The Tuesday Taste - Tim Horton's Pizza

Always on my mind

Everyday every night

Your star burns so bright

Why did I push you away?

I was scared sometimes

You had a power

like a lightnin' strike

Another Tuesday... another Taste. Is this stupid year over yet? Tomorrow you say? Thank f*ing god. 

I was pretty indifferent about 2024 until, lets say, a few days into November (which is the most garbage of all months surely... sorry to my friends with November birthdays but it's true). Aside from America objectively shitting itself (which wasn't very fun to witness) well I personally left a dookie in my own trousers with a double sequence of completely screwing up in quite embarrassing and expensive fashion. Emotionally... yeah I'm not really over it, and the crumbling state of common sanity and/or decency is not helping the cause. 

So good riddance 2024! Not that 2025 promises to be any better... probably significantly worse if we're being real here... goody. Well, despite all this doom and gloom I've still got some reviews for you all, and a special one at that to close the year off right. I can only take things deadly serious for so long, thus why to polish off the calendar I went and finally tried... the pizza at Tim freaking Horton's. 

Yeah. We're doing this. Seems fitting, doesn't it?

Despite their obvious prominence throughout Canada, I believe I've only reviewed Tim Horton's once before: the "famous" 26th edition of the Tuesday reviews where I compared a few breakfast sandwiches against each other, where (spoiler) Tim's was one of the better ones. As a non-coffee drinker... what else is there really to review from Tim Horton's? A bagel and cream cheese? Cheap-ass sandwiches? A freaking doughnut? 

Yet, once they began offering this "flatbread pizza" thing earlier this year... well as a certified pizza maniac I knew this current moment was inevitable. My expectations were naturally (and reasonably) low, and on a Monday night where my bicycle refused to actually be fixed (just go away, 2024... please) I wandered into the Beaches Tim Horton's and spent some money on what you see below. 

Tim's offer four (!) kinds of pizzas: pepperoni, an "Everything Bacon", a chicken parmesan and a simple cheese one. You're getting the pepperoni (on the left, duh) and the chicken option here. 

 

We'll start with the pepperoni, and trust me this won't take long. Positives: it actually isn't terrible, and they made it fresh to order! If I was fifteen again, or eighteen and smoking copious amounts of herbal remedies I think I could genuinely enjoy this. Alas I am in my mid-late 30s, don't really smoke much at all and also kinda have a few dozen dozen pizza reviews already in my bag... so yeah. This ain't great.  

Nothing terribly offensive about it, which is the best thing I can say here... rather it's the blandness that is the key weakness. Tomato sauce-wise, you get a nice amount of it but the quality is about as generic as it gets. That artificially sweet/sugary tomato taste, the blend is too even and perfect... it's that cheap canned stuff you buy in a supermarket not a genuine pizza sauce made in house. 

This pizza's greatest asset is the bread. It's enjoyably light, with a lingering floury flavour that lasts far longer than anything else here. By far the most notable thing on either of these pizzas, because (spoiler) the rest is just aggressively forgettable. No flavour lasts longer than a fleeting moment.

The pepperoni? Nothing to it, like any okay-ish pepperoni you've ever had in your life. Not even charmingly greasy... just your typical pepperoni that does exactly the minimum requirement, nothing more. This might have been way more fun to write about had it been actually awful rather than... whatever a step below ordinary is. Also, why does it look like the slice in this picture is crawling towards the camera? Is this is Popplers situation, it's actually alive? OH MY GOD I'M A MONSTER....!

 

Chicken on a pizza? Finally we can discuss something interesting. 

While I generally believe you can put almost anything edible on a pizza and make it work if you've thought it through properly... there are countless examples where the ambition does not match the result. This particular instance kinda falls into that category (only because it's very hard to make tomato sauce and chicken work together on a pie... a good chicken pizza is more often than not featured on a white pizza with a creamy sauce).

Maybe you're saying "Hey WC Street! It's supposed to be a take on a chicken parm sandwich in pizza form, and that has tomato sauce. You're wrong!" Sure! I'm wrong about a great many things (story of my life) but Tim's gets the traditional chicken parm wrong (assuming that's their intention) by using a shredded chicken rather than a breaded breast. Checkmate, strawman I invented for a fake argument! Hah! At this point I'll take it. 

Lets talk cheese. It's not bad... but again it's just your standard generic mozzarella, lacking that beautiful buttery flavour you get from the real good stuff. I'll give Tim's credit for baking it just right for ideal melting: another couple minutes and this would've been crispy bubble city ala Domino's. Instead, you get a nice soft cheesy texture on these bites. It doesn't save a bland pizza, but it is a positive touch that keeps it above the true dreck I've encountered. The feel in the mouth is quite soft and nice, so credit is deserved there.

The chicken? As I alluded to, it's like a shredded chicken you find in a pre-packaged sandwich at a supermarket or something. Little-to-no seasoning or kick, the texture is closer to watery than juicy in the tender parts... really a quality that's treated as an after-thought. We're talking a slight (very slight) notch above the chicken they use at Subway here... and I think they boil their chicken to ensure the maximum lack of flavour. Not great. 

How about the reheat test? Actually... it doesn't lose much on the reheat. There wasn't much to lose in the first place of course, but thanks to that soft and light bread base it reheats quite well in the frying pan. If anything, the added crispiness from low heat frying adds a much needed dimension. Makes for a decent snack at the very least.   

Overall. Come on now. If you've read my reviews, especially my pizza ones... you surely are not going to be surprised by my conclusion. Do I recommend Tim Horton's pizza? 

....

....

....

....

....if you actually think I was doing this for genuine suspense you truly are new here. In which case: welcome! I'm a sarcastic son of a gun but I know my stuff... most of the time.

God no! I do not recommend Tim Horton's pizza. In what universe did anyone expect I would? If anything, it exceeded my expectations by simply being bland rather than completely terrible. I'll take this over Pizza Pizza or Domino's quite comfortably to be completely honest. If I were a stoned teenager this would hit the spot, and the price point (about eight bucks per pie) would also agree with a teenage wallet. 

Toronto has so many terrific pizza joints now... I'm more confused by the point and/or objective of this enterprise by Tim Horton's. They're about a decade late to the artisan pizza game, one doesn't really naturally think "I bet that coffee place I frequent every morning would make a good pizza!" and there's clearly nothing unique about the quality or result anyhow. It's an obvious cash grab... and it certainly tastes as such.

Pleasantly surprised by how they made it fresh to order, the dough is again quite pleasantly light... but the rest is just so run-of-the-mill there's nothing else to really say. I'm giving it a weak "C-" grade since nothing about it offended me at all, but please please please (please) check out a real pizza place instead if you ever find yourself considering ordering one of these. Tim Horton's will be totally fine without your pizza money! I'm quite confident in this assertion. 

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Tuesday Tune

What's this? Notorious snobby indie rock guy picks a modern song from a pop artist as the song of the week??? And he didn't lose a bet or anything? He actually likes the song? Maybe even the whole album? Ohhhhh noooo!!!!! Reality is actually collapsing faster than we thought! AHHHHHhhHHHh!!!! Fuck you!!!!! 

 

(I actually do like this album, for real. And also I don't mean the F* you part)

 

That's all for this year! I just want to say thank you to everybody for reading all these weird, bizarre rants that eventually evolve into some kind of food review halfway in. 

In all seriousness, I do like doing this and all the positive feedback is especially helpful in those darker moments I am far too familiar with. 

There are quite a few ideas left for reviews so stay tuned, the Tuesday show has plenty of runway left and I look forward to sharing future adventures with all of you. Until that time soon... stay warm, stay safe, enjoy the upcoming new year and when you do, most of all don't spill that mustard. 

 

This Week In Pizza: Tulia Osteria

 

 

Well... it was bound to happen eventually. After writing hundreds of these reviews (seriously? Geez) it was inevitable I'd run into an old acquaintance who both knows my work and suspects my intentions might be more than just simply getting a pizza on some random Tuesday afternoon. I've been discovered! The work and the site has been compromised! It's all over everybody!

Jokes aside, I do like to be as honestly incognito as possible when venturing out to review places. Unlike say, BlogTo and their TikTok-y hooplah pizzazz when checking something out (though I imagine those meals are comped so... how much fun can I really poke at them). Seriously though, if I'm reviewing a place I prefer the pure authentic experience... like I'm any regular random schmoe walking in and hoping to be treated as you would treat any other patron. Seeing a place at its full power bestest-ever certainly has its positives but I'd rather see a place at its most natural.

This is all my way of saying... I got recognized! Awkward-ish at first, but also extremely cool. 2012-13 I worked at a now long gone spot (now a Cursed Location*TM) named Houston Bar and Grill at Yonge and Wellington. It was a sleek restaurant lounge with a DJ at 7pm on weeknights oftentimes, yet also extremely greasy... like fancy suit/business expense greasy. The kind of place you're really happy to be a dude, not a lady in a uniformly revealing black dress and unnecessary "work" heels. 

The restaurant was slinging mostly expensive steaks and nachos, simple stuff done well... and meanwhile staff-wise we had an incredible team. A line cook who is now a sommelier, a server who is now a top notch brewer at notable Toronto craft breweries, or a front-of-house utility player who abandoned university and writing novels because he realized he loved pizza too much (no clue who that could be)... and a sous chef whose path once again collided with mine at Tulia Osteria. 

Frankly I feel bad that it took me a moment to recall who he was (sorry man! it was your beard I swear) and he mentioned he's also a fan of these pizza reviews to boot. No pressure! Well good sir, this one is for you. I will still be honest about this pizza of course, I wouldn't feel credible to my niche craft if I weren't... (my pizza reviewing craft.... it's a craft damnit!). Let's begin.

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Tulia Osteria is a new Italian restaurant on Queen Street East close to Greenwood Avenue (and the excellent Dang Smoke and Lambo's). Tulia in fact has taken over the space that the famous Queen Margherita used to occupy, swapping one Italian restaurant for another. 

A quick point on QM: I have no insight as to what happened but not too long ago they were riding high with three locations spread throughout Toronto... now the one near Jane and Annette (which isn't even the original one) is the only location left. A shame: their pizza is quite damn good and that Queen location in particular had perfect ambiance for a date night (not that people are exactly lining up to dat.... er lets get back on track here).

I was pleasantly pleased, upon walking inside Tulia, to see that they've kept most of the old QM vibe intact. It always had the feel of being in an old house with dim candle-like lighting, old portraits on the brick walls, tight intimate space without feeling confined. Very authentic, lived in and warmly welcoming. 

It was the middle of a rainy afternoon and my order came during what I suspect was a small meeting between my old Houston Bar friend and possibly the general manager of the place. Upon retrieving my pie we caught up very briefly (I am still in the industry just not restaurants anymore) and off I went with my pizza, trying to play sly about whether I planned to review their product (I clearly am at this moment, obviously) 

 

 

Yeah yeah yeah, I know I always get the spicy salami one... 

This is their Vesuvio (it's been years now but still RIP to the legendary Junction spot): spicy soppressata, smoked mozzarella, pecorino cheese, some red chilies in there, garlic and tomato sauce. Also, points for presentation... I like the visual impression of those big slices of salami all converging into the center like that. Also also, unusual that this pizza is cut into six rather than the four you frequently see with other wood fired spots.

Sometimes on first bite you just know, and this is one of those cases. Forget the fact that the chef knows me (he only realized who I was when I showed up and the pizza was already cooked anyhow)... this is a damn good pizza. All the better.

There's a lot going on in the mouth: the spice, the softness of the dough and cheese... it'll be difficult to break each down one by one because they all work together so well in unison, it's going to be like appreciating a painting by examining it a quadrant at a time. 

The smoked mozzarella is really the touch that stands out most to me. You get a lot of a smokey flavour in the aftertaste, the buttery melt of it is on point and the smoke compliments the spicier elements fantastically. Not a powerful smokey taste but enough to be a presence, and to be just different enough within the cheese to elevate from your standard high-quality buttery mozza. Combined with the dry flavour of the pecorino, there's so much depth to the top layer flavour of this pizza and that's only by its cheese. 

 

 

The spice is also on point. These red chiles are quite tiny and tend to camouflage themselves atop the salami, leading to some surprise heat. More of a heat that fills your mouth evenly rather than a harsh sting on the tongue, and between the chilies and the hot salami you get a lot of it on every bite. It's tasty salami also: not super thinly cut nor fatty, without any crispy edges. Consistent bake and texture all the way through. 

There's just so much goodness going on here, with the notable heat, smokiness and dryness of the cheeses, a good soft dough... it's just an exceptionally good pizza with layers and different flavours that all work so well together.     

Finally, the tomato sauce. There's just enough of a presence (at least while fresh) that provides a nice thin saucy layer below the dominance of the notable cheeses. Flavour wise it's tricky to isolate the tomato from the various spices (the small chilies in particular) but it has a bit of earthy sweetness if I recall correctly. Not much of anything in terms of taste only because there isn't a lot of it and just so much else going on.          

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Overall! As I've written before a lot of mid-upper tier wood fried pizzas tend to all sort of blend together in their generally strong quality. When you get the style right, the textures and cheeses are often going to be extremely similar. This is of course a good thing: a delicious pizza is a great thing after all. For my purposes as a reviewer? (And having reviewed dozens of these now?) It becomes tricky to differentiate them (especially as a grade). 

Tulia Osteria rises notably above that cream because of the vibrance and clever combination of ingredients. Using a smoked mozzarella is a nice little extra touch and layer to enjoy, the additional spiciness of the pizza with the red chilis giving a bit more depth in its heat than a typical "spicy salami" does, while adding pecorino cheese to this really adds another dimension of cheesy dry saltiness. 

There's plenty of all of this flavour depth evenly throughout the pizza, and with that I'm giving Tulia Osteria a strong "B++", close to the "A" level even. This was exceptionally good, but more importantly it was very memorable... and I can't really think of any particular weakness. Loses some punch on the reheat? A bit... there is some staleness and the sauce dries out which makes the pie a bit too cheese flavour heavy (which isn't an ideal thing or a terrible thing). 

It only falls short of the "A" tier because it didn't completely blow my mind (it's a tough tier to crack) but this clever combination of thoughtful toppings and terrific foundation brings it awfully close. Tulia does its former tenant, Queen Margherita, extremely proud... perhaps even surpassing them. And I had some dates there, lemme tell ya! Hey... where y'all going............?

  

  

The Tuesday Taste - Aloette Go

 

In the quiet silent seconds I

I turned off the light switch and I

I came down to meet you, in the

half light the moon left while a

cluster of night jars sang some

songs out of tune

 

Another Tuesday... another Taste. Booooo everything.

But enough about my impatience for this year to eat shit and disappear already (okay, maybe one more time next week)... we're here to explore some interesting food places and ideally share a positive experience about it. Or objectively rip it to shreds, and not with our teeth. This week, we're biting into a curious little Toronto franchise I'm going to call "The Alos" (sounds like a football team). 

I may have the details wrong (many were quick to point out my bobbling of Grandma Loves You's original location actually in Rosedale, damn it) but I am fairly certain we can trace the origins of today's review to a restaurant named Alo, which opened near Queen and Spadina almost a decade ago. Alo was (and still is) a very different style of place than Aloette Go: chef Patrick Kriss' concept for Alo is of a multi-course tasting menu with items inspired by fine French bistro cuisine. 

The restaurant Alo has been critically acclaimed, with a Michelin Star and being named the best restaurant in Canada four times by publication Canada's 100 Best Restaurants (and still finishing top 3 since falling off the top podium). Alo is also... very very expensive (not the kind of place a humble pizza reviewer like me can just wander into on his own dime) which probably explains why the offshoot Aloette quickly came to be. Whereas Kriss' other offshoot Alobar (again, we gotta call this franchise "The Alos") definitely follows the same fancier fine dining path, Aloette (and its now multiple locations) focuses on more casual fare (diner inspired) that blurs the line between stuffiness and simplicity. Or to put it more succintly... THEY DO BURGERS AND STEAKS AND DINER FOOD STUFF LIKE THAT BUT WITH HIGH QUALITY INGREDIENTS. 

I have to admit, I'd heard of Alo and Aloette many years ago... but only learned and realized when settling in to write this piece how many spinoffs and locations of those spinoffs this franchise has. It's kind of hard to keep track of since each one of these have separate websites and Instagram pages. They're all obviously affiliated with each other (the "alo" name, duh) but not directly linked? Kind of like a large family wherein each sibling has their own separate life/family: they're all related to each other of course but are also their own different people too. 

Lets meet one of the younger siblings, Aloette Go. This branch of the Alo tree itself has three locations, which for this review I visited the Liberty Village spot on a chilly afternoon.

  

Liberty Village isn't a part of town I know all that well (east end fella here) but even then I had no idea this little arcade ever existed. I like Liberty Village (kind of like a west end Distillery District without the quaintness or crowded Christmas market) and this is quite a nice touch. 

The inside of Aloette Go is very much like a takeout spot (a to "go" place as it were) with only a couple of small tables and a bench where to sit and await your order. You can see they have some desserts available and, surprisingly for such a small space with minimal seating, some beer and wine options. 

The menu reflects the general operation of the place: streamlined and minimal. A few different burger options, a fried chicken option, salads, and some variations on fries. One of those variations was indeed a cheese fry option, and if I am anything I am consistent in what appeals to me. 

       

Interestingly (and much appreciated) they packaged the cheese sauce and the dressing in separate containers. A choose your own cheese fries adventure? Don't mind if I do... I'll talk about these toppings first.

The cheese sauce comes hot! It was pretty cold outside when I sat down to eat some of this but it isn't often you see real steam come off a cheese sauce when you pop open the rameken. Texture-wise it's very loose and thin, easy for pouring (probably the idea me thinks). It does congeal once cold, so you definitely want to get at this while it's warm. 

Taste-wise... it's a very standard kind of cheddary, Cheese Whiz type of sauce. Not overly sharp (more goopy really) but you can definitely get a nice initial cheesey flavour. Maybe not my personal favourite type of cheese sauce (I like richer, creamier ones) but I can respect the solid quality of this one. 

What is considerably more unusual is what you see on the left, a pepperoncini relish... which in of itself is certainly intriguing but more so that in a relish isn't normally something you would associate with as an addition to fries (I may have written about this very thing a couple years back). 

  

Here's how it looks all mixed together (I did some side dipping and sampling before combining). I gotta say... it doesn't totally work. You've got a gloppy cheesy sauce with a bit of a sweet stingy relish on top a much of crinkle fries... they're both nice flavours but it's not really a smooth match. A spicier pepper (and maybe not a relish) I think could work seamlessly. This here is interesting but quasi-awkward in its taste.

And I will say I quite like the relish as it's own thing. I'd love this on a chicken sandwich or a hot dog. It's a light sweetness that lingers just a bit longer because of the relishy sting. 

  

Quickly on the fries: another place doing the crinkle-cut thing. Not much in the way of seasoning, good enjoyable light crisp texture which disappears once the fries go cold (these fries really aren't salvageable once cold... they're quite thick and go totally numb). Overall... decent but nothing special. Told you I'd be quick. 

  

One suspects Aloette Go is more known for their burgers than their french fries anyhow (the burgers are probably the entire reason this off-shoot exists at all). There are a few intriguing options (the "Go Burger" especially) but I went for the namesake: this is the Aloette Burger. 

What we have here is a 4oz beef patty, shredded lettuce, a "dijonnayaisse" (gee wonder what that's a combination of), some pickled onions (seen below the patty) and a slice of griddled emmental cheese... a type of cheese I did not even know existed (similar to Swiss cheese, apparently). 

This is quite a different type of burger than the many smash burgers I've reviewed this year. It doesn't have that type of greasiness or it's crunchy edges, rather this is a thicker patty where the evenly cooked meat within is the primary attraction. At Medium-Well to boot, you're really relying on some good quality beef and preparation to pull this off. 

Gotta say... very tasty burger! They pull it off. Not really a particularly juicy or fatty burger, but it has enough pockets of that to keep the texture from becoming too dry. There's a consistent grill and beef flavour throughout (almost like a nicely seared steak) and it lasts on the tongue quite pleasantly. For comparison's sake, imagine if Harvey's was several times better (and with less of that overbearing grill taste).

The toppings work well too. The griddled emmental cheese, like I said, is a new one for me, and it fits in here really well. There's some firmness on the griddled side, while the rest is deliciously gooey and creamy. Dijon and mayo together is a good choice here also, giving you that saucy creaminess with the slight punch of dijon. As for the rest... pickled onions give a bit of sweetness (they're more a cross between pickled and fried) and the bun has that perfect firm softness to keep it all mostly together but be squishable on each bite as well. 

Just a very well constructed cheeseburger, with a very interesting use of a less common cheese. 

Bonus cocktail review? 

Now I swear I didn't actually plan it this way... I was stopping at the liquor store in Liberty Village on my way to St. Catharines, not even sure I was going to try Aloette Go at all (my stomach has been a mess for weeks) and I saw this gin fizz can that looked kind of interesting. Well, turns out Aloette makes their own canned cocktails (I think I knew this but forgot) and halfway through writing this review I realized I'd also purchased one. I didn't do this on purpose, for real!

Nevertheless I shall use my bartending expertise for good instead of money and review it. This is Aloette's take on a gin fizz, a classic gin cocktail which is very easy to make (you just need soda water lime, mint and cucumber... and a pinch of vanilla if you're thinking super fancy). 

I like that it isn't too aggressively sweet/sugary (a problem I find with many of these canned cocktails) and the mix of mint and cucumber is quite even on the tongue. Maybe a bit of the lime on the aftertaste? You don't get much of a typical bitter dry gin flavour either (a taste I like, loving gin, but isn't for everyone) and honestly you could tell people this was a vodka cocktail (there is vodka in the ingredients) and they wouldn't doubt it. 

Conclusion...  not bad. I could see myself drinking one in those wonderful warmer months and being quite refreshed. I think I'd like a bit more of the mint, personally, but this isn't a mojito and the best attribute of this cocktail is its balance.

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Overall... would I recommend Aloette Go... would I, could I, should I...

I think yes I would, but only the burger. The cheese fries, while entirely decent, didn't make a very lasting impression and once they were cold it was all over. But the burger is indeed worth the trip and is a nice different change of pace from the many smash burgers now populating Toronto's burger scene. Definitely can envision myself going back to try their Go Burger, which is a more straight-forward classic cheeseburger than the fancier Aloette Burger which I sampled here. Decent prices too. 

Tuesday Tune

Just a gorgeous song. 

  

That's all for this Christmas Eve Edition of the Taste! Hope you're all spending time with your loved ones and eating some good food this holiday season, or at least persevering through the feats of strength this Festivus season. Until next week, stay safe, stay warm and don't spill that mustard.

             

This Week In Pizza: SIMONA

 

 

So many possible pronunciations here. The obvious (and most probable one) is "Si-Mo-Na" but could it also be "Si-Mon-Ah?" or "Sim-Oh-Na"? How about "Sim-On-Ah?" for you North-Easterners? "An-O-Mis" for those in the Mirror Universe? Where am I? Where's my medication...

How ever you want to say it, SIMONA (apparently all capitalized) is a new-ish Lakefront Mediterrean/Italian restaurant underneath one of the many condos along the quite pretty Sugar Beach in downtown Toronto. It's owned/operated by Fab Restaurant Concepts, an umbrella company (no relation to the Resident Evil universe thankfully) that also runs about a dozen other various restaurants/pubs throughout the GTA mostly (and a pub in Meaford) including Pogue Mahone, Muprhy's Law here in the Beaches, another lakefront joint in Pie Bar (which I reviewed last year), a Dupont pizza joint named Stella's Kitchen, and the Brazen Head Irish Pub in Liberty Village just to name a few. Certainly an odd collection for a company: focusing entirely on pubs or fancier casual Italian restaurants. Follow the trend-proof marketable concepts I suppose. 

My severe cynicism towards corporate interests aside, SIMONA is on my route home from work and once I realized they offer pizza... do I even have to explain my motives anymore? I call this an "Endless Pizza Quest" for a precise reason. SIMONA closes at 10pm and since my shifts end at sporadic times, I decided to hit up SIMONA on my way to work instead. Their website also offered a phantom Happy Hour special between 3-6... which I saw no trace of in the actual place itself! Fab Restaurants web presence/style does seem about 15 years behind the times...   

 

 

Sneaky interior photo! I like the aesthetic: kind of like a bistro vibe to the place. They weren't particularly busy at 5pm on a Thursday, aside from a big group in the back, and so I ordered one of their Calabrese pizzas to go and waited by the waterfront outside. 

The pie took a bit longer than I hoped (about twenty minutes) and as such I only had time to take a couple photos, stuff a slice into my mouth and bike off to work. 

 

 

It is really becoming a "go-to" for me, when trying a new pizza place, to simply get the spicy salami option. Hey, you get something a bit more interesting and potentially more punch than just pepperoni and cheese... and while I do love a white sauce pizza now and again (SIMONA had one with bacon and brussell sprouts... which while unusual I'm not sure how I feel about that) I also really like seeing if a place has a tomato sauce worth anything. 

What exactly do we have here in this Calabrese? Pretty simple: soppressata, some dried/baked jalapenos, some hot honey in there, tomato sauce and cheese. 

On first bite... they definitely get the texture right. Not as floppy or drippy as a wood-oven pizza can be, but there isn't a whole lot of cheese either. This means the sauce has to do a lot of the heavy lifting, and it truly does because this is a fantastic tomato sauce. There's a vivid sweetness to it, probably helped by the honey (it's not a sticky pizza either, a common "honey on pizza" problem) but even if so there's such an immediate punch and enjoyable depth to this sauce. And there is plenty of it throughout each slice.

 

 

The crust and dough has it's own charms as well. Bit of a poofy taste to it, without any kind of bready or flour-heavy flavour. Once the pizza cools off (more on that later) the crust doesn't lose much of that softness or become horribly taxing on the teeth via chewiness. There is a lot of crust considering how thin the centre of the pie is, yet because the sauce is plentiful and so noticeable it makes for a very effective combination.

We've got a good foundation here (the mozzarella cheese itself is also buttery good quality and melts excellently, but there isn't much of it) so how about the toppings? Well... we're really just talking about the spicy soppressata here. I must say, this pizza has some genuine heat! It has some slow build and is more of a fire-like front of mouth heat, the source of which I cannot precisely identify. There's a nice blend of that spiciness into every bite, like it has cooked into the sauce itself... which really gives this already flavourful pizza another dimension. 

Also the salami: quite crispy! Much like a pepperoni is cooked in an oven, rather than what you often see soppressata as on a pizza: large slabs that retain their unbaked fatty mini-pockets in the middle. You can see those edges curled up, there's genuine crisp and considering the good amount of tomato sauce on here... that salami crispiness mixed in with a soft bread really works nicely. 

 

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Overall! After a pair of serious disappointments earlier in this dreadful stupid-ass month of November... it is exceptionally nice to discover a place that I had okay-ish expectations for... well they showed up and surpassed them quite easily. 

This was a very darn good pizza, with a great sauce, good quality ingredients, still delicious while cold... it lost a bit of punch and dried out somewhat in the re-heat test on the low temperature frying pan, but that's a minor quibble in the overall terrific quality of this pie. 

While eating it I was thinking this was between a 'B' and a 'B+'... and now I'm going to place SIMONA solidly as a 'B+'. Legitimately very tasty, no real weaknesses... and while this is far from the most unique pizza I've encountered (aside from that terrific sweet and bold tomato sauce) they do some good work. Perhaps best visited in the warmer months and so easier enjoyed in one of the nearby parkettes along Sugar Beach. Good stuff, you impressed me... and the timing couldn't have been better. We were due for a win.                      

     

This Week In Pizza: Mister Pizza

 

 

Sometimes, in the span of a crazy pizza quest... you truly find an overlooked diamond. Buzz Buzz in North York for instance, or Il Paesano on the edge of southern Etobicoke (truly like walking into a restaurant-sized time capsule)... these places do indeed exist and it's the main reason I continue to check out completely random places along with the trendy ones. 

Mister Pizza promised such a height. 4.4 on Google, and I ride past it on my way home from work quite constantly... my curiousity was high. This was still in the early couple days of November 2024, before my faith in anything good for humanity ever happening aga--I mean sure! Lets try this random pizza spot near Yonge and Queens Quay here in Toronto.

Random is the keyword here. I have so little to say about this pizza, it's barely worth a review at all. The sauce has some punch to it, a vivid tomato-like flavour, bit of herb taste, but it all fades quickly. Beyond that... 

 

 

There's a decent doughy texture, it looks like it should be better than it is... but no. There's a constant chalky taste that ruins whatever goodwill the soft/crunch dynamic might provide, and everything else is just so generic that again, I can barely write a review on this. Good layering of the toppings with the cheese, and they used real bacon which is always appreciated... 

The rest is just so empty, with a dry aftertaste that doesn't sit right whatsoever. I'd take it over Pizza Pizza or Domino's no question, but that's hardly a compliment and frankly, it isn't that much better. This was... simply not very good. Nothing memorable beyond that dry and chalky aftertaste, which is not a good thing to be remembered by.

 

 

Overall. No.

 

It's too bad they don't offer slices. As a big slice this could be a forgettable but solid summer snack while waiting for a ferry to the Toronto Islands. As an entire pizza... well even if they set up shop here in the quality-pizza-deprived Beaches I still don't think I'd check them out again. Generic cheap pizza, it tastes as good as my crummy photos look, and while the real bacon gives it some deserved credit I suppose... this is as forgettable as they get. 4.4 on Google? These rich condo people clearly don't know good pizza. I'm giving this a 'C-'. This is a short review for a reason... you can do worse but also so, so much better. 

   

The Tuesday Taste - Grandma Loves You

 

 

Mystery achievement

Where's my sandy beach? Yeah

I had my dreams

like everybody else but they're out of reach

I said, right out of reach 

Another Tuesday.... another Taste. Lets rock and roll.

This week is full of love... a grandma's love? Yes, Grandma Loves You is quite a renowned sub sandwich/hot dog takeout spot in the Toronto area... with three locations (a fourth on the way) and boasting nearly 50,000 followers on the most instant of grams. 

Not just that, but the accolades are numerous. A "#1 Top Eats in Canada 2022" (dunno what that is but it's probably good?) and featuring on several "you gotta try this submarine sandwich" type lists. Their website is quite happy to make this a known common fact... featuring several logos of their presumed appearances/public praises by well known programs/publications like Yelp, Breakfast Television, Toronto Life etc. None of these logos on said website link to actual evidence showcasing this stuff... which... does make me roll my eyes somewhat. 

I'm a scrooge of course (bah humbug and all) so lets get into the backstory of Grandma Loves You. Via their own website, German couple (though Artin was born in Iran) Artin and Sarah Davoodi moved to Toronto in 2018 and quickly opened up a little corner shop where they served sandwiches and hot dogs on the side. 

Via a BlogTo article from late 2020 I am deducing that their St. Clair/Yonge location is the original one, since the piece makes no mention of expansion or multiple locations. Also, random side-tangent alert but that same BlogTo article also says they're "steps from Rosedale" subway station. Yeah, like a couple thousand steps. Why not say St. Clair station? It's right there! Or Summerhill? This place is legit two subway stops away from Rosedale station, and is an actual few dozen steps from St. Clair station!!! Sorry... this stuff bugs me... and I'm lazy at this research stuff. But at least know your damn city!

Clearly the Grandma Loves You story has been a story of reciprocated love, as the little sandwich shop has seen enough success to quickly branch out and share these subs and hot dogs more throughout the Toronto land... including a kiosk in the Assembly Chef's Hall at Richmond and York right in the heart of downtown. It's genuinely a sweet story, and the photo on the website of their young family is objectively adorable. Perhaps my heart can grow six sizes this day... oh wait that's the Grinch. Whatever! I can be both. 

Chef's Assembly Hall is where I come in. I'd only been twice: to try the exceptional The Good Son's pizza, and the far from exceptional Oswald's (which is still there... huh). Cool thing about these food halls, if you've never been to one, is how none of the kiosks have their own designated seating. At least, I don't think so. You can grab your order, walk all the way back to the entrance and sit at any free bench by the window with a perfect vantage point to keep an eye on your bicycle... er I mean, watch the foot traffic of Richmond Street pass by. 

Seeing as their hot dogs were as renowned as their sub sandwiches, I went in planning to get both. And some of their hot dog topping concepts are wild! A "Japan Dog" with dried seaweed? An "Italy Dog" with mozzarella and pesto? That's the kind of stuff I'd try at home when I'm out of condiments! The one I really wanted was their "Spain Dog", not listed on their online menu but it had something mango on it that sounded very intriguing. Alas they were sold out of that, so what you see above is their "French Dog" instead.

Bon appetit? Tre bien. Yeah my Francais is clunky and terrible. What makes this a "French Dog?" Well separating the name from what we have here, it's a good length hot dog with blueberry jam and brie along it's sides. Nothing more. I found this... absolutely fascinating. Brie on a hot dog is kinda "what?" enough on it's own, and then blueberry jam? It's like you have the basics of a decent crackers and cheese board, but ah screw those crackers put it on a hot dog instead! Even if it didn't work at all and was just awful, I still would've admired the gall and ingenuity.

But... it actually works! It's crazy but it genuinely works. Brie is such a distinctive cheese, with it's generally dry flavour, crusty exterior but delectable creamy inside. This taste works quite well with the greasy, grilled flavour of the hot dog and is quite a contrast with the runny sweetness of the jam. 

It also helps that the quality of the hot dog/sausage itself is quite better than your typical street cart fare. You get that unmistakable hot dog fatty taste, for sure, but none of that heavily processed flavour that dances on the tongue before departing rapidly. Each bite here actually lingers, the dog itself isn't hollow or dried out (and likewise not undercooked either)... there's a plump juiciness from start to finish that, for a ten dollar hot dog, really does feel like you've gotten some bang for your buck. Really hits the spot, terrific stuff. 

 

                 

How about the sub sandwich? This thing was so tightly wrapped it could've been a torpedo. 

This is their "Spicy Ham" option, and most of the spice is generated by a generous amount of jalapenos (they're near the lettuce) doing a considerable amount of heavy lifting. The sauce (your typical vinegary sub sauce with some chipotle-like mayo) gives a bit of sting, but the rest is your basic ham sandwich with tomato, lettuce, cheese and crispy onions. 

Is this a good sandwich? Absolutely. Best sandwich in Toronto? Ahhhhh.... not really. Definitely on the messier side (those crispy onions will spill everywhere) and each bite is indeed loaded with those 'as advertised' elements of salty soft ham, crisp lettuce and just enough crustiness in the bread. 

There isn't a whole lot I can say about this sub beyond "it was really good, but not in a memorable way!" 

This was the six-inch size and it's definitely quite filling even in that smaller version, plus a perfect meal to eat half of and save the sequel for later. I will say, and this is an odd complaint because I love these things, but... there are a few too many crispy onions on here. Combined with everything else (your ham, lettuce, vinegary sauce) that dry sharp sting of the crispy onion does come off somewhat out of place. They are tasty as their own thing! But here it's a bit like a cool friend that doesn't quite fit in at this particular party. 

Regardless... I do want to say this is a quality sub sandwich. Very satisfying, each bite is enjoyable, and it's delightfully compact. The bread is a bit tough, but far from a deal breaker.

 

 

Overall! Grandma Loves You is really good! I was more impressed by the hot dog than the sub, which is not what I expected to happen. Just on innovation alone I would've loved that hot dog, but the fact it was also of a particularly exceptional quality just adds to my positive impression. Brie and jam on a hot dog! I'll try that at home sometime soon for sure.

A terrific sub nonetheless, and it won't disappoint... but I also think it's a minor step below Lambo's if you're looking for the very best in Toronto. Good Behaviour has to be in that conversation as well. While tasty and good, there wasn't anything here that blew me away whereas both Lambo's and Good Behaviour had purely sublime moments when I tried them. Grandma Loves You would be a "yeah, go try them!" rather than a "Ohhh man, seriously go now and try them holy cow!" if that makes sense. 

With the sub especially I wish I could've gone into more detail but it's difficult to elaborate beyond: this is very very good but in a generic way. It's very good! But nothing... particularly memorable. Nothing wrong with being very very good! I'll take it, and I'll definitely recommend Grandma Loves You... but it was really the hot dog that stood out in my mind more. 

Like a 7.5/10 quality sub if you want an actual grade-type thing... they do make a tasty sandwich, but like I said it's a notch below other ones I've tried. 

 

 

Burnt Ends

 

I'm sitting on a bunch of pizza reviews... here's my look at Cherry's High Dive! Spoiler... the pizza was not high, nor did I want to dive into it again. Read it anyway! Sometimes I'm a funnier writer when I let loose and get mad.

 

 

Tuesday Tune

 

No sense in pretending what band this is... also that instrumental breakdown in the latter half is just so good...

 

     

 

That's it for this week! I'm... not doing well... but these reviews help me cope with the endless sadness. Until next time, stay safe, stay warm, be happier than me and most of all do not spill that mustard.

    

This Week In Pizza: Cherry's High Dive

 

 

(Not to be confused with another "Cherry" named place I also recently reviewed... twice)

 

Flashback to that first week of November, 2024. Dear god... holy f**king f**k shit F**KK.

Nightmare November (2024 Edition) didn't begin quite so grotesquely. 

Saturday the 2nd was a wonderfully jam packed day: sunny and seemingly the entire city of Toronto was out enjoying it, myself included. A friendly game of baseball played in the morning, that evening in the building for the emotional chapter-closing of Vince Carter's jersey (rightfully) ascending to the Scotiabank Arena rafters. Between all this (time and location-wise) there was a late lunch to be had on the run and Cherry's High Dive was the call.

Speaking of calling... these Cherry High Divers do not answer their phone! Time was slightly tight, what with the working Vinsanity's jersey retirement and all... and so my plan was to call ahead and pick up my pizza. Nope. All I got was an automated blah blah blah about where and who they are, without any option to place an order. Whatever... I was determined and hungry, so off route I went to knock on their door.

 

 

Cherry's High Dive is... well sort of half my "kind of place" and also very much half "not my kind of place" whatsoever. Remember that bit on The Simpsons where all these new establishments open on Springfield's boardwalk, even a "new" Moe's Tavern? But with Moe's, the dude who wanders in says "This isn't faux dive... this is a dive!" Cherry's High Dive is very much a faux dive (unlike Moe's) with it's saloon-like interior of wooden panels and dim lighting... but it's all too smooth and precise rather than with any actual character. 

I don't much like this kind of thing to begin with, as somebody who has frequented many true dive bars in my time (you can tell). You can't simulate or re-create the random and often dirty energy of such a place. Making it warm and comfortable, yeah no shit comfort is an obvious move... but it does come off as fake. This isn't two prostitutes fighting on the sidewalk in front of you while you and your buddy stand in the doorway chatting, while your buddy's buddy you just met is desperately looking for an 8-ball but is also broke... like I said I know dive bars and some I've seen occupy more of the "yikes" part of my memory. Those are like a "deep dive bar" and aren't really fun either... unless you like warm pints of Molson Ice (even in my youth I knew better and stuck to bottles at such places).

We're here to talk pizza regardless, and a former co-worker of mine told me Cherry's had some solid pie... which (as a certified Pizza Fiend) is good enough for me to go try a place. Going into this I knew they did a "tavern style pizza" which is essentially a very thin pizza cut into a bunch of tiny square slices. 

Funny enough, I often lament the lack of any Chicago style pizza here in Toronto... but this "tavern" (or "party style" as it also called) is also a style of pie with origins in Chicago! I'd love to have more to say about the origin of this style whenever/if I review Danny's Pizza Tavern (I am only one man with one stomach) but for now lets just imagine a bunch of Chicagoans sick of eating those deep dish cushions of cheese and sauce and saying "Ahhhr that's enough ar'this!" and creating the deep dish's exact opposite. You can hear the accents in your mind, don't deny it.  

 

        

I got Cherry High Dive's Hawaiian, mostly because none of the other options were all that appealing (I was hoping for something, anything, a bit more unique) plus an additional side of their garlic dip.

Which, brings me to my first and perhaps biggest issue here: considering the thinness of this pizza, it's not especially large circumference... this is not a lot of food, full stop. Yet... with the dip (and tip, always tip please) we're coming in around thirty bucks here. If this is supposed to be a "party style"... well this is a damn lame party, dude. My baseball playing lads would need like to share like twenty of these between eight of them.

Whatever right? You've got 16 mini slices here, perfect for a small group to pick away at, or satisfy the hunger of a single maniac pizza reviewer. Hell, Rob Baker of the Tragically Hip walked past me while I was eating this outside of Roy Thomson Hall, pretty sure it was him. All this makes sense in theory, sure... except:

 

   

Had to use the exterior of my previous job for context, but yeah! These aren't slices, they're goddamn crackers. Those are my actual fingernails for crying out loud, and I feel like they'd still be hungry after this slice. 

Look, I'm not rich or anything but I am cool dropping 30 bucks on a pie once in a while for this endless pizza mission and review show (don't forget to "like" and smash that "subscribe" button!!!!111)... but geez can you give me something here that resembles bang for my hard earned buck? 

The teenage version of me would've eaten this entire pizza in 45 seconds and then fried up some double cheeseburgers. Without the garlic dip (itself a hefty four bucks) this was still 26 bucks (with tip, always tip please). 26! I usually don't rant about this kind of thing but come.... on. My issue isn't totally the price either... it's the absolute lack of actual food here! And this High Dive pie isn't some fine dining fancy dish meant to be savoured and "close your eyes and let the flavours bring you into a new state of consciousness" kind of thing. It's (spoiler) like Pizza Nova level of quality. The better side of big pizza chains. Really? What are we doing here? This is a special case indeed. Call it the hipster tax I suppose. 

Okay okay okay, so Cherry's High Dive is clearly the opposite of a bargain... but what about the pizza itself? Maybe the quality is worth the hipster tax. Despite it's physics being nearly two dimensional... if the pizza is actually strong, robust and enjoyable... I will evaluate it almost entirely on those specific merits.  

 

    

I am a harsh critic, what with trying like 170 Toronto pizzas at this point... but I'm also fair and if a pizza really jumps out at me I will give it that well deserved respect. 

Cherry's High Dive... yeah no offense but... also no respect. 

You can see it's overcooked around the edges, perhaps on purpose perhaps not... which I don't mind as it toes that tricky line between burnt and crispy quite well. Texture is the only notable thing here: these bite sized pizza slices are enjoyable in their conciseness. The cracker-like crunch on the other edges kinda works, sometimes... but also gets repetitive in flavour and texture very quickly. The dip is absolutely necessary to eat those outer edges, otherwise those crusts are getting left behind.  

As far as anything substantial in terms of flavour with this pizza... meh. Barely any hint of whatever the sauce is while the ham and pineapple do what ham and pineapple do (the ham has some solid salty kick to it and is good quality in juiciness). It's really the soft dough (or crunch on the outer slices) combined with the cheese that makes this work. 

Taste-wise it's all so... blah. I wasn't expecting them to invent a hover car or anything, but the flavours here are so common and uninspired. There's no kick to this, nothing remotely memorable in the tastes and nothing lingers. 

The texture is fantastic, I'll give it that... the good crunch mixed with the doughy soft slices in the centre like a Pixies-like soft/loud dynamic (hipster tax)... but that's all there is here. Part of me wonders if that's why people have been so fond of these envelope-thin, overpriced mediocre pies. "But it does these two different things at once! And the place is so cool." Maybe it does, and maybe it is... but I felt real damn out of place waiting for this thing and I've had countless pizzas far more interesting than this one... 

...though maybe I ordered the wrong pizza? Have at me, hipsters! Should've gotten the one with goat cheese*, fiddleheads and marinated lamb nostril... damn it!

 

(*jokes aside goat cheese rules on pizzas, an all time fav)

 

 

At this point... it should be obvious I am very very unimpressed. With basically everything I've encountered here, actually. And that is true. I was very, very unimpressed. This pizza is a step up from one of those artisan super thin frozen ones the supermarket will sell... and it is a short step. 

The garlic dip though! Yeah... more of a whipped cream with a garlic hint than anything. That I will actually forgive: I personally like my garlic robust, intrusive and loud... which doesn't work for most other people and so leaning into a more sour creamy flavour is understandable. Objectively, as a dip it's totally fine. Probably better with a thicker crust considering the super-duper thin texture of this pizza, which probably demands a thicker more blue cheesy-like dip (like with chunks of blue in there). 

At an extra four dollars for this dip? And here we go again... good lord who has this kind of money to just waste on such "okayish" things? Although well... there isn't enough pizza here for all that dip so this price actually makes total sense now....

 

 

Overall. Well I gotta think about it for a-secon-no! No no no. No! Definitely not. 

I do not recommend Cherry's High Dive, at least for pizza. It's rather painful how unimpressive this is. Like they nailed the precise level juuust above decent, settled there, and slapped a downtown price on it. Unimaginative, basic in execution and flavour, not satisfying, no particular aspect that stands out, and also rubbery on the reheat.     

Is this a quality pizza? I suppose, though it pushes the lower end of that boundary. There is an endless flow of far worse pizzas, and I should mention there wasn't anything in the pie itself that flavour-wise harshly offended me. But... nothing sparked any excitement either. Just... here it is. Generic in its okayness. 

Cherry's High Dive is distant from exceptional and considering the price... this is among the hardest of passes. At least some of the really terrible chain places have specials that are twice as much pizza and cost half as much, and this High Dive pizza is objectively much closer to them than to any of the really good ones I've had.  

On quality they barely get a 'C+' but considering the rest (experience, price, not answering their phone twice for pick up, condescending hipster vibes) I'm giving a 'C' and a very weak one. Don't believe them social medias hyping this fraudulence ("Top 50 Pizza in Toronto?" What the fu*k are you smoking?) this is as 'meh' a pizza as they come. Avoid.