The Fiftieth Tuesday Taste: Wendy's Breakfast

 

 

There's something strange going on tonight

There's something going on 

that's not quite right

Joey's nervous and his eyes are bright

There's something going on that's not quite right

 

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste! And a very special edition at that. 

Last February, finding myself bored, lonely and hungry in the middle of yet another endless lockdown, I made the bold, brilliantly heroic choice to try making a difference in people's lives. So gosh darnit... that's how I decided to start writing a weekly fast food review. Please, please... save the Nobel prizes for after your tears have dried up...

In all seriousness though, fifty episodes in now and this has really been a lot of fun to do (almost) every week. It's been a good motivation to go off and try some spots I may never have bothered to otherwise, while also re-enforcing my disinclination to eat at other particular places (*cough* McDonald's *cough*). As a 50th episode spectacular, we've got quite a bit to discuss (including a short little ranking later in the article of my personal favourites among the previous 49 editions of the TT) so lets not dawdle and instead jump into the main attraction: Wendy's breakfast menu.

Of the major fast food chains we have here in Canada, Wendy's was notably absent in offering any kind of breakfast item. I suppose Burger King still doesn't either, but who wants to even imagine what those eggs would taste like. Seeing the obvious potential of that direction later rather than never, about a month ago Wendy's wisely changed their tune and introduced these new breakfast items for their menu. Unwisely, they decided this menu should cease at 10:30am everyday. Woo. Hoo. So... in yet another chapter of the universe's attempts of nudging me to wake up way earlier than I like to... I hopped on my wheels and rode to the closest Wendy's (Leslie and Lakeshore Blvd)... catching their highly advertised yet elusive breakfast menu with twenty minutes to spare.

As a non-morning person (and semi-sleep deprived in this described moment) there was a bizarre feeling to seeing over a dozen cars circling around this Wendy's at 10am on a Sunday (it is also a Drive-Thru location). I am such a night owl that even walking around in the bright hours of AM makes me feel like a creature from another dimension... these smells and opposite directions of the sunlight exceedingly unfamiliar and strange. At least I was hungry though.

 

 

Starting off with their sausage and egg biscuit sandwich... it's nearly the exact same item Tim Horton's offers, only this one is larger and notably better. As mentioned when I reviewed the Tim's sandwich, I used to eat those things multiple times a week when I worked at the Friar and Firkin at Queen and John (there's a Tim Horton's next door). One thing of note during that review was how dry and crumbly their biscuits had become, and that their fake cheese slice was now too big for the sandwich... drooping into empty space in a state of unmelted sadness. This Wendy's version is a significant improvement over that: the cheese actually melts, the biscuit is softer and buttery, and the sausage patty much juicier. That patty itself is tasty also... somewhat peppery and plenty greasy (as one would expect) but also fresh tasting enough to lack any lingering staleness, 'previously frozen' numb aftertaste or tough exterior. 

The eggs are the weak link, sadly... not a whole lot of flavour and they're overcooked especially on the edges (you know when you slightly overcook a fried egg? It's like that, with a waxy, filmy circumference). Still, a pretty tasty sandwich... and I find the squareness of their patty (their burgers are also notoriously square don't forget) an amusing touch. 

Speaking of 'notorious', the second sandwich you see above is the breakfast iteration of the Baconator. This version replaces the two beef patties with a layer of egg and a sausage patty respectively, but leaves everything else (burger bun, cheese, mayo and an absurd amount of bacon) intact. Immediately after my first bite into this thing... I'm not sure I've ever wanted a vegetable more in my life. Similar to its older cousin, this sandwich is a lot... an overwhelming culinary and caloric experience. Each bite feels akin to a scoop of dirt out from the plot of your own grave. 

Flavour-wise... it's perfectly decent, obscenely heavy of course... but for an item so reliant on its bacon (it's in the damn name) I must say that Wendy's bacon is consistently chewy or brittle, always missing that crucial sweet spot. The egg is a complete after-thought in this sandwich, you hardly notice it's there beyond occasional texture (and it blends so seamlessly into the melted processed cheese you end up with something kind of plastic-like, tasteless and weird). There's just something off about this particular enterprise... it desperately needs some kind of crunch (the flaccid bacon ain't it) like lettuce or a sweet oozing tomato to make it resemble a Western style sandwich. As is, it's impressively indulgent and tastes agreeable (no stomach regrets afterward thankfully) but hasn't much beyond grease and texture so I doubt I'd ever order another one. 

 

 

Time for the surprise star of the show, saved for last because gotta end on a positive note for the 50th episode. These breakfast home-fries (or seasoned potatoes as said on their menu) are simply excellent. The kind of thing your best local greasy spoon has as a secret recipe hidden under the counter for. 

These aren't quite thick enough to be classified as potato wedges but are certainly shaped in that style. Impressively, they tip-toe those delicate balances between overseasoned/flavourless and dry/too oily... considering I arrived close to the end of their breakfast service just adds more points in their favour. The crispness is completely on point, the seasoning pepper indeed a heavy presence but nowhere to the point of overwhelming the tongue, and there's enough soft potato within to close the deal. A lot of enjoyable flavour here... certainly the taste of 'fried' but thankfully not caked into it, while those seasonings give it a nice little character. Whoever(s) conjured up their recipe knew what they were trying to emulate, and while I do think if served overcooked, unheated enough or having sat out a while these potatoes would be quite unpleasant... but on this occasion they were absolutely marvelous. If they offered these instead of their usual fries I'd legitimately go to Wendy's more. Absolutely great tasty stuff.   

Overall! As far as fast food breakfasts go... this would be a better one. I'd still prefer A&W's 'Sausage and Egger' over anything here, only because you can really taste the presence of the egg in that one... Wendy's swings and misses with their eggs in both items I tried. However, they get the sausage and the biscuits right (both are far more satisfying than anything Tim Horton's does), while the home-fries are an revelation. I wouldn't recommend the Breakfast Baconator (only because I want you to live a long life) but the rest is pretty solid for a fast food option. Worth a try.

 

Burnt Ends --- Honestly, a while back I wrote about 3000 words about the conclusion of Star Trek: Picard season 2 and am currently sitting on it until I can gather the fortitude to revisit that septic mess. It'll be shared soon... like an uncomfortable bowel movement I just have to release it and move on. 

On a significantly more pleasant note, I've also been writing about one of my very favourite bands... Spoon! They have ten albums now and I'm taking a look at all of them and doing a ranking so stay tuned for that very soon. Already finished the rough first draft. 

 

This Week's No Context Looney Tunes Image --

 

 

 

The Worst Tastes (So Far) -- Since we've now done fifty of these things, I thought it'd be fun to quickly rank my personal least favourite things I've reviewed. Call it a 'Bottom Three', if you will. Drumroll please!

3. Domino's Pizza --- I will never understand why almost everyone I know likes this stuff. Am I just doing it wrong? Overcooked every damn time, the sauce is generic and it is impossible to reheat to anything approaching respectability. 

2. KFC's Double Down --- A+ for the novelty, but KFC's chicken is just so absolutely awful and this was it at its stale, flavourless worst. Even cheese and bacon couldn't redeem this monstrosity. 

1. Country Style Breakfast Sandwich --- Quite likely the worst food thing I've ever spent money on. It was completely appalling how terrible this was... microwaved eggs! Dry chewy bagel! Unseasoned watery ham! Not a single positive element... a complete failure to even qualify as "food".

 

The Best Tastes (So Far) -- Enough badness, here are some of my favourites I've tried and reviewed for the show.

3. Blondies Pizza --- Really good, interesting pie... great quality and still delicious even when cold. Their black garlic dip meanwhile... absolutely next level stuff... an all-time sauce.

2. Dave's Hot Chicken --- I still miss the old Stratengers pub, but this is a worthy enough tenant in its place. Unique spice to this sandwich and very tasty cheese fries (although more cheese sauce please!).

1. Rudy --- Almost certainly on the short list of the best burgers Toronto has to offer. We might not have a Shake Shack location up here north of the border but at least we have something so spiritually inspired by that smash burger style. Darn good fries, too.

Election Week --- We've got a provincial election coming up here in Ontario, and while I've certainly used this space for political views on many occasions... this time I'm just going to tell ya to get out and let your democratic voice be heard! It's easy to be jaded by the world in which we live in, but casting a ballot for a world you want to see definitely can still make a difference. So get out and do it! It really doesn't take as long as people think.

Also, please just don't vote for that fuckface Doug Ford.

 

Playing Dumb --- Quick shoutout to my friend Peter Fulton and his book 'Dumb Luck', which is a collection of re-told true stories from his life and adventures across the globe. I've read a solid chunk of it (and have heard many of these crazy tales from his own mouth) and definitely can vouch for it being as wild as advertised. I think he's got a page on FB for it and definitely an Instagram, where he's sharing photos from the stories in the book, so search for that and check it out!

 

Tuesday Tune --  Last week I mentioned I'd only started listening to Pavement a few months ago. Well! Here's a band I only heard for the first time this past weekend... though it is a record that I'm sure influenced later bands like Blur, Arctic Monkeys and many, many others. Here's a good tune from their debut.

 

 

 

That's it for me this week! Whether you've been reading since the very first one last February, or this is the first time you've checked out the TT... thanks for reading and here's to hopefully fifty more! Until then, though... be safe, be healthy, stay sharp and don't spill that mustard.

                  

The Tuesday Taste: Pizza Nova Garlic Hack

 

 

 

You sleep with electric guitars

Range rovin' with the cinema stars

And I wouldn't wanna shake their hands

'Cause they're in such a high protein land

Another Tuesday, another Taste! And another pizza! From me? Never.

 

Much like last week (the week of the infamous chicken sandwich mishap) I wasn't able to go try my Plan A, although unlike that story (which involved a momentary lapse of memory) this time was because of a momentary lapse of moneys. Indeed, I was able to find this destination on second chance (I'd been too far south last time) but upon seeing the prices of what I wanted to get... it just wasn't going to be smart or feasible to do that this week. 

Instead... we're doing Pizza Nova again... but with a twist! You may recall we've been down the Nova road before: last July they were one of the better showings in the Pepperoni Slice showdown... later that September for Chicken Wing Month I pitted Nova's wings against Pizzaville's... and of course they have a spot on this epic doozy of a list (I'm quite fond of pizza by the way... dunno if anyone who reads my work has noticed).

Before getting into this review's advertised twist, I don't believe I've provided any of the history of Pizza Nova in my previous reviews. With the spotlight of this article squarely upon them, here goes. A young family of Italian brothers, the Primucci's, opened up the first Nova restaurant in 1963 near Lawrence Avenue East and Kennedy Road in Scarborough. This original location indeed still stands, existing now as a sit down type of restaurant with an expanded menu (although those additional options don't appear particularly appealing). The rest of the story is a similar one to most larger restaurant chains we cover on this show, except with a catchier jingle than usual (oh and that the same family still operates the franchise).

Getting into the pizza itself... the usual Pizza Nova elements are in play. I've always liked their sauce, there's a nice sting and presence of real stewed tomatoes... they just never put nearly enough of that stuff on there (the lead picture is good evidence of that). The cheese doesn't leave much of an impression on me, never has really... it's just kind of there as a flat cheese texture that layers atop of the bread. Tastes okay, and is far superior to places like Pizza Pizza in that it actually tastes like real mozzarella at least... just not mozzarella of notable flavour or quality. The dough, though. Let's go. Unless you're wandering in near last call and getting a slice that's been sitting sadly since the early morning, this is some nice stuff that you can even get a nice whiff of once it's been freshly baked from the oven. The scent of freshly baked bread I'm certain is objectively enjoyable amongst the majority of the human race. Obviously, the dough becomes terrible once it loses that moisture, but when is stale pizza ever good anyways? Actually... I'd potentially still eat that if it was from the right place... like a thin wood fired crust... but nevertheless!

Overall, I've always found Nova a perfectly fine option amongst the super prominent pizza chains you find in Ontario. It doesn't taste like cardboard (*cough* Pizza Pizza), a baked cake of grease (*cough* Pizza Hut), or an overcooked uneven ticking time bomb (Domino's). For me personally though, what really elevates Pizza Nova from being just marginally better than those terrible choices is this wildcard I am about to discuss: the garlic pizza. 

Keep in mind here, I am a certified garlic fiend. My personal level of "this has too much garlic" is "keep adding more garlic". I've chopped up garlic raw (raw!) and put it on hot dogs at home, and it's damn delicious. My tastes and tolerances towards garlic are likely very different than yours, so you've been warned. That said, the quality of Nova's garlic is really darn good (especially compared to other mainstream pizza joints) and allow me to explain how and why.

I've tried getting garlic as a topping at some of the other pizza chains we've discussed. Some will offer it as a free topping, but that's always granulated garlic and while a nice compliment, it ain't the same. Domino's and Papa John's do offer it as an actual topping and it's completely pathetic: you barely even get a sense or feel it's there in taste or texture outside of one random bite. Pizzaville does it somewhat better, although it's tossed on there in tiny chunks that bake into their sauce and under their heavy cheese, neutralizing its presence. Nova though, they do they way I like it: extreme excess (as you can see in the photo). 

This garlic pizza is something I've been getting from Nova for over a decade now... and I think what keeps making me come back for it is how they prepare and roast these garlicy bits. Another warning, this is an insanely oily pizza... but that's because of the olive oil these many pieces of garlic have been swimming in. Still not exactly a pinnacle of healthy eating, obviously, but I'll take that over the obscene (more fat than flavour) greasy butteriness of Pizza Hut. Flavour-wise the difference is incredibly important also... the hint of olive oil cooked into this meshes well to soften and lessen the pungency of the garlic, with the cheese and bread of the pizza also around to help absorb all of that. In a way it's almost like the best, biggest order of cheesy garlic bread no pub will ever offer (and I've never found a garlic bread I've liked from a pub anyway... they usually just use garlic butter which is fine, but just not the real issue). 

Anyhow, I know this might sound very appealing to some, and to others just another weird little niche thing here that I like because I'm crazy. I will say, a lot of the times over the years I've gone to order this... the person working the counter is very confused that I want "just" garlic. Oftentimes I have to insist they don't add pepperoni onto it also. 

If you are curious enough to give it a go, I do recommend it very highly. It's one of my favourite "once or twice a year" indulgences I like to enjoy.    

 

Burnt Ends -- I dunno, I'm sure there will be some kind of written something I've been promising the past few weeks that will finally arrive for eyeballs to see. Suddenly after two years in the social/employment void of COVID... actually starting to become kinda... busy? Did I spell that correctly? Regardless, there will be something non-food related very soon, most definitely.

 

Tasty Five-O -- Meanwhile, back to the topic of food reviews! The next Taste will in fact be the 50th one... which is a nice tidy round number ripe for the fruits of some kind of special episode. I already have a plan what the actual review will be, and it won't be the place I've failed to successfully try the past couple weeks either. Stay tuned for that.   

 

Look Out! It's A Train!!! -- I stumbled upon this video of silent films using stunts with trains and well... it's some damn harrowing but impressively cool stuff.

 

 

 

This Week's No Context Looney Tunes Image --

 

 

Tuesday Tune -- I'm a fairly recent convert to this particular band, but I've really liked a lot of what I've heard thus far. As tempting as it was to share something weird that I like off their first record, I'll be nice and give you all something more accessible from the poppier (for these guys) second album. A good tune (and record) for these early summer days.

 

 

That's it for me! Until the big one next time... stay safe, stay cool, don't be causing a ruckus in my neighbourhood (or anyone's neighbourhood for that matter.... Woodbine Beach was a warzone Sunday night you bastards, wouldn't wish that on anyone)... but most importantly don't spill that there mustard.

 

       

The Tuesday Taste: The Chicken Sandwich Mishap

 

 

Yeah, when you're flying your flag

All my confidence sags

You got me packing my bags

I'll stowaway at sea, yeah

You make me mutiny 

Where you are

I won't be

You're going to be the death of me

 

It definitely didn't go according to plan this week.

 

I had it all timed up nicely. My original intended review closes at 9pm on Mondays, as does the Value Village in Leslieville (I wanted to buy some more CDs because I'm trapped in the 1990's apparently). My plan was to leave my painting gig around eight so to provide plenty of buffer room to achieve both goals. 

Along comes 8 o'clock, the mid-May sun beginning to brightly set here in the east end of Toronto, and I began closing up shop. As I'm locking up my buddy's big cargo container, a very friendly fella who helps run the facility starts chatting me up. He offers me a tall can of Old Milwaukee, and while I may be a snob (it's a prerequisite of being an internet critic) I am certainly not the type of sociopath to turn down any beer offered in kindness. 

We continued chatting and walking for a bit, the western sun continuing to sink beneath the horizon like a grand vertical stopwatch to my plan. I drink my drink with polite haste (although my counterpart downed his much quicker than I) and about ten minutes elapse. We cheerfully part ways, but now time is beginning to crunch me. 

No matter. I still had half an hour to spare, two wheels eager for an ambitious adventure and was already reasonably close to both my destinations. Order the food, go album hunting for a few minutes, come back with my grub ready just as they close. Perfect timing. 

Well... not quite. After a long day of moving wood planks around in the sun, on an empty stomach no less... that can of Old Milwaukee hit me a bit harder than expected. Hey, it's a 5.5 percenter! Don't worry, I didn't wipe out or anything... but my brain apparently erased the precise location of where I was going to. Down I went on Carlaw Avenue (spoiler?) and somehow didn't see what I was looking for. Retracing my steps for a couple blocks... still couldn't find it, and the confusion grew. 

Now everything closed in twenty minutes, which at this point still wouldn't be an issue except... well... my internal workings start giving me that signal. You know the one, the "find a toilet imminently" flag, a tree won't do. Perfect timing. 

So begins another entrant in this absurd race against the clock. I blame the Old Milwaukee. To quote my old roommate "I'd hate to see New Milwaukee". 

In this dire situation, the strangest of desperate thoughts occurred to me: I knew a restaurant on Queen East with a bathroom immediately close to the front entrance. A place I could slip in and use the facilities while barely being seen or having to ask/plead. Of course, it's a place I used to work at: La Carnita... one of the most unpleasant jobs I've ever had. A basket loaded with bad memories. Don't get me wrong, the food was/is quite good (and with over four locations I may have to properly review them someday) but I was at a strange point in my life and a few of the people I worked with were just legitimately gigantic pricks. I spent large chunks of my shifts hiding in the bathroom stall (you can see why they liked me) and now seven years later here I was again.

I quickly slipped through the front door of La Carnita East and zipped to the right and down the stairs where I knew the washrooms were (apparently my brain can remember the floor plan of a place I haven't been to in seven years but can't recall an address I looked up four hours ago). My stealth operation wasn't quite ninja-like, as I heard a voice aggressively call out "Hey! What do you want? Hey!"... exactly the level of friendliness I associate with my time as an employee there. Nice to know they've remained on brand.     

Still, I was in some measure an intruder and made sure to oblige the campsite rule. Once that awkward business was done, there were only ten minutes until 9pm and a serious risk of failing at both of my objectives for the evening. So... I chose the album hunting. Now sure, I could've called M... I mean my food destination and picked it up after the bell... but I've worked in a lot of restaurants and nobody likes to be that person you're waiting on when you just wanna close up shop after a long day. There needs to be a name for that unspoken rule... fire your nominations away.

 

Long winded backstory aside, I did try something to review this week... and it was so bad I had to try something else both for the sake of comparison and also just to clear that (non)flavour from my mouth. Yep, it's back to slagging the manufactured food factory of McDonald's and their attempt to resemble something that tastes like something. It's the McChicken! 

First off... it's never good when your freaking chicken sandwich has the exact same texture and juiciness as your beef burger. This reminds the tongue of chicken, but like a condensed, minced and pulped version of such a thing. It really is suspiciously juicy also... I love white chicken breast and cook it for myself all the time but even frying and drenching the thing in butter isn't going to result in something like this. It's an illusion.

It has that iconic 'McDonald's taste' which I'd describe a mix of grease, salt and pepper... just with the fading feel of chicken. I find McDonald's extremely dry (their sandwich buns are consistently stiff and this is no exception) and so at least here the juiciness of the chicken is a welcomed element. I'd take this over any of their hamburgers, and as a chicken option I'd say this is also better than KFC (which I think can be commonly agreed is barely edible). 

It's not very good though... there need to be layers, crunch and little changes in flavour bite-to-bite in a genuine fried chicken sandwich. The McChicken is too perfect in it's shape, texture and similitude. I suppose that means you know what you're getting every single time... which I can see the appeal of but is definitely not for me. This is the cookie cutter of chicken sandwiches... there's conceptual machinery in place to create the exact same product precisely each time. Maybe that's fine for a lot of people (clearly so) and I'm not one to judge that, please like what you like... but personally I've always found the fakeness of this food rather repulsive.        

 

 

So I washed that unpleasantness aside with another chicken sandwich! Geez how am I not 300 million pounds at this point. Off to Popeye's I went... problem is I've already reviewed them (the very first Tuesday Taste in fact) so there really isn't a whole lot to say about that detour without repeating myself (I save the 'repeating myself' parts for when I explain why McDonald's sucks). 

However, I didn't review Popeye's fries on that first try (incidental rhyme).. so here goes. I like the different seasoning they have, it's overdone certainly but there is plenty of distinctive spice. They're also exceptionally oily, even for a french fry, and there's a bit of a externally stale "been under a heat lamp too long" aspect to them I've noticed here and previously. Very 'whatever' as far as fast food french fries go... and to be honest most fast food chains have underwhelming fries. To take one last shot at McDonald's, their fries are boring bland sticks of saltiness... distinctive only in that very few commonly edible things taste less like actual food. Burger's Priest perhaps (or Rudy's) have come the closest to offering something that tastes like real potatoes, and so not needing a curtain of over-seasoned, super oily grossness. 

Overall... I wouldn't recommend anything I just reviewed, especially the McChicken. Go check out Chica's, PG Cluck's, Heartbreak Chef (haven't tried them yet to be fair), Rudy's or Dave's Hot Chicken instead. Get something real. 

It was quite a journey to get to that predictable conclusion, wasn't it. But an amusing one, I hope.

 

Burnt Ends -- In case you missed it, I checked out A&W's 'Best Burger Ever' last week (a bold claim I dispute, but an admirable effort). Also... yes some final thoughts on the nightmare that is Star Trek: Picard season 2 will be coming soon. At this point it feels like modern Trek is keeping me hostage, and finishing this up can allow me to see fresh air once again. 

 

They're Zany To The Max -- As a kid who grew up in the 1990s, I definitely watched some Animaniacs. So check out this origin story of those crazy siblings, Yakko, Wakko and Dot.  

 

Tuesday Tune -- This album turned fifty years old last week, and while lost in the previous spirit of my youth I was tempted to share a Billy Talent tune here... I cannot deny the sheer awesomeness of one of the greatest records ever made (and perhaps the best double album... although London Calling is certainly stiff company). Enjoy this closing track, to close out this bizarre review that's kind of a non-review. Don't spill that mustard either.

 

   

A Bonus Taste: A&W's "Best Burger Ever"

 

 

This week you get two food reviews for the price of one... which is none! Do hold me in your hearts, I hope. 

It was rather a spontaneous decision to review this particular item: basically it was 2:45 AM and I was drunk and hungry leaving The Only. However! To the credit of inebriated me... my initial writings getting home that night were pretty detailed and accurate from what I recall of chowing down on this thing after a healthy sampling of craft beers (with obviously some edits). So, as a bonus to the weekly Tuesday review... I present:

 

Best-Burger-Ever ---- by A&W

 

Obviously I have some reservations about such a bold claim, and some qualifications to judge thanks to previous experience (*cough* In-N-Out *cough*).

A&W Canada, to their immense credit, seems rather skillful at maximizing their own source material. I've commented many times how their regular burgers are enjoyable but inescapably salty regardless of latest creative innovation.

This one is a bit different. I didn't know it when eating it 2:45 AM Monday morning, but this "Best Ever Burger" is actually a collaboration between A&W and famous Canadian chef (and personality) Matty Matheson. Matheson, for all his larger than life hijinks, really does take the art of burgers extremely seriously. I was able to try the now deceased P&L burger spot on Queen West many years ago (before my reviewing days) and came away impressed. Matty's Patty's is his latest foray into burgers, located just further west down Queen, which I have yet to try (dunno if there are still long lineups for the place but I have strong disinclination towards traveling far to line up for almost anything). I'm sure I'll get around to it at some point soon.     

Getting to the burger itself. Admittedly (and recall I was oblivious of Matheson's involvement at the time of ordering)... I saw the price of this thing (almost ten bucks) and my interest in trying it at all was instantly waning. The combination seemed odd: fried pickles are a fun pub dish shared with friends, but a primary feature on a burger? Strong skepticism. 

Of course, hunger won out. Well... it's not at all the "best burger ever"... but A&W puts their bizarre and seemingly random creativity to use yet again (unlike many prominent burger chains that tie their growingly obese menus to trends). This perhaps explains how they got Matheson onboard for this collaboration (though I'm sure a giant dump-truck of money helped): a notable professional chef would probably want to work with a large brand serious about inventing a new interesting product, as opposed to something like McDonald's where the new Malibu Stacey has a new hat.   

I don't mean this to overtly praise A&W, because this particular burger does have some issues... merely that I appreciate the thoughtfulness of their conceptions. First off, this burger oozes in your fingers. It's grease city, which from what I know of Matty Matheson is a culinary staple of his stable, but not quite for me at this degree. Place both top and bottom beneath a paper towel for a moment each... it's dripping through. To be fair, consider what you're signing up for here: between two buns you have breaded and fried pickles, fried onions, melted cheese (there's so much going on here you barely notice it, the fried heat within gooifies it), plus a very salty garlic mayo slathered all over this thing (the dripping whiteness you see). 

Also for the record, when I ordered this it was approaching three in the morning... so a nice shoutout to the staff at Greenwood and Danforth. None of this tasted like it'd been prepared in a rush... or like a tricky obscure menu item ordered at a weird hour and thus leaving the delicate aspects in imbalance. I think they made this as best as it could be (I'll never know, I ain't trying this beast a second time).

It did rely on this garlic mayo way too much (this is coming from the mouth of a shameless mayo guzzler) but that heaviness paired well with the absurd oiliness of the beef here. Paired well in terms of sheer indulgence, I mean. Objectively, this burger is a lot. No bite of this will not taste like insane grease. Oily bun, deep fried bitter pickle crunch with the juice and batter dripping down... runny garlic mayo, fried onions (the same tiny circle ones from a Buddy Burger) and the prime rib patty soaking up all the flavours above and below.  

What I think makes this actually work pretty well, despite being an insane indulgence I surrendered to well beyond last call... is how each of these incredibly heavy flavours sort of click uniquely in their own ways here. They don't tread on each other at all. The fried pickles are tasty, add some crunchy bitter height to the affair but the breaded stingy crunch is merely a performer not the headliner of the show. The prime rib beef patty abandons the over-seasoned fallback of their regular offerings and oozes with beefy juice... definitely very different and a notch above in quality than your usual fast food burger. Much more tender by the bite, more flavour beyond salt and it lingers longer. It drips like crazy, swimming in it's juices and just adding to this gooey, mayo heavy, fried capsules and sweaty onion creation.

It's actually... good... yeah! Somewhat. It's just... I mean look at this damn thing. The main players (fried pickle, onions, beef) have presence when isolated from each other, yet combine nicely in any combination when occasionally crossing paths. The insane vision of it all is a success... but it's not for the faint of breath. It'll soak through your pores just holding the wrapper. Overall... I'd recommend trying it (especially if you are a fan of unique cheeseburgers) but maybe just once. Like a one night stand that always keeps that pleasant place in the corner of your memory.      

 

The Tuesday Taste: San Francesco Sandwiches

 

 

Baby

you don't know what you're saying

Because you're a victim

of bright city lights

And your mind is not right

You think the world's at your feet

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste! After a previous couple of weeks featuring greasy burgers, soft serve ice cream and fried chicken wings... this edition goes in a different direction to focus on a much smaller chain than Harvey's, Fox pubs or Dairy Queen. It's a Toronto exclusive: The Original San Francesco sandwiches!

To be completely transparent, my experience going to San Francesco before this review was equal to the number of times I've been to Antarctica (that's a big ol zero, in case you thought I was being cute). My knowledge of San Francesco sandwiches wasn't much more: I'd maybe overheard a co-worker six years ago comment how she went to the Clinton Street location often and was a big fan. Beyond that... I'm going in completely blind here! Excitement.

San Francesco has exactly four locations (meeting my exact minimum for these weekly reviews): one in Leaside, this one on the Danforth I went to, one north of Lawrence Avenue on Yonge Street in that weird "void between Midtown and North York"... and then the original location on Clinton. According to their website, the sandwich shop was started by an Italian family that came to Canada after WWII, while their immediate reference to "being around the corner from the Saint Francis of Assisi" church is impressively Roman Catholic even for a place on the windowsill of Little Italy. Also, am I the only one who finds it weird that churches have Google reviews? How the heck does that work? "The pew wasn't very comfortable, the priest had bad breath... one star???" This is an odd reality we've stumbled ourselves into.       

Quick aside, that tiny little stretch of Clinton just south of College is truly delightful: a tiny old community a mere wink away from a major busy street. Beyond the original San Francesco, there's the legendary Bitondo's pizzeria (an old school staple of Toronto pizza that I probably like less than most people... it's very 'okay') and the Monarch Tavern which I vaguely recall attending a staff party at. All these three spots face each other across a street corner... you could lob a baseball and it might bounce off one and come back to your hand as you stand outside another. Don't actually try that, though. Window repair is expensive so I am told. 

 

 

Lets jump into the food itself. I indulged a bit here, with a fried spicy bomba chicken sandwich as well as these garlic parmesan fries you see directly above. We'll start with the fries: they might not be for everybody, but I thought these were great. That parmesan/garlic flavour is very much insistent, especially in this particular dose. Seriously, this is what I had left once the potatoes were stomach history: 

 

 

Very much a presence, but a presence I personally find delightful. It does remind me of a famous San Francisco dish (surely that cannot be a coincidence): the legendary garlic fries. If any of you have been to SBC Park (or whatever corporate barf name it goes by now) where the Giants play, the smell of deep fried potatoes and garlic is very present in certain sections of the concourse, and it's goddamn bloody wonderful. 

 

 

Here, they probably overdid it with the seasoning... but they picked the right person for that to happen to. It really is a lot, but if the flavour is positive I tend to prefer more rather than less. The potatoes themselves work well to absorb the oil and garlic while the texture of the fry maintains a firm quality of crispy potency... even once cold! (rare for fries). As these photos clearly show, these fries are essentially encrusted with this particular seasoning and that aspect truly dominates this side dish to a comical level. I barely even used the garlic aioli you see (which was tasty, like Pizza Nova's garlic dip). These just didn't need anything like that.

 

 

How about the sandwich? Heck, "sandwich" is in the title of the darn place. Straight to the point, this was definitely unlike any spicy fried chicken sandwich I've reviewed before. I'm used to those buttery buns, crunchy biteable chunks of breaded chicken mixing with some seasoning or sauce to provide the punch of heat.

This is very different... first off using a kaiser bun for any sandwich is certainly a bold choice. They tend to absorb anything liquidy or saucey with impressive quickness, which does tie into the weakest aspect of this sandwich for me. But... they smartly use a fresh kaiser bun (after a couple days that thing becomes a crunchy rock, man) and are also smart enough not to overcook this external covering or the contents within. It's light and airy, with a tough roundness to it that reminds you how bread is a crucial element to any sandwich. Beyond the unavoidable sogginess of the inside of the kaiser bun, I'm into it when done like this. 

That sogginess comes from the fact that this is very similar to a chicken parm kind of dish, just with a hollow yet firm bun closing it in and plenty of tomato sauciness trying to spill out. It's a big semi-flat bun, sure, but I do wish there was a bit more chicken in here. Lots of bites that were nothing but sauce, chili spice and edges of bread.

Nevertheless... this is a good sandwich! It's within that tricky area of "I can't fall in love with this, but I do respect and enjoy this very much". Spoilers! I guess you don't have to read the rest of the review. See ya next week!

.....

Okay, thanks for sticking around. There's quite a bit more left. The chicken: flat and tenderized... not what you expect in a sandwich but it really works (San Francesco does veal also, so the technique is definitely naturally executed). It's a tighter texture, lacking that loose juiciness of other fried chicken sandwiches, but it's firmness (and efficient taste) work well with the tomato sauce asserting itself everywhere alongside a finicky bun. The tomato sauce does the job (far beyond anything generic, there's substance and a house-made quality here) but yet I was perhaps hoping for something more. Expecting an 'A-' instead of a 'B' would be the comparison. It has that legit mouth feel, depth of texture of a well made, natural tomato sauce... lots of care and ingredients meshed in... but nothing about it truly jumped out at me. Either with the sandwich or trying the sauce solo. This was very good, yet also somewhat forgettable. 

Finishing with the spice... it is there... much like a chili oil within the tomato sauce that sneaks in on you. Not oppressively spicy (though I'm completely unsure how my tolerance compares to others... I might be a demon or a weakling I seriously don't know)... and the chilies do give the sandwich a much needed kick. It's a stinging spice that sneaks in, not a monster barging on your door. 

Overall... yeah! This is easily the best thing I've reviewed since the Tuesday reviews were revived (take that, okay-ish fast food, pub grub and ice cream burgers!) As said earlier, this is very much in that 'B' range which makes it very hard to truly criticize... since now we are entering more subjective territory. My grading/general enjoyment has always been when something really blows me away in quality... like listening to a favourite song, a connective scene in a film or just any epiphany in general. Yeah, I'm a harsh critic... but like all of us I do love what I love. I didn't love this offering from San Francesco, but I did like it more than enough to want to check them out again. And like I said, those fries were wicked. 

 

Burnt Ends -- I have two things to say on the ol' writing front. First: bonus food review and other stuff coming later this week! Second... I'm done with the Star Trek: Picard reviews. Maaaaaybe once I build up the constitution to watch the final episode I'll write an eulogy for the greatness that was Star Trek: The Next Generation... but dear god I can't do this anymore. I've been beaten. I'd like for fellow Star Trek refugee Mike Stoklasa to sum this all up right here... 

Thanks, Mike. I feel less crazy now.

Smoke Off The Water -- I was saddened to hear of the recent end of the Hogtown Smoke empire. Their original Beaches location had been around for some time (definitely before I moved here in 2014) and successful enough to expand outwards to multiple locations (one outside of the GTA, another near the financial district I think). There's a big ol' "For Lease" sign on their windows now, and so instead of speculating upon the reasons why... I'd like to instead raise a glass to a restaurant in my neighbourhood I really liked. They were pricey, so my visits were limited (I'm just a poor sometimes food reviewer after all)... but gosh they also happened to be one of my very first reviews of these viral virus times. Here it is... hope I don't sound too stupid.

---edit... geez my opening of that piece might've been somewhat too on-point even in 2020. That's depressing.

 

Ride And Not Die -- To be frank, BlogTo has mostly degenerated into trashy click-bait that is barely worth anyone's attention. There is still enough of something occasionally intriguing (historical articles for example) that keep me checking them out in vain hope my brain cells can survive.... which is more than Star Trek: Picard can boast. (Boom! Bringing it back around!). 

I simply could not resist expanding my thoughts upon this recent article... expelled by one of their better current writers no less. Perhaps I was hoping for too much, as this reads like a pamphlet to a 14 year old riding downtown for the first time... certainly not words for an insane maniac like me who probably logs over 1500km on a bike per summer without really trying. Nevertheless! This article has a set of instructions and I'd like to dissect them for your interest/displeasure. 

--edit: I got way too into this, so I'm just going to share the first rule. The rest will come out soon as its own separate piece.

 

Major No: Don't cycle on the sidewalks!

Interesting how this is the very first one. How about wearing a helmet? Buying some good locks? Lights? Being aware of both sides of your vision? Nope. Don't fucking ride on the sidewalks. MAJOR NO!!! HASHTAG HASHTAG.

I am joking, because yeah I do hate assholes who ride on the sidewalks. Even got brushed by one once going full speed (he toppled over, I was fine... what a bum). 

However... I do have exceptions to the "never bike on the sidewalk" rule. And if you're already pissed off at me for even suggesting it, you probably live in downtown Toronto and not where I'm coming from. If I'm riding on any major street between, I dunno... Jane and Victoria Park... or the lakeshore to Lawrence... using the sidewalk durin a busy hour is pretty dickish. But... if you're on a bike going along Birchmount near Eglinton, cars are zipping by faster than you can blink and the road is real damn shitty (pot-holes a foot deep are great for thinner tires)... sorry but I'm taking the sidewalk because I happen to like 'not' dying. I won't go fast or anything, there are still people sometimes... but geez when you get more into the outer reaches of the city some drivers legit have no clue how to deal with cyclists. They never see them! I've ridden enough, both downtown and in outskirts, to know when to get that sense. Try biking up Kingston Road to Morningside and tell me you're cool with cars zooming past you by inches while you cling vainly to the curb. 

All that said... just never bike on the sidewalks of busy downtown streets... and if for whatever reason you really have to, especially don't ride through people like you're practicing for a ski slalom. There's a special level of hell for people who do that.

 

This Week's No Context Looney Tunes Image -- 

 

 

Tuesday Tune -- In my opinion, this album is one of the greatest of the 1960s (which is saying a lot). Enjoy it, just a great darn tune on a timeless record. 

 

That's it for me! Until next time, be kind, keep it simple and don't spill that mustard.

 

The Tuesday Taste: Dairy Queen!

 

 

Shakey threw a party

that lasted all night

Everybody drank a lot

of something nice

There was an old fashioned band of married men

Looking up to me for encouragement 

It was so-so 

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste! It was a sad week for fans of the Toronto Raptors, who watched their beloved team fall in six games to the Philadelphia 76ers and their particularly annoying brand of complainy basketball. Still a great season for the Raps though, and with such a bright promising future on their horizon I thought perhaps this week I'd treat myself to a little dessert for the review. 

What? No, your segway was clunky! 

Awkward transitions aside, this week we're trying Dairy Queen. Now this is a fast food franchise I have an association with, especially the exact location I ended up visiting for this review. I spent a lot of my teen years in downtown Toronto as you may know, and once I really started spreading my bicycle wings I quickly learned of the completely different world that exists on the eastern side of the Prince Edward Viaduct... this particular Dairy Queen being an early landmark of that.

The story of DQ itself is an atypical one for fast food restaurants. They supposedly claim to have invented the concept of soft serve ice cream when they founded in the late 1930s, a claim which is disputed by other bits of evidence such as Charles Taylor's ice cream machine patent in 1926 (McDonald's uses this particular machine to this day). There's also some myth about Margaret Thatcher working as a food chemist in the 1940s and I can't even finish this sentence with a joke it's so ridiculous. 

Regardless, DQ first came into existence in the early 1940s and into prominence within the end of that decade, with the first Canadian location opening in 1953 in Melville, Saskatchewan (of all places). The rest of the tale is a predictably corporate one: big company buys the franchise out, bigger company buys them, unprofitable locations get shut down etc etc. How exhilarating. Let's get back to my teen years.    

There weren't many Dairy Queens in Toronto in the early 2000s (there still aren't) and so having a friend who lived on Mortimer Avenue, I'd usually treat myself with a Blizzard when I went to visit him. Well, all these years later that very same location right on the north-eastern corner of Broadview and Mortimer is still going strong. So, for the first time in possibly a decade I walked into a Dairy Queen ready to order some of that classic soft serve.      

It's important to note that different locations of Dairy Queen offer different items, or basically that some outposts only have their ice cream and dessert items available and not any of their burgers or fries. The Mortimer and Broadview one features the whole backyard, and so I hoped to taste the best of both worlds. Damn, I miss Star Trek. Rest in peace. Here's the burger:

 

 

Well... it certainly looks the part: all that cheese and mushroomey sauce genuinely dripping off this thing. I went for one of their "Stackburgers", and as an aside does it seem extremely bizarre how none their burger options (aside from the kid's menu I figure) offer a sandwich with a single patty? I'm not really a double burger guy (with celestial exceptions) and DQ's entire menu is double or triple patty burgers. Weird stuff. 

Anyhow, I went for the mushroom cheeseburger and lets start with the positives: legit mushrooms, plump, nicely sauteed and very flavourful. I'm certainly wary of vegetables from big fast food chains as their freshness/quality often drifts into "dry and/or gross" territory, but these mushrooms (even if likely previously frozen) skillfully maximized their presence. This is a very rich burger and unfortunately the biggest weakness conceptually is how there just seems to be one little something that's missing. An onion ring? Lettuce? Tangy BBQ sauce? Something with crunch? It's a puzzle with a gnawing void in the center. 

As is, we've got two burger patties, processed white cheese, mushrooms and mayonnaise. Lots and lots of mayonnaise. Hey now, I do like me some mayo in unhealthily healthy proportions, but this particular sauce has that weirdly sweet "this has been left out in the sun" type of taste. The cheese exists merely for gooey texture, the bun is fairly stiff and forgettable (lightly grilled in an attempt to save it, thus the marks on top, but alas)... so it all comes down to the beef itself. 

It reminds me of those sausage patties you find in a breakfast sandwich: the taste of a greasy grill is prominent and there's a similar type of fatty juiciness in each bite. Don't get me wrong, I would take this burger over the bland mince-beef of Burger King or a chemically designed McDonald's offering... but this DQ burger really lacked anything beyond grill grease, oily cheesy goo, and a mushroomy mayo disguise. Not terrible, and I wouldn't turn up my nose if offered another, but I wouldn't think of seeking it out either. 

 

 

Lets hit up Dairy Queen's main attraction, the ice cream. Did you know that legally Dairy Queen cannot call any of their products "ice cream"? It's true. Not off to an encouraging start! Okay actually, this is because soft serve contains far less milkfat than regular ice cream (about 1/3 the amount). Did you also know that what gives soft serve it's distinctively lighter texture is because of air volume? It also has to be stored above freezing temperatures to avoid solidifying. Science! I'll spare you the ingredients of the mix that makes the magic happen before we all lose our appetites. 

I went for a Turtles Blizzard and they were so happy together. *Clears throat*. First off, it'd been a while since I'd had soft serve ice cream and that irresistibly creamy poof that fills your mouth immediately hit me. It certainly lacks the dense flavour of high quality ice cream... that taste that lasts in your mouth like a long conversation with an old friend. Soft serve is more like a quick hello: you run into somebody on the street and catch up a bit for a moment. Enjoyable in its own way. 

Adding Turtles (and that chocolate-pecan goodness) to this equation was also an inspired choice I strongly recommend. More fun facts: statistically the most popular Blizzard is the Oreo one (I saw about three different Oreo combinations so I believe it) and while I understand that appeal personally I've never really been a big fan of Oreos... I find them too dry. Hurl your pitchforks at me accordingly.

Now, the real problem with DQ's Blizzard is how quickly it melts. I mean, I have to critique something... how the hell do you criticize freaking ice cream(ish-product)? Back in my absurdly skinny days, I'd get the biggest goddamn sized Blizzard and inhale the whole thing before it had a chance to melt. Now I'm in my mid 30s, I can't eat like a bottomless hole anymore without consequences in the belly region, so I went for a 'medium' size. Which was still too much, as this tragic photo will show.

 

 

Yeah, nobody wants that. In my defense, I wanted to eat the burger while it was still warm and I hoped the early May winds here in Toronto would keep my second course properly chilled. Sadly no... this was a goopy mess about fifteen minutes later. Unlike regular ice cream, which once liquefied can still be a delightful dessert soup... liquid DQ soft serve is not something I'd willingly allow entry into my mouth hole. It reminds me a bit of a sugar cereal when the milk and remaining cereal parts have merged into a lukewarm mush, a soggy monstrosity... tasting completely unlike either originator of the enterprise. 

 

Overall... burger meh... Blizzard yes? I suppose that's my general assessment. It's a very one dimensional type of "ice cream" flavour in that nothing lingers whatsoever beyond the fading taste of cream... but it's truly enjoyable when fresh off the counter (within that sweet spot of time before it oozes away). The burger... whatever. I've had much worse but beyond a disc encapsulation of a greasy spoon there's nothing super interesting about it.     

 

Burnt Ends -- Yes, I still continue to torture myself with episodes of Star Trek: Picard. Read my latest review of episodes 6 + 7 here! As I write this current sentence early Monday afternoon, I have yet to watch episodes 8 and 9... which await on my hard drive like a dagger of doom twirling above my poor brain. I intend to watch them before this article goes live, so Future Me will write a single sentence below to later express my thoughts after watching those two episodes:

Holy fucking moly can Star Trek just die now, please. 

 

Gerrard Square Ain't Square -- It's not a part of the east end I venture to often but I can vouch that Gerrard Street East has some uniquely changing vibes as you pass by. East Chinatown comes to mind of course, but on the other side you have Little India between Greenwood and Coxwell (I've seen this street popping well past 2am), the artsy Redwood Theatre right near Greenwood, then a sleepy residential stretch as a buffer before this emerging Gerrard Square/North Leslieville/East Riverside/whatever stretch. There's a neat balance of established longtime neighbourhood staples and new "hip" restaurants, well captured by this Toronto Star article, which really serves a nice reminder how communities grow organically because of people making it so. This is what makes a neighbourhood and even a city unique and appealing, not the boardroom designs of condo developers looking for some quick cynical bucks.    

Naturally, a condo development is being planned across from Gerrard Square. Sigh. Nevertheless, definitely a few places in that Star article I need to check out for myself.    

 

This Week's No Context Looney Tunes Image -- 

 

   

 

Tuesday Sip -- If it's clear and yella, you've got juice there fella! If it's murky and brown, you're in cider town!

 

This reminds me of those frozen cans of concentrate juice you buy and dethaw in the sink, then mix with tons of water of course. There's an initial sweet tang but little lasting crispness until an awkward alcohol poke fills the empty room. Bit of a letdown. It's a 7 percenter cider and you do get that in the aftertaste a bit, it's just kinda isolated without anything to support it. Brain, you can stay but I'm leaving. 

 

Tuesday Tune -- I've heard as a common question: "which celebrity's death hit you the hardest?". For me in my adult life, it was David Bowie... although in the moment I didn't realize it. I'd been a pretty casual fan up until then... definitely loving certain albums (Ziggy, Low, Hunky Dory). After his death in January 2016 suddenly I found myself for a solid month listening to nothing but Bowie records... both the ones I already knew and others I hadn't given much time to (Station to Station for example). I didn't even realize I was doing it! But then once I did, it truly hit me how much I loved the music this man had created... even if he himself didn't remember making some of it (again, Station to Station).

So enjoy this great tune, the opening track on the very damn good Aladdin Sane... he could eat you with a fork and spoon but he's only taking care of the room.

 

 

That's it for me this week! I feel like since I started doing these again that they've been too long maybe? Like I'm making up for the lost time by breaking my Word Counter? If these are indeed too verbose please me know, but either way hope you've enjoyed reading it and we'll be back next time! Until then, be kind, be well, stay safe and don't spill that mustard.