Tuesday 28 December 2021

The Tuesday Taste 2021 Finale: Wendy's Value Menu

 

 

I've watched the dogs of war

enjoying their feast

I've seen the western world

go down in the east

The food of love became

the greed of our time

And now we're living on

the profits of crime

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste... and the last one of the year even. Considering that occasion, it seemed an excellent reason to try something I've wanted to do for a while... the Wendy's cheap (I mean 'Everyday Value') menu! 

This is only the second time I've reviewed any Wendy's item. You'd have to go way back to February, the second ever episode in fact, when I wrote about Dave's Single with Cheese. Looking back on that review... it seems the pandemic was going strong, I had to walk to my nearest Wendy's and back home again (about an hour each way) and also that Daft Punk had just broken up. Well... forty episodes later things are definitely a lot different. I mean, Daft Punk is still broken up... the pandemic still rages onward... but I have a functioning bicycle now! At least, none of this walking for over two hours crap!

What's that you say? Below freezing temperatures? Heavy lake winds? Snow everywhere? Gawd damn it...

Despite it being, you know, Canadian Winter and all... I jumped on my bike and rode to Wendy's because I am a crazy idiot... I mean fearlessly rugged (sure we'll go with that). Since it had been a significant of time since I'd been to a Wendy's (likely that review), I looked online beforehand to see what exactly was their value menu these days. That hot dog proved to be inconclusive, so like Spock I went for Plan B... surprise me!

The Wendy's Value Menu has seven options, at least my location did: Your JBC (junior bacon cheeseburger), five chicken nuggets, spicy chicken wrap, grilled chicken wrap, the Double Stack (some double cheeseburger thing), a double JBC, and a small poutine (advertised as a new item). Getting three cheeseburgers seemed excessively redundant (at least for the purposes of a review) so I went for the JBC solo and the other non burger options (except the grilled chicken wrap). Fortunately before ordering I spotted their 'Sides' menu, spotted they still had chili cheese nachos and well, that completed the quintet you see above.

As per usual when I review multiple things, we'll go one by one. 

 


The poutine was the pleasant surprise of the evening (is 5pm actually considered 'evening' even if it's already totally dark? Ughhh winter is stupid). It's also the very first poutine I've reviewed here on the TT. I wouldn't say it blew me away, but as far as non-Quebec sub-four dollar poutines go... hard to do better. I've never much cared for Wendy's fries but they've notably improved from the flimsy, horribly undercooked and hollow taste they once had. Here they're quite okay, crispy in the right spots and have just the right amount of saltiness. Also, actual cheese curds! Not great quality curds (they lack that rubbery squeakiness you need) but I appreciate the effort and the portion generosity. One thing I don't appreciate is the gravy: it itself is fine (your typical rich, salty thin beef gravy) but there's hardly any of it on here. You can't tell by the photo but half of these fries underneath were completely dry. Damn, so close. Otherwise, this is a somewhat acceptable fast food poutine option. When you consider the number of Montreal poutines I've been spoiled by (aka where the real stuff is)... this is seriously high praise from the likes of me.

 


  

Reviewing nachos is kind of a strange one, especially of this caliber. I mean, they're freaking nachos... you'd have to really screw something up to make them bad. 

I'll dissect the elements: the chips themselves are your generic standard circle corn tortilla chips, nothing else needs to be said. The "cheese" half of these chili-cheese 'chos is again, your standard gooey singularly coloured nacho cheese that Tostitos sell in jars at the grocery store (and defining it as "cheese" is a consistent stretch). Really the only interesting thing to talk about is the chili. I've been cooking a lot of homemade chili from scratch during the pandemic, and so feel I can provide some particular insight on this. Biggest thing: where the heck is the chili seasoning? There's nary a hint of pepper, garlic powder, ground chili... it's so bland. They do get the texture correct: this is a beany chili, complimented by clusters of ground beef and runny tomato sauce. Very, very basic stuff... the ground floor lobby of chili creations. I didn't expect anything exploding with flavour considering it is a Wendy's after all... but flavour-wise this is extremely dull when not drenched in fake plastic cheese goo. The beans and meat do work and are plentiful enough, it's just that the overall chili taste desperately needs a secondary boost. 

Also, this is extremely watery (as you can see) and despite me eating this five minutes after getting it at least half of the corn chips were a soggy mess. I'd suggest ordering the chips on the side if somehow possible. A good hack I discovered though: mixing my dry poutine fries in the leftover chili juice. Does the/a job.

 


     

And I thought nachos were hard to review... 

Look, they're chicken nuggets. You've tried one, you've probably tried em all (at least as far as fast food goes). Comparing these to, say, the frozen kind you see at Loblaws like the PC brand or Jane's... I like how these Wendy's ones have more give to them. There's more juice and less of a crunchy breading layer for such a small morsel of chicken. The texture is enjoyable, it tastes like minced breaded white chicken and the nuggets are easily dipped (the honey mustard sauce you see is like a honey mustard with a slight mix of mayo). Basically, this is pretty much what you'd want and expect when setting your sights in this particular snacking direction. 



Beyond the chicken, this spicy chicken wrap doesn't have a whole lot going on. I like the spice of it (definitely cooked into the chicken, a breaded tender in disguise), the taste reminds me a lot of their regular spicy chicken sandwich (much like a Nashville style where the spice is in the seasoning/marinade, not a particular sauce). Some decent, not overwhelming heat here that won't linger on the tongue but will warm up your mouth a bit on these cold days. 

The rest is very bare, dry bones: the kind of thing you make for yourself at home when your fridge is almost empty. Only the shredded cheddar cheese and breaded chicken provide any impact, and well I've never really liked that particular combination... the aggressive sharpness of the cheddar cuts against the chicken. Breaded chicken and mozzarella? Or havarti? Or a creamier cheese? Or even gooey nacho cheese? It works. Generic shredded orange cheddar? Not so much... like two different powers fighting for control. I'm pretty underwhelmed here, even at the cheap price... this wrap is skeletal as far as how much empty space is within. 

 


 

Lets finish on the bacon cheeseburger, junior style. I'd like to start by saying/arguing that Wendy's makes a superior hamburger to both McDonalds and Burger King. It ain't great, but at least I can taste the beef within the beef (unlike the imitation beef texture of BK or the McDonald'sy flavour of McDonald's). I think the greatest advantage is Wendy's burger patty is noticeably greasier, at least this miniature version is. Greasiness, at least not in gross abundance, is good for a burger and after my misadventure with a Quarter Pounder a couple weeks back... it's nice to get something that doesn't need to be drowned in sauce in order to save its texture. That said, this JBC likewise has way too much mayo on it. 

The rest of the burger is fine: your standard and thankfully melted (*cough* McD's *cough*) processed cheese, the strong plastic taste of which is thankfully semi-muted by the beef having flavour. Crispy bacon strips and your cheapest tiny buns (not stale, they just don't taste like anything beyond an effective holder for the layers between) round up the rest. As a snack burger it's positively adequate. 

 

Overall... I mean none of these cost more than four bucks (aside from the poutine none were more than 2.70)... how much can I complain really? I'm definitely more frustrated/annoyed when shelling out over ten dollars for something that's gross or bland, and many of those I've reviewed have been horribly worse than anything here. In the spirit of a "Value" menu, lets talk about which ones I consider the best bargains, the best executed from a culinary point of view, and whether I'd consider getting one again. Some quick synopses (synopsi?) and judgements:

Spicy Chicken Wrap: Definitely not. It's uninteresting, the flavours don't mix and you'll be tasting more cheese and wrap than anything else. Make something with more depth at home.

Chili-Cheese Nachos: I probably wouldn't get it again, but aside from the soggy chips (the biggest problem) it was a serviceable snack and they aren't frugal with the chili. 

Chicken Nuggets: They're super cheap, okay-ish chicken nuggets. I'd be most likely to get a few orders, take them home and make tacos with them or something. Hell I've probably done that before. My brain doesn't work too good recalling them Beforetimes.

Junior Bacon Cheeseburger: Honestly, I love little snack burgers when done well (and affordably). The JBC might not be as flavourful or distinctive as A&W's Buddy Burger (or as aggressively salty, so points for Wendy's there) but when in the mood for a more traditional style American cheeseburger in tiny cheap form this is a good choice.

Poutine: Like I said, the competence of it was the surprise of the trip. I hope they keep this on the 'value' menu and improve on it somewhat, such as getting more gravy in there or getting those fries just a bit more cooked. The curds could be further melted also. Otherwise, there's a serviceable foundation here. The kind of frugal poutine I'd get and add my own stuff to like sliced pastrami or sauteed mushrooms... but lets not go down that path... yet... wuhahahaha!!!!!!

 

Burnt Ends -- Go read my review of the Led Zeppelin albums if you haven't! Do it now! Now! Nooowwwwwwwwww....! Gawd I can be annoying sometimes all the time.

Aside from that... I've been watching the Star Wars prequel films and oh lord they hurt my brain... at least that's what the brain doctor says. Still planning on writing a ranking of the trilogy movies that hopefully should come out early in the new year, so keep your eyes open for that.  

      

Raptors Versus Cavs/Covid -- Simply put, a disgrace to NBA basketball as a product. What was the point of that. Was this a troll job? Did Adam Silver have money on Cleveland? My respect goes out to the remaining Raptor players at least, dealt an automatic losing hand and at least showing some serious professionalism playing under the most trying and ridiculous of circumstances. I mean, that can be true while I can also say how Chris Boucher and Svi Mykhailiuk took some of the dumbest, ugliest and most team unfriendly shots I've ever seen in an NBA game. Pure absurdity. The Raptors might've lost by 80... 80! if not for Yuta Watanabe. Fuck you, Covid. Fuck you at light-speed into a million flaming suns.

 

Greenwood Scores -- If you've read enough of these you surely know of my affinity for Radiohead. The band hasn't been particularly active the past few years as most of their members have focused on solo projects, particularly Jonny Greenwood who's become in-demand as a film soundtrack composer. This interview with Greenwood about that stuff is incredibly interesting, diving into the process and mindset of creating music for film scenes (although admittedly some of the musical theory/technical terms of orchestration goes way over my head). It's still a cool read into the creative process, the origins of creative interests and musical avenues. Check it out.   

 

The Future -- Things are gonna slide... slide in all directions.

As said last week, I'm going to try keeping the weekly show going consistently every week the best I can. Circumstances will make that a difficult task, what with the being unemployed again thanks to Covid, potential Covid restrictions themselves, and of course Winter! Oh my god damn youuu snow...!

I still have a long list of ideas for future reviews, however not many left are within my area and today was an unpleasant reminder how biking through snow is a bloody nightmare. Love doing the show, but not enough to the point where I'll walk hours in a blizzard or add TTC in addition to my expenses while doing it. We will see. Worst case is I have to take a couple weeks off at some point. 

 

Tuesday Tune -- Despite already referencing multiple other artists already in this episode, or mostly listening to NES soundtracks while writing this... the final song of 2021 has nothing to do with any of that. I tend to become grouchy during holiday season and started listening to these guys again just to counteract all the Christmas music that was irritating me so, so much. Listening to Vol. 4, a 70s rock record fueled recklessly by cocaine, while riding my bike on the 25th to go buy beer (shoutout Rorschach Brewery)... it was a very unique Christmas experience. Anyway this song isn't on that album but truly is one of my all time favourites by them, Top 3 at least. 

 


   

That's it for me this year! What a year it was. Perhaps not the absolute nightmare that 2020 was... but still very, very bad and sad in so many ways. I'm not the optimistic type anymore-ish... but I do want to be gracious and thank everybody from the bottom of my heart for reading these. Whether this is your first taste of the... um... Tuesday Taste, or you've been checking out this work from the beginning, or anywhere inbetween... seriously thank you so much. Writing these reviews and getting feedback, or just simply knowing people out there actually read my crazy ramblings (I mean "journalism") genuinely means the world to me and has truly helped keep the energy of it (and myself) continuously going. 

We'll have even more fun next year, that's a guarantee. Hey, maybe I can be optimistic after all... but until then, see you all next year. Stay safe, stay kind, stay healthy and most of all... don't spill that mustard.    


Wednesday 22 December 2021

Ranking The Led Zeppelin Studio Albums



Back in 2004, I was in Grade Eleven with that teenage itch to start playing music. My first inclination was to play drums, but living in an apartment building made that ambition unwise. I attempted guitar: my dad had a few of them laying about, but I was extremely intimidated by learning chords and never felt comfortable or quick enough with my hands (I'm a lefty but didn't know it then, and so had my hands backwards). Keyboards? Guitar seemed complicated enough already.

These musical ambitions fell to the backseat for a while. I listened to a lot of Wilco that summer, early 2000s Beck, Tragically Hip, The Strokes... great great music that could not nudge a shy unsure sixteen year old into what instrument was calling for him. I'd grown up with the Beatles, The Who, Bruce Springsteen, The Rolling Stones as constant presences... but as autumn/winter came around I began exploring some other classic rock acts I hadn't been as exposed to. I was quickly entranced: the raw catchy simplicity of the Ramones debut album hit me like a cannon. 

One band though, more than any other, steered me into a musical future. Like Hagrid telling Harry Potter he was a wizard, the moment I first listened to an album by this certain band was a moment I knew everything had changed, that everything made sense. I knew if I truly wanted to play, here was my direction, here was a master. The band was Led Zeppelin, the album was Zeppelin II, and I knew from that moment onward I wanted to be a bassist. 

As you perhaps know, Led Zeppelin was formed from the ashes of The Yardbirds, a band notable in featuring through their history three of the most famous British blues/rock guitarists of all time. For a brief period Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page, who'd been a well known session musician in various circles, fronted the Yardbirds together until Beck left in 1966. The Yardbirds began to wind down and Page had ideas of forming a new supergroup potentially with Beck and Keith Moon (the three would record "Beck's Bolero" together, eventually appearing on Beck's Trust album. 

Once the Yardbirds disbanded in 1968, Page and Yardbirds bassist Chris Dreja explored creating a new band. Their first choice for a vocalist, Terry Reid, had touring commitments with the Rolling Stones and recommended Page check out a young singer from Birmingham who'd opened for him once before: Robert Plant. Page's first impression upon seeing Plant audition was there must be something wrong with him personality-wise, he couldn't understand how he wasn't more well known. Plant agreed to join and quickly suggested, as they hadn't finalized a drummer yet, they consider John Bonham, who'd previously played in a different band with Plant. It took some convincing (of Bonham actually, who had other offers to work with Joe Cocker and Chris Farlowe) but he eventually decided he liked their sound better. Dreja left the project to pursue photography before they even played a gig, the timing of which was fortunate for another session player Page had worked with previously, and so by the suggestion of his wife reached out to Page about this new project. That man is of course John Paul Jones, the fella initially responsible for my own bassist directions.  

The Yardbirds still had scheduled tour dates, so the new foursome toured as the "New Yardbirds" and quickly recorded an album until Dreja complained (the "Yardbirds" name was agreed upon only for the remaining tour dates). As the story goes, Keith Moon and John Entwistle once remarked that a supergroup headed by Jimmy Page and Jeff Beck would "go down like a lead balloon". Page liked this, though their manager Peter Grant recommended a "led" spelling so that fans wouldn't pronounce it like "leed". They switched "balloon" to "zeppelin" and well... that is that. 

That is definitely that. One of the biggest, most famous heavy rock bands of all time. A favourite band of many, many musicians I've personally met over my life and doubtlessly a fave of countless others. A group often intimated (*cough* Greta Van Fleet *cough*) but never remotely equaled, as their true musical diversity, range, virtuosity and just sheer distinctiveness is impossible to clone. To understand what made them so influential, so admired and just so damn great, you have to look past the famous riffs, the legend and reputation... the incredible live shows... and lets check out the albums and songs themselves. 

Before we begin, I'm not counting live albums like The Song Remains The Same or How The West Was Won, the latter of which is just a truly mesmerizing listen. Neither are we counting compilations of songs mostly appearing on other albums, like Mothership. Now pardon me while I ramble on.

 

#9. Coda (1982)

***

  

Though technically a compilation album, Coda makes the list since it was officially released as a studio album (they owed their distributor one final record).

Coda is Zeppelin emptying out their vault of unreleased recordings, as Bonham had been dead for two years and they'd disbanded from that point onward. The first side of the record consists of various leftovers from the early days, the second side continuing the chronology with outtakes from their final record as a complete foursome.

That first half (perhaps unsurprisingly) is the stronger side, with the frenzied "We're Gonna Groove" kicking it off. Later guitar overdubs aside the energy of the track reminds how dynamic and unstoppable the band could be. "Poor Tom" has that gentle folk/acoustic style of Led Zeppelin III (of which it was an outtake) and its hypnotic stomp is a highlight of the record. Its inclusion on here is a sharp reminder that the band was much more than just stomping rockers and swagger.  

Most of the remaining material, while decent, gives off an unavoidable sense of incompletion. "Ozone Baby" is catchy but wears out its welcome, too straightforward to be of lasting intrigue. "Bonzo's Montreux" is like "Moby Dick" with cheesy electronic effects instead of the awesome guitar riff to open the tune... or without Bonzo's ability to make four minutes of just drums semi-compelling. I'll defend "Moby Dick" but I won't defend this one... it's one of their worst recordings. I don't much care for the overly bouncy "Darlene" or "Walter's Walk" either, though at least the latter sounds incredible on How The West Was Won.

"Wearing and Tearing" finishes off the Zeppelin canon with their trademark heavy ferocity. I wouldn't exactly describe this closer as "an answer to punk rock" like was supposedly intended, but it's an interesting direction to imagine them going. Certainly not gloomily mythical like Heaven and Hell, sing-along anthemic like British Steel or dependently bluesy like Back In Black... all terrific albums nonetheless. How an 80s Zeppelin would compare we'll obviously never know... maybe they go in some completely different other musical direction? Maybe they do go back to rocking and innovate once again? Maybe it would've been completely terrible regardless? Now there's the one I doubt the most. 


#8. In Through The Out Door (1979)

***

  

The last true Zeppelin record the foursome recorded together, and while it has some strong moments overall it is a very uneven, disjointed affair. Sadly it doubles as a reflection (see what I did there) of the many struggles the band was dealing with at this time.

They'd been banned from touring England for two years for tax reasons, Plant had suffered a personal tragedy ("All My Love" is dedicated to his late son), Bonham's alcoholism was out of control as was Page's heroin addiction (the famous 1979 Knebworth concert shows how scarily skinny he'd gotten). As a result, the band unintentionally split in two camps during the recordings: the more sober Plant and Jones working on songs during the day with Bonham and Page adding their parts mostly later at night. It's why you see two songs ("South Bound Suarez" and "All My Love") wherein Page doesn't even receive a writing credit, the only non-covers in their entire catalogue where that happens.

Bands have made far better records under derailed circumstances (Exile on Main Street still remains a goddamn miracle, do not try at home) but the timing in 1978/79 was also not ideal for Led Zeppelin. Punk rock was still fighting with disco for public attention which left older rock bands very much out of the "hip" public perception. Black Sabbath with Ozzy had already collapsed, The Who had lost the indispensible Keith Moon and the Stones very good Some Girls certainly is not one of their rockier efforts. Times were changing. As a band they'd surely proved they had a variety of sounds in their bag and could keep learning/innovating new ones, but at such a crossroads of popular music the feat would've required them at full strength... instead of half their members being barely functional and their singer still grieving a tragedy.

As such, In Through The Out Door is probably the least "Zeppelin" album they ever made. Jones' synthesizer dominates much of the record, which in of itself is fine (JPJ was born to literally play any instrument ever invented by humans) and much of what Jones and Plant come up with is at least conceptually interesting (they'd never worked this closely together before). "In The Evening" peaks the album early but is a truly excellent song, proving they still had that hard punch in reserve and could evolve without sacrificing their distinctive style.

I don't really like this album, but it isn't bad by any measure. "I'm Gonna Crawl" is the neglected stepchild of "Tea For One" (which itself is a forgotten cousin of a legendary classic). "Hot Dog" is kinda lovable in its hokeyness, "All My Love" is a heartfelt tune in which Plant's pain is vocally solemn and understated, while Jones' synth thankfully avoids dated corniness (untrue of other parts on the record). The mood works and tugs those emotional strings. 

Finally, "Fool In The Rain", while repetitive, seduces you with that main swaying lick, like you're there with that poor fella in the storm wondering why the lady hasn't shown yet. In Through The Out Door is a great band struggling with a lot of problems, creative and personal, but their talent shines through the door (see what I did there) enough to make the music mostly appealing. Much of it is unfortunately forgettable though.

 

#7. Presence (1976)

***1/2

  

It suffers from the same problem as In Through The Out Door: a few songs where it sounds like a band (even an excellent one) merely revolving through the motions. It was recorded extremely quickly, due to Plant being in bad shape from a car accident, and as such the mix is dominated by Page's electric guitars. 

While flawed, it's a heavy thump of a record with outstanding moments their later releases lack. "Achilles Last Stand" is at least four minutes too long... but man it rattles your bones when it kicks in with such reckless approaching thunder. "Nobody's Fault But Mine" likewise gets repetitive, doing laps once the race seems finished, but it still hits you with a quiet-to-loud, slow to powerful dynamic that fills the ears with suspense. I quite like "Tea For One", despite the (again) excessive length... it's a slow methodical bluesy workout with Plant's lyrics and wandering vocals quite on point for its own internal questioning, while Page's electric guitar adding tiny bits of flourish during the singing... showcasing his trademark "Jimmy Page blues" when the spotlight switches over.

I'm tempted to argue Presence as the most underrated Led Zeppelin album. I won't, but tempted. The serious excess of certain songs really reveals how quickly they pulled this album together: they only had so many ideas in so much time and so stretched out what they had. The ideas are interesting: Plant (stuck in a wheelchair during the recordings) sings really well on this and Page is still in fine form, mixing in plenty of impressive guitar layers and melodies. Jones and Bonham hold it down of course but seem more in the background on this one (Plant and Page worked on most of the songs together first) which does rob their music of its usual effect and power. A great guitar record that lacks some of their essential groove and versatility. Perhaps it's Zeppelin played a bit too straight...  

 

#6. Houses of The Holy (1973)

****

 

Ah yes. Here's where I'm gonna get some serious flack. Many people I know love this album. Thing is, this is the stars and scrubs among Led Zeppelin records... for me anyway.

The band was beginning to prefer the advantages of using home and mobile studios to work out material, explaining the diversity of the experimentation on this album. Strangely enough the flow of it mostly holds together, although the songs I dislike happen to be in the middle and thus a section easily skipped. 

Starting positively, Houses has some of the most remarkable songs the band ever recorded: "Song Remains The Same" ambushes you with that trademark ferocious Zep energy... "The Rain Song" is simply gorgeous, dripping in theatrical sound and feeling (supposedly Page wrote it after George Harrison complained how Zeppelin never did ballads). "Over The Hills and Far Away" is one of my very favourite songs: provoking as it transforms from acoustic wistfulness to powerful riffage at the drop of a Bonham drumstick. Each section of it just progresses to the next with seamless narrative logic, it's a journey and you're coming along. 

"No Quarter"... is simply f**king "No Quarter". Plant's vocals with that ghostly shimmer, Jones' spooky keyboard work (and his fine piano solo in the middle), that amazing but unsettling chorus...  it's ridiculous how good these guys were at their best. Hell, I haven't even mentioned "The Ocean", a legendary riff the Beastie Boys later put to acceptably good use. 

As songs? This is right there with the very peak of what Led Zeppelin ever did. As an album? It really dives into a valley around the middle. Of the eight songs on this record I love 5 to death but really don't like the other 3 at all. "The Crunge" is an obvious weak spot, a James Brown send up that doesn't work because, while the band later proved funk music was in their wheelhouse, this doesn't feel like a natural song... the cheesy obviousness of the imitation ruins it. Zeppelin sounds like they're goofing off, while JB was such a notorious stickler and maniac with his backing band he'd dock their pay if they were half a note off time. It's simply odd they'd be so satisfied with this experiment to put it on a record... damn that confounded bridge! As an interlude for "Dazed and Confused" on How The West Was Won it works way better... the live version really brings out Page's great funky riff and Bonham's brilliantly bizarre offbeat.

"D'yer Maker". Sigh. Yeah... it's probably my least favourite song they ever did. I can appreciate the musicianship of it as a light catchy bit of fluff, not a bad attempt at reggae by a bunch of British blues hounds in 1973... man though, this song just gets under my skin. Should've called it "The Cringe". I'm not a fan of "Dancing Days" either... it just never goes anywhere.

Enough negativity, lets talk about "No Quarter" some more... how it merges hard and prog rock together in such brooding, suspenseful fashion. Bonzo's drums rattling quietly like ghosts while Plant sings like a weary traveler emerging from a storm and describing some ancient legend. Just so, so good.

Yeah, this is a terrific album. Not all the experiments work, but the band is as tight as ever even when they fail. It's that dip in the middle that keeps it down here on the list.

 

#5. Led Zeppelin III (1970)

****

  

An important album for Led Zeppelin, at least in terms of being singularly regarded as some "hard rock" band and nothing more. It's the type of label AC/DC, The Ramones, perhaps KISS never escaped: a band with one good hook they played repeatedly for 30 years. I'd argue Zeppelin's debut album at least suggests they're something more than that, but the full embracing of folk and acoustic guitars on III that their previous two records had only hinted at... it's the first time the band veered off and expanded upon their considerable talents.

Much of this musical change was situational: the band had just wrapped up an extensive tour (recording a ton of the previous album while touring) and wanted to get away for a while. Plant suggested a Wales cottage, Bron-Yr-Aur (sound familiar) which had no electricity... thus leading the group to explore more acoustic arrangements. And the flow of it really works: somewhat similar to Bob Dylan's Bringing It All Back Home with the electric and acoustic personalities dominating separate halves of the record. 

What holds III back are actually the lackluster rockers. "Immigrant Song" is breathtaking, but "Out On The Tiles" is solid but forgettable. Meanwhile, "D'Yer Maker" may be my personal least favourite but "Hats Off To Roy Harper" has to be their worst non-Coda song. It's barely a song at all, with trippy non-melodic guitar effects over Plant singing a blues cover through vocal filters.

Back to the top, "Immigrant Song" is a classic of course. It has this unique thunder to it, an announcement of something enormous approaching imminently. Led Zeppelin at their very best were really damn good at making something sound epic merely via pace: listening to "Kashmir" fills you with a sense of uncertain urgency, "Battle For Evermore" likewise... "Immigrant Song" is more like a war cry, a declaration heading into a pivotal moment.

"Tangerine" is great, a little guitar lick Page had been kicking around since the Yardbirds. "Since I've Been Loving You" is one of their rightfully well known songs (an emotional and guitar tour de force) and I just love "Bron Yr Stomp" also... the whole feel of it just seems like a country drinking song best played on a wooden bar with the pints not being shy. 

"That's the Way" is proto "Going To California" and very similar in tone and feel, but I rather like both of those songs anyway. "Gallow's Pole" is another classic, with its ascending pace, spooky singsong structure and circular progression. Page is a seriously skilled acoustic player as well, and these forays into folk music work because his guitar work is intricate and skillful enough to hold it together. Meanwhile Plant knows when to howl and when to serenade while Jones' unsung musical versatility begins to truly show here, featuring on mandolin, stand up bass, organs and string arrangements.  

Honestly I do think this album is where you see the band begin flexing their true ability, showing with depth much more than heavy riffs and stolen blues covers (more on that later). III is the one that cheap imitators of Zep either ignore or attempt haphazardly, not understanding the spirit of folk/acoustic compositions. 

Of their famous first four albums this is the one least regarded popularly and critically... and I do have it in the bottom of that four myself. A very good album (with a terrible closer) but more importantly a creative step that enhances much of what was still ahead. Also when a record of this quality is your fifth best outing... yeah.

 

#4. Led Zeppelin (1969)

****

  

One of the greatest debuts in rock history. It still holds up, but there's a dated element to the production that slips it down my list. Well, that and the ripoffed blues covers.

There's plenty enough beyond the plagiarism to redeem it, since their true originals are so, so good. Maybe you can give them the benefit of the doubt: having to meet a deadline from the record company to release a debut, Page was funding the studio time mostly himself... so they recorded a bunch of blues songs they'd been tweaking in live performances. Forgivable perhaps... though for a band that's been sued a lot for stealing songs (and having to surrender songwriting credits)... they had to be at least somewhat aware of what they were doing. 

The covers are the weakest part of the album anyway, aside from "Dazed and Confused", Plant's Howlin' Wolf impersonation on "How Many More Times" or the shared credit with Anne Bredon (a supposed honest mistake by Page, told falsely the arrangement was traditional) on "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You". The latter, in this form, is a breathtaking display of guitar in a song that seems to drip with inevitable gloomy darkness. There's no denying Jimmy Page looted the mine of uncredited artists and wasn't exactly in a hurry to give out royalties once he was super rich and famous (not a great look)... but at least on a musical level he always respected the source material. Not to follow it faithfully, but to innovate without apprehension. Much of what makes Page such a legendary guitarist goes beyond his obvious technical ability: instead of being a faithful blues disciple like a Clapton or a Jeff Beck, Page was way more interested in bending the blues to suit himself and his own imagination.  

This debut, while a transformative one in the history of rock, isn't quite the band at the full height of their powers yet. Jones' bass is a presence, sure, but the jaw-dropping prowess isn't obvious at this point. Likewise Bonham, while still trademarkedly thunderous, sounds somewhat muted on this album... the overall production with its L to R mixing and muffled psychedelia tricks is very late 60s. Plant sounds great, hell he might've never sounded better, but the blues impersonations become too much and too extended.

It's still a damn great listen, with "Good Times Bad Times" one of the best opening tracks in rock history. What a song to introduce yourselves."Your Time Is Gonna Come" is a forgotten gem, with it's choir-like chorus (an early sign of Page's smarts as a producer/songwriter) and "Communication Breakdown" is pure adrenaline fueled fun.

Though it drags for significant portions, the debut Zeppelin album powers in unsuspecting places and never loses your interest. Many bands never come close to making a record this good: these guys had barely played together a year and bashed this recording out in under a month. It's like they were just really good musicians or something.        

 

#3. Physical Graffiti (1975)

****1/2

  

I feel I came into adulthood with Led Zeppelin as a soundtrack. An odd statement since obviously their records were released three decades before I turned 20... however I only really got into them in late high school and within that span only listened to the first four albums. Physical Graffiti is the one I explored a few months after I graduated... 18 years old, not going to university and instead suddenly working at the nighttime madhouse that was The Drake Hotel circa 2006. I was overwhelmed, to say the least, and taking the irredeemably horrible 29 Dufferin bus down to work did not help my youthful self-assurance. Every time I hear "The Rover" it takes me back to riding that bus, looking out the window at a dreary Autumn day down Gladstone Avenue in wistful silence. 

Still a great song, and I still love it.

As a double album, Graffiti is fairly bloated. I can definitely do without "Night Flight" (Robert Plant doing his Rod Stewart ain't for me). The production is inconsistent also, with much of the record consisting of outtakes from previous albums (*cough* "Houses of the Holy"... which record would that have belonged to?) and Plant's vocals sometimes sound coarse and weakened (he'd recently had vocal surgery for the newer songs). There are stretches where the record drags, particularly the second half, but even "Down By The Seaside" can lull you into false nautical sleep until that awesome middle section snaps you back to life. 

Despite length being its greatest weakness, it's an incredible record. Truly one of the best double albums ever made. "Custard Pie" is one of my favourite opening tracks of all time, with that catchy funky riff burrowing into your brain with its irresistible groove. "Trampled Under Foot" takes the funk even further, evolving the poor imitation of "The Crunge" into something truly fabulous and more natural... its up and down keyboard tempo blending perfectly on time with Bonzo's bashing. 

"Kashmir" is of course iconic, but the overlooked epic is really "In The Light" with its shifts in time, feel, unsettling atmosphere and stellar prog-rock progression. Indeed, the record has its slower moments (the lovely lament of "Ten Years Gone" or the playfully bitter "Black Country Woman"), its more light-hearted ones ("Boogie With Stu", a personal guilty pleasure and featuring longtime Rolling Stones pianist Ian Stewart, for whom the song is named) and the sparse slide blues of "In My Time of Dying", another notable epic on a record filled with them. 

There's a lot of variety here, and while the puzzle pieces don't flow seamlessly together... Physical Graffiti is truly the best Zeppelin album at giving you a taste of everything the band could successfully pull off. It's never too low, meanwhile the heights are dizzying. 

 

#2. Led Zeppelin II

*****

 

First off, a record that not only plays excellent but just sounds excellent... considering the many different studios around the world it was spliced together from, that just seems impossible. One of the many things Jimmy Page learned as a pro session musician was how to properly record: microphone placement especially. Many parts of II are jams but there's a particular polish, a cleanness to the production that spruces that nicely.   

A difficult call to put II in second place, considering its immeasurable influence on so many genres of rock (and its personal creative influence). Still, while a truly excellent record, it has two big weaknesses: the band once again not crediting blues musicians ("Lemon Song"/Howlin' Wolf's "Killing Floor") which will always seem shady.

The other weak spot is "Thank You"... one of my favourite songs! ...to skip! It's far better than Black Sabbath's occasional forays into dreamy 70s pop rock (most of which baffle with their badness) but "Thank You" blandly goes on too long. Who is he thanking exactly? Hurry ups I just wants the big guitars to comes backs already!

II is loaded with pure classics. "Whole Lotta Love" is an absolute killer, announcing with undoubted suave carnal authority what the listener is in for. "What Is And What Should Never Be" is another personal favourite, a proto quiet-to-loud dynamic. "Lemon Song", despite the thievery, is a great example how damn tight this band was. Bonham's drums changing pace at precise moments, Jones' bass wandering all about your ears (his playing on this album exceeds ridiculous), Page knowing when to assert himself and when to back off, while Plant's vocals going zero to sixty frequently on the turn of a dime. As with the debut, lot of these songs aren't truly theirs but they again do the source material justice... this time as a more polished outfit.

I've never had a problem with "Moby Dick" as I know some do. The 20+ minute live versions are excessive (just a bit) but I've always forgiven them as a break for the rest of the band to sneak backstage for a drink or to bang a groupie. Bonham is just so good that listening to him solo on the sticks for just three minutes has a hypnotic appeal. There's a melodic quality to his style, a heavy handed power mixed with a precise sense of clever and catchy timings. He's such a huge part of what made Led Zeppelin Led freaking Zeppelin after all (and why they felt they couldn't continue without him). Besides, drum solos can be very fun, as for instance Dave Grohl (a confessed Bonzo disciple) has showcased over the years.

"Bring It On Home" hasn't held up as well as other tracks, but it's still good and is another strong example of how adept this band was at building moods. The true standout of the second side is "Ramble On", with Plant digging through his Lord of the Rings canon while Jones plays one of the greatest basslines in classic rock. Add Page's lingering acoustic chords (and electric explosions for the choruses).. the sound convinces you you're wandering some magical forest, journeying to something grand while the lulls explain the narrative. It's an incredible song, uniquely brilliant in its skilled simplicity. 

This is one of the best albums in rock history, full stop. It still inspires guitarists to this day. The record that imitators get wrong by thinking it's just heavy guitar riffs and high pitched fantasy-inspired vocals. II transcends those stereotypes not just by (far) better musicianship but because of how well crafted it is, both in songwriting and in sonic feel. Bands that lazily copy Zeppelin usually overlook the skilled self-production most of all: the naturalness of their great acoustic songs, the ambitious confidence into other musical genres, or the sheer dynamite of their rarely equaled rhythm section. No fault for trying, it's just extremely hard to do! This here is the real deal, and there isn't another record or band that sounds quite like it.  

 

#1. Untitled/IV (1971)

*****

 

A predictable choice, sure... although the quality of this choice is undeniable. One of the best albums ever made, and a record with one of the most widely known songs in the history of modern music (also known as the second worst song on the album).

The folkier directions of III, while critically better regarded now, threw many fans off at the time. IV (we'll call it that for simplicity's sake) doesn't completely abandon that avenue but insists on opening with a heavy bang: "Black Dog" and "Rock and Roll" is a damn impressive 1-2. Zeppelin was never at all like Pink Floyd or even Black Sabbath in how they gave a lot of consideration to how songs on an album could flow into the next, figuring (presumably) we've got a bunch of damn great tunes here that can stand alone regardless. Consider how Pink Floyd would develop their live jams into extended studio pieces, whereas Zeppelin would merge their studio songs into extended live performances. Same process from opposite directions, both pretty successful in their own ways.  

I only mention "flow of an album" in that the sequencing of IV is completely terrific: there isn't a bizarre roadblock or that one song that doesn't seamlessly mesh ("Four Sticks" is real close I suppose). The album starts with exceptional momentum and weaves you along through its natural detours. From the stop-start minimalism blues of "Black Dog", unstoppable fever of "Rock And Roll" to the quiet romanticism of "Going To California" and the devastating closing force that is "When The Levee Breaks".

"Levee" is probably my favourite Zeppelin song of all time... the way Bonham storms into that opening with absolute mythical percussion thunder echoing inside your ears, shaking your senses like an earthquake of sound... Page's guitar layers coming down like an endless rain... Plant comes in with that reverb-heavy bluesy harmonica while Jones and Page trade off that simple awkwardly timed riff... man it just doesn't get much better. Yet another case of them reworking a blues number ("Levee" is a 1920s song done first by Kansas Joe McCoy and Memphis Minnie) and the band gave Minnie a songwriting credit. It's also another example of Page's production/arranging smarts, with Plant's harmonica being mixed in such a way to reverse the echo (helping give that distinct lingering howl it has). This song just grips you in multiple ways.... the ominous power of Bonham's playing (the Beastie Boys again liked it so much the sample opens their debut Licensed to Ill)... the haunting blues of the atmosphere (that harmonica is a like a banshee terrorizing while giving warning)... the change in the middle where Plant just unleashes his best bluesy wail...I just love it so much.

Guess I have to talk about "Stairway To Heaven"... I mean it can't be avoided.

Anyhow, "Misty Mountain Hop" is just a fun frolic of a tune. What a damn great... what? Oh FINE.

I am fairly sick of hearing it, the studio version especially, but "Stairway" is a fine song. The live version on How The West Was Won is far, far superior... by contrast the studio version gets semi-tedious as you wait for the rest of the band to kick in. I don't like the recording of it either, like there's something warbly about it (probably the backwards satanic messages). Led Zeppelin were notoriously not fond of releasing singles and "Stairway" (which is eight minutes long) was not released as one, astonishing since it still became one of the heaviest played songs in the history of radio. I find this love of "Stairway" as a requested epic so bizarre, especially since the epic song preceding it on IV is so much better in every single way.

Lets talk about it! "Battle of Evermore" is a stunning creation, a testament to Page's skill that he can make a song driven by a freaking mandolin so filled with building tension. Bringing in the late great Sandy Denny to share vocals with Plant was an inspired move as well, allowing him to rest in a lower key to ground and describe the tale while Denny hits the higher points with striking ease and impact. "Evermore" brings back that fantasy feel ("ringwraiths ride in black" yet another LotR reference) but unlike "Ramble On" the atmosphere of this song doesn't feel like Hobbits wandering through the grass... this feels like the foreboding or perhaps severe aftermath of a great conflict. There's a uneasy desperation to the music, either of something big that is coming or has passed, and you just get swept up into this world despite the details not being exact or entirely conclusive. A masterpiece, to put it concisely.

The rest of the album is filled with lobby level introductions for lovers of hard rock. "Black Dog" is just one wild riff successfully pulled off for nearly five minutes, "Rock and Roll" a fitting ode to its title and "Misty Mountain Hop" is a delightful trip through the story of a drug bust that bounces with addictive energy. "Four Sticks" is the weak link, to me anyway, in that it sort of meanders between its two melodies and never really does anything else interesting. I quite like "Going To California", it's a sweet little folk tune that Plant sings really well (despite it seeming like an ode to hippie culture, Page and Plant claim it was written about California earthquakes) and the simplicity of it really adds some balance to this record loaded with such legendary heavy rock numbers.

Overall... it's Led Zeppelin IV. What more is there to say. An astoundingly great album by an astoundingly great band. 

---

After Bonham's death in 1980, the remaining members reunited a couple of times for one-off shows in the 80s that they were incredibly not satisfied with (the 1985 Live Aid show in particular) and it sounds like the three weren't getting along particularly well. Page and Plant made peace in the mid 90s with, um, "Page and Plant", eventually doing an MTV Unplugged performance called Unledded (I think my dad recorded it on VHS as I have vague memories of seeing it as a kid). John Paul Jones meanwhile was rather happy to step away from the spotlight for a while, still collaborating with various artists but mostly focusing on his family life. Of course, that desire to be in a big bad rock band would call Jones back with Josh Homme and David Grohl in 2009 for the supergroup Them Crooked Vultures, still a very good (and semi-forgotten) album wherein Jones, as he was for Zeppelin, proves himself as a musician jack-of-all trades by giving that album little clever touches on many different instruments (while Homme and Grohl play as swaggeringly slick, sexy and heavy as possible).

There is of course the 2007 reunion concert, which is increasingly looking like the last time the surviving three will have performed together (Page and Jones were very interested in continuing on with a limited tour, but Plant was more focused on his solo work with Allison Krauss). If that is their final swan song (see what I did there), it's a pretty impressive statement to say farewell on. Even with Plant's diminished vocals (they had to step down a key for certain songs) and Page's guitar work not quite as sheerly explosive as it once was... the band still brings the trademark groove and formidable power. Jason Bonham does his father proud (he's got a bit more metal to his style but that still obviously works) and the band sounds as tight as ever. Even if they never reunite, their wonderful songs will always remain the same and always be there for old and new fans alike.