The Tuesday Taste: Pizza Pizza Chicken Sandwich (w. Fries)

 

 

I was a heartbeat on the danger side

Just had to see

what it all was like

Put your nose in that

oh yeah

Although you try to sidestep

Merchants of soul don't let  

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste! In what was an extremely discouraging week here in Ontario, what with the majority of eligible voters clearly not giving two shits about anything... we've still got a weekly food review here to warm the spirits and, dare I say... perhaps bring a little joy and positivity to our jaded hearts. This week, we've got...

...Pizza Pizza???? Oh gawd! Life is just a cruel f-king joke isn't it????

Okay okay, enough with the doom for now. There will be plenty of time for that (about four more years I estimate). Fortunately, I'm not reviewing an actual pizza from Cardboard Inc-I mean... Pizza Pizza. Instead, this is a somewhat new item of theirs: a fried chicken sandwich. Surely such a classically delicious item such as this couldn't be catastrophically bungled in even the most incompetent hands, right? Right?

Pizza Pizza first originated here in Toronto, Ontario in 1967... which you may note is the last time the cursed Toronto Maple Leafs won a Stanley Cup. Coincidence? The original location is actually just a few blocks east from where I went to high school: Wellesley Avenue just off of Parliament Street. There is also a gigantic graveyard just north of there. Coincidence??? Okay I'll stop.

While among my fellow Toronto dwellers it seems like there's a Pizza Pizza at every damn turn of this city, this is not exactly the case for the rest of Canada. Indeed, in my brief time living in Montreal in the late 2000s, I recall seeing just one Pizza Pizza (right on Sherbrooke near the touristy part of town, definitely not a coincidence). Meanwhile in Western Canada, the company's 2007 acquisition of Pizza 73 (an Alberta chain) and their 80+ locations is by far their strongest foothold in that part of the country. Searching for actual Pizza Pizzas (geez that's a ridiculous thing to write) on their website results in hardly a dozen locations in BC and just three in Alberta. The Maritimes is also a region of lessening success for the brand: zero locations in Prince Edward Island or Newfoundland, two in New Brunswick and five in Nova Scotia. While Quebec and Manitoba do seem to have a few dozen outposts respectively... like the Ford family Pizza Pizza seems to very much be an Ontario thing. Hooooooray for us. 

Still... as bad as they might be... that comparison is somewhat unfair... to Pizza Pizza of course. And while I'd have to be desert island levels of hungry to actually want to eat their title dish, this time we're going in fresh clean slate to try this chicken and fries offering. So... on my first day off in ten... I wandered out into the rain, up a hill, then back down the hill... then up the same hill again (I'd forgotten my money) to the local Pizza Pizza spot on Kingston Road.

Starting off with these fries... now I'm sure at some point in my life I've had Pizza Pizza fries before. I mean, come on... there are so many situations where this could've happened that I simply just don't recall. A friend's party! Late night drunk food! High school lunchtime adventure! Whatever or whenever that was, I had an idea of what they were which proved to be completely incorrect. It's entirely possible they'd changed something up during the potentially several years since I tried them, but I was expecting fairly generic frozen-quality pub fries, likely overcooked and heavy with the seasoning salt. 

Instead, and as the photo shows, these are fairly thin... shoestring style almost... and cooked fairly consistently throughout. Their greatest attribute is their crispiness: not overtly oily (or gross) like McDonald's, but a similar light satisfying texture to each fry. Weird to say it, but these were surprisingly good! Well, maybe 'good' is a bit much. Decent, for sure... at least on texture. 

As for flavour... this is where it all falls apart. I appreciate that these fries don't have that caked in grease taste of McDonald's, or that awful artificial staleness of KFC. Problem is, these don't taste like a whole lot in either direction. They're criminally under-seasoned, there's a vague hint of potato mixed with almost lard (probably the fryer) and even that is a quickly fleeting sensation. Enjoyable enough when fresh, crispy and sizzling from a fryer (and if you're insanely hungry) but once these go cold and stiffen up a bit... it becomes a problem. A good attempt at least...  enjoyable in a one-dimensional way. 

Onto the very thing that caught my eye enough to make this review... the chicken sandwich. Pizza Pizza offers a few "different" ones: a creamy garlic one (in my photo above), an "original" one and then a spicy sriracha option. Each is the exact same price and it doesn't take any kind of keen perceptive eye to figure out the only variation between these is the particular sauce each sandwich is slathered with. 

If this had indeed been 'slathered' with the legendary Pizza Pizza garlic dip, that would've been a decadent positive. Alas... while here that is the very same sauce, it is barely noticeable on this thing. Much like when you make a grilled cheese sandwich with a mayo spread (don't ask me how I know), the sauce tends to lose its thick cohesiveness on the grill and thus its presence is greatly diminished. A shame, because this chicken desperately needs something to distract you from how uninteresting it is. Not something you can say about fried chicken very often, yet here we are. This is like "somebody running out the clock at a job they hate" level of uninteresting (again, don't ask me how I know). 

I get this isn't a "spicy" chicken sandwich, but even so can we at least get a little bit of something in this thing? Some pepper? Herbs or subtle spices baked into the batter? Beyond mere crunch the chicken in this chicken sandwich is just so unbelievably bland. It has that taste of cheap chicken fingers you overpay for at a concert venue: it does the job when you're drunk, hungry and in awe of an awesome show... but even then you still need all that precious plum sauce. This sandwich is exactly like that, except the chicken is in circular form and two buns of bread are there to absorb any sauce or moisture you're hoping will save you. At least the buns are okay... bready and soft. 

This very, very mediocre quality of fried chicken could be salvaged by better complimentary toppings, such as more sauce... (duh) or just having secondary toppings at all. There are sliced pickles on here, but they're so thin, tiny and minimal that you taste their presence for two bites (the best two bites of the sandwich, also not a coincidence). Considering Pizza Pizza is, you know, a pizza place... I'm a bit surprised there isn't any cheese on here. Sure, their pizza cheese is extremely goddamn awful but I figure they have plenty of it laying around... a bit of it melted on here would at least add some extra layer of taste between the disinterested crunchy fried chicken and the faint taste of oozing garlic dip. 

Overall... a hard no on this chicken sandwich. I wasn't expecting much, but this is exactly how to not get people to ever try this a second time. There's just no flavour here whatsoever... hell I ate this thing three hours ago as I type this and I'm seriously struggling to describe anything notable about the taste beyond simple blandness. The fries likewise were lacking in the taste department, but at least as a simpler side item when all you've got to offer is texture you can get away with it. Seeing as their "spicy" chicken option is almost certainly the same chicken with just a spicy mayo oozing out instead... I think we can call Pizza Pizza's foray into fried chicken sandwiches a very forgettable failure. 

 

Burnt Ends -- I am finally forever done with this. Normally I don't like to swear in my writing, honestly. This show did things to me. Bad, bad things. Without exaggeration, one of the dumbest, most insulting and worst things I've ever watched.

If you missed it, last week was the 50th Tuesday review! We took a look at Wendy's new breakfast menu, it was interesting.

I've got something else cooking in the works, more on that when we get to the tune of the week. 

 

This Week's No Context Looney Tunes Image -- 

 

 

Philip J. Fry -- Trying out fries this week, the thought occurred to me: what is the best dip for french fries? Lets briefly explore the common options:

Ketchup surely must be the most popular choice, and without any doubt the most commonly available in English speaking communities. Every fast food joint is going to have it, either in packet form or those dispensers you have to press down on while positioning the little paper cup in the exact spot just below. 

Personally... I'm not a ketchup guy. At least not in my adult life. As a dip or condiment it simply just overpowers anything you add it to... and while I know many who like that blend of sugar sweetness with a tomato bite... it's never my first choice. As a dip for fries though... again not my first choice but they do compliment each other when the balance is right (and/or the fries are lacking).  

But what of the other notable condiments? How do they match up with these tasty rectangles of potato?

How about mustard? Yeah, that's a weird one. There's an intense sharpness, especially with the spicier varieties, that doesn't mesh with potatoes for many people. Personally? It tastes odd, and the sting of genuine mustard doesn't really balance with a soft, fluffy potato... I just happen to love mustard so such that this pairing just marginalizes the fries as a vehicle for that taste.  

BBQ sauce? Definitely not. Maaaaybe one that's on the tangier side, with a good thick consistency... but even then why would you want to waste a good BBQ sauce just to dip fries? 

Any relish dippers out there? No? That's good... I'd hate to consider any of you as severe sociopaths (kidding half kidding). 

Hot sauce? Well... results may vary on the severeness of the spice, or the consistency. I'd suspect a very vinegary sauce (such as Tabasco or Frank's) wouldn't quite work as a dip... they're so thin that most attempts to dunk would just drip off and leave your fry watery and weird. A thicker sauce though? Very compelling.

Time for a story! It's a good one... the very first time I ever tried sriracha sauce (the classic Huy Fong version). I was still a teenager and working at the Drake Hotel here in Toronto... I must've ordered some fries (the Drake had truly excellent fries) and, bored of ketchup, found a bottle of this strange squirt bottle in the fridge of the side cafe. So I drizzled a very healthy amount onto my snack. Hoooo boy... lemme tell you. As a 34 year old in 2022, I like my hot sauces and am aware-ish of the range that is way too much for me. As a 19 year old in 2007, growing up with parents who when cooking are very adverse to extreme spice? This first taste of sriracha kicked... my... ass. I couldn't believe what was happening to my mouth, the sensation just kept building and building... for a moment I thought I'd accidentally drizzled poison on my food. 

Now? Love the stuff, put it on my eggs all the time. Still kicks my tongue a tiny bit, but nothing like that spring afternoon fifteen years ago.

There are a bunch of other popular options I could explore further, but this article is already going long so I'll save all that for another time... plus the revelation of my personal favourite french fry dip.   

Tuesday Sip --  If you enjoy an occasional (or more than occasional) beverage such as I do, you've likely noticed the increased presence of seltzer options at your local liquor shop the past couple summers. A new name on the scene this summer, at least here in Toronto, is the Truly brand. Doing a bit of research (in my typically laz--I mean extensive fashion) they appear to be a US import from Los Angeles (they have a branded bar down there)... similar to the hooplah when White Claw first came to Canada a couple years back (people were lining up for that stuff, which seems insane to me).

From what I've seen (again, extensive research) Truly is only offering two of their flavours here in T.O: peach tea and a strawberry lemonade. So lets try em out:

 

 

Strawberry Lemonade: I've had this one before recently, with a particular friend who very much has particular tastes in alcohol (he was a stout and scotch fella when we were younger). Two sips in and he was done with this, the sweetness too much for him. Myself... this is the kind of sweetness I prefer. Less sugary and more something trying to emulate actual natural fruit (I'm sure the ingredients they use to do this are less preferable). The smell is quite fresh, like a bush after a rain storm, and while there is a sugary layer that collects in the back of the mouth... this doesn't seem all that different than what a traditional lemonade would do. There isn't that aggressive bubbling feel you find in many other seltzers either. I quite like this, thumbs up.

Peach Tea: Peachy smell, which is definitely something in the favour of both these beverages: very natural and fruity scents. The flavour reminds me much more of a tea than a peach juice: a bit thin, flatter than one would expect from this kind of drink, and a leafy aftertaste that rests on the tongue. Like the strawberry lemonade, this doesn't have a lot of pop to it (both in texture and flavour), going for a more understated taste that's smooth instead of one that asserts itself. Maybe it's from having these after eating the absolute most bland and boring chicken sandwich ever, but both of these were quite subtle and refreshing. Nicely done. 

                    

Mock Tudor -- Noticed that Richard Thompson's debut album recently turned 50 years old, and so had to devote one of these bits to pay respect to one of the greats. While I've never heard a single second of that record (Henry The Human Fly), I do very much love many of his later albums... not to mention seeing him with my dear dad back in 2003(?) out at Exhibition Place is surely one of my fondest early concert memories. 

This quick article from Allmusic's Daniel de Vise gives a solid rundown of his career and some selected RT albums... while this extended work from my dad tackles every record in the artist's rich and long catalogue. If you're unfamiliar with RT... get familiar! 

 

Tuesday Tune -- Speaking of discography reviews, I'm doing one for this band! They're so damn consistently awesome, as is this song (which I've probably heard 300 times).

 

 

That's it for me. Until next time (with something hopefully less bland to review food-wise)... stay safe, stay vigilant, stay kind and don't spill that mustard.