Another Tuesday... another Taste. Safe to say we're in a bizarre era of this now-kinda-weekly review show, as this week's review in particular was so unplanned it feels almost dishonest to give it the usual song and dance. I'm almost definitely overthinking this... can you tell 2026 so far has just been a blizzard onto my mental health and social skills? No worries I can speak even quieter.
So unfortunately Alpha Shawarma gets the writeup where I'm losing plenty of marbles (always in the last place you look) which is... sort of unfair to Alpha? Lets jump right into how and why I'm doing this one. First off, it was recommended/suggested to me back in the summer by a close friend (and occasional pizza trying companion) who lives very close to a location. Secondly, I happened to be making an (especially rare for 2026) social appearance downtown (I organized the thing so... bailing last second would be extra bad) and was on my way home, waiting for a streetcar at Queen and Bathurst at midnight and feeling some hunger. Soon upon realizing said streetcar would still be another fifteen minutes and it was a delightful -22 outside (oC) my thinking quickly became: even if they can't make my food in time to catch that Toronto trolley (spoilers they couldn't... there was a line) at least I'm not outside standing in the soul sucking freeze of a dry winter night. I've probably said this before but next time I see somebody wishing and lamenting for snowy January winter in the middle of July deserves a snowball thrown directly into their eyes (yeah I'm doing swell right now thanks).
Backstory time! Well, both the internet and Alpha's own "About Us" page are quite vague on the specifics... so what I can sort of interpret with probable truth is that Alpha's Shawarma is a venture of a Syrian family with significant prior chef/cooking experience that came to Canada in 2018... and by 2022 they'd opened up their first location of Alpha's (the very one I went to at Queen and Bathurst). They've done well since, having branched out to four locations all in the central core of downtown Toronto. If any of this is actually untrue I apologize... I never claim to be an actual food journalist I'm just a lonely oddball who finds the written word easier and more comfortable to express than proper social engagement, plus properly researching things in depth was never my favourite thing to do in my university days so you can imagine how much I enjoy it currently.
Enough of my bullshit (the usual stuff and this miserable life-bemoaning kind) lets actually dig into this. Thanks for hanging in if you're still here. So the thing is: I actually don't get shawarmas all that often anymore... which is a minor shame because Delina here in the Beaches is absolutely fantastic yet I've only been a couple times in my decade-plus of living down here.
Back in my 20s when I'd be in the Annex a lot, lots of late nights downing pints with now lost friends... different story. Shawarma is excellent drunk food and Ghazale on Bloor being open late and usually on the way home... good memories. So back then, I potentially knew more about what I was talking about when it comes to this. Nevertheless, it wasn't that long ago and I still remember what I like (no white onions!) thus I was indeed curious if this particular shawarma wrap would differentiate itself from the ones I frequented in my memory.
I did note the preparation at Alpha's is a little different than the ones I remember... most notably how they press the completed wrap onto a sizzling flat grill, giving both sides a distinctly crispy touch.
I do recall other shawarma places using something akin to a panini press to briefly "toast" the shawarma but that was often when the wrap was already, um, wrapped in foil (thus lessening the heat and toasting effect). This was the first time I think I've seen a place just full on put the wrap directly on a heated surface and squish it slightly for maximum fried coverage.
It's definitely a slender chicken shawarma and quite a wet saucy one (there was significant dripping even through the bottom of the foil wrapping). It has your typical shawarma fixings: turnips, tomato, hummus, garlicky toum (truly the good stuff) and also a second distinctive thing I don't recall other shawarma places featuring... a balsamic-like drizzle that really cuts through those other creamier flavours to add another, almost malty dimension.
While perhaps not mind-blowing, this was indeed a tasty shawarma that hit all the right notes (especially after a few pints of wheat beer). The chicken has the right amount of oily greasiness and isn't too heavily seasoned, the crispiness throughout the wrap really is a fine touch, while the spice is entirely manageable. What it might lack in girth it makes up for in length as well... a sentence that surely cannot be taken out of context. Nope. *Cough*
Overall! I can confidently say that Alpha's is an above average shawarma and so would indeed recommend giving them a try. I can't speak for the other items (in retrospect I probably should've at least gotten some fries or something) but the spit roasted chicken here is indeed pretty solid, while those additional touches (balsamic-like sauce, crispy wrap) really bring the typical shawarma elements up a notch. Good stuff.
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This Week In Star Trek
I've only somewhat recently gotten more into DS9 (for the longest time it was a little too 'space soap opera' for my tastes) and one of my favourite aspects of the show has to be these two characters and their beyond-exceptional chemistry together. The way the late great Rene Auberjonois delivers these lines is just a true chef's kiss of subtle performance.
Tuesday Tune
yup.
That's it for this week. Hopefully I'm in better spirits next time around (I hate winter... there's just nothing to do and seeing people is so much harder) but regardless, stay safe, stay warm, fuck off fascists and most of all.... don't spill that mustard.
Another Tuesday... another Taste. We're back for the first edition of 2026, the first review of what you could call the fifth season of this weird little weekly food review show and you know... with all the batshit insane tragic stuff happening geographically just below us (or nearly everywhere else) it feels more difficult than ever to really find the joy in a moment, any something that brings a genuine smile to your face. Well, fortunately I've got just the thing...
Nope. That didn't work at all. If anything I think I'm even angrier now than before. I've always legit hated that song by the way... Weird Al's version does a much better job of meeting the parodied's intended goal.
Well, music can't be the answer every single time (only most of the time) so lets give food a try instead.
Happy Burger is, you guessed it... yet another smash burger spot. Gee-zus. New year, same old specific food item I just can't seem to escape. At this point I'm gonna have to review like twenty ramen* places just to balance things out...
*that's probably not going to happen, seeing as don't believe I've never actually had ramen
Nevertheless, reputation-wise Happy Burger is no "decoy in a police lineup" smash burger. First opening in Harbord Village on Lippincott Street in late summer 2020 (great year for restaurants), they made strong enough initial impressions to score a feature in Toronto Life and far more interestingly, make esteemed burger connoisseur Joe Friday's "10 best T.O burgers list" (you may also recall I made a visit to Chef Friday's burger spot a couple years back). What supposedly began as an early pandemic-driven side project for Mamakas Food Group vet chef Chris Kalisperas has now stretched out to three locations throughout Toronto, including their newest one in Riverside just off the corner of Broadview and Queen Street East. Hey... guess which one I went to?????
I'll confess to being in a pretty awful headspace most of this January/new year (there haven't been any reviews for a reason) and the irony of checking out a place called "Happy" Burger was not lost on me. The inside space at their Riverside location is fairly limited and upon walking in the door I was immediately concerned this visit had been for not: a huge (and I mean huge, like a bakers dozen) dual family party with kids were also settling in and the youngsters were very much rambunctious enough to chaotically threaten spreading out to occupy every one of the five tables in the little dining space.
Luckily for me, the gentleman behind the counter sharply noticed this and after my awkward order managed to secure one of the tables for me. Take that, future generation! In all seriousness, I'm still entirely unsure if this fellow was actually chef Kalisperas himself... just on judging by how he very much seemed to know these two adjacent families and by me happening to overhear one of the parents discuss the Happy Burger franchise itself. Researching a bit into the history after the fact... Kalisperas does look somewhat similar to my recollection of this dude... but I can't be more than fifty percent sure. It's all these years of working busy venues and in a single night serving hundreds of people you probably only see once. When you actually only see them once... my memory goes into a total blur.
Regardless, the owner of the whole thing or whoever it was, thanks for looking out for me on that one. Right.... the actual food.... my ability to get sidetracked in a tale surely can and will never change....
I may joke (mostly) about the sheer invasion of smash burgers these days, though what I am getting almost genuinely sick of are: burger joints doing crinkle fries. But waffle fries? Not one bit... I still feel like very few places prepare their fries this way and the odd occasion I do encounter them, I'm instantly intrigued.
While I'm sure waffling fries takes considerably more effort/work (thus why places waffle on doing it... ah? Ah???) there is something really great about them when done right. You get a textural mix of airiness and crispiness, like you can somehow taste the empty gaps... and these in particular were quite a treat. Light salt that's all (though I later learned online their cajun seasoned fries are the way to go) and even the thicker slices still had an encompassing crispiness to them.
The potato flavour is... serviceable. Had better, had much, much worse. You don't get much of it (they're fried in canola oil according to their website) and while these weren't aggressively oily I think I tasted more of that. Frankly when it comes to french fries, when the texture is such a home run but the flavour merely a single... I'm more than fine with that.
If you've been reading my reviews long enough (and if so what are you really doing with your life) then you might be aware that any time there's an opportunity for me to sample some kind of 'cheese fries' creation... the answer will invariably be gimme gimme gimme. That Happy Burger automatically gives you a side of their cheese goop rather than smothering potatoes away is curious (I made no special request and was dining in don't forget). Perhaps going for a cheesy swim is something that works less well for waffle fries and so choosing your dosage is their preferred alternative.
Whatever who cares, because this cheese sauce is gold. Gold, Jerry! Super thick and gloopy, definitely quite medium cheddary... and best of all it really lingers in the mouth. It resembles nothing of a plasticy/American/Nacho cheese type of thing, which sure have their times and places but I much prefer something like this. It's so thick that it does coat the mouth similarly to a classic slice of processed cheese... but the flavour isn't nearly so empty. Maybe I'm wrong and this is legit some kind of brilliant Velveeda cheese sauce concoction buoyed by other ingredients... all I know is I had some left over and I saved that shit in my fridge for later, all.
Get on with the burger! (the masses surely are screaming). How about the box? Yes it's made of a white type of paper product and... no I'm kidding. I only took the picture because I found the number in the top right corner kind of odd. I'm assuming it meant mine was the 100th burger of the day? Cool. I shall hang the no-prize on my finest no-wall.
I've incidentally and accidentally reviewed enough smash burgers over the past couple years that I've been led to wonder what is it that separates the average-y ones (which are still fine) from the more elite and memorable ones? So many of the basics are the same: the squishy potato fun, the basic cheese, some kind of "secret" burger sauce (and honestly few-to-none of those have stood out much at all).
So it has to be the general construction of the burger, how the elements balance out... then more importantly the taste and texture of the beef patty itself and how it's actually "smashed". Hey, there are different techniques to do it and various regions have their own takes.
Happy Burger is considered one of the standout ones in Toronto and I have to agree. The execution of said beef patty is pretty flawless. Those griddled, greasy crunchy edges are there, deeper inside the beef has some juicy pull to it with a crumbly ground meat texture that never becomes overly chewy. The beef flavour is throughout and the seasonings are balanced just right... first bite as good as the last. The whole thing looks like it's on the verge of collapsing but it does hold together.
As for the rest... they use Martin's brand potato buns (so I read) and I did notice this had a bit more fluffiness to it and was incredibly soft... which was quite welcome. Their burger sauce struck me as more of a yellow mustard-forward one... and then yes, in a move I frankly do not recommend... I... um... dipped a bite of the burger in the cheese sauce. *Cough*. Pure psychopath behaviour is my only comment on what motivated me and how that went.
A truly delicious cheeseburger. However... I couldn't help but notice a limited time special on their board above the counter (you can make it out in my slanted photograph): a truffle burger. Well hot damn. While I'm glad I chose to first try Happy Burger's standard burger offering and so judge it accordingly... the idea of that truffle burger hung in my mind long after I'd made my exit and caught a streetcar ride home. Surely you can see what happened next...
This was a couple of weeks later (I'd already written most of this very article) and I was pleased to see most of my positive first impressions remained true. The same impossibly soft potato bun, the same beefy fried edges to the beef, all as good as before.
Now though, we add mushrooms, very soft caramelized onions, a firmer Swiss cheese (compared to typical classic melty American) and a "truffle sauce" which I'd describe as having like a lightly whipped, ricotta-like texture.
This burger doesn't overdue the truffle flavour but it's most certainly there on every bite, resulting in an insanely heavy and decadent experience. The onions (which are plentiful) give some crucial sweet zing and the mushrooms are quite juicy and loaded with flavour, as though they've soaked in a bit of all the other flavours (rich creamy sauce, greasy beef, onion zing) and incorporated it into their own.
It's simply a fabulous burger. You get a bit of everything on every bite yet that deliciously smashed beef is always nudged a little more into the spotlight than the rest. I'm normally not even a fan of Swiss cheese and yet its distinct dry taste adds another layer to this thing. Just phenomenal.
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Overall! I was going in with generally modest expectations, as it was only later that I learned how highly regarded Happy Burger actually is. Even had I known and adjusted said expectations accordingly... they still would've been surpassed.
Not quite I'm afraid, dear box. Though that is a tall task these days.
Smiles or not... great, great stuff here. Wonderful burger, love the uncommon waffle fries and especially the cheese dip... while that bonus truffle burger has to be one of the best burger specials I've sampled in quite a long time. Factor in the friendly service and you've got a burger spot here that I can't recommend enough! They've got three locations throughout Toronto and if either of those other two are as good as this one, definitely go give them a visit sometime.
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This Week In Star Trek
In the department of "News Nobody Should Give A Shit About Because The World Is A Nightmare Descending Deeper Into Chaos"... there's a new Star Trek show! And it looks like absolute flaming garbage! After watching a few clips... yeah. You've have to commission (as in, pay) me to watch/review whatever the hell this thing is (because Star Trek it is not).
It is a damn shame (such a sadness) that modern Trek of the past decade is mostly so damn awful (Picard: Season Three being the only exception I've encountered) because the classic stuff was, and still remains, so incredibly good. Timeless science fiction tales with great memorable characters that go both on wild space adventures and encounter moral challenges and issues that remain all the more relevant even today (I'd argue perhaps especially). Looking at both sides of a complex problem in a story and making you think about your own views and morals rather than hamfisting a single viewpoint into it... or in the case of this Starfleet Academy show... following characters you actually care about instead of ones that are insufferably annoying and make you feel dumber upon having listened to them.
Anyhow! In honour of what was (and maybe can again with different creative leads?) a wonderful science fiction franchise... here's a new weekly feature on the Tuesday review show! It's one of my favourite clips from any of those great Trek shows of the past, this particular one finding the crew of the original Enterprise using an atypical (or theatrically absurd) way to defeat a captor:
Tuesday Tune
Seemed poignant, considering.
That's it for this week! So... for now I'm sorry to say I don't think we'll be back bringing these reviews every single Tuesday. It's winter, the world is pretty darn bleak right now and I have other creative ventures that carry higher priority.
Nevertheless! Keep checking in on this weird little corner of the internet as there still will be articles from time to time for your reading enjoyment. For now though... stay safe, stay warm, fuck ICE and most of all! Don't spill that mustard.
Another Tuesday... the last one of 2025 at that... another Taste! As the calendar prepares to flip over into a new year, I thought it might be fun to look back at some of the highlights in what was a record setting twelve months here on West Collier Street (in terms of the volume of articles... the wheels of the content machine keep on spinning, baby!)
While this 'Best Of' will focus mostly on what was covered on the weekly Tuesday reviews, there are a few other places that deserve a well-earned shoutout here as well (for better or worse). We'll get to those specifically at the end... for now, here are the best ten Tuesday Tastes of 2025!
(For the record, I haven't re-read any of my reviews for this article so as to look back on these delicious meals with a more distant, less retroactive perspective. It will also make this entire article considerably less like the clip show I'm trying to avoid it being. Here we go!)
There's no shame in being merely the tenth best here, especially when keeping in mind the general quality of the Tuesday reviews has swiftly surged upwards as I've run out of most major fast food chains to check out.
Masa Deli is terrific and I also don't feel like I tried what they might be best known/regarded for: their breakfast options. Perhaps a sequel is in order someday to rectify that missing chapter... in the meantime though I will gladly vouch for this very flavourful barbacoa torta (with excellently crispy shoestring fries as well). Definitely worth the visit to Leslieville/Riverside... just have to get there early since they close shop in the mid-afternoon.
A place well deserving of this complimentary placement not via anything here being outstanding, rather that the variety of everything here had such a darn strong baseline of goodness. Maybe the mac and cheese is closer to 'good' than 'great', but everything else here is already making me crave a return visit and it's barely been a month as I type these kind words.
Unlike most entries on this list, Juicy Birds is a brand very much on a expansion rise and so we can only hope their quality doesn't dip like so many others do when a franchise spreads out so fast. For now though, excellent stuff here.
Now comes the difficulty of trying to write a blurb about something I ate nearly a year ago without looking back at my original article about it. January 2025 was a very different time for me, damn it! There were friends I was close with then whom I now curse bitterly... I hadn't once been to Europe yet (nor was I even thinking of such a thing at the moment) and there's a very good chance I was at least slightly drunk when going off to try Daddy's (a freezing cold depressing mid-January night, it's a near certainty for that point in my life).
With the addition of more general sobriety and the perspective of passing time... what do I remember about Daddy's Chicken to place it so highly here? I recall the fried chicken itself being massive (like the sandwich itself being hard to get my jaws into) and incredibly juicy with a notable nudge of pleasant spice. Oh, and the charming older aged lady behind the counter having an 80s dance party...
Anyhow... I'm quite sure that Daddy's Chicken is extremely good. Like, 97 percent sure. Good enough for 8th on this list!
I've done so many smash-style burgers in the past couple years for these weekly reviews that a significant majority of them have blended together in my mind. It's why perfectly good places like Matt's Burger Lab or Crack Burger aren't (spoiler) making this Top 10 because while I remember enjoying both of those, there's so little differentiating them in my recollection that I have no urgent desire to soon go back.
Rosie's has done (or did) a good enough job to stick out in my memory and tempt a return visit (I do like any excuse to check out Port Credit). This was a burger I recall enjoying and savouring each and every bite of... which is a good sign methinks. Combined with quality fries and rings together (at last!) this is a pretty safe choice for the 2025 Top 10. Not the best burger I had all year but worthy of an honourable mention at the very minimum.
Another good sign is when the more you think of something you ate, the more fondly you look back upon it. This is near smash burger perfection in regards to composition: every bite is cheesy and beefy, the soft sweet bun keeping it all nice and tight... meanwhile the breaded fried jalapenos are still a stroke of genius on here.
It's a truly awesome burger and one I'll be eager to have again some day soon. Is it the best cheeseburger I had all year though? Well... better keep reading...
It's a little (lot) unfair to even have Piano Piano, an acclaimed restaurant regarded among Toronto's very best... on a list like this at all. When it comes to sheer quality, this should probably be number one and it would be hard to debate that for several reasons.
Their food is indeed amazing (actually went twice this year and the second time was as exceptional as the first visit my review was based on) and you should absolutely check them out if you have yet to go. Especially the Colborne Street location with it's incredible decor...
...nevertheless, I'm putting them fifth on here which I think is reasonable. Everything at this point of the list blew me away regardless... I just subjectively liked these other four places a tiny teeny bit more.
Honestly, these top four could be in any order and I'd have a hard time arguing with myself over it. Heck, the order could easily have changed had I'd been craving something different and particular while writing this thing out.
However you want to slice it, sub sandwiches don't get much better than this. Top of my head... Lambo's is in this ballpark, same with Bossa in Montreal (which might be the best one I've ever had) and that's about it. Elite elite stuff here... like a prime rib dinner in sandwich form. Decent breakfast sandwich too, though I'd probably stick with the main submarine courses.
On style alone Heartbreak Chef wins the gold medal. The vibes inside their Kensington location are, as them kids say... immensely appealing. Think I got that right.
They also make incredibly delicious food. Top notch mac and cheese (I mean look at it) and an incredibly memorable fried chicken sandwich (there's a particular seasoning/marinade to it that gives it this very distinctive flavour I don't recall tasting in any other fried chicken). Combined with some sour ranch creamy sauce and plenty of slaw... bring napkins.
Part of me wonders if there's some smash burger fatigue going on here: that I was so pleased to try a new Toronto burger joint that wasn't doing 'the trendy thing' and so have elevated it in my recollection to this high place. Hey, I don't claim to be perfect (and this list is certainly far from it also).
That said, Atomic Burger is indeed excellent on its own merits. An incredibly juicy and flavourful burger patty here with distinct notes of high quality aged cuts of beef. Really damn good stuff, combined with a notably sharp slice of melted actual cheddar and strong supporting elements (pickle, tangy mayo-I-mean-Atomic Sauce)... you've got a simple old fashioned cheeseburger that is simply (see what I did there) delicious.
At this point I'm almost nervous to go back... was it really this good? It's been about a year since I went and wrote my article...
Nevertheless, while like I said any of these top four could be in this top slot... I'm giving the winning edge to Birdie's only because it really is the one I find myself most excited to go back and visit. The strongest craving, as it were. This chicken sandwich was a revelation, a perfectly balanced eating experience, a crispy moment of fried wonder that I still think about now and again. Can it live up to this memory? I doubt it... what can? But I'm extremely confident that it will still be delicious whenever it is I make my return.
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So that's the best of the Tuesday reviews... but what of the overall bests? For instance, neither the most exceptional burger or pizza I tried in 2025 have been mentioned yet. You know what that means... cue the award show music!
BEST BURGER -
BLEECKER BURGER, London, UK
As I'm basically telling anyone and everyone: I can't say for sure that Bleecker is the best cheeseburger I've ever had in my entire life... but I can't think of one that's definitively better either. Even my best memories of In-N-Out pale (or are pale) in comparison. It's ranked second in the world (or merely best in England if you look at sources elsewhere) for very good reason. It's delicious beauty is how simple it is too: just melt in your mouth beef perfection, like the finest steaks. Unreal.
A close call with Piano Piano, Gusto 501, Tony G's in Hamilton, Pizza Sophia in London and Bambino in Dublin all garnering serious consideration. I just happen to really, really like Annette Food Market both as a place and the neighbourhood it's in... while also their pizza has no single weakness. Pillowy crust with the right amount of char, beautifully buttery mozzarella, vivid meats with sharp spices and textures... this is without question a Top 10 pizza in all of Toronto for me, while those others might be more in the Top 15 range.
That said, I'm giving Lorenzo's Pizzeria (just north of Danforth on Pape) the Runner Up trophy and subsequently the winner of the BEST PIZZA SLICE. Really, really damn good pizza from this little spot you could easily miss by walking on the wrong side of the street. Highly, highly recommend.
A legendary Scarborough joint known for their burgers... I genuinely ordered this pizza out of completionist curiousity rather than any expectation it would be decent, never mind genuinely good.
And good it was! Very very heavy with the cheese and very doughy... yet with enough quality in the backbone to hold up on a reheat and not go stale or dry either. It's not mind blowing pizza but incredibly tasty for what it is, and for something from an old school burger place? It's good enough I'd go back for just the pizza, honestly.
BEST FRENCH FRIES
Hard to award a "for sure" winner here... I mean after writing like at least seventy of these food reviews this year it's hard enough to remember certain main dishes, nevermind the fries! I'll list a few here that did impress, however:
Juicy Birds
Cabano's Cheeseburgers
Masa Deli
Heirloom Food Truck
Knuckle Sandwich Tater Tots* (I know I know)
Burgers N'Fries Forever
Elijah's Automatic
Woody's Burgers (still upside down)
Birdie's
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THE WORST OF 2025
And now, the moment you've perhaps been waiting for (you sadist you). When writing this many reviews it's inevitable one is going to find some duds and flat lines... and while previous years have thankfully gotten the true tasteless dregs of fast food out of the way, 2025 still managed to bring some vivid disappointments and a couple truly horrific culinary experiences.
I feel a bit bad about this one, since Aleeza's is a small local business with pretty favourable Google reviews and ratings. Unfortunately I do not share that praise towards their actual pizza, as this was the level of pie I didn't even care enough to finish once it was in my fridge (eventually the four remaining slices finding a more comfortable home in the compost bin a week later). Generic texture, little flavour (especially in the cheese or topping) and just generally an offensively underwhelming pizza. I didn't even consider adding some of my own ingredients at home, that's how little I cared to salvage this thing. Just nothing with taste or presence in the foundation to work with.
I really had hopes for this one. A compelling fusion of two cuisines that naturally blend together... instead I got an expensive miniature pizza coaster of dry texture and misleading flavourlessness (it looks like there's a lot happening but there really isn't).
Sure, if the cheese was a bit more of a presence (and didn't lose all moisture the second it's exposed to air outside an oven) and if the sauce helped soften up the texture, and if the dough wasn't so stale and brittle, and if the toppings had any kind of zing or punch beyond a singular Middle Eastern-like heat, and if said toppings weren't completely desiccated... maybe you'd have something! Blech. What a let down.
Worst Burger: Burger King Whopper, Schiphol Airport, Netherlands
Even months later, I still don't know what I was expecting (or thinking). Ten Euros for this thing! There aren't even fries on the side or cheese on it! I'm starting to suspect my flight out of this very Amsterdam airport was delayed as punishment for this heinous error.
No real wonder how this limited time item didn't catch on, or why we likely won't ever see it again. Just look at this thing... it's like a Divorced Dad Meme in edible form.
Quantity often does not equate to an elevated quality, to which I present Exhibit A. While over the years I've reviewed individual items that were considerably worse than anything you see here... I'm not as sure there has ever been this sheer amount of downright bad and tepid food items presented in one place for my consideration.
Beyond the French Toast Sticks, which actually had some utility as a guilty pleasure crispy sweet fried snack... there is nothing here of any redeemable value. The two breakfast sandwiches simply don't taste like actual food (or like anything, really) while this hash brown poutine was so poorly conceived and executed (just drowned in cheap terrible sweet gravy) that I still regret spending real money on it.
I'm not all that certain what Burger King does well anymore (aside from appearing twice on this "Worst" list) but breakfast sure isn't it.
THE WORST THING I'VE EVER REVIEWED
That's right. Because as dreadful as that BK Breakfast experience was... there was something I ordered this past year for a review that was even worse. Hell, substantially worse! Like, so godawfully bad that it might well be the worst thing I've ever received from any restaurant or kitchen in my entire life. At least with most of these bad reviews I still finish eating my order, or if I don't it's because of sheer apathy towards its low unappealing quality.
This, however... this I wouldn't have finished eating if you'd paid me a hundred dollars. I feared for my long term personal health after spending a moment with this thing. It went into the trash after three bites and that was somehow five bites too many. This... this is a whole new level of horrible... the likes of which I hope never to encounter again. I've seen the true darkness now... it has touched my soul and who knows if I'll ever be the same again...
Subway Breakfast Sandwich
I may not like McDonald's or KFC or Burger King all that much and so derive considerable fun at bashing them for their badness... but they're both Michelin Superstars compared to Subway. At least I've enjoyed most other fast food chains at some point in my life... Subway has always totally sucked and this here can't even be classified as "food"... more like something used to insulate an atomic bomb. I still can't believe a sandwich, any sandwich, could be this bad... truly I had yet to explore the advanced depths of shittiness.
Finishing on a positive note, here is my personal favourite review I did in 2025... and no surprise it's the crazy chicken nugget adventure thing I did. Trying a dozen different ones in a single afternoon and going from place to place on this bizarre secret mission... plus the feedback and opinions so many friends/fans gave me as it was coming together... the mix of engagement with the sheer insane quirkiness of it made it one of the most fun things I've done since starting these reviews. Plus, it resulted in this insane picture (which took a good twenty minutes to set up and balance right for the record)
Thanks to everyone for reading in 2025! Here's to a new year with a whole set of new adventures (if anyone has any ideas please don't be shy... I only have so many left after 140+ of these). Until next year, stay safe, stay.... oh wait hang on:
Tuesday Tune
You know how some songs are described like being shot out of a cannon? This one is like being shot out like a photon torpedo. This whole album in fact is like some kind of endless, infinite stellar explosion... so great.
...okay that's actually all for now! Enjoy New Year's everyone and until next time... stay safe, stay warm and most of all... don't spill that mustard.
