The Tuesday Taste: Jollibee

 

 

 

You've been counting weekends

Never getting dressed

Speaking in third person

and trying to forget 

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste! Bit of a woozy one this week... certainly not intended as such, but lets just say my first draft needed some tweaks thanks to... self-induced influences.

I'm fine now, as I re-write this at the last possible moment Tuesday morning. I mean... now my sentences actually make sense! My diction has direction! Well, more than usual. Anyhow, onto Jollibee and my quips on the bizarre trip away from there.

There was significant hooplah when Jollibee opened their first Toronto location a few years back. We're talking hour long lineups around the block. In North York! Maybe I've been in the east end too long, but all I know of North York is Mel Lastman, a historically pointless subway extension, the 401 highway and some weird theatre on Yonge that proudly showed the same hit show for two decades. If I'm missing anything, please do let me know.

Jollibee has certainly interested me since its notable landing... I mean a fast food joint that serves spaghetti of all things? That uniqueness is compelling enough. Alas, despite the additional openings of more GTA locations, here was my very first trip to this Filipino export boasting the extremely cheerful cartoon bee. A note on that bee: normally cartoonish mascots for gigantic corporations would be a target of my derision, not to mention I am extremely afraid of bees... but darn that fella is rather adorable. Like a pal Mickey Mouse would have a friendly beer with.

Some quick backstory (hey, I didn't get to do this with 2-4-1 last week): in the mid 1970s Tony Tan Caktiong (who is now worth over a billion dollars) opened an ice cream parlour in Quezon City. Supposedly, by customer request the parlour began offering sandwiches and hot items as well, which quickly became the far more popular menu choices. Within a few years, they'd focused on switching to fast food and eventually incorporated themselves... and a few years after that there were already a dozen locations throughout the Philippines and the franchise was blooming.

What is also notable about Jollibee was their ability to withstand/survive the arrival of behemoth McDonald's in the Philippines in the early 1980s, which it seems they did by offering a more Filipino cuisine styled menu. Now, Jollibee is itself a giant, with 1500-plus locations worldwide and plans of continuing expansion here in North America.

Which is where I come in. Realizing there was a location reasonably close to me at Golden Mile, I left with a clearer mind than I'd return with... away from my Beaches abode for a northern adventure to this very very popular Filipino export. 

This being my first time and all (popping my 'bee'? Sorry that sounded far dirtier than intended)... I wanted to sample everything they had to offer for this review. Unfortunately, this is a fast food chain with a lot of different stuff: fried chicken, chicken sandwiches, burgers, the before mentioned spaghetti, a Filipino pasta dish known as Palabok (it has garlic so I'm instantly intrigued), fries, mashed potatoes, desserts... even the mightiest appetite has limits, sadly.

I did the best I could, though I'm certainly intrigued for a potential second visit just to try the rest. Speaking of that desire to do such a thing, lets take a look at what I managed to order in my rapidly diminishing state this day. 

 

 

Starting with the Yumburger, an item that's a signature of Jollibee. Yeah... not off to a good start here. It's certainly superior via juiciness to any burger McDonald's or Burger King offers, and it has a different flavour than your typical blended beef of Wendy's or extra extra salt of Canada A&W... but there isn't a lot of patty here. I mean the photo above speaks for itself: why is it hiding? It genuinely took me half a minute to find the most appealing angle for that shot. 

There's also some sharp greasy aftertaste that I've experienced before in burgers and don't have pleasant memories of. The cheese is not your typical plastic processed fare at least, and there's something like a sweet tartar sauce as a sparingly used spread... so again this is definitely better than other burgers I've reviewed. I probably wouldn't ever order this again though... that overtly greasy taste is something I cannot tolerate in a burger. Swing and a miss for me.

 

 

It gets better quickly though. These mashed potatoes (my chosen side for the chicken) do my Irish taste buds a solid. I wasn't expecting much (fast food mashed? Who would) but if this actually was originally some kind of cheap powered instant potato mix... damn I'd be even more impressed. These mashed potatoes had genuine depth: I've cooked mashed before at home and in the texture (unless you purify them to hell) you'll always get those tiny thicker chunks of not quite blended potato, which these Jollibee mashed have. Also, there are streaks of potato skin in here (further lessening any powered potato mix theory) and they're red potatoes! 

Man, I was seriously having some questions after that burger... but this? I'm back in, baby! Also, the gravy moat you see is pretty good on its own. Not a heavy fatty gravy, it's very light and slightly sweet even... but these mashed potatoes were so surprisingly good I kept forgetting the gravy was there. Still was a real nice compliment when I remembered the presence. 

 

 

Something I never do, but a quick note on my beverage: the Pineapple Quencher. Very much like a watered down and filtered out smooth pineapple juice... basically a non carbonated soft drink, just not intensely sugary and it tastes like pineapple. Really damn good. While drinking it I kept imagining what type of alcohol would mix well with it, a sign of my deteriorating mind this day. I think rum was my conclusion (rum and pineapple match well, obviously) but rum isn't my jam. This pineapple drink though? Definitely. 

 

 

Gonna go straight for the dessert and save the chicken for last, because... it's my show. Duh. Regardless! I'm not a dessert guy whatsoever... I love ice cream and yet purchase it maybe once a year these days... and so this peach-mango pie (it's a strudel essentially) is lost on a tongue such as mine. It didn't exactly catch my attention... it is definitely full of its filling (that was weird to write) and there's an enjoyable sweetness to it. With a side of whipped cream, this would be divine... but on its own? To me anyway, it is just sort of 'a thing'. Entirely okay, which is only bad in that it's hard for me to write about and describe as a non dessert guy. It just needed more.

 

 

On to the main event: the fried chicken. As the lead photo gives away, I chose the spicy option over the regular, which is something I don't normally do. Again, my state of mind was rapidly falling into whichever cosmos would accept it. However, I don't regret that choice because their spicy option is incredibly interesting. The spice seems entirely in the seasoning (not in the batter, like Nashville style) and it gives some good heat. There's a nice sweetness to it as well... the closest resemblance would be those Sweet Chili Heat Doritos, except with less tang and the heat dialed up a few notches. I quite liked it: certainly different from the "doused in greasy hot sauce" approach of Popeye's or the "what's flavour?" mantra of KFC. Hell, even mentioning that last one in the company of Jollibee is a severe insult I did not intend.

For all their intriguing flavours, Jollibee certainly has flaws... and their fried chicken (while quite tasty) sadly falls into the same problems as their Yumburger. This thing is reeeeal oily... and I mean the chicken on the inside (not the fried exterior). Even a maniac like me can only take so many gobs of fat and gristle... and I've eaten sour cream-onion potato chips with sour cream a zillion times and plan to a zillion times more! 

The chicken is good, though underdone in spots... still tasting like the real thing and thankfully unlike a manufactured version intent on deception. Problem is that the grease within is absurd.

Overall! Hey, I liked more here than I didn't. The Yumburger was a strikeout, and the peach-mango pie didn't hit me in the right spot... but those mashed potatoes were astonishingly excellent, with a very understated but versatile gravy... and the fried chicken was pretty darn tasty despite the fattiness. Not that I'd rave about it, but I'd recommend Jollibee... if only just to try it for yourself. I regret not being able to/not hungry enough for the spaghetti, which writes itself as a future episode perhaps? Regardless, among big fast food chains this is a step above your generic trickery while seeming to genuinely offer various products worthy of your stomach.

 

Burnt Ends -- I finally wrote something! Well, I mean... recently. Check out my extended piece on the best dips for french fries right here.

Beyond that? Still working on the Spoon discography piece. Expect it s(p)oon..

 

This Week's Context Free Looney Tunes Image --  

 

 

Hogtown Broke --- Very unfortunate story developing here, it seems. Though as I've been fortunate to only experience unpaid wages once (and it was a horribly shitty job I only wasted my time on for a week), this stuff bugs the fuck out of me. The restaurant/bar industry isn't some oasis of easy money and minimal work as some people (lets call them I. M. Strawmin) like to assume. It takes a serious mental and physical toll on even the strongest of folks in the best of times... so when owners are sketchy about paying their hard working employees? Not cool, to say the least. I lamented Hogtown Smoke's demise from my area, but now? Obviously I'm unaware of the whole story, but paying your staff should be a top priority of any business, end of story.

 

Tuesday Sip --- We offer these at certain bars of one of my works (there are too many, I can't count that high) and so seeing them in the LCBO a while ago, thought it might be fun to review these new Corona seltzers!

 

 

It wasn't fun.

Okay... they're not horrible but boy are they not interesting. The lime cactus one has the closest thing to a distinctive flavour... light in sweetness and syrupy taste (rather like simple syrup) and there is some lime in the aftertaste. Meh... as a summer drink and cold? There is some appeal.

The raspberry one though... get lost. Where Jollibee found the right mix of pineapple and watered down drinkability, this Corona concoction tastes nothing more than fruit punch concentrate from a frozen can mixed with excessive H2O. It has a colour! ...is the most interesting thing about it. Again, it doesn't taste bad but it's just so unbelievably forgettable. Some people drink alcohol to forget I suppose... but that's not for me and frankly I like to not forget what I drink.

 

Tuesday Tune -- I can't get enough of this album. Seriously. They were already one of those bands I liked to proudly keep close to my chest... but this new record has made me a maniac. I bought this on CD fer-cryin-outloud. They're playing a gig at one of my works in late August (with Metric and Interpol, very fine bands in their own right) and I can't wait to be there (in one form or another). 

Anyhow, here's the title track of their latest album.

 

 

That's all for me! Until next time, hopefully my Monday brain catches up with the Tuesday one... but beyond that stay safe, stay well, stay together and definitely don't spill that mustard.