Everybody smash up your seats
and rock to this brand new beat
This here music
mash up a nation
This here music cause a sensation
Another Tuesday... another Taste!
Even now, a month later, I am lamenting the fact I missed Beaches Ribfest this year (for comparison sake, imagine the crowded Ribfest at Centennial Park except smaller, not at all crowded and most of the same BBQ joints). Curses! Damn my summer employment and weekend baseball commitments... no actually I'm very cool with having those please continue indefinitely...
Anyhow, in that absence of an annual tradition I'd been feeling some BBQ for a while... and my dear dad messages me while I'm working a boring Argos game asking "have you tried the burgers at Montana's?" Good sir, I barely even knew Montana's's (Montaneses? Montanei?) still existed!
If you give it a look... they are plentiful but none are remotely close to any TTC subway station. In fact the closest one to the central core of Toronto is so close to Pearson airport you can see the windows along the planes taking off/about to land as they pass over your head.
Montana's is one of those 'chain-sit-down-restaurant' joints I've grouped in my head with Boston Pizza, Kelsey's, Jack Astor's, Earl's, the Firkins, Appleby's would the famous American example... you get my drift. I suppose each one has their own shtick, but having worked for a few of these kinds of restaurants in the past what has always been a weird feeling for me is how all about "bringing the brand" the experience is. Almost every place you ever work, restaurant or corporate chain or otherwise, will want that kind of "project our uniqueness onto the patrons/customers" (if you've watched Office Space you know what I mean)... which cool (I guess) but when all your restaurants have the exact same regimented decor and style, the exact same "funky" artwork on the walls or identical wooden paneling along the booths, or a repeated neon sign quip at every single location... well does quirkiness necessarily go hand-in-hand with uniqueness? I don't think so. Not when it's such an obvious widespread effort.
Perhaps this is a reason why none of my Tuesday reviews ever even considered trying these types of places. Big, faceless fast food chains are fun to slag and compare against one another (although less fun to consume), while more independent local spots are extremely enjoyable to review because the food comes from a place of true heart, love, and soul... telling their stories and the people behind them (often the owners themselves) is wonderful.
Chain sit-down restaurants like Montana's are in that weird middle ground: I'm sure each individual location has its own fascinating story, every staff member with endless tales about their experiences... but there are so many of them and as mandated by corporate they all look the same anyway so... what's really the point?
It seems I'm revealing a mild disdain for this particular type of restaurant, which is only particularly true. Again, Montana's wasn't at all close to my radar (or where I live) for the weekly review... but a free ride (and he sneakily paid the dinner bill too, thank you again) from my dad made me shrug and say "why the heck not?"
Backstory! Well, there isn't much I can find. The concept appears to have been born in the mid 1990s as a BBQ off-shoot of Kelsey's (gee think I just mentioned them) and in the late 1990s the Montana's chain (as a subsidiary of Kelsey's) was bought out by what is now known as Recipe Unlimited... an enormous conglomerate you've probably never heard of (I hadn't) but they also own Harvey's, The Keg, New York Fries, East Side Mario's, Swiss Chalet... I dunno did you really expect any different? When you have a hundred locations and almost each one I guarantee has a significant dedicated parking lot...
Review the f#@#@g food already! Huh? Who said that? Must be the ghosts circling around me. Lets get into that. My dad wasn't exactly insistent about me trying this (insistent is not his style) but after his partner and her father both raved about the burger, he was indeed curious what I would think. The car trip getting there (and back) was hilarious and will make a hilarious story on a later date (I gotta run as I edit this) but to this point I've already spent far too much time ranting about corporate restaurant chains. Here's the burger already you impatient ghosts!
Montana's offer a few different burgers. A veggie option (duh), a "Canadian" burger which adds a slice of peameal bacon on top (which is what my dear dad got), and a brisket burger! Crispy onions, slices of BBQ brisket, cheddar cheese, all on top of a burger.
I confess... I've never had slices of brisket atop a freaking cheeseburger before... so going in (I looked ahead of time) I knew this was my move. Damn, I love brisket so darn much... read my *shameless plug alert* review of Dang Smoke if you don't believe me. Good beef brisket is one of my very favourite food things ever. As a weird sort of bacon-substitute on a corporate restaurant chain burger? I wasn't expecting anything truly incredible.
Indeed, it was not. But... as a brisket? It was fairly okay. You can tell it's a gimmick and a slight afterthought... the truly best brisket (like a Dang Smoke) will smoke that shit every morning so to be ready to order, and the tender, melty texture/juiciness shows in the process.
Here? Tougher, not to the point of chewiness (thank goodness, that was my biggest fear) but loose enough and some decent flavour (although drenched in BBQ sauce it was tricky to tell where that ended and the brisket began). If this was alone on a sandwich? Hard no. As a textural accompaniment atop a burger? Decent supporting piece.
Fries! They were fine. Crispy, salty seasoning, and tasting like fries should. Hard to give points here for nailing something so basic... but I will because these were quite all right. Imagine a level of quality wherein you're at a table with a bunch of friends but none of you are super hungry, but somebody orders a basket of these to share and they're gone within fifteen minutes. It's a good, quality level of french fry.
Okay Montana's burger, lets see what you've got because I've had a sampling of the best, Toronto or otherwise. Harry's Charbroiled, Burger Drops, Friday, the NYC Shake Shack... and In-N-Out still remains my GOAT (much to the lament of my parents who grew up in Winnipeg with the Salisbury House 'Nip'... look it up). You better bring it, Montana's!
Within the second bite, I already knew how I felt about this burger. It's... good! Comparing it to those places I rambled/joked about above isn't entirely fair (nor is it nearly on that level) but this was a darn tasty, flavourful cheeseburger.
The beef patty itself... reminds of that grilled taste you get from a backyard BBQ, expect the patty itself is about twice as thick. Much like Harvey's actually, except a considerable notch above. To Montana's credit, this is a hefty burger and unlike your buddy's grill wherein you could probably wolf down three store-boughts with a minimal food coma afterwards... halfway through this thing I had to start taking my time a little bit, and I came in real hungry.
You get a lot of that grilled flavour and there's definitely some good juicy texture, although far from anything dripping or greasy. The supporting cast? I already talked about the brisket, however on the best bites of this burger there's a pleasant match of soft hamburger with thicker BBQ sauce drenched within sliced beef. Again, an odd combination I'd never encountered before but it kind of works.
How about the rest? Good bun, barely noticed it for good or bad. Like a baseball umpire, sometimes it's best when you forget they are there. Cheese? Not much either beyond texture and a hint of sharpness. Standard pre-sliced cheddar (not true fake cheese thankfully, which would not have worked here at all). BBQ sauce? Sadly a bit too much of it, and a dominant flavour. It's a sweeter BBQ sauce which does work, and a fine sauce on it's own... juuuust a little too much of it.
Crispy onions? Man. I don't get why places put crispy onions on hot burgers fresh off a grill or griddle or whatever. It's HOT... the heat contained within (the burger is still cooking while it cools) softens those crispy onions to the point you lose the precious crunch, which is the most appealing aspect of crispy onions, and once that happens they're just kinda... there. Tepid, soft and flavourless. It doesn't work! An onion ring on a burger? Likewise the batter and crunch of that will soften and lose it's full impact, but at least you still have an actual fried onion within to provide something! And when done right, the crunch of the thicker batter of an onion ring remains. Put those tiny crispy onions off to the side, pile em on once you're halfway done the burger.
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Overall! Lets ditch the preamble and get into the honest question: is this an objectively good burger? Answer: yes! I quite liked it. Nothing along the likes of those places I mentioned earlier, but beyond my crispy onions rant this is an example of a fairly generic good-ish burger spruced up with other solid supporting flavours. As I said, the quality of beef patty itself is of a friend BBQing on a grill cooking up high quality store-bought patties but really knows what he or she is doing.
Much like Gus Tacos... it's so in the high end middle of my vague "recommend or don't" range, that sweet spot where if you have it you'll enjoy it most definitely, but there isn't anything particularly explosive or lastingly memorable about it. Perhaps, having never tried anything else of their food before but still indeed take my words of wisdom as scripture... if you find yourself at a Montana's and are debating the merits of a good looking burger... I can say it is quite solidly good. And most importantly, very filling.
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Half Man Half Recollection
Vince Carter, future basketball Hall of Famer and (I presume) the first man to have his jersey retired by the Raptors (and they freaking better... the Nets are also retiring his number and they don't even play in the same city as they did when he played there!) goes through some of his career highlights and it's a lot of fun. At least, the first ten and last two minutes are. Those daggers he hit against us still hurt, man.
Tuesday Tune
It's either the best album of the 1970s, or easily the best album of the 1980s (though Paul's Boutique remains my favourite). Great song, insanely flawless record.
That's all for this week I gotta run, maybe a review next week we'll see but until then take care stay safe and don't spill that mustard!
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