My brain is working overtime
I need something to ease my mind
And as my thoughts go manic
I really start to panic
There's no place
to hide behind
Another Tuesday, another Taste.
I'm kind of in a bad mood on the Friday I write this (okay scratch that "kind of") what with the current shitshow we call existing and thinking in 2025 (emphasis on "thinking" there). Fittingly, this week we're bringing in some filth.
Wait, that's not quite right... obey me, spell checker! Okay, what we're actually bringing is "philth" which I presume is a term for an unkempt dude named Phil? Or maybe, similarly, I know a guy named Phil who has a dirty mind... is there some kind of secret unspeakable ingredient going on here? Surely I'm the first person to ever make these such brilliant jokes.
Now that I've ruined everyone's appetites for a fortnight, lets talk about Philthy Philly's. Geez, what a tongue-twister of a name. Was Seychelle's Sea Shore Sea Shells Chalet already taken? Say Philthy Philly's ten times really fast and you'll be a Daffy Duck impersonator in no time. A sour candy would probably help you speak semi-normally again after that.
My customary glance of research shows that Philthy Philly's started up in Newmarket (that's just north of Toronto for you non GTA-knowers) sometime in 2013 as a family run eatery... expanding to dozens of locations all across Canada (though mostly in Southern Ontario) in the decade since.
You likely can ascertain that this is a restaurant specializing in a specific Philadelphia dish: the vaunted Philly Cheesesteak. They do offer a variety of other options like burgers and poutines but the headline item naturally is that cheesesteak (Philly is in their freaking name after all).
Admittedly this is a sandwich I have the barest bones of experience with. I've never even been to Philadelphia (I like the Phillies though) and from what I've seen there is considerable debate on what constitutes an authentic Philly Cheesesteak. Checking a Philadelphia Reddit thread on the subject, consensus seems to be that the steak (ribeye ideally) must be thinly shaved, the bread be a hoagie roll and the cheese either a Cheese Whiz-like spread or a provolone if you're feeling fancy. Additions like onions, peppers and mushrooms are acceptable if that's your preference... but when it comes to sauces like mayo or ketchup, for some that crosses the line into becoming something else entirely.
I'd love to dive into the origins of the sandwich itself (it does indeed trace back to Philadelphia if you're curious) but these two articles (especially the oral history one) do a fine job of doing just that (pretty funny to think how a Philly Cheesesteak was born initially as a hot dog substitute).
Instead, we're going back to Port Credit (previously visited in the Rosie's review) to try this Canadian take on a famed Pennsylvanian item. I get paid by the geographical reference don't you know*.
(*just kidding. I don't get paid)
The inside of this place is definitely... orange... while extremely sharp and clean in spite of the moniker. Again, more evidence for my "filthy mind" theory...
Of course I had to get a cheesesteak (duh)... but seeing as the sign on this Port Credit location read "Cheesesteaks and Poutinerie" well who am I to break up such a pairing.
There truly was no shortage of poutine variations to choose from, ranging from pulled pork ones to a creation featuring perogies. While Philthy Philly's is a franchise, apparently they allow their franchisees to modify (with corporate approval) their menus somewhat, resulting in for example their Stockyards location possibly offering different poutines than the Port Credit one.
Regardless of that, this here is their "O-Ring" with your standard gravy and curds, some peppery squares of thin bacon and the fried onion hula hoops obstructing the view of anything else in this dish. Hang on a second here...
That's more like it. Getting those rings out the way, they're entirely decent as far as deep fried onion circles go. Honestly like almost any other onion ring you've ever had in your life... very oily, okay crunch, fairly hollow inside (not a thick batter) and not overly oniony. Ground floor textbook this is the picture in the dictionary kind of stuff. It's so in that precise spot of average that I can't provide anything more of interest about it.
As for the poutine... yeah it's likewise not all that remarkable in either direction. There are plenty of ferociously unpleasant poutines you can find in Toronto... such a search will not take long, trust me! This Philthy Philly's one here is well above anything like that sure, yet it lacks any notable character or memorable flair to it.
Much like a poutine you'd get at a moderately priced diner: a slightly salty beef gravy made more for mashed potatoes than fries, real cheese curds that melt nicely but lack any plump squeakiness, all on top of quality french fries (the strongest element here) that have some floppy softness (but not sogginess), taste like genuinely unfrozen potatoes and are entirely fine. Not a lot of crispiness, but that real potato taste makes up for that. I want to say they were fried in a type of oil you don't commonly find in fast food joints: there was a hint of something familiar and unusual.
Keep in mind I'm a bit of a poutine snob: I've been to Montreal enough times to know how this is really done, leaving the vast majority of poutines I've had outside of Quebec between the range of slightly disappointing to crimes against the very concept of poutine itself. To me, this Philthy Philly's poutine is a little below average overall, meaning that among GTA options it's probably a bit above average. Make sense? No? Bah!
Well... I didn't love it but I didn't hate it either. Hit the spot but nothing to text home about. Enjoyable to eat start to finish, good balance of the gravy and cheese-to-fries ratio, pretty standard poutininess. I'm desperately trying to explain how pretty okay this was without insulting it.
At long last, it's cheesesteak time. This photo, showcasing how rather flat this sandwich is, does a terrible job showing anything inside that isn't the shaved steak. Hang on, clearly my photographer was out to lunch (figuratively and literally). Here we go again...
Not the most elegant picture but at least you get a better idea of what we're dealing with here. Plus seeing as we're talking about (an authentic attempt at) Philly Cheesesteak here... I don't think being overly elegant is going to be any kind of problem.
I suppose this, with the green peppers and mushrooms, has more stuff than the standard composition. Meh... I honestly just went with what Philthy Philly's called their "classic" and braced myself for whatever came next. The result being... when you consider the relative simplicity the Philadelphia ones pride themselves on (so much of its widespread charm appears to be that very thing) this version likely goes a bit too far with extra stuff to be deemed a true authentic re-creation.
I'll still evaluate it for what it is, which is a pretty alright/good steak sandwich with a couple odd flavours in here. The cheese flavour is indeed Cheese Whiz-like (if not the actual article) and while personally I've never at all liked the stuff... I can see how this works in theory, with that gloopy fake cheese flavour seeping into the thinly sliced bits of fried steak.
Frankly I think what really helps this work are those green peppers and onions complimenting that cheese goo and greasy beef duo. The hint of bitterness from the peppers and light sweetness from the fried onions cut through that intense heaviness and give this sandwich a more complete flavour, rather than the taste of sheer grease and guilt you'd be left with without them. They also made this thing smell quite appealing, which doesn't hurt either.
The mushrooms aren't much of a factor though the texture is nice, while the bun (or roll if you prefer) is generally soft with some manageable stiffness along the edges (Philthy's proudly claim they import their bread from Amoroso's Baking Company based in Philadelphia, so points on the authentic effort there).
As for the steak itself... I do like how the thin shavings make the texture quite enjoyable even for a well cooked steak (which I normally do not prefer) while the flavour indeed reminded me somewhat of beef ribs, that kind of subtle fattiness.
However, the sandwich does have a strong sense of artificial flavour to it that I can't ignore. Maybe it's the fake cheese product skewing my perspective but each bite of the steak tasting nearly the same? Well, it makes my thoughts drift towards suspecting the mass-produced nature of this particular beef. That's not a complete deal-breaker just an observation.
The oddest flavour though is a strange sweet brown sauce they put on this thing (you can see it in the open faced photo) like an oniony tangy BBQ sauce that is just noticeable enough to make you wonder why this is on here. They were worried the sandwich was too dry and needed another sauce? Whatever the reasoning it doesn't work in here at all: there's already a lot going on and you don't need the extra sweetness (especially something leaning into sugary sweet) and the tang clashes with the more nuanced veggies on here. Bizarre.
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Overall... honestly this is a really tough one. I'm leaning more towards not recommending them just because how average and mostly forgettable this was. Nothing outstanding but also nothing that offended any taste buds either. An acceptable poutine and an acceptably greasy cheesesteak sandwich that I do think tries its best with what it's got to work with.
As a chain this feels a lot like a "hey there's a daily special" or "I have a coupon/gift card, I'll get something because I'm hungry and I know it'll be decent" type of situation. For comparison's sake, I've had a Tim Horton's gift card (won at a baseball banquet) for nearly six months now and I still have not been compelled enough to even activate it for Tim's food... even though it would essentially be free. Philthy Philly's is definitely comfortably above that level.
It's also entirely possible I'm simply not a huge fan of Philly Cheesesteak, seeing as the Jersey Mike's version didn't blow me away either. Entirely possible I've simply never had a truly good one... or it's just not my thing. The jury is still deliberating. I guess... if you're really craving this type of classic sandwich... Philthy Philly's is a fine enough option. I'm personally not in a huge hurry to go back anytime soon, but I wouldn't forever dismiss the possibility either.
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Burnt Ends
Pizza review! I went to Leaside and tried a really good spot. Read about it here.
Oh, and my musician alter ego (yes I have a life beyond reviewing food you know) released a music video for a new song or something. Look up mixdmetaphors on IG and check it out.
Tuesday Tune
Seems a good place to announce my Weezer project! It's nothing crazy, just another discography ranking and hoo boy there aren't many other bands that are as much a doozy on that front as those guys. The ups and downs are like watching one of those heartbeat machines they have in hospitals.
Stay tuned for that soon! In the meantime, here's one of Rivers Cuomo's solo tunes that really would've helped any of those, um, 'very less good' Weezer records.
That's all for another week! We'll be back next Tuesday as usual, unless these weekly reviews somehow fall under some kind of tariff (hey if the USA is taxing barren Antarctic islands populated entirely by penguins, who the f*k knows what's possible anymore).
Until then, stay safe, stay warm or cool and don't spill that mustard.
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