The Tuesday Taste: Domino's Pizza

 

There's bodies in the water

and bodies in your basement

If heaven's for clean people

it's vacant 

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste everybody. And another pizza review? From me? Now that's some seriously unexpected stuff. Like the sky being blue or the weather forecast being wrong.

Full disclosure: I've never really been a huge fan of Domino's. Yet, I know many people who sincerely enjoy it and hoist praises upon them. One of my very first food reviews was ranking the pizza chains available here in Toronto and while Domino's was far from the top of the list, there were others I scored significantly worse (Pizza Pizza obviously one).

Truth be told, I wrote that 2018 article from memory, not by eating and then writing the review shortly afterwards (as I do for these). So... how does Domino's stack up this time, seven decades since that first review?

First though, some history. Domino's is a gigantically big huge pizza chain, with something like 15,000-17,000 locations worldwide. I went to one in Thailand! The history isn't all that interesting, except that the first non-American store opened in Winnipeg of all places? Also, the very worst pizza topping choice I ever made was at a Domino's (which still exists) near Sherbourne and Wellesley. I got a one topping pizza and it was pineapple. Seriously... this actually happened and nobody stopped me. Ah the mistakes of youth... (and I like pineapple on pizza, with other topping circumstances). 

For this review I visited a new location (which was damn busy too) right across the street from the sadly departed Stratengers pub in Leslieville. That spot is actually going to become a Dave's Hot Chicken, which is at least somewhat better than it becoming a Subway or something like that (utilize that huge patio space though!). I got a one topping, this time going for bacon, plus a garlic dip because do I really have to explain. 

Honestly, there were aspects to this pizza that were pleasantly surprising, and also unpleasantly surprising. Starting with the positives, the dough and crust were quite soft and tasty. In my mind I've always thought Domino's was consistently overcooked (the burnt bubbles atop the cheese sell this theory) and while the cheese along the crust was definitely on the crunchy and burnt side, the bread itself was actually quite nice. Likewise the cheese was soft, not overly caked on or thick, with a suggestion of being a decent brand of mozzarella. 

Negatives? Well... I really hate the sauce. Normally I prefer a saucy pizza (being a personal fan and defender of deep dish) and this is that... but man it is just so thin in texture and flavourless beyond this acidic sweetness that is truly dreadful to intake. Pizza Nova also has it's flaws (their roasted garlic pizza or garlic dip isn't one of them) but the best thing about their pizza is how their sauce has real bits of stewed(?) tomatoes within and it really makes the texture taste natural. Domino's (assuming this is their standard sauce) is basically at the level of "pizza squeeze" sauce bottles you seek out at a 7/11 around 3am (we've all been there right? Right???)

But wait, I have more bad things to say! The bacon is a bacon crumble, which while somewhat tasty just never resembles the taste, texture and joy of consuming real, genuine bacon. Not blown away by the garlic dip either, as it gives little beyond an initial garlic sting. It's very thin, watery (like the tomato sauce) and needs something else there (like spice or peppery flavour) to approach being a worthy compliment. 

Finally, if you've been a long time reader of my previous pizza reviews (and if so thank you so much!) you'll know I place a lot of value into reheat ability... and Domino's was considerably hard to reheat and enjoy in my books. This is still true, although my recently discovered technique of reheating with a covered frying pan on low heat is by far the most effective method. Problem is, this is a finicky pie and it's very easy to heat it too long and make it too crusty... and it still ain't great even if you hit the sweet spot.

Overall? Yeah I'm still not a Domino's fan, and I don't understand all the love it gets. I even had a friend message me not long ago asking for pizza recommendations, I gave a few, but then he said he was just gonna settle for Domino's (also if you're reading this, seriously go try 4th Man, buddy). To end on a positive though, getting a medium pie for 10 bucks is pretty damn sweet and while their deals seem to vary by location, the price of this very very mediocre pizza is accordingly on point. I gave it a D+ in 2018... yeah it's still a D+ pizza in my books... maybe a D++.

Burnt Ends -- Starting work on my Radiohead discography article right after I'm done this. Beyond that, still gonna get that Star Wars trilogy ranking going soon (does anyone have a Disney+ account I can share temporarily? It genuinely would only be for this purpose). Also, my birthday is coming up and I'm hoping to taste a lot of beers so maybe... some kind of abbreviated beer review? Lots of potential stuff coming soon as we descend into the autumn months. 

Election Blues -- I do hate talking politics among polite company, and I feel that if you know me at least somewhat well personally you know which direction I lean on most issues (I'm not outspoken but I'm very firm in what I believe). But man, I have to call out Justin Trudeau here (who I am not a fan of to begin with) for just being a goddamn idiot. Calling an election sheerly for the purpose of consolidating power, while not uncommon, is just such a miscalculation at this moment in time (and during a bloody pandemic too) he deserves to lose. Except please no, because I know the party I'm voting for has a minimal chance of winning and the fella who could beat the Liberals has a platform which is sketchy as F***. His last name describes exactly what he is. 

Not here to tell ya who to vote for, this is a freaking food review after all, but let's please not take another step backwards because there are so many social issues and problems we need to be progressive, assertive and open minded about.

 

The Legend of Evans -- I only wish I could be as accurate or concise as this true food reviewing legend, the Rich Evans. 

 

Tuesday Tune -- Definitely a MuchMusic band/artist back in those days where... ummm when that was a thing. Isn't MuchMusic a teenage retail store or TikTok account now or something? Sigh. Anyway this song and video rules my ears and my nostalgia.

 

    

That's it for me! Until next week, stay safe, be kind to each other but most of all don't spill that damn mustard.

 

             

The Twenty-Sixth Tuesday Taste: Breakfast Sandwich Showdown!

 

Sweet thing, I watch you

Burn so fast, it scares me

Mind games, don't leave me

Come so far, don't lose me

It matters where you are

Another Tuesday, another Taste. Last week's review was a serious challenge with my ill health, severe lack of sleep and compromised energy. This week is a serious challenge because... I'm very bad at waking up early. An entire adult lifetime of mostly working nights, so usually any early daytime shifts I simply wouldn't eat anything beforehand. Not a dietary habit I (or anyone) would recommend.

Hey though, since I couldn't do anything special last week, consider this the 26th Episode super-show breakfast article! Or something! Ah whatever. Still, as much as any meal can be one worthy of celebration and enjoyment, breakfast has a particular appeal. Something about starting the day off with something tasty and satisfying, especially when you're a rare breed like myself and don't drink coffee. 

How about breakfast in sandwich form? A good breakfast sandwich can truly be a stellar addition complimenting a long day, either at that sunrise beginning or that needed energy boost around noon. While their nutritional benefits can be dubious, there's no doubt a good breakfast sandwich is a delight. With all that in mind, lets take a look at some of the more readily available ones. 

 

A&W's Sausage N'Egger

 

 

First off, the sesame seed bun is a grower. I remember initially trying one of these quite a few years back and finding the composition of breakfast with a burger bun rather off-putting (for the record, as much as I love them, I never get english muffins if given a choice for these because I find places never toast them enough for my liking). 

This is a very soft sandwich, with really only the sausage patty providing any sturdiness. The eggs are fairly milky in taste and texture, flaking apart nicely in each bite. The sausage provides some needed saltiness (thankfully not too much) and is agreeably juicy. There's a good balance of everything here and I also appreciate how well melted the cheese is (more on that later). I do wish there was a bit more crispiness somehow with this (like maybe the outer edge of the bun), but otherwise a very strong offering.

(Also, I am aware that this is now the third item I've reviewed from A&W and none have been an actual beef burger. We work in strange and confounding ways here at the TT).  

 

Tim Horton's Breakfast Sausage Biscuit

 

 

It wouldn't be a Tuesday Taste without a slice of nostalgia pie, so settle in. I actually used to eat these about twice a week: back when I worked daytimes at the Friar and Firkin downtown I'd often wake up too late to make a proper breakfast (story of my life) so I frequented the Tim Horton's next door to inhale one of these sandwiches before we opened the doors to patrons. 

Big surprise, I got tired of these sandwiches pretty fast as they were, so I started adding extra ingredients. Sometimes a dollop of the Firkin chipotle mayo, or just bringing a cucumber or various greens from home. Even then, after maybe a year of eating these every week there was just no saving it. 

This review was the first time I'd eaten one of these since working at the Friar (I left in 2019) and man that flavour is still endlessly familiar... except for one thing: the eggs. Indeed, it seems that Tim Horton's changed their eggs some time ago... something I'd completely forgotten about until actually unwrapping this thing. Hey, gives me more to write about. 

The Tim's breakfast sandwich is serviceable... with positives and also serious flaws. The biscuit itself gives a nice buttery taste and the crunchiness on the outsides are delicious, but it can also be seriously dry once you get in the middle of it. The sausage patty... it's fine but aggressively salty. As for the eggs... I think I prefer the older omelette style (even if it wasn't freshly cracked) but to be honest neither are amazing. This new over-hard creation certainly gives more of an egg taste, which is good, but it also has a more stiff, rubbery texture and the yolk within resembles more of a deviled egg (which I am not a fan of). It's not as bad as some people are arguing... to me it's just "meh". 

My biggest issue is actually how goddamn much processed cheese this thing has. The slice is too big for the sandwich itself (as you can see) and I find myself peeling off a lot of it since it dominates every bite enough as it is. Plus it just doesn't melt enough to actually blend into the sandwich, which is why it's such a presence. I'd say, after nearly two years of not eating these... I'm not in a hurry to have another one anytime soon. 

  

Country Style's Classic Breakfast Bagel 

 

 

Full disclosure: I went into this one not expecting much. Even back in my junior high days of scavenging nickels and dimes so I could snack on doughnuts en route to school, I still wasn't a fan of what Country Style offered. 

That being said, believe me when I say this is one of the worst things I've ever reviewed. Hell, one of the worst things I've ever ordered from anywhere. Calling it dreadful would be an insult to dreadfulness.

Warning sign #1 was definitely after I ordered and heard a "beep boop". Yessir, Chef Mike was on the job that day. I'm not a fan of microwaves in general but I admit they have a certain utility when it comes to reheating specific things. Eggs are not one of those things! At least, not when you're serving a product. All it really does is make them steamy, soggy in places and dry in others. Warm eggs are far superior to cold ones sure, but the trade-off here isn't worth it. Oh, the peameal bacon was also microwaved with it. Yeeeeeahhhh.

Warning sign #2 was, despite watching it go through a toaster conveyor, how strangely cold my everything bagel was only five minutes later. Sure enough, that thing was barely crispy and about as stiff as a tall glass of scotch. Definitely not baked that day. Plus, for an "Everything" bagel, this thing tasted like a whole lot of nothing. Dry poppy seeds, minimal hint of onion... a drunk dude pissing in the middle of the street in broad daylight isn't this pathetic.

Now you might be asking: "Hey Leeum, all this descriptive buildup is one thing, but even something that seems lacking in preparation could still be delicious, right?" First of all, hey spell my name correctly you. Secondly... yeah no that doesn't apply here. This thing had zero flavour beyond just bread and salt, as though anything resembling taste had been zapped out of it (wonder how that happened). There was actually cheese on this thing and I totally forgot until the final couple bites. The peameal bacon provides nothing beyond texture (and it's the texture of wet rubber, thanks Chef Mike)... the eggs are pastey and painfully bland, and the bagel is like chewing through styrofoam. I genuinely had a feeling of physical awkwardness after finishing this thing, as though my body was telling me "So... you really did that to me, huh." 

Honestly the best thing about this experience was finding a nickel on the floor of the Country Style so I didn't have to break a 20 dollar bill. This sandwich should've cost a nickel... way to limbo underneath my already low expectations. Just wow.    

 

Sunset Grill 

 

 

A place so famous Don Henley wrote a song about it? Not exactly.

This is a bit of a different one, since Sunset Grill is more known as a sit down diner than the other entries on this list. However they have nearly 100 locations so... worth a shot. Plus, the one closest to me here in the Beaches turns out is the original location. That's cool I guess.

There isn't too much to say about the sandwich itself beyond... it is greasy. Real greasy. The pictured home fries are even greasier, but lets stick with the main attraction. Everything aside from the bun seems a tad overlooked, with the edges of the egg showing that gross thin, crunchy plastic-like texture. Likewise the peameal bacon is a bit stiff and crunchy on the outer edge of the sandwich. This all definitely tastes of a flattop grill. Overall though... the sandwich is actually somewhat decent once you get past the outer dryness. The bacon is freshly fried, still warm even as I got home, while the egg doesn't overwhelm the sandwich but there is a healthy amount of it. This is also a huge sandwich. Good bun also: just the right mix of firm and soft to contain the contents within.

This definitely needs something else, if just to counteract the greasy fried flavour that oozes out of this thing. As is, it's an acceptable breakfast offering, though one dimensional in taste and increasingly dull once you're halfway through eating it.    

 

Hey, have some grades and rankings:

 

A&W: B (it's a solid, filling and tasty sandwich)

Tim Horton's: C/C+ (it's okay, I've definitely had too many)

Sunset Grill: C/C- (classic greasy spoon breakfast... watch your arteries)

Country Style: F (just no) 

 

Burnt Ends -- Not much beyond The Smiths discography article I also shared last week. There are some spots in my neighbourhood I want to go try though, so keep a lookout for those potentially.  

A friend of mine I saw recently also reminded me of a project I've been considering for quite some time: reviewing and ranking the Star Wars trilogy movies. Now that would be fun. I'm not nearly as attached to Star Wars as I am to Star Trek, which for this purpose might be beneficial... bringing a more objective perspective to these films. Thing is... it's been 15 years and so I'd have to rewatch the prequels again. Gulp.   

 

Tuesday Tune -- Not much to say about this one, since this is a band I'm only recently discovering. It's a great song though, and the whole "sun" motif fits my breakfast article so... listen away.

 

 

That's it for me for another week! Hope you enjoyed it and are enjoying yourself a tasty breakfast/lunch whatever it happens to be, wherever you happen to be. Until next time, stay safe, be kind to one another and don't spill that mustard. 

  

The Tuesday Taste Insomnia Edition: My Roti Place's Lamb Classic Curry Roti

 

 

I hitched a ride with my soul by the side of the road

just as the sky turned black

I took a walk with my fame down Memory Lane

I never did find my way back

You know that I gotta say time's slipping away

and what will it hold for me?

What am I gonna do while I'm looking at you?

You're standing ignoring me 

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste. Before we get into this one, I have to mention that this is in fact the 25th episode of the TT (not counting all the bonus editions). Honestly I had something pretty special planned for this milestone, much like the pepperoni pizza showdown of episode 20 or the Subway Sidekick mini-sandwiches of episode 10. I hadn't begun writing it but was in the process of trying things and deciding the criteria, and was pretty confident even with a very busy weekend with a free Monday I could make enough progress to have it ready by today.

Oh... that cursed weekend. I'll be concise (since I've been complaining about it frequently) but basically I came down with a real bad stomach bug/food poisoning on Friday that zapped my ability to sleep, eat or generally move while standing. Whatever it was, it robbed me of my first scheduled shift behind a bar in almost two years (and opening night looked rocking), then a hardball doubleheader, then another work shift. But hey, who wants to make money, see concerts or play your favourite sport with a bunch of your friends when you can writhe in horrible discomfort for endless hours on your couch instead?

As I write this I still haven't properly slept since Thursday... so yeah that weekend just a bit of a letdown. Like saying the Titanic merely nodded to the iceberg. However... I've recovered enough just in time to actually leave the house and go try something for this review. Consolation prize? Meh... after that weekend pecked infinitely by shithawks this better be worth it...

This is my second time trying a roti (the first being Butter Chicken Roti for episode 9). Likewise on that occasion I wasn't in the best condition, although that was exclusively mental instead of mostly physical. Regardless I still feel guilty phoning in that review like I did... so this time I promise you'll get my usual, um... uh... hrmmm... my usual! Besides, can't resist feeding my nostalgia monster (I call 'em "Pokey"). 

My Roti Place is a roti (duh) chain currently with eight locations throughout Toronto, with another coming soon to the Stockyards and two more set to open in Vaughan and Oakville. The story page on the website doesn't tell you really anything ("We don't want to brag too much about us!" Damnit you're making my job harder!) but reading the bios of the three founders at least provides some insight. Karthik Kumar (not to be confused with an actor of the same name, from the same city Chennai) is the founding chef, having worked as an executive chef in all sorts of Indian hotels and later New York City restaurants. I would imagine the overall menu concept is largely his design. Dhiraj Tiwari seems to be the hospitality guy, having significant experience managing restaurants throughout Europe and New York. As the single one of the three seemingly living in Toronto, he strikes me as the head cheese of the daily operations of the brand. The third guy is the least interesting (at least for my purposes here), Vivek Deora, who is a CEO and investor of multiple hospitality groups. He's the money guy, don't think there's much else I need to interpret there for ya, dear reader.

Some nostalgia and then we'll get into the review, I swear (I know we're running long already). The outpost of My Roti Place I visited is on Queen East near Verral Avenue (it's between Logan and Carlaw) was a bacon restaurant named Rashers beforehand... a particular bacon restaurant I used to work at! It was June 2018 (you know, a decade ago), my two bar gigs at the time weren't giving me enough hours and dear friend of the show Amanda Ryan was Rashers' kitchen manager. 

At first it was fun: I'd never worked BOH kitchen before (beyond my multiple failed dishwasher trials) and one thing I miss about starting new at a restaurant is slowly learning the menu. When you're cooking the stuff, you gotta learn a bit faster obviously. It's such a small space (just a counter with three chairs near the window, wide open kitchen and lots of takeout)... such a genuine cozy feel to it. You'd double at cooking while working the register, which is where 99.8 percent of my experience is. While I was really comfortable there (apparently got a good Yelp review, hilarious), I just can't cook for a restaurant. I was pretty, pretty... pretty bad. At home? I love it... take your time, try out crazy stuff, there isn't a ticking clock or constant Uber orders coming in. Professionally? Not even close to being wired that way with food (booze is a different story, heh). 

This is why it was such a time warp to walk into the same place three years later, now all decked out in My Roti reds and yellows... yet keeping still the exact setup with the counter, fridges, register in the same spot... wild. I've worked a lot of places and in that weakened, sleep deprived state I'm glad I could appreciate those little things in the moment.

The place was fairly busy this night. While I don't think I waited extra long the fella whom I ordered from felt the need to apologize, and once I opened my bag I found a tiny little Gulab Jamun alongside my order. Since this was my first time at My Roti Place I'd like to convince myself that this was a kind gesture on behalf of this "delay" I didn't notice. It was getting dark, so I zipped over to the Kew Park bleachers to snap this photo under the baseball lights (thankfully without getting drilled by a foul ball, that'd be another notch to these past few days).

I got lamb because... it's delicious? This lamb option's biggest strength is the tenderness: the texture is nicely cooked, most bits lingering just along enough in your mouth on the chunkier bites to hold a fatty juiciness, yet the meat never becomes dreadfully chewy once the curry sauce with that bite has faded. I ate the last half of this roti cold a few hours later (appetite still recovering, eh) and while keeping something in a sauce will help, it can't prevent dryness, especially in meats. Likewise on that point, the only thing stiff was the cold roti itself, though only minimally in places. The consistently of the lamb and curry filling together was still nearly like it was ten minutes after my order was ready. To pull that off, in my books, suggests a precisely cooked product.

Their "Classic Curry" sauce... again it was my first time there so I wanted to experience a simpler combination, electing a "classic" sauce over options probably more appealing to my taste (like a nutty korma or creamy spinach sauce). My biggest regret is going for a "medium" spice level with it... like I said I like to go with the basics on first reviewing a place, plus my stomach isn't 100 percent yet either... but this curry sauce at least at "hot" would add much needed flair and punch. It's serviceable as is, with agreeable earthiness, bits of sweet seeds and is overall fine if you prefer playing it safe with your spice. I personally prefer it a notch above this, some heat but don't burn my lips off (that's for hanging out with friends and torturing each other, Hot Ones style). 

How about the roti itself? (As still an admitted noob to this dish)... the light bread is like layers of thin blankets softly drooping to conceal the filling within, each little layer itself (especially on top) incredibly soft and soaked with the juices of what's beneath. The taste has a hint of flour, an oven baked quality, somewhat chewy in the non-sauce coated parts, and the layers are mostly thin as paper. I like it, and what impressed me most with it is how no sections were ever overly soggy.

Lastly, my little (bonus?) dessert. I honestly did not know what the hell this was when I found it in a little takeout ramekin with my order, so like a master sleuth... a modern day Sherlock Holmes himself I... looked it up on Google. Hey, at least I used My Roti Place's menu as a cross-reference point instead of searching "Desserts from India" randomly for half an hour.

A Gulab Jamun, to us Canadians painfully unaware of cuisines that exist beyond the oceans and aren't pizza (me)... basically is a little Timbit sitting in a little pool of sugar syrup. In reality, there's a lot more to the dish and lets not give Tim Horton's any ideas how to ruin more stuff. Here is a simple comparison from my taste perspective: a Timbit is like a fluffy cake in the interior, sometimes unpleasantly dry and usually needs saving by its shell (powered sugar, glaze or crunchy texture) or just being cooked through with chocolate (the best Timbit). A Gulab Jamun, at least this one, is cooked more with milk and is noticeably way more moist on the outside and inside, the pool of syrup certainly helping the outside part. This syrup is rather light in its sweetness, reminding more of an infused flower with honey mix you might find in a cocktail mix at a fancy bar. Might have to save it for that very purpose.

Overall... damn it must be the sleep-depravity because this has to be the longest TT article I've ever written on a single place. Places! Here's My Roti Place: pretty good! Glad I escaped my house to go try them. I'd go again but would definitely elect for a more interesting and spicier option in regards to the sauce. Otherwise, yeah quality stuff.

 

Burnt Ends -- I actually finished and posted my look at The Smiths mid last week... just haven't advertised it because, beyond informing various commitments I'm horribly sick and won't be there, this is the first real thing I've done at all since Thursday. My good buddy Mitchell gives a terrific introduction for the article too (he's like the headliner intro after my opening intro... two intros for the price of one!). If you're a fan of The Smiths give it a read and throw some feedback.

Hey I've done a lot of other bands too! Like The Beatles, Black Sabbath (first 10 albums), Beck and Pink Floyd. Content galore for hungry eyeballs. 

After all that... finally the moment. The Radiohead moment.     

 

Insanely Making Up Words -- I thought for sure, considering my sleep the past 3+ days has been half a dozen ten minute interrupted naps, that I'd be completely off the rails by now and making little literary sense. Instead I'm just rambling. That's reflesherly qoud to glow.

 

Craftbrew OG -- It'd simply be a shame to not mention the excellent Granite Brewery up at Eglinton and Mount Pleasant is approaching 30 years of operation. They were doing this kind of stuff well before Mill Street (like before when Mill Street was new-ish, really good and still independent) and Granite's beer is excellent. I lived on Avenue Road and Eglinton for a while, not a far bike ride (though a hilly one) and grabbed some of their growlers on multiple occasions. Great spot, check them out if you're ever in the area.  

Mesh Man -- This guy is just a hero. I get that he's collaborating with companies now to help him seek out the right rims in need around the GTA, but this seems like one of those mutually beneficial deals between big corporation (good publicity) and regular dude just wanting folks to play more bball in their communities. I've reached an age in my life where I just can't shoot on a rim without mesh anymore... you miss the sound, the certainty of a swish... it's technically the same but like using metal baseball bats (except not at all like that). Hope he reaches his lofty goal. 

Tuesday Tune -- One of my first favourite bands as a kid, I owned this CD and played it constantly. Now I consider them okay, occasionally very good... except this album which still rules. Lead singer has a cool first name too.

Okay that is definitely it for me... wow. Truly a miracle this happened at all, and really I came up with so much. I'm gonna go to sleep now so yada yada yada I mentioned the bisque win a free krusty burger ribwich gimme a grilled Charlie with rum ham gonna jump the cheeseburger my dad ate my freaking pepperoni again bet it all on black garlic burger hey bachelor chow don't spill that mustardddddzzzz...... zzzzzzzzz..... zzzzzz.... zzzz...

 

 

Ranking The Smiths Discography

 

(artwork property of Leonel Fernandez Art)

A band I knew only through peripheral vision for a long, long time. I used to jam on bass guitar in my former apartment with some older friends of my housemate (I was in my mid 20s, they were 40+) who loved The Smiths. Oftentimes these jams could drift into slow psychedelic jangle pop and I, completely oblivious of the band beyond "How Soon Is Now?" at the time, would shrug and try to play along with a Spoon bassline. It still worked (damn, I should do a Spoon look eventually). 

The Smiths were an astonishing band when you consider they were together for barely five years. That's together, not from first album to last. As the legend goes, aspiring guitarist Johnny Marr knew of Steven Morrissey through a book he wrote on the New York Dolls, so went and knocked on Morrissey's door with a mutual friend to propose they start a band together. It took them a while to find a rhythm section, rolling through various friends during early live gigs until Andy Rourke (who'd played with Marr in another band) took over bass duties and Mike Joyce settled in on the drum kit. 

They're a difficult band to judge. Their considerable output exists in such a short span of time and thus the evolution in their sound is mostly subtle,, a major creative reason why Marr left the band and effectively ended it. He wanted to stretch out musically and while you can debate the quality of his post-Smiths work, you can at least understand his desire to not be stuck in a creative direction he felt had been exhausted. We also have to briefly talk about Morrissey, who is a self-important arse with seriously awful opinions... but also a seriously skilled lyricist. Some debate his singing ability but I do like his affected croon very much... kind of like a wordy and vulnerable version of Bryan Ferry from Roxy Music (who I believe Morrissey himself considers an influence). I'd be negligent also if I didn't shout out Mike Nelson's hilarious and brilliant Morrissey impression. MST3K forever baby. True legends a generation ahead of the YouTube review commentary era. 

Marr and Morrissey were the primary songwriters of the band without exception (Marr composing the music and Morrissey handling the lyrics). Rourke and Joyce just played along, and did so quite damn admirably (the most underrated aspect of The Smiths). Hey though, let's get into their actual output and judge for ourselves. Because they only have four actual studio albums, I'm going to include two compilation albums within the ranking because, while there will be some overlap, these specific two compilations cover a lot of essential stuff and so many of The Smiths singles are truly necessary when discussing them. Exploring a lot of these more obscure tunes for this article, I am truly impressed how few bad songs they really have. Some leave little impression, but almost none make me want to cringe, mute or curse. 

My good friend Mitchell Janiak also has some thoughts on The Smiths:

The Smiths are a strange product of the post-punk 80s scene marrying infectious pop melodies, a balancing act of heart-on-sleeve introspective musings penned and sung by Morrissey coupled with the instant ear-worms played by the incomparable Johnny Marr. They blasted through a 5 year stint together with 4 albums that each have several strengths and weaknesses. 

Perhaps due to the very nature of the construction of the band being an outpouring of angst, wit, dark humour and rhythmic hooks, the Smiths played fast and loose with their tunes and albums, and arguably apart from "The Queen is Dead", their albums are a disjointed mess of ideas, feelings, and catchy sections and snippets that sometimes collide and clash, much like the scribbles in a brooding teenager's journal. 

This bleeding heart approach helped prove The Smiths as an exceptional singles band. Some of their most well-known songs never made it onto an official album release, save for one of their compilation albums. Songs like "How Soon is Now?", with its tremolo effects and its almost siren-like guitar along with Morrissey's indignant and open assertions that he's "human and need(s) to be loved, just like everybody else does", to the happy-sounding but painfully honest  "Ask" or "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now", these songs never found a proper home on a studio album. 

Due to this shotgun blast of emotionally lyrical and melodic music, I wouldn't say there's any particular benefit to experiencing the Smiths in order or by going through each album in its completion. Morrissey can start to feel a bit repetitive at times, often elevated by the musicianship that surrounds him, but when he hits the nail he hits it square on the head and cuts deep into an emotional core that most people can relate to on some level. Everyone has felt isolated, alone, like they are swimming upstream in a current of downstream fish, and the painful frustrations of living in a society and feeling things, as simple as that sounds. When he sings "Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said that you should be bludgeoned in your bed", on Bigmouth Strikes Again, it's easy to picture a lover trying to apologize for the raging threats and insults levied during a bad spat some time before, a feeling (if not the exact situation) many people will be familiar with and able to latch unto. And it's that ability to connect with people that The Smiths nailed so well. 

 

They tapped into the mundane situations of daily life that are sources of anxiety, awkwardness, and dark humour for many people. The ability to tap into the uncomfortable is evident in songs like "A Rush and A Push and the Land is Ours". The chorus exposes the indignant entitlement he feels saying "A rush and a push and the land that we stand on is ours, it has been before, and so it shall be again, and people who are uglier than you and I, they take what they need and just leave". This entitlement stems from the song originating as a poem by Oscar Wilde's mother regarding the English takeover of Ireland, and Morrissey being the son of Irish immigrants felt a connection to that land. He takes it beyond that patriotism to a sense of possession over everything around him, most lamenting the inability to harness and possess love in the same way. Musically, this tune was the first [of the Smiths] to feature no guitars at all, something Johnny Marr specifically set out to accomplish in order to avoid being stuck in the "pop jangle".

 

"Stop me if you think you've heard this one before" proves their prowess at creating a hook out of anything, even something as verbose as that song title (hell of a mouthful!). What a horribly honest feeling to sing about -  "I still love you, only slightly, only slightly less than I used to, my love". It's a song of excuses as to where the protagonist has been, coming up with all sorts of things to get out of the confrontation with his partner, all stemming from this love that's devolved into diminishing returns.

 

Now, to take a line from the Smiths themselves, "typical me, I started something and now I'm not too sure". Because I've wound my way around a few tracks and carved a path where none lay. I can tell you to listen to the entirety of 'The Queen is Dead' and I know you'll have a dark and baroque time, or to listen to the first side of 'Strangeways Here We Come' and know that you'll find some joy in the morbid and tumultuously catchy few tracks there, but I could equally steer you towards 'Hatful of Hollow' or 'Louder Than Bombs', two fantastic Smiths compilation albums and know you'll enjoy jumping through cherry-picked tracks like flipping through the pages of your diary to your best worst high school days and drowning in the lingering angst. There's no right way to enjoy The Smiths. Maybe your experience lies in 80s nostalgia parties or movie marathons, or random vinyl listening sessions with a good friend. Whatever the case may be, just know that "These things take time", and your time will come.

 

Stellar stuff my friend. Can't remotely envision a better introduction than that. All right giddy up, lets see what this particular charming blogger has to say.

 

#6. Louder Than Bombs (1987)

***

  

A compilation album just loaded with stuff. Some of it might be the worst stuff they ever recorded, like the bizarre cover of "Golden Lights". Chunks of it underwhelm. It's an album of B-sides or alternate versions of songs from the first album (both of which overlap with other compilations) and there are 24 of them. 

Honestly it's only on this ranking because of a few songs that don't appear anywhere else (not even the tighter compilation The World Won't Listen) and so in a way this is an essential part of their discography. Overall, it's not a cohesive listen, but the standout tracks like "Shoplifters of The World", "Half a Person", "You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Baby" and "Panic" are worth seeking out, as is the album closer "Asleep"... which just so sounds like a proto-Radiohead piano ballad I'm 98 percent sure Thom Yorke knew of it and expanded upon that sound exponentially.

 

#5. Strangeways, Here We Come (1987)

***1/2

  

My first introduction to The Smiths, strangely enough (see what I did there?). A dear friend of mine (you've read him already if you've gotten this far) had me over for some beers and tunes back in 2017 before he went off to teach overseas. He talked about how he loved this band and played the first side of "Strangeways" on his vinyl record player. I was impressed enough to eventually check out some of their other albums and well... here I am writing about this freaking band so well done buddy! Conversion successful.

As an album, Strangeways doesn't blow me away (see what I did there? Okay I'll stop) but it's fairly solid. "Death of a Disco Dancer" again reminds me of mid 90s Radiohead with the moodiness but without the heavy guitar (you could plop it into OK Computer easily). "Girlfriend In A Coma" is the sweetest and catchiest 'dark-as-fuck' maybe song of the entire 80s while "Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before" is delightfully poppy, sing-along-songy and lyrically amusing with the protagonist constantly inventing excuses to a jilted lover. This album has some strong moments, and of all The Smiths studio albums this sounds the most inventive or off-script. 

Unfortunately the second half is very underwhelming. None of those songs leave any impression... they're not bad just extremely forgettable, lacking engaging songcraft, which docks this album serious points and leaves it as their worst studio effort.

 

#4. The Smiths (1984)

****

  

It's considered a seminal classic by many... a stunning debut and possibly one of the best of those by any rock band ever. Cool. I think it's a very good album. Legendary? Nah. 

The problem is I don't like every song. "Reel Around The Fountain" is okay (and really a perfect introduction to anybody who has never heard Morrissey before... yeah this is what he's gonna sound like a lot). "Miserable Lie" though is so irritating when he starts doing that falsetto yelp for the entire second half of the song. It becomes unlistenable. Shut up dude. Just because you can do it doesn't mean you should.

That said, this record has some true gems. "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle" is gorgeous twang love with ideal delicate vocals, "You've Got Everything Now" strikes a precise balance of jealousy, bitterness and self pity (Morrissey is good at that stuff), "Suffer Little Children" tackles its dark subject matter (the 60s Moors murders) with delicate care and not hooplah or sensationalism... and "Still Ill" just remains a great damn song. 

My biggest issue is just how sleek and polished it all sounds. The drums and bass are lost in the glossiness of the mix, while Marr's unique jangle guitar sound seems understated at the wrong points. There are far superior versions of many of these songs and I'll discuss that very soon. Meanwhile, The Smiths is a terrific debut but far from the level of excellence they'd eventually reach. 

 

#3. Meat Is Murder (1985)

****

  

Yeah... I agree the title track is a bit much. A shame, because the first three songs on this album are the best stretch they have on any record.

"Headmaster Ritual" is a wonderful goddamn tune and a perfect opener... throwing you off balance at every twist and corner, akin to evading bullies in school. These guys sure seem to like it a lot. "Rusholme Ruffians" brings Morrissey's love of Elvis and rockabilly into the spotlight and successfully so (unlike "Vicar In a Tutu"). "I Want The One I Can't Have" mixes romantic desperation with fast fun pop melodies, while "What She Said" captures that sensation of thoughts rushing with social anxiety and second guessing the hell out of it. 

The band is notably improving in regards to how they're recording these songs, embracing a more controlled chaotic sound over the 'polish-it-until-it-shines' sound of the debut album. This record sounds like it breathes better, it's looser, which makes it a damn shame the second half is so lacking. "Well I Wonder" is a completely soft generic Morrissey ballad with little to give it distinction, "Barbarism Begins At Home" has a damn great bassline but the song itself is three minutes too long... and the title track is apt but annoyingly preachy without anything musical to shadow that error. I go vegetarian every March, but this song makes me want to go straight to a pork roast BBQ just in sheer defiance. A terrible closer to an otherwise very good record.     

#2. Hatful of Hollow (1984)

****1/2

  

What makes Hollow so remarkable is how a lot of this material is just the debut album, but these earlier versions are just way better. The production isn't as sleek... it's just the band playing and they're so damn tight that songs like the damn awesome "Still Ill" and "Hand In Glove" hit harder than they do elsewhere. This superior version of "This Charming Man" brings Johnny Marr's genius guitar work truly into focus (the gorgeous shimmering tone just showers over ya), while other essential Smiths songs showcase Morrissey's endlessly insecure pondering lyrics like "William It Was Really Nothing" and "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" are found here. Less glossiness means more space for the band to truly sound damn great, and considering how tight the rhythm section of Rourke and Joyce are on these recordings... this album just pops with energy even considering the usual morbidness of Morrissey's words. 

Vocally Morrissey is also excellent here, not diving into irritating falsetto for no reason (like on "Miserable Lie"), instead sticking to his distinctively effective pseudo-croon wail over a tight, energetic jangly rock outfit. Hatful of Hollow indeed might be the perfect intro album to The Smiths: it has the hits like "How Soon Is Now?" or "Charming Man" and isn't as pretentious or desperate for your attention like Meat Is Murder is for significant stretches. 

Every album lower on the list than this one makes the critical error of hiding just how good this band was, either by studio sheen or Morrissey being... well Morrissey. Take away the sheen and you hear the rest of the mechanisms more prominently in the mix, and the gears are seamless. "This Night Has Opened My Eyes" just haunts with quiet minimalism, Morrissey singing like an understated Ghost of Christmas Past about the heavy subject matter. What a song. 

Or take "Handsome Devil", bursting with nervous and frantic sensual energy... which Morrissey emotionally captures with precision. Marr's guitar meanwhile takes more of a spotlight on so many of these versions and he is just brilliant. Why wasn't he more prominent in the mix on like every song they ever did? What a player. 

Hatful loses some steam near the end (as most of their albums seem to, and this isn't a studio album don't forget) but still. What a record.   

 

#1. The Queen Is Dead (1986)

*****

 

It isn't my favourite album of the 80s. But... I seriously think you can argue it as the best album of the 80s (assuming you consider London Calling a 70s record of course). This is one of the best records ever made, full stop. 

Everything is just in top form: Morrissey's lyrics are as sharp, dry and darkly funny as ever, even while he wallows... Marr provides so many interesting musical touches and his guitar just flourishes on this record... Rourke and Joyce play tighter than ever and yeah this album has some damn wicked basslines too (like the opening of "Cemetery Gates" or "There Is A Light"). An excellent band at the height of their considerable powers. 

What separates it from other good Smiths albums is the cinematic quality of it. Their other albums feel just like a collection of mostly really good songs. Queen Is Dead takes you on a journey: the frantic groove of the opening track twists you next into a funky tale of a fella sick of working for a shady boss, then into the tragic acceptance/not acceptance realization of "I Know It's Over" (a song that helped me through a breakup or two). These songs simultaneously showcase the diverse range of the band, yet despite the differences in tone and feel they all flow together so naturally in concept and sound. 

And there are so many damn classics on this record. "Cemetery Gates" is Morrissey at his sarcastically morbid lyrical best ("let's go where we're happy and I'll meet you at the cemetery gates")... "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" is an ode to loneliness and just wanting to belong somewhere.... "Bigmouth Strikes Again" with its passive aggressive meanness is just goddamn awesome... geez this album is nearly perfect. "Vicar In a Tutu" messes up the momentum, Morrissey's Elvis impression leading it to sound more like a B-side than anything... but every song surrounding it is good enough to forgive the indulgence. Just a remarkable, emotionally and musically sweeping album. "The Boy With A Thorn In His Side"... pop doesn't get much more perfect than that.

 

 

Hey, short and easy this time. Anyhow the "big" project is coming up... the lads from Oxfordshire who formed on a Friday... perhaps the greatest rock band of our generation (if you can even call them "rock" anymore). The incomparable Radiohead... coming up next. As much as I love The Smiths... if we're talking Radiohead we're talking arguably the greatest band of all time. Beatles level stuff. But why is that? Well.. stay tuned and see ya next time. 

 

          

 

The Tuesday Taste: Mary Brown's Chicken Sandwiches

 

 

Yesterday seems as though

it never existed

Death greets me warm

Now I will just say goodbye 

 

I'm not saying goodbye though, because it's another Tuesday and another Taste. This time we're back on the fried chicken train, trying a consistent request from a close friend and fan of this weekly show... Mary Brown's!

A brand with over 150 locations yet only one in downtown Toronto proper, Mary Brown's was founded in 1969 in St. John's Newfoundland, where supposedly the good word took flight (sorry) so quickly that within a decade there were locations all across Canada... except for Toronto apparently.

Thankfully the location on the Danforth near Logan Avenue exists, otherwise the next closest for me is out near Brimley and Eglinton or Dufferin off the 401 highway. They're so rare in central Toronto that excellent Raptors reporter/writer/podcaster William Lou even doubted their actual existence not too long ago. If not for the Danforth outpost, Mary Brown's would've likely made this Tuesday Taste #90 instead of #24... I only travel across the city for pizza damnit!

Mary Brown's has a delightfully cheap Monday special and so I decided to take full advantage of that, ordering both the regular and spicy sandwich options they have. It's another double review! Please save your applause until the end... or at least until the epic episode I have planned for next week...

We'll start with the regular option, which I surprisingly liked more. It reminds me of childhood days eating a McDonald's McChicken, with a less stiff generic bun, mayo flavour leaking into every bite... this is obviously far superior. For one, the chicken itself doesn't look or taste like a cookie-cutter generic chicken patty. This baby is a sizeable chunk of battered and fried chicken breast, clunky and barely sprawling within the jurisdiction of the bun... as it should be.. The coating is fairly light, not drenched in oil or fat thankfully, and while not overly crispy it gives an enjoyable crunch surrounding very ordinary tender white chicken. I like the healthy touch of lettuce also. Solid.

As for the spicy option... I'm likewise impressed, although it lacks just one element to make it elite in my opinion. It's more chicken than sandwich, which is objectively delightful. Lettuce here is substituted for pickles and regular ol' mayo is switched out for some spicier chili-like mayo concoction (it alone isn't spicy at all). The pickles exist here simply to combat the spice with bitter acidity, but frankly I'm not a fan of it. I'd prefer something with more crunch, like a vinegary coleslaw, than just basic thin sliced pickles with little texture. A crunchy slaw would make this sandwich truly glorious.

If that's your biggest weakness though, you're in a good place and this spicy chicken sandwich is there. It balances that line of being accessibly spicy without wimping out (like A&W's option) and the hotness is the type that sneaks up and lingers on ya, which I prefer. It isn't the mayo sauce or just the batter, it genuinely is the chicken itself (whatever they've done has seeped into the meat itself, very nice) and the heat tastes like a nice combination of peppers and various seasonings that build upon the tongue for some smooth but notable heat. Man though, it would be so much better if they ditched the pickles for coleslaw. You can still get that bitter acidic taste to counteract the spice, while adding more crunch and way more texture than soggy pickle slices. 

Otherwise... like the regular sandwich, it's a huge chunk of deep fried breaded chicken cooked delightfully to the point of crispy tenderness. I really do like both of these a lot, even cold (I ain't 20 anymore, can't finish both of these at once I gotta pace myself)... they were still soft, tender and tasty. Well done.     

Burnt Ends -- I write about baseball sometimes and the Blue Jays sometimes don't ya know. Beyond that... well I'll just keep building up the curiosity of my Smiths article as long as I can (coming to a blog near you in 2028!). Nah I'll post it soon, with a special feature from a dear friend of mine so stay tuned for that.

 

Pirates, Yarr -- They probably don't need my particular publicity at this point, but if you're reading this and haven't heard about them... check out the Sludge Pirates! A couple of dudes and friends I used to work with at the Drake Hotel here in Toronto decided during the pandemic to get a huge fishing magnet and use it to haul random stuff/whatever they find out of Lake Ontario and film it for YouTube and Instagram. It's even more fun to watch, since Neil and Evan have such sweet chemistry on camera... seriously go check them out.

 

The Boys Are Back In Town -- I mean, they never really left. I do wanna try this hot sauce though... I captained a ball hockey team in high school named the Green Bastards for gawds sakes. 

 

Tuesday Tune -- If you know me, you probably know I can unfortunately linger in some dark and scary mental places. These are still serious issues that exist among so many people you know, perhaps even hidden behind friendly encounters. A big realization fear is this song.. obviously the idea within not the music itself. 

Anyways it's a f**king killer tune and one of the best outros in all of rock music.   

Hey that's it for me this week. As always be kind your fellow people, think objectively and trust science (it's fucking science, for gods sake... it doesn't have an agenda) but most of all don't spill that mustard.

 

 

The Tuesday Taste Sequel Edition: Harvey's Original w. Cheese

 

Everybody's coming from the winter vacation

Taking in the sun in an exaltation to you

You come running in on platform shoes

With Marshall stacks to at least to give us a clue

Ah here it comes

I know it's someone I knew

 

No, I refuse to call it Harveh's.

It's another one! This time we return to a place I've reviewed before, though sampling one of their meat options this time. It's a classic ol' cheeseburger from Harvey's... but did they make my burger a beautiful thing?

Perhaps. Harvey's is a fairly well known burger chain here in Canada, and their shtick of allowing you to watch while they dress your burger with your toppings of choice is likewise fairly unique among franchises (I know Burger Shack, the legendary old school joint up at Oriole Park and Eglinton, does the same thing). It's a bit like going to a sub sandwich place.... hey there's a connection with the first review this week!

When given such freedom of choice, I tend to go more minimalist when it comes to burgers. Harvey's has some interesting options (Tzatzki on a burger? Olives? Is this a gyro?) but I kept it simple with lettuce, cucumber, cheese and Harv sauce. 

Harvey's burgers I find always have a distinct charcoal taste and this one was no exception. I don't find it too much of an issue, just that this particular grill flavour really can dominate anything else within the patty. It is very juicy, which is nice... the texture though is very odd for a burger. Rather like a sausage or pork patty than a beef one, it has that same kind of consistency and type of juiciness. I've never sprung for one of their Angus burgers and now I'm curious just to see how (or if) much different that burger patty is (it'll be Tuesday Taste #70 or something).

What impresses me most here is the bun, because it is delicate, soft and good. There's a light buttery sense to it (much like Ace bakery hamburger buns), smells like fresh bread and really is a strong compliment to the well done cooked exterior of the burger patty. The Harv sauce is a standard sweet relishy mayo with a bit of tang to it, fairly decent and probably would go well with fries. Weaknesses... the cheese is generic processed cheddar (I'm not a huge fan) and the dry cucumbers just don't taste crisp or fresh (gotta keep them colder and covered).

Overall: a burger of modest quality, but if you don't like that overly grilled flavour it probably isn't for you. I find it tasty enough, thanks to the soft bun and juicy patty texture it is very reliant upon (I once got two dry Harvey's burgers and didn't go back for two years). They also get points for having a location affectionately known as Hooker Harvey's (I went to high school near there and yeah, it's was/is a sketchy ass one). 

Burnt Ends Part Two -- Check out part one, where I took a look at Mr. Sub and their very average turkey offering. Aside from that, yeah I'll post my Smith's discography ranking eventually. Just feels lacking and unfinished in some way. Also might venture out to the west end and try a place tons of people have urged me to go to already. Stay tuned!

 

Joey Still Bangs -- He does. 

 

The Greatest Raptor of All Time -- One advantage of writing this a bit later than usual is that I get to comment a bit on the departure of Kyle Lowry to the Miami Heat. For some reason it doesn't sting as much as I thought it would: maybe just because most fans deep down knew this was likely coming and had plenty of time to expect it (I certainly was in denial though... curse you optimism!) and all of the emotional tension was used up during the trade deadline when he ended up actually staying. 

Regardless of all that, the man gave this franchise so many legendary moments. Top of my head, the first quarter of Game Six in Golden State... the game tying buzzer beating heave against Miami in the 2016 East Semis... the 30 point comeback against Dallas... just to name a few jewels on the GROAT's crown. Good for the dude to get paid big one more time, and even though it'll be super weird to see him in another uni he'll still always be a Raptor forever. Him and Jimmy Butler on the same team? That's going to be an intense squad. 

 

Tuesday Tune -- Sixteen months ago, those first few weeks of the pandemic, I was out riding one of my crummy half broken bikes at midnight on the empty streets. It was the first time I'd ever listened to this record... once this song kicked into gear I had the thought of whenever I could finally go back to work again, I'd blast this song as I departed from that first shift. Sixteen months of listening to this album several more times (it's a damn masterpiece) and that potential moment stewing in my mind, trying to imagine how it would feel or what it would be like. Last night it finally happened. 

The long awaited moment of this song wasn't at all like I pictured it. They never are. It still hit me pretty damn hard. 

Looking for a ride to a secret location

Where the kids are setting up a free speed nation for you

 

       

That is it for me. Hopefully we can get back on the usual schedule but in the meantime thanks to all of you for your patience and excusing my unexplained week absence (I was a new tie wearing). Until next time, stay safe, stay healthy, be kind and don't spill that mustard.

The Tuesday Taste: Mr Sub's Turkey Sub

 

 

Mars for the privileged

Earth for the poor

Mars terraforming slowly

Earth has been deformed

Just forget it, ya ain't coming here

the ticket's too dear

  

Another Tuesday, another Taste! Apologizes for missing last week, my sleep schedule got all messed up and I just never was able to go out and try a place for the purpose of a review. To make up for that, this week you're getting two Tuesday reviews! Oh my Godddddd!!!

Meanwhile, lets talk about Mr. Sub, a fallen dynasty of sorts here in Toronto and probably Canada in general. Way back centuries ago, the late 90s/early 2000s, Mr. Sub was enough of a franchise presence to have giveaways at Blue Jays games. My dear dad, who did scorekeeping in the pressbox back then, would bring back an occasional flimsy token mini bag with Mr. Sub in gigantic letters across the side. I'm sure I brought it to school in Grade 4 once and was ridiculed. Kids those days.

There used to be a Mr. Sub (now waaay long gone) near Bay and Davenport. It was there when I was going to Jesse Ketchum for junior high. Mr. Sub was cheap... I was 12 and often buying single doughnuts en route to Jesse with dimes and nickels... so a five dollar pizza sub was heaven to me, even just salami, sauce and cheese. Few food moments in my life have been so completely innocent and forever satisfying as those pizza subs.

If I went back in time, to that exact location in 2000 and reviewed it now... come on. There's no way I'd regard it remotely as highly. Same as the Mr. Sub location (now gone) I used to frequent during my days working at the Drake Hotel. My (overly nostalgic) point is that Mr. Sub used to be everywhere: hell I remember a location at Gloucester and Yonge that became a Money Mart about 25 years ago. How has this franchise faded so abruptly?

Oh, right. Subway. Despite having a weight losing pedophile as their spokesman for way too long, the rise of Subway here in Toronto seemed to tank Mr. Sub in the late 2000s. Now, you can't walk through any major neighbourhood anywhere without seeing a f**king Subway. And yeah, I mean that with maximum intention. I've reviewed them before. Subway is to a sub sandwich what a missile is to an actual submarine. The rare occasions I've tried them, their microwaved stale bread consistently disgusts me so much I never want to intake sustenance again. 

Oh yeah, right. The actual review. Well... Mr. Sub ain't great... but it at least tastes like a real sandwich. There isn't anything notably wrong with it, just that it dwells within its own mediocrity. The bread at least tastes like bread (unlike Subway) and even this whole wheat choice has enough real texture to not question what you are consuming. The turkey meat tastes like typical cheap sliced turkey meat, the kind you'd get at a Rabba's... but provides somewhat enough flaky tenderness and saltiness to resemble the real thing. The sauces do what they do (in my case honey mustard, sub sauce and chipotle mayo). That bland Mr. Sub blanket processed cheese is a guilty pleasure of mine... with it's stubborn inability to melt, have flavour or just do anything beyond yell "I am cheese!". It's my version of processed American cheese slices, though I certainly wouldn't subject myself to this 64 times.       

Look... you go into a Mr. Sub and I think you get exactly what you expect. But I mean that in a good way: the vegetables are fresh enough, the sauces decent, and they don't microwave their bread for the love-of-god. Would I recommend it? No. But it's fine.

Mr. Sub (if you can find one) isn't gonna blow your mind but it is still far superior to Subway and the stale, processed awfulness they serve people. Maybe I'm on an island here, but Mr. Sub is at least competent with their very average product. Compared against absolute dumpster refuse, this is a lament more than an endorsement. 

Burnt Ends Part 1: I dunno... go check out part two!

Joey Still Bangs: He does. 

The Old Snail In The Soda Trick: Actually this article is quite interesting, documenting a woman who found a decaying shelled fella in her ginger beer and became horribly sick by it... eventually taking legal action in an era where that kind of thing was unheard of (I've never understood the romanticism associated with the 20s...)

 

Tuesday Tune: Look, I love the idea of space travel... developing the technology to a level where we can all safely explore the cosmos and perhaps even other worlds. Stephen Hawking (I believe) even once said the only way human civilization will survive is by expanding to other planets. So lemme just say... it's sorta kinda maybe cool that uber-rich dudes like Bezos, Musk and Branson are going to space... but come on guys aren't there better things you can spend this money on here on Earth? I don't find this even slightly inspiring, which seems to be their public angle with it. Hey Bezos, pay your workers a proper living wage first and then talk about "this was for everyone at Amazon". 

Anyway, this song seems rather on point.

 

 

That's not all for me! Check out part two coming soon, dear friends. Don't spill the mustard on the way though.