ado for nothing. The team was bad and so few people cared, I barely got to work any of the games the last few months of the year... and all that badness resulted really not a whole lot, while considerably better teams than Toronto (Mavericks and Spurs) leap right into the excitement that Top 2 draft picks bring.
It fucking sucks! There's no other way to put it. Can't even laugh at Philadelphia losing their pick to OKC (which would've happened if they fell outside the Top 6). This is just so goddamn shitty, the worst possible outcome for Toronto while frankly teams that didn't deserve to be rewarded were handsomely done so. How nice.
Not great! Shenanigans! I call shenanigans!
Pinch Hit
Hey sometimes I also write about baseball, which I did today! It's mostly a blurb about the Colorado Rockies, who are real bad... like possibly the worst MLB team since the 19th century bad. Read it here if you like.
Tuesday Tune
I'm in a mood. Here's a song fitting of said mood.
That's it for this week! Until the next one... stay safe, stay cool or warm or whatever and most.... of... all! Don't spill that mustard.
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