The Tuesday Taste: Burger King's Big Fish vs. McDonald's Filet-O-Fish

 

 

And just when I was sure

that his teachings were pure

He drowned himself in the pool

His body is gone

but back here on the lawn

His spirit continues to drool 

Another Tuesday, another Taste. As I wrote last week, various circumstances are making these reviews trickier to pull off consistently every Tuesday, and so there's a good possibility of another extended hiatus coming on the horizon. For now, we're playing it week by week and with the 75th episode potentially arriving soon... hopefully that can serve as a grand send-off should we reach that threshold. 

For now, lets ditch that sad talk and instead dive into some sad sandwiches! Or... are they actually sad? My expectations certainly predicted sorrow. This is an idea I came up with back when I brought the TT back to life this past April: how would the fish sandwiches of these two fast food burger juggernauts match up against each other? I mean, neither appeared interesting enough on their own to devote an entire review to... so why not pit them against each other in a classic battle royale with cheese? 

I'd never tried the BK Big Fish before, but the Filet-O-Fish? Definitely familiar, although it had been a long, long time. I was an extremely weird kid (so much has changed since) and went through a period of at least four years where I refused to eat any kind of beef burger. It's probable at six years old I got really sick one night after eating a cheeseburger cooked by whoever, and thus stubbornly decided to not eat any burger ever. Again, I did this for years. Considering how much of my childhood I spent in California, and thus within close proximity to many In-N-Out Burgers... it's a true face palm.

While eventually I realized how damn amazing a good cheeseburger is, during this exile from burgers I vaguely remember going to McDonald's quite a few times (as will inevitably happen when you're 7 years old... or any years old it seems). While these are fuzzy childhood memories from the mid 90s here, I have solid recollection of getting the Filet-O-Fish quite a few times as a burger substitute during this period. Until this review you are currently reading... whenever that last Filet-O-Fish 9 year old me ate was, would've been the last time I ever had one. 

Fresh eyes! Or... fresh tongues? That would be more accurate, although I only have one tongue... whatever! Lets get into this comparison between these two fish sandwiches, you know before all the awful processed chemicals in each of them render me incapable of properly forming thoughts plastic butter rocket show!         

 

First, lets compare both of these by basic appearance. This is indeed a photo I took, with both sandwiches having been prepared and given to me within 20 minutes of each other (Victoria Park and Danforth happens to have a McD's and a Burger King within a couple long football tosses of the other).

On the merit of appearance, I think this is an easy victory for Burger King. It's a far larger sandwich, you've got the lettuce to add some colour whereas the Filet-O-Fish looks more the part of a collectable kid's toy than an actual edible item. BK also has the better logo, for whatever that's worth (looking at bubbly words between two buns? I like the imagery). 

Second, the price. Both of these were surprisingly light on the wallet: the BK Big Fish was about 30 cents cheaper at 5.68 with tax (I don't get combos because I'm cheap and both places have terrible fries regardless). Considering how again I'm not even an occasional purchaser of food from either establishment, I presumed a fish sandwich would be more expensive than any trademark beef burger they offered. You go to any grocery store and even the cheapest fish will likely cost more than ground beef. While this surprise was a pleasant bonus to my slowly dwindling wallet (like seriously I need a real job)... the low price point with both of these raised a suspicious eyebrow towards their quality. Regardless, price-wise this has to be a draw. Neither was even six bucks by itself, so they both win.

 

 

Getting into them individually, lets start with McDonald's Filet-O-Fish. If you've read the Tuesday Taste for a while, you should know by now that I hold no affinity for McDonald's whatsoever. The Big Mac tastes of imitated food, the McChicken far too processed and juicy to seem real, and my experience with the Quarter Pounder left such an unremarkable impression I wrote 5am prose (truly the best kind of prose) instead of a real review (which is still one of my favourite Tastes I've written, heh).

However! I gotta say... this actually wasn't bad. It wasn't good... don't miss catching me on this curveball, but for the first time since reviewing McDonald's this actually felt more like a real food item than a quickly assembled and distributed product. 

The quickly assembled and distributed aspect of it is by far its greatest weakness. Looking back on my previous McDonald's reviews, I mention every time how their buns completely suck. Well shocker! This bun here is also terrible and completely sucks. It's so stiff without any kind of natural flakiness (real) bread would have in that condition... instead you get an awkward texture with little give and tastes of nothing beyond plastic butter (callback to a previous joke!). 

It's also a minimalist sandwich, as beyond the bun and fish patty all you get is a dollop of tartar sauce and a slice of processed cheese. Also... processed cheese on a fish sandwich? Why??? This is incredibly strange to me... cheese in its natural form and various marvelous shapes and tastes, is not a typical compliment for any fish, in any of its form. I could see something like a goat cheese or a melted mozzarella... more for creaminess or cheesy texture, but processed cheese? It's so weird! Not as weird as how they placed it on this particular sandwich however...

 

 

I mean, this is just funny. Why is my Filet-O-Fish licking its lips? Does it sense some prey off in the distant wilderness of the swampy Quarry Lands? You ever get a sandwich that could take a bite outta you?

All right, enough self-amusement. Despite its simplicity and horrible bun, the Filet-O-Fish was actually rather decent. The processed cheese is obnoxiously out of place (and thankfully physically out of place in this case), but I was okay with the taste of the fish here. I would've liked it a bit crispier, as the outside corners tended to lack juiciness... but all the way through I could taste an actual fish flavour throughout. Quite similar in texture to a quality frozen battered fish filet, except with enough tenderness and consistent taste (and not that frozen flavour that stings the tip of the tongue) to elevate it just a bit above the generic players in that game. 

Seriously, I was surprised how 'okay' this was. The texture and taste of the fish was consistently there, and it was never too dry or tough. Compositionally (it's a word now damnit) this definitely needs more: McDonald's clearly has pickles... a couple of those (even in the wimpy condition McD's would provide) really could elevate this sandwich another level. Their tartar sauce as well: I liked how it had bits of relish in there and a very slight hint of citrus sweetness in the mayo... but like the sandwich it is really missing something. Eating this, while exceeding my low expectations, was disappointing in how there are so many ways to make this thing better. Nobody wants your garbage cheese* on there! Trade that out for some pickles, coleslaw... even goddamn lettuce! I don't like you, McDonald's... not at all... but even I think you can tweak this into something I'd respect. 

*I'm sure a lot of people like the bland un-melted processed cheese on the Filet-O-Fish, and hey... it's okay to be wrong

 

 

Onto the second challenger of this main event... the BK Big Fish. 

Wow... where to begin with this one. I must say, the size of the sandwich gave me initial optimism, not to mention the plentiful lettuce. This is a potato bun as well, not exactly the freshest version you'll find (the cracking veins you see are surely exhibit A) but for this bun to actually have some kind of distinctive flavour and texture presence is an enormous step above the pathetic hand-held shells McDonald's offer. 

The "tartar" sauce is where this fish sandwich really starts to lose the goodwill, like a found wallet immediately erupting single dollar bills onto busy Bay Street. This is not a tartar sauce. Trust me, I've made basic tartar sauce before. It's absurdly simple. Mayo, relish, lemon juice, maybe some dill, profit. This here (aside from a speckle or two of relish that might exist by mistake) is just mayonnaise that may have been left out in the sun too long. At least McD's tartar sauce had some of that relish tang, and enough sweetness to actually be distinctive... and I cannot believe I'm favourably comparing McDonald's against anything but here we are. 2022 man.

Okay... so this is just a fish sandwich with lettuce and mayo. How's the fish? Isn't that the whole point of everything here, Mr. West Collier Street? TELL US THE POINT ALREADY! Well, first be sure to like and subscribe to West Collier Street so you can get all the updates to see what reviews I'm planning in the future! 

Look... I'm gonna keep my thoughts on the BK Big Fish as concise as possible. This is an obvious challenge for me, no shit... I could write a dozen paragraphs about my history with hummus (and would be happy to do so). Concise thoughts! Um, the BK Big Fish kinda sucks. Like, really sucks. It's bad... and here's why:

First off, the edges are exceptionally dry. I was suspicious how it took a single minute for my Filet-O-Fish to be ready, and then was optimistic how it took several minutes for my BK Big Fish to come out. That must mean they're making and frying it to order, right? RIGHT? When will I ever learn. Nope, this BK Big Fish has the texture of having sat outside on a porch overnight and then microwaved to be presentable. Horribly stale and flavourless on the outsides, while the interior tenderness has oozed away into the next plane of existence. Can I join it? This fish sandwich was just so goddamn bad... despite its size I think I got a hint of fish maybe three times in the dozen bites it took to consume it. Meanwhile the texture and flavour of the fish was rubbery and weird... did I say weird? That too, but also revolting. 

All you taste is mayo, lettuce, a not fresh potato bun and then a fried fish patty that seems squeezed free from any flavour it once had. It's pretty terrible, and my poor stomach immediately disagreeing with my life choices upon finishing it? Deal sealed. 

 ---

Overall! I would recommend neither of these. The Filet-O-Fish though, actually, does what I really thought impossible: make me nod at McDonald's in semi-respect. It is the clear winner here because as boring and (way better it could be with some additions) basic as the Filet-O-Fish is... it does taste like a collage of fish flavour throughout. The somewhat crispy texture and tenderness is there, and while I'd like it a bit crispier... the middle part of the sandwich does not lack the ground-floor necessities to make a breaded fish sandwich work. Man.... it needs a way better bun and something (anything!) to punch up the supporting flavours though. As is, the Filet-O-Fish tastes like a first draft. Like any first draft, to make it better you probably have to ditch the thing you put in there just to appease your own sense of cleverness... like processed cheese on a fish sandwich for starters.

The BK Big Fish is awful, and I definitely recommend you steer far away from it. This is something that could maybe be good... they clearly have an strong concept of construction (lettuce, potato bun) of how to make a sandwich interesting... but the fish itself is just so far below-acceptable that none of it matters. Blech. Also 'Blech the Sequel': McDonald's wins this showdown! That's it, I'm retiring. Freedom 35, right? That's what Ricky, Julian and Bubbles planned in season 3 it worked out amazing for the--- oh. Goddamnit. I'm doomed. Thanks for reading everybody! 

 

Burnt Ends -- Gonna write a look at the Sloan discography. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week... but soon. 

Oh, I also wrote a huge baseball article about the top MLB free agents and how they might fit on the Blue Jays. 

 

Tuesday Tune -- It's a grim one for these grim times. Beauty in the sadness and all that.

 

That's all for now. As I mentioned above, this might be the end for a while. Hopefully the upcoming week puts life in a better light, both for you and for myself, but until whatever that is... stay safe, stay well and don't spill that mustard.

      

      

                 

The Tuesday Taste: Eat BKK Thai Kitchen

 

 

I can't feel this way much longer

expecting to survive

With all these hidden innuendos

just waiting to arrive

It's such a wavy midnight

and you slip into insane

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste. Another weird week. Novembers never seem to agree with me mentally, and the Winter blues seem to be hitting quicker than usual around here.

 

After a busy weekend, despite a Monday completely off I wasn't in any mood for a big food adventure that would occupy my entire day traveling across Toronto (which is a pretty big city don't ya know). Instead, for the second straight week it was back into Leslieville/Riverside... this time to sample Thai restaurant Eat BKK.

Eat BKK, a concept based towards recreating Bangkok street food (the 'BKK' represents those letters in Bangkok in fact), started out a few years ago as a little sit down spot in North York just south of Sheppard and Yonge Street. They've since expanded to five locations, with three of the newer outposts stationed strategically in "hip" food stretches like Roncesvalles, Bloor Street in the Annex, and of course Queen East... which is where I come in.

 

I'm criminally unfamiliar with Thai food, at least as far as I'm concerned. I mean, I spent two damn months in the place... the one completely on the other side of the world just so we're clear... but most of my Thailand culinary experience involved plenty of rice dishes, various night markets where I was probably too eager to purchase something that smelled good (if hooves are still attached, maybe stay away) and a rigorous routine of Corn Flakes with milk and honey in the morning. Man, 22 year old me was boring... he probably wasn't even horribly sad most of the time!

Oh... said the quiet part loud again. Anyway, I really enjoyed almost all of the food I had when in Thailand about six decades ago (whenever 2010 was, who knows), but since returning to North America I've rarely gone back to that excellent cuisine. Heck, even a really good place I reviewed a couple of years ago (and close to my house) isn't a spot I've ordered from more than a couple times. This isn't like a cheeseburger, pizza or any old sandwich for my taste buds, with stacks of previous knowledge and thoughts to draw from. Not in my wheelhouse with this one.

However, I know what I like and also like to think I have a decent sense of general quality with anything that enters my mouth (please don't insert your own joke here... because I just did). I also didn't have any expectations for Eat BKK going in: I knew very little about them beyond seeing their marquee at various places throughout town. 

Walking into the Riverside location to make my take-out order, the interior aesthetic caught my attention rather immediately. The major wall with the tables had a very "street art" type of colourful mural which covered almost the entire surface. The rest of the restaurant reminded me a lot of the festivals I encountered in the small towns I visited in the middle part of Thailand: frilly colourful decorations and plenty of gold ornaments and writings in Thai upon a blackboard atop the bar. An unusual fusion that threw me off somewhat, but certainly a unique one.

 

Lets get into this actual food while my brains still almost work. I ordered one of their fusion-y dishes: a Khao Soi beef curry poutine. I know I know... I truly debated getting one of their actual currys in addition to this poutine item listed as a "Starter" on their menu... but also I'm not made of airports damnit. Besides, I felt this was an interesting way to experience both their interpretation of a classic Canadian dish with their general flavour quality as a Thai restaurant. There's a method to my cheapn--I mean madness. Probably.

I found it initially curious how they packaged the beef curry part separately from the fries, cheese and other toppings (which you can see in the header photo of course). It didn't take long for me to realize the cleverness in this set-up: soupy liquids will make french fries soggy extremely quickly, especially confined in a warm takeout container for many minutes of travel. Upon digging in, I wondered if I should simply use the curry as a dip for my still crispy fries and cheese... alas the thin consistency of that sauce made for a messy and ineffective method of eating this. As such, pouring it all on top seemed the prudent option.

 

                  

Starting with the "poutine" half... sorry but this isn't really a poutine. It's possible other BKK locations use actual cheese curds or that they used to... regardless this here was a shredded cheese mix and so that's a strike against it. Frankly, it's really the only negative because otherwise this worked nicely. The fries have a light beer battered crisp/taste to them, while the generous dose of green onions combined with tiny crispy fried onions really add a nice cutting of flavour into that noticeable fried potato taste (this thing had all the onions, clearly). Ordering a dish from a Thai restaurant (mini)chain with french fries as a key component... yeah I was really just hoping the fries weren't awful. Fortunately, these hit the mark thanks to that slightly battered layer... even submerged in the curry the firmness and flavour of the fry persisted.

How about that beef curry. There's a nice mix of a broth-like consistency with some coconut richness, and a hint of soy (that specific saltiness) in the cooked beef itself. The beef was initially a bit tough, but allowing it to marinate (as it were) in the warm curry softens it up and really unlocks a pleasant tenderness and unmistakably beefy taste. It pairs nicely with the very onion-heavy fries and cheese as well: if these were regular potatoes instead of battered fries this would just be a Thai beef curry, and an enjoyable one at that. 

I suppose in the absence of the poutine novelty, I would've liked a bit more punch of spice in the curry itself (there are hints of chili pepper but very, very mild). The beef is good enough but I imagine atop a rice dish instead of the advantage of soaking in delicious flavourful sauce... it would grade as pretty okay but not memorable by its own merit. As a portion size... it hit the spot for me and was pleasant in the stomach afterwards (an underrated element of ordering takeout, I feel). If considering it as an appetizer before a big main course, this poutine is big and heavy enough to probably require some sharing with people at the table. 

---

Overall! As introduction to Eat BKK, what I sampled impressed me enough to consider going back sometime again for an actual main course to judge. I didn't expect this to be bad but I had some concerns... instead I can tell this is a mini-franchise that gives a decent hoot about making delicious Thai food with caring process and preparation. I will go back again, so there's a future review right there. They also did the not-easy job of moderately impressing me while in one of my constant weird moods... that has to be worth a bonus mark somewhere on the quiz. Check them out! And let me know if you do/have already.         

 

Bank Shots -- It's one thing to rob a bank... but robbing two banks in the same day? Well apparently even that wasn't big enough for somebody here in Toronto the other day, who attempted to rob three banks in the span of two hours! That's some wild stuff, man. Are we sure it wasn't actually this guy?

 

Tuesday Tune -- It's a song by The Cars.

 

 

That's it for this week. With all the cold weather and my motivation to go outside (or do anything really) seriously waning, we're gonna be playing it week by week with these Tuesday reviews for a while. Might end up taking an extended break in the future, we'll have to see how things go. Until next time, stay warm, stay healthy out there and don't spill that mustard.

The Tuesday Taste: Belly Buster Submarines

 

 

You say you've lost your faith

but that's not where it's at

You had no faith to lose

and you know it

I know the reason

That you talk behind my back

I used to be among the crowd

you're in with 

 

Hey another Tuesday... another Taste. After the truly "delightful" experience of reviewing Subway a couple of weeks back, the idea of how to best wash out that particular grotesque sub sandwich from my memory has lingered since, like an unwelcome house guest. Well... it just so happens that local mini-chain Belly Buster recently opened their fourth location on College Street, a perfectly timed reason to finally feature them on the Tuesday review.

Despite this recent expansion (their Queen Street East outpost has also opened just in the past year, while the King West spot is about a decade old), the original Belly Buster Submarines has existed up north of Yonge and Lawrence for nearly fifty years now and continues to go on strong.  

I'd only been to a Belly Buster once before, which was the King Street location for a quick lunch with some co-workers during my days of working TIFF screenings at Roy Thomson Hall. It was honestly a while (and multiple jobs and also that global pandemic thing) ago, so I don't really remember what I ordered or whether it totally agreed with fickle ol' me. In many ways this 2022 visit was like trying Belly Buster for the first time all over again.

I went to the Queen East location (because I live in the east end, so duh) and went for a standard turkey sub sandwich: whole wheat bread with lettuce, green peppers, cucumbers, spicy honey mustard, mayo and sub sauce. As I mention anytime I get a burger, I'm pretty simple with this stuff. The temptation to add pickles was there also, but seemed redundant with cucumbers present already... plus aside from hamburgers or fried chicken sandwiches, I find pickles aren't really a "must have" topping for me. This is surely true sacrilege to many people I know who simply adore pickles (we're talking pickles on pizza stuff here) but my enjoyment of them leans much more into mild territory. I've never even once purchased them from a grocery store, seriously.

Diving into the pickle-less submarine sandwich you see above... well there isn't a whole lot to dive specifically into detail about. This is pretty much a very straight forward turkey sandwich, with a plentiful amount of turkey I was pleased to see. To compare it against some of the other sub sandwiches I've previously reviewed for the TT... this one probably is the best. Subway was of course beyond dreadful, Mr. Sub (despite my nostalgia for them) is very very average and the closest Quizno's to downtown Toronto is now at Browns Line. 

I would put Belly Buster ahead of Quizno's anyhow, and this is coming from somebody who was truly a big Quizno's fan. They're very different sandwiches and while I do love Quizno's flavourful sauces and general toastyness... those strong elements do expertly disguise some pretty flat ingredients sometimes, or a notable lack of contents within the sub. Those ingredients and contents are still far, far superior to Subway, which I'll say again barely resembles actual food. 

What works here is Belly Buster is a much more well-rounded sub sandwich. The whole wheat bread, while not mind blowing, really has superior depth and softness to that unfortunate Subway sub I reviewed (perhaps the most simultaneously hollow and stale bun I've encountered for these reviews). Buster's bun brings a good mix of firmness to contain the contents and also enough softness/freshness to make the texture enjoyable as well. A perfectly acceptable bread vessel. I've possibly never mentioned this but I've really become a bread snob as I've aged into my 30s. When buying bread for my own uses at home, it has to be baked in store regardless of the style, though especially with buns. I abandoned any of the mass-packaged Wonder/Dempster/D'Italiano stuff many years ago, and the difference in taste and freshness with baked in-store products (especially when toasted) can't be properly explained beyond "I ain't ever going back". 

This sub you see here was not, in fact, toasted... yet it didn't really need to be. Cold turkey is itself still extremely enjoyable when the flavour is genuine, and this one brings enough of that to work. You get the tender flakiness, a hint of saltiness and plus eating this whole thing made me want to take a pleasant nap almost immediately afterwards... which is probably a good sign of its quality? Certainly better than after the "chicken" in that Subway sandwich, which made me want to curl into a ball on the curb of a busy public street. Anyhow, for a cold cut the turkey here was tasty and plentiful.

The supporting elements do a solid job as well. The green peppers (despite being oddly diced into tiny cubes) have some good crunch to them, as do the cucumbers (thankfully with some moisture to them as well). The shredded lettuce is reasonably fresh (at least to the point it doesn't soggily stick to itself) and the cheddar cheese is a notable secondary presence despite the turkey slices outnumbering it possibly 5-to-1. I suppose the sauces are the weak link: the spicy honey mustard was nicely sweet but I would've liked a bit more punch to it, while the mayo is your standard mayo and the vinegar/pepperyness of the sub sauce helps the turkey but provides little else. Belly Buster offer quite a few BBQ sauces and while curious to try them, a turkey sandwich to me didn't quite seem an ideal match for such a tasting. 

 

Overall! It's been a while since I whole-heartedly recommended something here on the Tuesday review, but this was a damn fine (and affordable) sub sandwich that filled my stomach and sent me to slumberland. This was really quite good... nothing life-changing (unlike the pizza place a few doors east of their Queen location) but Belly Buster get the basics right and the result is a quality submarine sandwich. I will likely go back and try something more adventurous in the future, although in the meantime I really have to try Good Behavior first (now with a spot on Gerrard East) if another sub craving should strike.                       

Burnt Ends -- With the weather here in Toronto finally taking its unfortunate turn into the chilly early months of proto-Winter, my desire/tolerance towards cross-city food adventures will wane a bit. This does not mean any kind of hiatus from the TT! At least, perhaps not yet... there are plenty of ideas I've been saving that also require minimally tedious stomping through snow. 

This does mean however that I might switch gears and focus back on more creative writing projects (which I've been sorely neglecting), or writing more about music/band discographies again. I still haven't covered a Canadian artist or band yet, and I've got an excellent idea who the first will be...

Oh, and if you missed it: last week I checked out Panago Pizza. It's... at least a pizza.  

 

Another Pie Bites The Dust -- While not an elite Toronto pizza in my books (probably the fringes of the Top 50 now), still very sad news about Lambretta Pizza on Roncesvalles and their unfortunate tango with financial losses thanks to the pandemic and a hardline landlord. They still have a new-ish location on Davenport I believe, so this hopefully isn't completely the end. 

Tuesday Tune -- I woke up Tuesday morning with this song in my head, and it's enough of a classic that no further explanation is really needed.

 

 

That's all for this week! Hopefully, if the world survives (fingers crossed) we'll be back with another review next Tuesday. Until that time, stay safe, stay warm (stupid approaching Winter) and don't spill that mustard.

The Tuesday Taste: Panago Pizza

 

Saw you in a way

Beyond figurin' out

These lines of life

have been drawn

and can't be removed

Our eyes is all it took to know 

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste. Well, after sharing a review trilogy of exceptional pizzas on the site earlier this past week... it seems like we couldn't just leave pizza alone for a while on that high note, could we? Nope... wrapping this all up with Return of the Jedi just wasn't good enough apparently... just had to keep it going. 

Semi-fortunately for this reviewer and pizza lunatic (I mean 'fan'), this additional entry into this mini-saga was far from the clusterfuckery of Rise of Skywalker (or *shudder* the prequels). Don't get me wrong, this pizza isn't even in the same universe as any of those three I reviewed last week... but I came into this fearing it could've been a whole lot worse. 

Panago (according to Wikipedia... Panago's actual site gives no history) appears to have started in the mid-1980s in Abbotsford, British Columbia as a venture of the Rooke brothers. While since establishing a modest presence throughout most of Canada, the majority of their operations are still very centralized in Western Canada (along with about 3/4 of their locations it looks like). 

I probably first noticed Panago sometime in the late 2000s (their first Toronto location was apparently at Bay and Gerrard, which I can somehow still visualize on the north side of Gerrard there). Strangely, at this time I never gave them a try despite still living downtown. Oh, this was me waaaay before I worked at Pizzeria Libretto or devised my brilliant Pizza Nova garlic hack, or even had any experience working adjacent to a kitchen... heck I probably still thought Pizza Pizza was okay at this point (oh to be so young and foolish). No, it would be about a decade later that I finally tried Panago's pizza... and the reason I remember this is because it was absolutely terrible.  

There is evidence of my thoughts on this at the time! Looking back, I was a bit too harsh on 2-4-1 Pizza in that piece (they're certainly not good, but not worth an 'F'). Pizzaiolo likewise deserves a better re-evaluation than the 'C' I awarded (I'd probably land them a 'B--' now... maybe I was just sick of them back then). As for Panago... they received a 'D' in that review, a review which I wrote shortly after that bad experience. Doubling down on that grade here would mean this is a pizza significantly inferior to the one I had from Wing Machine... which I still regard as one of the worst outlets I've ever willingly thrown money into (dropping it from a high building to watch it float down would have at least been visually something). Anyhow, lets see if or how much Panago recovers here on this re-visit.

 

One issue that likely happened that first time I tried Panago in 2018: I was grabbing a mini-pizza with just pepperoni on my way to work at Roy Thomson Hall. It probably took longer to bake than I expected or my timing was off... because I have a memory of keeping it untouched and cooling above my locker while rushing out for the pre-shift meeting. By the time I returned (possibly an hour later after setting up a bar and likely training some new person) the pizza was not only cold but totally dried out. Like a mummy. Not even the toaster oven in our break room could salvage it... it was a stale flavourless mess and there weren't even the most microscopic of charms to win me over. 

Coming into Panago this time (the very same location on Bremner in fact), I wanted to change it up from my usual topping go-tos. Panago has quite a variety of sauces, ranging from your typical tomato sauce into weirdness like coconut curry, jalapeno white sauce, chipotle cilantro and 'Cheezy Cheddar' (the 'z' really sells it). While curious about these, I wanted to judge their traditional merits as a pizza and so stayed on tomato sauce. However, all these options inspired me towards a topping combination rather unusual for me: steak and red peppers.

First off... I like the generosity of those toppings. There is a good spread of them on here, wherein each bite is almost certain to have something of those two flavours. As for that actual flavour... genuinely not bad. The red peppers are diced fairly small, which isn't ideal to begin with and really works better on nachos or hot dogs (I prefer a firmer crunch on a pizza). When they're this small, these tiny pepper bits dry out very quickly in the oven or on a reheat and you just end up tasting the skin of the pepper, while the rest fades or bleeds out. The steak, however... I was very skeptical this would be anything beyond generic beef strips, unseasoned and blandly cooked to hell. Instead... there's actually a hint of grill-flavour on these pieces, some saltiness and a slight juicy beef aftertaste. Similar to what you might get out of a Medium-Well steak in terms of chewiness and minimal bloodiness. Surely the most pleasant surprise here.

Diving into the basic pizza elements... this is where the curtain gets pulled and Panago veers into a ditch. Double conflicting analogy bonus! Actually... the tomato sauce is rather decent. Not much depth in texture or presence, but at least you can taste it most of the time and it has a light sweetness to it, kind of like the very next step above something generic and forgettable. The cheese likewise is fine... when it isn't overcooked and bubbled to the point of robbing its precious softness. 

This Panago pizza is rather like a Domino's pie if it were flatter... there's less of that tasteless overcooked blech throughout simply by there being less pizza here (which is to Panago's credit, for the record). Unfortunately like Domino's, Panago becomes a real slog to eat once cold. Most of the flavour disappears, the cheese gets stiff and after a few bites of tasting nothing and chewing for a century-long minute it becomes time to give up. 

Good cheese is important for a pizza to be decent when cold, but most important of all on that avenue is the dough... which sadly is Panago's most glaring flaw. This bread is incredibly bland and unremarkable in every way. There's a hint of a crisp crust layer that you'd get with a likewise pan pizza like Pizza Hut, but where Hut clogs your soul with greasiness... Panago's crust has nothing to it at all. And it desperately needs something, because even as just baked bread it lacks those basic enjoyable flavour and texture qualities. Some salt or dusting of pepper, perhaps? The tiniest drizzle of olive oil? I can now see why Panago likes promoting their bizarre base sauces and various dips. Also... the bottom of these slices are noticeably chewy as well, even when the pie is still warm. It's strange because it doesnt exactly get stale or dry out, rather that the dough itself is tough despite being kinda spongey. Whatever it is, it's bad.

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Overall... I'd say Panago's biggest shortcoming (the bland, tough dough) would be a shame blocking an otherwise solid pizza. Except, I won't say that! Nah... the bread is very disappointing but even if it were okay, there really isn't anything else here in this pizza that truly impressed me. 

At its best... Panago is extremely okay, perhaps one of the most mediocre among the many mediocre pizzas I've encountered. There isn't any one element (beyond that steak, to which I probably just got lucky choosing it) that stands out as notable or distinct about the Panago style. It isn't completely terrible, which means it has improved in standing since my first taste a few years ago... but I wouldn't recommend it either. Even fifteen years ago Toronto had a bundle of better options than this, now there are multiple baskets of far superior quality throughout. Panago gets a 'C', as exact a score as can be for something this 'meh' and quickly forgotten.  

 

Burnt Ends -- Oh my words! I finally get to write this weekly blurb of the review where I update what I've been working on with multiple articles of my work to share. As referenced a zillion times above, here is the Great Pizza Review Trilogy of October 2022: Revolver Pizza Co, the great Descendant, and the newest honour roll kid Bello Pizza.

Inbetween eatin--I mean reviewing pizza, I wrote a baseball thing for BattersBox where I revisited some predictions I wrote back in March for the then upcoming MLB season. Baseball! I'm gonna miss it real bad in about a week or so, like I always do.

 

Tuesday Tune -- With Halloween having just passed, I wanted a spooky song this week. Plus, after almost seventy of these weekly restaurant chain reviews I've never shared this band I rather love a lot. So here it is:

 

 

That's all for this week! I can pretty much guarantee next time we won't be diving into yet another pizza, but hey you never know... Until next time! Stay safe, stay warm and don't spill that mustard.