When they kick at your front door
how you gonna come?
With your hands on your head
or on the trigger of your gun
When the law break in
how you gonna go?
Shot down in the pavement
or waiting in death row
Another Tuesday... another Taste. We're back for the first edition of 2026, the first review of what you could call the fifth season of this weird little weekly food review show and you know... with all the batshit insane tragic stuff happening geographically just below us (or nearly everywhere else) it feels more difficult than ever to really find the joy in a moment, any something that brings a genuine smile to your face. Well, fortunately I've got just the thing...
Nope. That didn't work at all. If anything I think I'm even angrier now than before. I've always legit hated that song by the way... Weird Al's version does a much better job of meeting the parodied's intended goal.
Well, music can't be the answer every single time (only most of the time) so lets give food a try instead.
Happy Burger is, you guessed it... yet another smash burger spot. Gee-zus. New year, same old specific food item I just can't seem to escape. At this point I'm gonna have to review like twenty ramen* places just to balance things out...
*that's probably not going to happen, seeing as don't believe I've never actually had ramen
Nevertheless, reputation-wise Happy Burger is no "decoy in a police lineup" smash burger. First opening in Harbord Village on Lippincott Street in late summer 2020 (great year for restaurants), they made strong enough initial impressions to score a feature in Toronto Life and far more interestingly, make esteemed burger connoisseur Joe Friday's "10 best T.O burgers list" (you may also recall I made a visit to Chef Friday's burger spot a couple years back). What supposedly began as an early pandemic-driven side project for Mamakas Food Group vet chef Chris Kalisperas has now stretched out to three locations throughout Toronto, including their newest one in Riverside just off the corner of Broadview and Queen Street East. Hey... guess which one I went to?????
I'll confess to being in a pretty awful headspace most of this January/new year (there haven't been any reviews for a reason) and the irony of checking out a place called "Happy" Burger was not lost on me. The inside space at their Riverside location is fairly limited and upon walking in the door I was immediately concerned this visit had been for not: a huge (and I mean huge, like a bakers dozen) dual family party with kids were also settling in and the youngsters were very much rambunctious enough to chaotically threaten spreading out to occupy every one of the five tables in the little dining space.
Luckily for me, the gentleman behind the counter sharply noticed this and after my awkward order managed to secure one of the tables for me. Take that, future generation! In all seriousness, I'm still entirely unsure if this fellow was actually chef Kalisperas himself... just on judging by how he very much seemed to know these two adjacent families and by me happening to overhear one of the parents discuss the Happy Burger franchise itself. Researching a bit into the history after the fact... Kalisperas does look somewhat similar to my recollection of this dude... but I can't be more than fifty percent sure. It's all these years of working busy venues and in a single night serving hundreds of people you probably only see once. When you actually only see them once... my memory goes into a total blur.
Regardless, the owner of the whole thing or whoever it was, thanks for looking out for me on that one. Right.... the actual food.... my ability to get sidetracked in a tale surely can and will never change....
I may joke (mostly) about the sheer invasion of smash burgers these days, though what I am getting almost genuinely sick of are: burger joints doing crinkle fries. But waffle fries? Not one bit... I still feel like very few places prepare their fries this way and the odd occasion I do encounter them, I'm instantly intrigued.
While I'm sure waffling fries takes considerably more effort/work (thus why places waffle on doing it... ah? Ah???) there is something really great about them when done right. You get a textural mix of airiness and crispiness, like you can somehow taste the empty gaps... and these in particular were quite a treat. Light salt that's all (though I later learned online their cajun seasoned fries are the way to go) and even the thicker slices still had an encompassing crispiness to them.
The potato flavour is... serviceable. Had better, had much, much worse. You don't get much of it (they're fried in canola oil according to their website) and while these weren't aggressively oily I think I tasted more of that. Frankly when it comes to french fries, when the texture is such a home run but the flavour merely a single... I'm more than fine with that.
If you've been reading my reviews long enough (and if so what are you really doing with your life) then you might be aware that any time there's an opportunity for me to sample some kind of 'cheese fries' creation... the answer will invariably be gimme gimme gimme. That Happy Burger automatically gives you a side of their cheese goop rather than smothering potatoes away is curious (I made no special request and was dining in don't forget). Perhaps going for a cheesy swim is something that works less well for waffle fries and so choosing your dosage is their preferred alternative.
Whatever who cares, because this cheese sauce is gold. Gold, Jerry! Super thick and gloopy, definitely quite medium cheddary... and best of all it really lingers in the mouth. It resembles nothing of a plasticy/American/Nacho cheese type of thing, which sure have their times and places but I much prefer something like this. It's so thick that it does coat the mouth similarly to a classic slice of processed cheese... but the flavour isn't nearly so empty. Maybe I'm wrong and this is legit some kind of brilliant Velveeda cheese sauce concoction buoyed by other ingredients... all I know is I had some left over and I saved that shit in my fridge for later, all.
Get on with the burger! (the masses surely are screaming). How about the box? Yes it's made of a white type of paper product and... no I'm kidding. I only took the picture because I found the number in the top right corner kind of odd. I'm assuming it meant mine was the 100th burger of the day? Cool. I shall hang the no-prize on my finest no-wall.
I've incidentally and accidentally reviewed enough smash burgers over the past couple years that I've been led to wonder what is it that separates the average-y ones (which are still fine) from the more elite and memorable ones? So many of the basics are the same: the squishy potato fun, the basic cheese, some kind of "secret" burger sauce (and honestly few-to-none of those have stood out much at all).
So it has to be the general construction of the burger, how the elements balance out... then more importantly the taste and texture of the beef patty itself and how it's actually "smashed". Hey, there are different techniques to do it and various regions have their own takes.
Happy Burger is considered one of the standout ones in Toronto and I have to agree. The execution of said beef patty is pretty flawless. Those griddled, greasy crunchy edges are there, deeper inside the beef has some juicy pull to it with a crumbly ground meat texture that never becomes overly chewy. The beef flavour is throughout and the seasonings are balanced just right... first bite as good as the last. The whole thing looks like it's on the verge of collapsing but it does hold together.
As for the rest... they use Martin's brand potato buns (so I read) and I did notice this had a bit more fluffiness to it and was incredibly soft... which was quite welcome. Their burger sauce struck me as more of a yellow mustard-forward one... and then yes, in a move I frankly do not recommend... I... um... dipped a bite of the burger in the cheese sauce. *Cough*. Pure psychopath behaviour is my only comment on what motivated me and how that went.
A truly delicious cheeseburger. However... I couldn't help but notice a limited time special on their board above the counter (you can make it out in my slanted photograph): a truffle burger. Well hot damn. While I'm glad I chose to first try Happy Burger's standard burger offering and so judge it accordingly... the idea of that truffle burger hung in my mind long after I'd made my exit and caught a streetcar ride home. Surely you can see what happened next...
This was a couple of weeks later (I'd already written most of this very article) and I was pleased to see most of my positive first impressions remained true. The same impossibly soft potato bun, the same beefy fried edges to the beef, all as good as before.
Now though, we add mushrooms, very soft caramelized onions, a firmer Swiss cheese (compared to typical classic melty American) and a "truffle sauce" which I'd describe as having like a lightly whipped, ricotta-like texture.
This burger doesn't overdue the truffle flavour but it's most certainly there on every bite, resulting in an insanely heavy and decadent experience. The onions (which are plentiful) give some crucial sweet zing and the mushrooms are quite juicy and loaded with flavour, as though they've soaked in a bit of all the other flavours (rich creamy sauce, greasy beef, onion zing) and incorporated it into their own.
It's simply a fabulous burger. You get a bit of everything on every bite yet that deliciously smashed beef is always nudged a little more into the spotlight than the rest. I'm normally not even a fan of Swiss cheese and yet its distinct dry taste adds another layer to this thing. Just phenomenal.
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Overall! I was going in with generally modest expectations, as it was only later that I learned how highly regarded Happy Burger actually is. Even had I known and adjusted said expectations accordingly... they still would've been surpassed.
Not quite I'm afraid, dear box. Though that is a tall task these days.
Smiles or not... great, great stuff here. Wonderful burger, love the uncommon waffle fries and especially the cheese dip... while that bonus truffle burger has to be one of the best burger specials I've sampled in quite a long time. Factor in the friendly service and you've got a burger spot here that I can't recommend enough! They've got three locations throughout Toronto and if either of those other two are as good as this one, definitely go give them a visit sometime.
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This Week In Star Trek
In the department of "News Nobody Should Give A Shit About Because The World Is A Nightmare Descending Deeper Into Chaos"... there's a new Star Trek show! And it looks like absolute flaming garbage! After watching a few clips... yeah. You've have to commission (as in, pay) me to watch/review whatever the hell this thing is (because Star Trek it is not).
It is a damn shame (such a sadness) that modern Trek of the past decade is mostly so damn awful (Picard: Season Three being the only exception I've encountered) because the classic stuff was, and still remains, so incredibly good. Timeless science fiction tales with great memorable characters that go both on wild space adventures and encounter moral challenges and issues that remain all the more relevant even today (I'd argue perhaps especially). Looking at both sides of a complex problem in a story and making you think about your own views and morals rather than hamfisting a single viewpoint into it... or in the case of this Starfleet Academy show... following characters you actually care about instead of ones that are insufferably annoying and make you feel dumber upon having listened to them.
Anyhow! In honour of what was (and maybe can again with different creative leads?) a wonderful science fiction franchise... here's a new weekly feature on the Tuesday review show! It's one of my favourite clips from any of those great Trek shows of the past, this particular one finding the crew of the original Enterprise using an atypical (or theatrically absurd) way to defeat a captor:
Tuesday Tune
Seemed poignant, considering.
That's it for this week! So... for now I'm sorry to say I don't think we'll be back bringing these reviews every single Tuesday. It's winter, the world is pretty darn bleak right now and I have other creative ventures that carry higher priority.
Nevertheless! Keep checking in on this weird little corner of the internet as there still will be articles from time to time for your reading enjoyment. For now though... stay safe, stay warm, fuck ICE and most of all! Don't spill that mustard.
