The Tuesday Taste: McDonald's Big Mac (with fries)

 

 

A worried man with a worried mind

No one in front of me and nothin behind

There's a woman in my lap and she's drinking champagne

 

In-N-Out Burger is a true classic American hamburger chain. Based out of California, they have... oh wait... I have things confused *ruffles notes* Oh! Oh. This one.

McDonald's is an American hamburger chain, based out of California. The original McDonald's restaurants were a small southern California franchise in the late 40s that entrepreneur Ray Kroc aggressively expanded into undoubtedly the most successful fast food corporation in the world. I definitely suggest you read about all that stuff because it is fascinating. The genuine model of what "fast food" is, was established here.

Personally I have an unusual McDonald's perspective: that I've rarely eaten it in my entire life. As a child, I was self-convinced for multiple years that hamburgers made me sick... so ballpark guess I probably went from ages 7-12 without eating a cheeseburger. Once I discovered how damn tasty they can be though... I was hooked. McDonald's though never appealed to me, even in junior high... and this perception continued even into my early 20s times of downing pints with buddies in the Annex. These friends and I would consistently end up at the McDonald's location at Avenue Road and Bloor: they'd order massive combos while I'd just sit there perfectly content with nothing as they chowed down. It's not like I wasn't hungry, and their food smelled good... I just was honestly never tempted (beyond a friendly stealing of a french fry).

Point is, I can try this with a very unique and objective viewpoint. I'm genuinely just not all that familiar with what this tastes like. Hey though! I'm kinda a food reviewer type person now, so why not try it again with my experienced perspective! 

So... I wandered off to a closeish location in east Leslieville, ordered a Big Mac (no onions) with a small fries, found a nearby park and dug in.

Yeeeeeahh....

I know lots of you love this stuff, crave it, treat yourselves to it. Honestly, whatever makes you happy and whatever reward you want to give yourself for something positive: that's all good and I support it. I'm here, without particular attachment, to analyze what qualities this as food actually has. And I have a very strong conclusion:

It's bad. 

Like, it's just very, very not good. I don't mean a "it's bad for you health-wise" way, which it also obviously is... but this just also doesn't taste like food. I went into this expecting to be underwhelmed yet find some kind of renewable charm within. Nope. Not even that. Allow me to dissect it in my usual way:

First off, the bun sucks. It's very stiff, utilized as nothing more than a basic edible containment for the content within. It has the consistency of a fresh bread you left exposed overnight, without the freshness. The sesame seeds are for show because they have little impact on the taste. Also, what's up with that middle bun? It barely matters. Second: the cheese (as you can see it photowise) is barely melted. As far as processed cheese goes this is rather okay, but unmelted cheese on a cheeseburger? No! Suspicious Fail. 

Third: the hamburger patty itself, and the biggest weakness of all. It's fast food, I get it, and I doubt the patty in a Whopper is much different (I'll get to BK eventually, I promise)... but I had to taste the beef by itself and really dug deep it to find any flavour resembling what it's supposed to be. That flavour? Overcooked ground beef. What a winner!

The composition of the burger itself is genius and that deserves credit. The problem is that the product simply gives you the sensation of eating something. The texture is enjoyable and addictive (I did finish it despite not liking it), but the taste is forgettable surface. I enjoy consuming food, therefore I like this and therefore it is food.

These legendary McDonald's fries are likewise the same. Are McDonald's fries crisp, salty and great to snack on? I can't deny that. Is that because they taste so good? Um... they taste like salt and oil, and they're so thin that -that initial crisp tries carrying your taste buds through the experience. They remind me of Ruffles brand chips: a classic flavour that departs immediately... leaving just texture as you chomp the nothingness away. It's no wonder they're addictive because that first instant is so gratifying but then it fades so fast, your brain wants that first feeling again and again.

I'll throw a positive though: the Big Mac sauce ("Secret Sauce") is pretty nice. I mean, it really is just warm mayo mixed with relish and maybe a sweet mustard? My biggest conundrum was trying to figure out why it has that light red-ish colour, but the mayo/relish combo is obvious. It's very similar to a tartar sauce. Also! A dude in the ordering area was training somebody for potential employment right when I walked in to make my order... and his instructions were so unceasingly basic customer service stuff that it amused me. As a former(? who the hell knows) customer service bartender type person myself, it was so fascinating to see somebody 100 percent committed to just lessoning somebody (not a real word, I know). 

Anyway. The Big Mac sucks. The fries are simply crack potatoes. That's just my opinion though. We're all human and I won't think any less if you delight in eating one. Jim Gaffigan explains it better than I can.

 

Burnt Ends -- Lots and lots of stuff! I'm on a bit of a bender reviewing independent restaurants nearby me here in the Beaches, so check out my latest East End Eats! Here's Mira Mira Diner, or Big Boy's Burrito. There are plenty more to come as well, and please wherever you are, do support your small local spots. This nightmare is especially nightmarish for most of them and every bit of business helps them stay afloat. 

Other stuff: my buddy and I will eventually begin our look at the Radiohead albums, but in the meanwhile I've started re-listening to the Pink Floyd catalogue and think I might write a piece ranking those records very soon. The history of that band is endlessly fascinating, tragic, and frustrating. If you're into that kind of stuff, here's a great look at the Rolling Stones' discography written by another excellent and thoughtful writer I hold in extremely high regard.

Pre-Prohibition -- Can you imagine living through this pandemic without booze? Don't lie, many of you can't (I am right here with ya). I found this very interesting article about anti-alcohol laws in late 19th century New York and how establishments wiggled around those rules. It's fascinating stuff, here's the link:

Now... unpleasant reality.

Hey Doug -- you greasy wacky waving inflatable inner tube, I wouldn't rely on you to manage a kid's lemonade stand. The children would be crying within ten minutes and you'd claim they were too hard on you. Your attempt at public sympathy by "tearing" up during a press conference is made so infinitely irrelevant by the concrete fact that you have done nothing to help anyone, beyond your circle of rich corporate donors of course. And still your government will not approve paid sick days for minimum wage workers, the ones forced to keep this economy churning along. You know what? You're a fucking evil prick, you stain of feces smeared against a bus stop. All those tears were just a show, weren't they Dougie? We're not as dumb as you think, you useless sack of petrified potatoes. Remember when you cut healthcare by a shit ton, Dougie? And now you cry like you don't have the infrastructure to make things better? You're a loser. You're a goddamn loser and history will hate your guts you worm. See you next week! Hopefully not though, just resign already you pathetic embarrassment to human decency.        

Tuesday Tune -- It certainly isn't the first Bob song I predicted I'd share on this weekly deal, but hey it's a good one and feels fairly relevant. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, the irreplaceable... Bob Dylan.  

 

Wow. This was quite an episode. Thank you all who read, commented and or support in every way you do. My final thought on McDonald's reminds me of Principal Skinner when he says "yes that's true! But I was only there to get directions on how to get away from there!" It's the most popular guilty pleasure in the world, and I can respect it at that level. I'm starting a mini-arc with this so stay tuned for next week if you're still here! I hope you are. But until then... be well, take care of each other, tell a belligerent anti-masker to grow a pair... and don't spill the mustard.

 

 

East End Eats XXV: Big Boy's Burrito

 

 

Another review, so quickly? Hey, it's like people eat everyday or something.

 

Big Boy's Burrito is a spot I'd seen in the corner of my eye on those rare occasions I wander up the cliff to the Kingston Road/Victoria Park (like in the Beforetimes to return empties at the Beer Store there because I needed laundry change). 

Regardless of that, some time ago I noticed their little shop on the north side of Kingston and filed their existence away for a time I happened to be up there and hungry for a burrito. Well the time finally happened! (obviously) so lets take a look at Big Boy's Burrito.

It's pretty small inside, as most burrito joints are (they can't all be Burrito Boyz on Adelaide with like two dozen tables). There's a key bus stop two doors west and with multiple schools nearby, including the high school Neil McNeil less than five minutes south... Big Boy's has an optimal location for a burrito spot. 

I went in, knowing I wanted something with chicken... but unsure precisely what when faced with their multiple choices. The 'Tequila Chicken' option is where I landed ("Huge" size because it's a burrito: go big or... go bigger and go home) pumped full of my usual buritto fixings: lettuce, rice, refried beans, green peppers, sour cream, burrito sauce, cheese if it's on the house (in this case it was), a touch of hot sauce and maybe some cilantro if they've got it (they did). As well they offered nacho chips (yes), which a handful of were crumbled upon the other toppings as a finishing touch.

Once ready, I took it home, snapped that not-amazing photo you see above (the lighting/colour is too faded) and proceeded to chow down. First off, this photo well hides how much this thing was dripping (there's a nice puddle of sauce behind/underneath the right half). It was very saucy, which I like, and every bite had a good enjoyably juicy texture to it. The cheese and the rice were layered together to create a melted-cheesey-rice base for this burrito, which is as tasty as it sounds. 

Most of the other elements filled their minor roles admirably: green peppers for some body and slight crunch, lettuce and cilantro to add a fresh taste etc. The nacho chips were an exceptional touch, as while being tucked tight in a hot burrito robbed most of their crispness... they added a nice hint of corn tortilla flavour that I'd argue works just as well as actual corn. The tequila chicken itself though would be what made or broke this...

The tequila sauce itself might not be for everyone but I thought it was quite nice. It arguably dominated a bit too much since any chicken bite was glued to it, just short of the point of overwhelming everything. It's a very salty-sweet sauce, kind of like a thin BBQ mixed with lemon or lime and there is a hint of citrus here. Not my favourite thing ever but it was interesting, intruging as a minimal flavour touch. When it was dripping out and I took a bite of that... kapow! I think this sauce would be very effective with ribs, actually. Something with a smokey taste would compliment this well. 

Anyhow, to wrap it all up (see what I did there)... I'd say this was quite good. The place smelled amazing inside, as did my burrito when first unwrapped, and overall there's solid care and quality in ingredients here. They offer a bunch of other items also, like tacos, nachos and... poutine? You don't see a burrito place offer poutine particularly often. Anyhow, I'd recommend them as a good 'B' level burrito option that won't blow your mind but surely won't disappoint.     

 

East End Eats XXIV: Mira Mira Diner

 

 

I really have a knack for picking the coldest days of the week to venture out and try these food places. It's a labour of love though! I mean, maybe not that Tuesday Taste Subway sandwich episode... but most of them: labour of love. Especially when you're heading out to try something new that could, maybe, be quite good.

This time I checked out the new Mira Mira Diner at the corner of Kenilworth and Queen out here in the Toronto Beaches. That's been another one of those "cursed locations" you tend to notice when you've lived somewhere for a while. Growing up on Isabella Street just east of Yonge, there was a spot next to the Artful Dodger pub that must've changed about six times between the time I was in Grade Six and when I graduated high school (it was a Korean bar last I recall). Likewise, the corner of Kenilworth/Queen was a St. Louis Wings when I first moved to the Beaches in late 2014. It closed a blink later, sat vacant for at least four years, then opened up as this two floor bar called 'The Big Bruce', with the adjoined upstairs running as a small live music venue called 'The Cut'.

It was a cool idea, and live music is something sorely needed in this neighbourhood especially with the Salty Dog shuttering last winter weeks before the pandemic. Unfortunately, the owner of 'The Bruce' was a bit sketchy to say the least... and by February the landlord had locked him out. Last time I went there I lost my knapsack and never got it back. Not a big loss at all (the bar, not the knapsack. I had a good pair of headphones in there).

Enough backstory. Okay fine a little more... but about the new tenants! Mira Mira Diner is the second location of chef Amira Becarevic, following up the Leslieville Mira Mira (a small corner spot I may have dropped off a resume at in the Beforetimes) and before that Mira Mira had a stall downtown in Assembly Chef's Hall. 

Both active restaurants bill themselves as comfort food with high quality ingredients and the basic menu does reflect that. The Beaches location comparatively seems more likely more utilized as a sit down diner since it has significant patio space (in better future days, of course). Well for now, in I went to put this comfort food to the test. 

I knew I wanted something that seemed a bit more interesting than just trying a chicken sandwich or a cheeseburger, and fortunately they offer the perfect middle ground: a crispy shrimp/cod burger. You can see it in the photo when you look closely how that isn't beef... so if I fooled you... huhaeheheh. 

It was too cold/windy to eat outside so I had to hightail it home. This didn't do the potatoes here any favours ("crunkle cut coins" by their description) as there was little heat left there. Lousy Smarch weather. Thankfully though, the sandwich wasn't an ice cube yet and while I almost always eat my sides before the burger (crazy talk!), this was for a review and I had to get at the main attraction while it was still warm.

Lets just say I chose wisely. This sandwich is essentially a gigantic fried fish cake and it works, oh baby it works. The texture is on point: crunchy on the outside, but it doesn't start crumbling to pieces once you're progressed within. It holds together its thickness, and yet never tastes dry in any places either... not even once it gets cold... remaining tender throughout. Flavourwise, the cod dominates but you get just enough hint of that sweet salt of the shrimp to know its there and its enough of a presence, at least while the sandwich is still fresh.  

The supporting elements of the sandwich are fairly minimal: just coleslaw, thinly sliced baby pickles, a lemony mayo on a brichoe bun... and there isn't anything that feels lacking. Crunchy veggie with a bit of vinegary zest? Check. Slightly sweet creamy sauce? Check. Soft bun? Check. What else ya want? Maybe if you're feeling something spicy I could see it, but I personally can be fairly simple with my sandwich/burger toppings and this one has everything it needs. I'm seriously impressed.

As for the supporting sides... the potato coins are nicely seasoned but it's hard to judge since they were cold (chilly days close to a lake and no working bicycle... not ideal for this kind of thing). They're like neatly disced (is that a word? it is now) homefries and you gotta get those steaming hot. Still, they weren't chewy or rough either. The side of spicy ketchup was pretty nice. Not really a fan of ketchup at all but I liked how this had some kind of subtle chili kick. There also was a side of coleslaw (their sandwich combos allow you two sides, which is cool). The slaw solo was probably the weakest link here though (not so cool). This could be a personal taste thing, since I didn't mind it on the fish burger at all... but by itself it's a too vinegary for me. I'm a sucker for creamier slaw I've realized, and so this one isn't my bag of cabbage. It has excellent crunch, tastes extremely fresh... but once that sourness hits I can't overcome.        

This has been a longer review than I planned (they usually are, heh) so lets wrap it up! Overall... this was a very damn tasty sandwich and I would gladly get it again sometime. A truly terrific fish sandwich that isn't drowned in sauce or cheese is a rare thing, and this one strikes a terrific balance between multiple positives (crispy fish, texture, crunchy slaw, just enough sweet sauce and a good bun). I might not elect for the combo next time, since those sides weren't quite as strong, but they aren't bad and hey for a review you want to try as much as you can. 

Some final notes: the service was excellent (I know it's just take-out but they were also semi-busy and the two servers were on top of their games taking new orders, updating people waiting, dealing with Uber Eats etc. It was good friendly service and that might not be as easy a gig as you think). Lastly, it was definitely trippy my first time inside after my (hazy tequila) memories of the Big Bruce. That place was dim, aside from some neon lights... Mira Mira is so bright with pinks and yellows that frankly if it weren't for the bar (now a coffee/service station) being in the exact same place I'd have thought it was a different building. It's like in Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past, when you go from the Dark World back into the Light World. Had to work in a Nintendo reference, of course I did.   

The Tenth Tuesday Taste! - Subway's Sidekicks

 

Ohhh my, heart is sinking

Same old useless one-eyed thinking

Live your life in the court of kings

Bow to the ruler and kiss the ring

But we don't even understand a thing you say

 

Yeah! Another Tuesday, another taste! This has not been a good week for anybody living in Ontario, as I unfortunately do and am rapidly regretting with each passing second... but! I won't let that shadow of endless doom linger over this review. 

This is now the tenth edition of this weekly Tuesday Taste series... so I want to make it particularly special to all of you who have read, commented and supported these since the beginning. And if this is your first time reading, hop aboard and enjoy! I have no plans to end this anytime soon.

For this big ol' 10th episode... I did a something. The extremely prevalent sub sandwich chain Subway have recently been advertising a quartet of somethings called "Sidekicks". By the suggestion of the posters on their windows, they're intended as hungry temptation additions to the sub sandwich you've already come inside for. I mean, why else would it be called a sidekick?

A plan immediately seemed obvious to me: order all four and try these little sammichs in one go. SIDEKICKS.... ASSEMBLE!!!!!!! 

I mean please, enjoy all of the meats of our cultural stew...

 

(also before we begin, for consistency I ordered the same compliments on each different sandwich: lettuce, cucumber, green peppers, and whatever sauce fit the name of the title. Giddy up).

 

Savoury Turkey Ranch

 

  

Hello...! ...misleading titles. Nothing about this is ranch, and this whole enterprise is the opposite of savoury. If you want to stretch it... reeeeeallly far... well sardines on toast (according to Wikipedia, citation needed) are considered a savoury dish. And hey, there are sardines used in Caesar dressing*... therefore... Caesar dressing sauce on a sandwich makes it savoury! They nailed it!

*cough* hey... it's actually anchovies. 

Ferthelovaaagawd.

I don't get this title. It ain't savoury, and it ain't ranch either. And those two things wouldn't work together regardless.

Taking this for what it is: a tiny turkey sandwich in a slider bun, drenched in Caesar dressing... it's very meh. In theory it's a good match for that great texture of turkey... but nah. The meat is a decent quality, thankfully not on the cheaper side of processed, but there's little aftertaste. Good turkey meat has a way of settling down and resting inside ya as you eat. Accept no imitation. 

When it comes to turkey, a nice turkey sandwich should be 50 percent turkey, 50 percent anything else (and half of that should be gravy). Drowning it with cheap salad dressing? Bad move.

Honey Mustard Ham

 

 

First bites can be like first kisses. They can last forever, and they can fade into oblivion. Hey! No... you're jaded.

The honey mustard sauce is what holds it together, and if you don't like honey mustard... well A: you're crazy. B: this example is a nice sauce, kinda creamy in a mayo way with honey and just enough mustard to make it yellow. 

Once I tried the ham solo though... well it wasn't a good enough Star Wars spinoff. That's a double burn. Good ham should have a nice sweet scent to it, texture that collapses delightfully and juicy once you start cooking. This though... it wasn't dry sure, but it was just nothing. Texture for the sake of texture, disguised by sweet sauce. No. Don't try to fool me.

 

Chipotle Chicken

 

 

This was the one I was most skeptical about. Chipotle sauce in any form is waaay overdone these days (gimme ghost pepper if you're promoting power) and Subway's chipotle goo is lacking by those dated standards. It's a Nothing Burger Sauce Edition: regular mayo mixed with President's Choice Spicy Mayo... aiming for that neutral zone and missing well below. Damn.

The chicken itself gets semi-points for occasional moments of roasted interest. It's actually quite fine and not dry thankfully. I'd never confuse it for a legit bird slow cooked on a fire pit, but it goes for that flavour and achieves a hint of it.

Italian Aioli

 

 

By description this is the vaguest one of the four. "Italian Aioli?"? What's the aioli? Is it a garlic mayo that tastes like pizza? Damn...if that actually exists I'm ordering that sauce.

It's funny how this final "Sidekick" had the most forgettable photo, yet the most lasting taste. This one I genuinely liked.

The salami, combined with the garlic aioli... it's a good combo of distinct lingering tastes. Sustained salty pork beside creamy mayo garlic. It just worked for me, and the salami was certainly a notch above these other forgettable meats. This was more of a cheap option at your local deli, but it's a good deli and the cheap option is the whispered secret.  

 

Might as well grade and rank em just for fun:

 

Honey Mustard Ham: C- (nothing beyond the sauce)

Savoury Turkey Ranch: C- (decent turkey but any boring thing, like Pizza Pizza, would be way better jammed up with ranc... I mean Caesar dressing)

Chicken Chipotle: C (This has the right idea. Pulled chicken is a nice sandwich texture, but it needs more and the overall flavour is lacking)

Italian Aioli: B- (the only one I'd actually consider ordering again. Garlic and salami at a slow pace, is quite the place for me)   

I have to mention the patient dude who prepared all these for me, like a total pro, at the Coxwell/Queen Subway location. Didn't even blink an eye despite my weird request, and set it all up with the skill of a wicked bartender preparing multiple drinks at once. Damn. I miss that.

  

Burnt Ends - Might be going nuts with my other series, East End Eats, so stay tuned.

 

Tenth Taste - I honestly really want to thank everyone who has been reading this so far. Ten is a cool little milestone, and one I frankly wasn't totally confident I'd live up to every week. But I did and it really is thanks to all of you for reading, supporting, and commenting (please don't be shy!) I wouldn't be doing any of this if no one read it. Lots of ideas in the tank so get reading! It's going to be even more fun.

 

Speaking of unfortunate beginnings... the new feature!

Hey Doug - you griddle-faced, crusty-ass Biff Tannen cosplayer. I wouldn't trust you to run a home dishwasher: you'd probably somehow set the kitchen on fire, refuse the help of the Fire Department and then blame public services for not showing up fast enough. Just beat it, leave the scene like you so want to you piss-soaked tumbleweed... the house is burning and you clearly don't give two craps about anyone inside. See ya next week! Hopefully not though.

Tuesday Tune - It has to be this song, by a great Canadian band.

They were my first concert ever, when I was 12 at Fort York... they double billed with Great Big Sea. To memories of better times... and to this songs' apparent sad relevance today.

 

That's it for now. This was not an easy one to write. I truly don't aim to be was hopeless and angry as I was last week, but the obvious darkness is such a shadow. Be good to the ones you love, stay safe and don't spill that mustard.

East End Eats XXIII: Amma Momo House

 

 

Checking out another spot five minutes from my house, and another cuisine I'm totally unfamiliar with. 

Amma Momo House, by their own description, offer a mix of Indian, Chinese, Hakka and Nepali dishes. I had to look up what a momo actually is, discovering it's a type of dumpling. 

This will sound insane, but I'm not a super huge fan of dumplings. To be fair, I haven't had one in a very long time and probably never tried an elite one. Regardless, I was in the mood for something a little more saucy and complex anyway... 

...so yes... it's yet another curry.

Hey though, this is only the third one I've done, and the first chicken one! I previously reviewed a lamb korma at Cinamon Indian Bistro (totally excellent) and a lamb saag at Nepal Curry House (very good) back in May of 2020. You know, nine years ago.

This one from Amma was very different than either of those offerings. Simply billed as their "House Special Chicken Curry), this sauce has more of a tangy flavour than those creamily bitter Saag or decadently rich Korma dishes. It also has a lot of little touches going on (as the photo shows) with topped green onions, various herbs I can't entirely identify (cilantro? thyme? some other kind of chive?), pepper seeds and some assortment of seasonings. This sauce itself isn't as thick as those other ones I reviewed (and do go read em again, wink wink) but fortunately all this extra "stuff" also adds texture to the base and prevents it from being at all watery. 

You also might think there are carrots in there from the photo (I did at first) but nope those orange chunks are the chicken pieces submerged below. Yeah, I get it... the lightning in my place sucks... I've been stuck inside here so long I've become too used to it. 

Spice-wise, I opted for "medium" (I prefer not blasting my taste buds when trying a new spot) and this had some pleasant sweet kick to it, mostly thanks to that roast pepper taste with a bare pinch of heat. The chicken itself would be the biggest weakness: it was merely ok. Tender enough to absorb some of the curry sauce, but there wasn't anything particularly distinctive about it.. a bit like if it had been cooked separately but then added afterward to order, rather than slowly stewed with the sauce. 

My final verdict would be... fairly good. The meat this time was mediocre, but I would go again to try something else and most of that is because of the curry sauce... just solid quality stuff with a lot of flavour variety to it.    

     

   

The Tuesday Taste: Butter Chicken Roti's - Lamb Curry Roti

 

 

This won't be the most in-depth review ever. Not by any fault/simplicity of the establishment and item I tried (though this ain't 3-D Chess either)... but it's been some week and I'm not in any mindset of proposing playful setups or nostalgic description.

Baggage aside, I just don't have much to say about this. I'd never ordered a roti from anywhere, and found at first it very similar to a quesadilla. Except...! thankfully larger, not crispy, not sliced, and so stuffed with filling that most of it oozed out when I made my incision for the header photo.

There's not a whole lot beyond: it is quite tasty, the fatty lamb is tender and flavourful (and chunky), the curry sauce slightly nutty with a hint of spice. Enjoyable texture but it needs just a bit more punch... the flatbread slips in nicely into the equation and.... that's it. Solid B, maybe slight B-.

My intention was to try their trademark dish (an actual butter chicken roti) and in my endless brilliance I didn't notice it as a special menu item until my fallback lamb choice was already computed. Biggest disappointment? The lack of sides. Not even Raita or hot sauce or rice type things... I mean the absence of anything else in the oversized brown paper bag I got. No napkins, plastic forks or knives, nothing. Just the box. It's likely I missed those utensils were self-help-yourself, so... just a case of me not paying attention. Familiar failure on my part... but man just gimme a tiny side sauce of something when its over twelve bucks.

This food, in its bare simplicity, is pretty good I'd say. Cinamon Bistro in the Beaches makes a far superior product, but I did like this. It's deceptively filling, and tasty even once cold. Considering my misinterpretation of the menu (wanting their namesake dish) and my general malaise writing anything right now... this will be an eventual do over, however. You're welcome for wasting your time!

 

Burnt Ends - If you're still here... well aside from my final TNG review of the worst episodes from seasons 6-7, or my review of Chinese Fusion Burrito joint Chino Locos...  shrug? Ghost town of ideas now... yeah. I warned this wouldn't be a fun one. 

 

Tuesday Tune - If you're even still this far... well I hope you like this song at least, because I certainly like it more than the quality of this review so far.

I was still in high school when a friend of mine told me about this band. Not soon afterwards I was working at the Drake Hotel, where this band would consistently play fun, dance-filled gigs in the Drake Underground on legendary Elvis Mondays. 

Spiral Beach was just delightful... mixing an early B-52s off-kilter danciness with early Pink Floyd psychedelia... while being just a total crazy energetic live experience. They even made it on the cover of NOW magazine back in the day. This particular song was on an album I bought at their release party on the Toronto Islands, for a friend, probably in 2007... he in turn gave me a burned copy of the album which sounds super muffled so... well we haven't spoken in almost a decade so I doubt he's reading this. He still sucks though.

The band broke up over a decade ago now... each member going off to do their own separate things. Hey though, enjoy this cool tune that totally didn't pop into my mind because I constantly feel like an actual ghost. 

 

 

That's all for this week. Tune in next time when somehow, some goddamn way...  this nightmare can somehow get even slightly better. Until then, be kind to each other, be kind to yourself, give an anti-masker the finger and don't spill any mustard.

    

East End Eats XXII: Chino Locos

 

 

 

I'm pretty sure that through twenty-two of these East End Eats, this is the first time I've reviewed a burrito. Shocking!

Actually not really. Burritos are damn delicious, but I find I don't crave one as often as certain other items (gee I wonder what tops that list...). They're also much more of a meal than a snack I find, unless you order a small one but WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER DO THAT? 

They're also tougher to review since... well, they're all sorta the same. What I mean is, unlike with a pizza where I can comment on texture, cheese, oiliness and such, a burrito is a more consistent product. A lesser one will still have the standard elements just at a lower quality. I guess what I'm getting at is it's probably much easier to make a bad pizza than a bad burrito: with a bad burrito I think you'd have to really try to make it bad on purpose or through astonishing negligence. The tortilla would have to be stale, the main filling dry, the sauces unpleasant and the rice crunchy. If you've experienced bad burritos please do let me know, I'm very curious what makes a bad one (and also so I can avoid the place he he ha ha hah).

Well here's Chino Locos! They were a place I consistently forgot existed: Greenwood is noticeably west of me and when I ride a bike I usually avoid Queen Street, which is exactly where Chino Locos is. Regardless, it is a well regarded establishment (it topped BlogTo's Best Burrito list in 2017, however you want to value that) and they've opened a second location on Broadview. 

What sets them apart from other burrito joints is that they add a bit of Chinese fusion to the menu: instead of rice you can substitute chow mein noodles, which I didn't do because... I just wasn't in the mood for noodles. Maybe that means I didn't get the "unique" Chino Locos experience, but bah whatever I'm more interested in how a place executes the basics first, especially when it's my first time there.

I got the "Sweeet" can, I mean pork option... medium spice with everything but red onions. It's good! Very good. The pork is more tender than juicy, with a subtle sweetness that's good not to overwhelm the other fillings. There is a lot going on here, as a fully loaded burrito should, but what stands out most is the nice extra flavour of the scallion-ginger relish, which adds a different dimension to the ensemble of tastes, even if not featured in every bite. That's another aspect of trying to review a burrito: one bite could be just sour cream and guacamole then the next rice and beans. The individual elements mix up and finding distinction among them is who cares I'm hungry! That's why I ordered a burrito!

Fortunately, Chino Locos does stand out from being just a typical burrito spot. The relish is certainly different, the noodles option compelling, and their hot sauce is very on point. Between mild, medium and hot I went for the middle and this baby got me one or twice in some unsuspecting places (gee, that sounded different in my mind). This burrito was just really good, and I'd be curious to go again for the fish option in the future. Spoilerrrsssss....?????   

One last quick thing: when I worked downtown at a certain music venue, oftentimes after shifts we would go for post work burritos at the Burrito Boyz on Adelaide. Those really did hit the spot, even a calamari one I tried which was cooked to just the right texture to be a presence in the wrap, but not too tough or chewy. Maybe once we're done working on the time machine here at West C Street I'll take a quick trip back to 2018, before this everything nightmare happened. 

The Worst Star Trek The Next Generation Episodes: The Finale!

 

 

If you've stuck with me this long, well you've probably watched all of Season 1 and have endured much, much worse.

Let's get outta here already!

 

Cost of Living (s5 e20)

 

 

It's hard to properly critique this one since it's (supposedly) a comedy episode, with some themes of age and recapturing lost youth mixed about. Cost of Living isn't as unwatchable as many other entries on this dismal list, rather it is just so damn bizarre for long stretches. 

To quickly summarize: Worf and his son Alexander are not getting along. Lwaxana Troi comes aboard and bonds with the young boy. She's here marrying some alien aristocrat she's been messaging but is only meeting now (hey, TNG predicted Tinder) and the alien's stuffiness makes her feel even older... thus her gravitating to the child Alexander. 

Yeah... it isn't great. While the over-the-top uptightness of the groom is semi-funny the cliched joke runs on way too long. The disruption Lwxana causes in the Worf-Alexander relationship also goes nowhere and is awkward to behold. There's way too much of Majel Barrett with the young actor in this episode and Barrett does the best she can with it, but it's such an odd pairing to begin with. 

The B-plot is about some metal eating parasites that almost destroy the ship and kill everybody. TNG tropes aside, why is something threatening to kill everybody (including these dignified guests from another planet) the B-plot of this story? The imminent mortal danger barely exists in the Lwaxana-Alexander stuff. Nothing here fits, like two body parts forcibly grafted together because armtoes!

Cost of Living is more strange, boring and confusing than actually bad. Wait, that sounds bad. The goofy holodeck stuff goes on way too long (it's Trek meets clownish children's show) and it becomes obvious fast that they didn't have enough of a story with either plot to fill the run time. At least it has a all-time great Worf quote to end it though (my sentiments exactly).

      

Imaginary Friend (s5 e22)

 

  

There's an old showbiz quote (maybe) attributed to W.C. Fields: "Never work with animals or children". Whoever said it must've been predicting this episode.

It's always interesting for the audience to view the Enterprise from a different perspective. Lower Decks (the season 7 TNG episode, not the animated show... haven't seen it and I'm in no hurry) features a quartet of young officers and focuses on seeing the ship from their eyes, making our usual main characters seem larger and more intimidating through those lens. Imaginary Friend goes for a similar take, except through the viewpoint of a young child.

This could've worked, maybe...? Yeah probably not. I appreciate how whoever wrote this was clearly reminding the audience of the children and families on this ship (pretty nuts when you think of all those dangerous missions they get sent on). As presented... this story is just very, very... very not interesting. They went too far with the child perspective thing. 

The gist of the tale is a lonely young girl's imaginary friend becomes real, thanks to an alien-entity-presence-of-the-week from some nebula the Enterprise is exploring. I will give credit for this: her single father has had to change ships/assignments frequently, and so his young daughter hasn't been anywhere long enough to make lasting friends. It's a sad and unfortunate nature of this kind of life, especially within the vast distances of space... a good thing to acknowledge and explore in this seemingly squeaky clean future. And.... that's enough sympathy for this episode!

It's a rough watch because the majority of it focuses on these two child actresses wandering about the ship, and there is only so long you can watch something like that until the minutes feel like days (citing Mr. Spock). The "imaginary friend" character is just so blank... delivering every line with a level of enthusiasm that a corpse would find lifeless. I don't want to pick on this young actress but the final scene where her and Picard discuss what's happening (she's a alien energy thingy from a nebula they wandered into... tropes for days baby!) is just so imbalanced from a dramatic skill standpoint. Matching a world class actor like Patrick Stewart with someone so inexperienced (and bland) in your climax just isn't fair and the scene looks like an rehearsal. "Okay that's done, now when do we film the real scene? Oh."

Definitely one of the worst outings of the later seasons. Just unbearably dull.

      

Man of the People (s6 e3)

 

 

Look, not all Troi-centered episodes are bad okay? Face of the Enemy is a really damn good one, as is... um... uh...

So Man of the People! Another title that seems at best vague with what the episode actually is. Which is Deanna Troi being physically violated by an alien. Again. Come on.

It's a different method of violation: some top diplomat asshole guy is a key negotiator in some something-something peace talks, but his elderly traveling companion (he lies that it's his mother) dies soon after they both transport aboard. Troi tries to comfort him and he tricks her into holding some crystal thing that establishes a telepathic link between them, wherein he now can dump all his negative emotions into her. Troi rapidly ages and goes insane. I need a drink for this horrible shit.

*pissst

All right I'm back.

It's so fucking creepy: the diplomat guy is such an obvious skuzbag you have to wonder how nobody has caught onto how suspicious his actions are. Once this telepathic link holds, the people he dumps his mental shit into become emotionally unstable and age rapidly. 

You think by now maybe some people might've noticed this trend? "Hey our close friend seems to have suddenly changed! With totally gray hair since last week! Now she's excited to suddenly go off with this stranger, and she's been hostile as hell to us for no reason since that guy got here! What's happening? Oh I dunno let's never report this ever! We're fucking morons!!!" Ah, maybe it's because this stranger carries the low profile position of... intergalactic diplomat??? Do admirals proofread this shit? Bad Trek: where Starfleet has the external thinking of a potato.

Diplomat guy also has the savvy of a potato, and that weird "alien" makeup on his forehead makes it look like someone drizzled gravy in his hair. When Picard confronts him about Troi's worsening condition, ol Potatoface just completely spills what he's been doing and claims his good work justifies it. Since he clearly also only does it to unsuspecting women (young naive ones at that, likely initially duped like Troi was)... well he's one of the most reprehensible characters to ever appear in TNG and frankly I wish Picard had punched him in the face right there (I bet Sisko and Kirk would've... Janeway probably pulls a phaser... so extra points there to all of them). Instead Picard gives a lecture, groans and does that Picard scowl thing. This episode sucks anyway and violence doesn't fit his emotionally restrained character (except in the movies, but those don't count because what movies?)... but I dunno man, it's so hard to watch a great Starfleet hero do so little face-to-face with an evil scumbag boasting of his evil scumbaggery.  

Speaking of scum, why on Earth would Fuckface Diplomat just freely admit this? Isn't the Enterprise his ride back also? If the episode concluded differently but Troi was still restored, don't you think Picard and Riker would go: "Well Number One, I see here's the destination for our guest. Starfleet did say the primitive volcanic planet with lava monsters right? I see you strongly agree, Number One. Energize!"

And logistically, don't you think the Federation would be a bit reluctant to, in the future, work with or even be associated with a guy who has now admitted to manipulating, deforming and consciously murdering unsuspecting victims for his own vague ends? This is info that can now be spread around publicly: "Don't hire the creepy asshole who lures women to literally drain the life out of them!" Feels like the story wants to imply he'd get away with it too without consequence. How nice. This is Season 1 level dweebishness.

I hate this episode. The apathetic logic, the assgravy evil diplomat, the discomfort of watching a main character go insane... blech. The most enjoyment I got was when Troi, possessed by the bad aging mojo... stabs Picard! ...and he proceeds to kinda walk it off. Now that's funny. "Damnit! I'll just shake off this stab wound, good thing it missed my very susceptible artificial heart! Wouldn't want a whole episode about that." 

The dialogue is bland, the blocking (yeah, the bloody blocking) noticeable in awfulness... in one scene, two characters circle each other at 720 degrees for absolutely no goddamn reason. A total nothing burger of a story, with the same level of deep severe discomfort you also find in Season 1. One of the worst episodes of the entire series to suffer through beginning to end.  

 

Sub Rosa (s7 e14)

 

 

Next Gen's final season is notoriously uneven, and really an excellent case of a great show recognizing they'd reached the end. Unlike many other once great programs that live on waaay past any trace of relevance or quality (*cough* Simpsons), TNG went off into the sunset relatively still at the top of their game. A fitting farewell to these great iconic characters. (Movies? What're you talking about? That must be some weird alternate universe, where Picard is some dumb action hero, Data is comic relief and everybody else gets like a dozen lines. What a nightmare that would be!)

Season 7 has some truly great episodes, plenty of "meh" ones, some ????? ones, and a few real stinkers. One consistent theme throughout the season (beyond the obvious "we ran out of ideas") is discovering/connecting with long lost family members! Worf's human brother from his foster parents! Data's "mom"! Picard's long lost son? Maybe! Troi's sister she never knew she had! Geordi's mom! (that episode really sucks too). Only Riker didn't get a story like this, only because they already did the father episode in Season 2 (which also sucked) and the transporter accident clone brother thing with Thomas Riker. 

And of course Dr. Crusher's grandmother, briefly mentioned in the Season 1 episode Arsenal of Freedom (bam! 100 Trek nerd cred points). Which brings us to Sub Rosa. 

Dear god... why did it have to bring us to Sub Rosa... 

Now, I think this is definitely a Top 5 all time worst TNG episode, and it deserves that slot with honours... yet there's also a silliness to it in certain parts that redeems it slightly. The whole concept of some alien world terraformed to resemble Scotland, weather and all, is so delightfully stupid and absurd. Likewise the trope character warning Dr. Crusher of danger in the old house, complete with cartoonish accent: "Do nah light tat candal, it'll brin tha Gooohst!". For crying out loud, there's a scene with rolling fog on the bridge of the Enterprise. How can you possibly take this seriously?  

Well you shouldn't, and if this really was a self aware genre comedy (like Fistful of Datas) it would be a lot better for it. But it isn't. The concept is of a gothic horror/romance story, with Dr. Crusher becoming more and more under the romantic influence of this mysterious stranger only she can see. This fails so completely because the process of getting to that romance is just so damn weird and gross in several places. Lets count them off!

Gross Weird #1: Dr. Crusher is getting involved with somebody who had also been intimate with her grandmother. Look, as an only child it's never been possible for me to potentially hook up with the same girl as my brother, or vice versa, but regardless I'd feel somewhat weird about it. If it was my grandfather? That's weird x100.

Gross Weird #2: The age difference. Dr. Crusher's late grandmother is described as being almost 100, while the mysterious stranger (or "Ronin", I'm tired of typing "mysterious stranger") described as being 34. Yeeeeaaaah. No matter how you slice it, that's eyebrow raising, despite the futile attempts to quickly smirk it off as a healthy libido. Love is love, sure, and maybe things are different in 300 years with longer lifespans and eternal youth, but as somebody who is almost 34 I can't possibly imagine myself being that physically attracted to a person born before Babe Ruth was even a Yankee. Likewise, I can't imagine anybody who grew up in the 90s being physically attracted to me if I'd been a paperboy during the Great Depression. The episode is being playful with this (even Picard says to himself "30s? Hmmmph") and it just doesn't work. It feels off because it went too extreme, accidentally leading the audience to think, in the back of their minds, that something about this relationship isn't on the level. Which it wasn't, so good job episode! Way to sabotage your own point of ageless love. 

Gross Weird #3: The journal. Future or not, this is fucked up. Dr. Crusher discovers her grandmother's journal, which is filled with descriptions of her romance with Ronin. Okay, so far that's fine. Good method of exposition and establishing a character we don't know yet. Then... well here's Crusher's line to Troi: "I fell asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter of my grandmother's journal". Yeah... there's no saving that. GEEEEZUS. What the hell is wrong with you? You think maybe your grandmother wrote that in her PRIVATE JOURNAL, not possibly imagining her nosy doctor granddaughter would go off reading it and then tell her friends? Was Crusher... getting off on it? Because that's also suggested in this scene. Holy fuck I cannot describe my revulsion... Nerd help me out!

Gross Weird #4: Dr. Crusher slowly falls for the ghostly Ronin, first when she has a sexual dream (shown by an invisible something lowering her blanket and touching her garments while she sleeps... how not creepy). There are a lot of Crusher-Troi scenes in this episode and you know what? I don't mind them, only because Sirtis' reactions are subtly hilarious. Troi quickly tries to change the subject in the erotic grandmother journal scene, bless her. Anyways, groping somebody while sleeping is obviously not romantic, you hear that League of Pervy Ghosts?

Gross Weird #5: Being a pervy ghost wasn't enough for this episode, and here's where it really goes off the cliff Wil E Coyote style. Crusher finds herself back in her grandmother's house and there are dozens of flowers everywhere (the flower thing had been foreshadowed in the funeral scene). Seriously, I think they blew most of the budget on flowers and didn't have enough left for a decent story, or actors, or proofreaders, or ACME mallet to bonk some sense into these people. This is where Ronin reveals himself as a centuries old ghost, an intimate companion of the female Crushers since the 1700s. He begins doing... something... that turns her arousal up past 11, but she tells him to stop... MULTIPLE TIMES... and then boom! It's the next scene! Everything is fine! She's totally happy with this new man/ghost/whateverthefuck in her life now. 

Hey episode! You mind maybe showing your work on that one? I mean this belongs in the [Scene Missing] hall of fame. Maybe going from 'a woman is writhing in pleasure against her will' into 'I'm blissfully happy with my new love' in the span of ten seconds is... hear me out here... REALLY STUPID AND BAD??? As Chuck Sonnenburg put it in his video review: this isn't a love story, it's Casper the Rapey Ghost.

Gross Weird #6: Nothing gross, I just wanna talk about Troi again because her reaction in that "I'm so happy now" scene is perfect. Probably the most relatable thing in this episode. Troi suggests Crusher's personal loss is driving her to act irrationally in the wake of that (good advice) but Dr. Crusher brushes it off insisting she knows what she's doing. The way Sirtis says "I'm very happy for you" and her expression is so obviously "You've lost your fucking mind. I'm gonna leave now" that I simply love it. 

Gross Weird #7: At the core of it, Sub Rosa isn't a love story. It wants to be, but it can't because it's a story of Dr. Crusher being manipulated, physically used and mind controlled by some energy being... I mean green ghost... I mean Ronin! Mind control is a staple of Science Fiction and a scary one, the idea of somebody now under the influence of some other power and maybe not even aware of it... so many great narrative possibilities! But mixing it with a love story? Now you're slipping into sleazy fan fiction territory, and probably a website that asks what year you were born. This episode wants to play Ronin's destruction (spoiler but who gives a shit) as a tragedy, like a flawed character who just wanted to love. Ummmm... mind control, molestation, physical manipulation (Crusher's eyes change colour) and basically nothing consensual are a pretty fucked up definition of "love". I dunno what dictionary you're using episode, but burn it. With fire.

Gross Weird #8: It's just so goddamn obvious Dr. Crusher isn't herself once Ronin, ummmm... gets inside her. *Cough*. Her blissed out scene with Troi, the sudden resignation from Starfleet and departure (no goodbyes to anyone) from the Enterprise, and just how shaky she acts until she can be with him again so he can send that green fog inside her. Yikes. This episode is like the Sci-Fi version of Trainspotting: Crusher doesn't act like a woman eager to be with her new love, she acts like a hardcore junkie. She's sweating, desperate, snappy... all she can think about is that sweet fix. 

Again, I have to ask.... HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A LOVE STORY? Because silliness aside with the dumb Scottish stuff, the romance is played straight. It tries to be spooky with the ghost stuff, the haunted house, climax at the graveyard... all the well worn cliches, but this "romance" is what propels the story. Propels it into a pit full of spikes, which wouldn't be nearly as agonizing as trying to make sense of this catastrophe. The only credit it deserves is that it haphazardly alternates between deeply disturbing and so dumb it's hilarious. Surely no sane mind could achieve such a feat.   

            

Journey's End (s7 e20)

 

 

Many consider Masks the nadir of the inconsistent final season of TNG, but I've always had a soft spot for that one (it's probably the bad episode I like more than most people). Journey's End, meanwhile, is an episode I've always hated. Re-watching it for this article? I am unmoved. I probably dislike it more now.

One thing torpedoes it for me: Wesley Crusher. If you've read this far,  you must not be surprised. I'm definitely a Wesley hater but most of that is based on how damn insufferable he was in the early parts of the show. It could've worked out better: maybe starting him as a supporting character with obvious raw potential, but also so young, wide-eyed and inexperienced that he needs to be wrong more often than he's right. That way you can see his growth from a child with vast technical knowledge into an adult able to apply it, so his talents seem more well deserved and nurtured as time passes. First Duty is a wonderful episode that does this with Wesley, and the show needed more of that to ground the character once in a while. 

Or... he can just save the ship in the second fucking episode of the damn show because wonderkidz gotta wonderkidz and also everyone else there is an idiot! What do I know.

Journey's End is a very mediocre story completely destroyed by that Season 1 interpretation of Wesley. Will Wheaton left the show halfway through Season 4 but came back in a pair of pretty solid episodes (plus a cameo in Parallels, more Trek cred points). These returns really helped the character finally not be some writer's cheap deus ex-machina/get out of plot jail free card and instead seem like a real person.

This one though.... fuck off. Journey's End is godawful because it undoes all that positive character progression by falling back on the whole "Wesley's so good his ability transcends reality" bullshit. Great. Just fucking great. I love when Star Trek sabotages it's own character backstories (that definitely hasn't happened recently) and plus Wesley acts like an annoying entitled teenager this whole story. Oh good, that's totally what I tune into this legendary Sci-Fi show for... teenage moping. I'm surprised he didn't dye his hair jet black and wear eyeliner halfway through this (Emo Crusher! Bah... Emo Riker had more hits in the 80s).

Oh yeah the... story? Is that what you'd call it? This thing is painfully so much about angsty Wesley I just tune out and pray for death. The Enterprise is faced with potentially having to forcibly remove colonists (who happen to be entirely 'insert North American Indigenous tribe here' because planet of hats ahead at Warp 9). You know Native Americans aren't a "one size fits all", right episode? There are many distinctive cultures, all with fascinating histories, distinct traditions and... oh right, they blew the research budget on the flowers in Sub Rosa. Great. Tepid political message and racial generalization at Warp 6, engage!

How could this episode ever be good? The one sliver of credit I'll reward it is how it sets up the Maquis storyline, though that's DS9 stuff anyway and they did a way better job with it over there. Here though, lets mix our potential Trail of Tears analogy with Wesley Crusher acting like somebody should just play Meat Is Murder for him already so he can conceptualize his melancholy (would've saved this episode for me at least, The Smiths rule). Nah... this dweeb cadet shithead betrays Worf in a critical dangerous situation, acts snotty to Picard and you know what? Fuck Wesley Crusher. There are some moments he's okay... but by this example you know what his exit should've been? Impaled with a spear like in that Season 1 episode. That Wesley didn't really deserve it, but this pompous ass? I'd give this episode 8/10 if that happened.

Sigh... instead his character arc rolls all sevens because at a critical moment he's thrown out of time because that creepy Traveler guy returns to tell Wesley he's like a God or something and FUCK YOU GO TO HELL EPISODE. Seriously. There's even a goodbye scene where Dr. Crusher tells him to be careful out there in unexplored dimensions of consciousness. 

.... 

....

....I'm done. Holy fuck. Seriously... who would actually like this? Did any long time watcher of the show, at the time... sticking through the hideous foul terrain of Season 1 and onward... really wanted this 'Wesley Crusher as a transcendent being' arc to be fulfilled? And what arc??? This Traveler guy only shows up twice before, it's always hackneyed and screws up an otherwise somewhat interesting episode... but this shit? Awkward and corny and barf inducing and pissing on character evolution and lazy and WHY THE DUCK ARE WE QUACKING ABOUT THIS? 

The ducks are right. It's a very, very bad Season 7 episode. Don't watch it. I hope you don't. Not even enjoyable in a "bad equals good" way, just tedious and if you're me, rage induing. It's even worse than my mad rant makes it seem.

 

------

 

Wait... dear goodness I'm free at last! Free of the terribleness! I mean, there are plenty of other underwhelming episodes of TNG I haven't addressed... but geez this has been hard enough to endure watching the worst of a show I love. 

Hey you know what though, I still love it, because it was a great damn show, despite these awful episodes I've talked about, because while the lows were pretty damn low (like core of the Earth) the highs truly were another galaxy of great storytelling and possibilities of a distant future. I'm not sure if we'll ever see another Trek show with this much depth instead of surface spectacle (Discovery and Picard don't fill me with confidence) and even if not, the episodes of Next Generation will always be there to be watched. To make us laugh, feel welcome at the poker night, tremble at the sight of the Borg cube or argue against the screen that Data is not a toaster. It took a while to find itself, and even afterwards wasn't always a 10/10, which I'd say is the most human way to describe the journey.