Ranking The Beck Albums

I love talking about music (you can tell) and while thus far I've focused on bands from fifty-plus years ago, my tastes are quasi more modern than that... sometimes. So I'd like to look at an artist who actually made his first record after I was born... the incomparable Beck. 

Beck definitely has a varied discography. Always willing to experiment, at the top of his game he truly transcends genres of music while reinventing them (quote courtesy of one B.B Rodriguez).

(as an aside I will not be counting his 1993 album Golden Feelings, as it was re-released in 1999 without his permission and so probably shouldn't qualify. It's also an extremely rare album to own)

All right let's get this devil's haircut.

 

Hyperspace (2019)

*1/2

 

There is a truly awful Beck album and man... this is cringe worthy. Hearing the dude who wrote songs like 'Devil's Haircut', 'The New Pollution' or 'Lost Cause' turn out generic auto-tuned blandness was painful to hear. I couldn't wait for this album to be over once I was three songs in. At least Colors (which I'm not a fan of either) has a couple of groovy dance songs. This is the worst type of generic emotive drab.

Beck is just trying so painfully hard to be modern here. Sure, the production sounds good... but Hyperspace fails so miserably because there's nothing interesting about these songs. They all blend together. I went in expecting a retro-80s pop record, loaded with synth and funky songcraft... instead it just meanders with forgettable moody lyrics, boring melody and the occasional bad rap interjection that makes you wish Adam Yauch was still around to punch some... uh punch into this (RIP). 

Hyperspace just sort of exists and leaves no lasting impression, a mash of lazy modern pop music that lacks any hooks, thoughtfulness or anything melodically redeemable. This is one of the worst albums I've ever heard, and it pains me to say since I obviously love Beck (kinda writing an article about him here) but I never want to hear this album ever again. Holy colon evacuation.

   

Colors (2017)

**1/2

 

Yeah sorry... but this album isn't very good either. At least it's way better than Hyperspace, since this actually sounds fun instead of like doctor's office music. Beck has a unique musical style but here it really sounds like he's trying to follow rather than innovate popular trends. Which... fine! If that's the music that interests him and the kind of thing he wants to create... it's his art and he can do whatever he wants with it. He's given us so much great music these past three decades that he's earned some critical grace (which Hyperspace eats up so much of that I'm seriously worried what his next album will be).

The biggest issue with Colors is every song trying so hard to be a Top 40 radio hit, and mostly failing even that bar. There are moments: the title track is catchy... while "Dear Life" is a damn good Beck song a decade too late, belonging more on Modern Guilt than here. Everything else here is forgettable at best. "Wow" to me is unlistenable (the biggest culprit of Top 40 wishful desperation) and tunes like "Up All Night" or "No Distraction" just don't go anywhere. It's not horrible but well below his high standard.

 

Stereopathetic Soulmanure (1994)

**1/2 

  

This record... is just fascinating. A mishmash of home recordings, bootlegs of live performances, noise experiments and just random clips without context or meaning complied over years. Definitely not good overall, it's a tedious listen at many points... but I can't help respect how it has nothing resembling concept or structure, which is likely the point. And some songs like "Puttin' It Down", "Satan Gave Me a Taco" or the live ramble "Ozzy" show Beck's embryotic songwriting skill, melody and off-ball humour. With early Beck you're never totally sure if he's embracing slacker culture or making fun of it, or both.

 

Midnite Vultures (1999)

***1/2

 

Oh Mr. Hansen...

Finally though, we're getting into actual good records. Like Colors eighteen years later, Midnite Vultures seems an example of Beck trying hard to be modern. The difference is where Colors sounds stale, like music you've already heard before, Midnite Vultures pops with genuine fresh energy. It's a semi-forgotten record in his catalogue (sandwiched by two very acoustic albums) and while the goofiness is often a bit too much, the strength of this album are its really fun grooves. The mood of it is so bizarre it's quite fascinating... it really sounds like a weekend partying in Los Angeles that you hazily remember while stumbling to the next moment of insanity.

Some great songs are "Sexx Laws" (as seen on Futurama... usually that song doesn't last three hours but we got into a kind of thing)... "Nicotine & Gravy" seduces you like a charismatic stranger on a seedy street corner... "Beautiful Way" slows down the hedonism and brings this world back into something resembling reality... and "Debra" is an extended closer (most of Beck's 90s albums feature this) that definitely shows some Prince influence. Overall... this album probably isn't for everyone but it's incredibly fun, and is way better than anything he's made in over ten years because he just isn't taking himself too seriously.

The cover is pretty dreadful though.

 

Morning Phase (2014)

***1/2

  

Often referred to as "Sea Change Part Two", which I think is a result of the song "Morning" basically copying the exact chord structure from "Golden Age"... it's weird when you listen to an artist plagiarize themselves.

I kid though. Morning Phase is a grower, but worth some patience. It's mellow as hell (which, now that I think of it... Hell probably isn't mellow). The emotions aren't as intense as on Sea Change: the wishful longing of youth is swapped with wistful acquiesence. It feels too emotionally numb to really hit any delicate spot, but it's played tight and that bit of twang really helps slow these songs enough to let them breathe. Beck is exploring some roots here, with lots of straight-forward folk rock and country influenced atmospheric tunes. It gets rather boring at times, since the production is overloaded to my taste... but he has some terrific songs here underneath the layer of melodrama wanting to insist upon itself. I'd like it more if it were stripped down just a bit, but still the engaged songwriting shines through. In a way this is Beck's Nashville Skyline: not a masterpiece but a solid, interesting record.

 

Mutations (1998) 

***1/2

 

 

 

The problem with Mutations is... well it's kinda boring.

Not to say it's a bad album. It's actually quite good... but it just kinda lulls you to sleep. It takes those slow trippier moments of Odelay and turns it into an entire record... making this an enjoyable, solid-all-the-way-through affair, yet unfortunately that neutral tone of it just bleeds everywhere. Perfect low key background music, but it simply doesn't capture your attention. I've listened to this album dozens of times and I still get certain songs confused with others.

It has some notable songs. "Nobody's Fault But My Own" (not to be confused with the equally great Zep tune) is a standout, as is the off kilter blues of "O Maria". Odelay is in my opinion a masterpiece because each song seems like it exists within its own melodic universe... mixing together so many musical influences to create something new and unique. Mutations instead sticks with one consistent vibe, which in of itself is fine... it's just that this dreamy brand of semi-psychodelic folky blues just kinda passes by. It simply just exists while you listen, leaving little in a lasting impact. Stronger in atmosphere than substance.

 

One Foot In The Grave (1994)

****

 

 

For somebody perhaps popularly known for energetic weirdness... so much of what Beck has actually recorded and released is loaded with bleak dissonance. 

This album is just pure minimalism, which is probably what I love about it. They're essentially home recordings, an adventure in lo-fi, as Beck plays simple folk-ish tunes that sound like covers played in a living room... but most are actually originals and reveal their brilliance through their simplicity. No song is longer than three minutes, some barely longer than one, and there are a lot of them... hurting the overall quality of the album since some of these really sound like he's making up the lyrics as he goes... but this also plays to his advantage more often than not. "He's a Mighty Good Leader" just sticks in your mind with its catchy simplicity, "Outcome" is like falling down a bottomless hole and thinking "meh" the whole time, and "Asshole" is an incredible breakup song with its surreal lyrics that perfectly capture that feeling of losing somebody because of nonsensical circumstance.

This is a very bare bones record and the roughshod production quality might not be for everyone, but it is a record rich with treasures for those willing to look beyond the ramshackle exterior. I consider Beck a very underrated lyricist and he's in excellent form here.

 

Modern Guilt (2008)

****

 

We were blessed in the mid 2000s with some great releases in popular rock music: In Rainbows by Radiohead... Broken Social Scene's You Forgot It In People, Gimme Fiction by Spoon... just to name a few personal favourites. Beck was rather productive during this period as well: between 2005 and 2008 he released three full length studio albums. Exactly as many as he's released since, and in my opinion none of those new ones are on the same planet of quality. 

Modern Guilt is the weakest mid-2000s Beck album, since it gets a bit too experimental with its song structure at times and they don't all land... but frankly all of his 00s records are good and yet extremely different. This album definitely reflects its title: while not slow in tone or melody, it finds the artist back in a mode of bleakness after the off kilter fun of Guero and the futurism of The Information. Beck is no stranger to this, of course, except here he mixes minimal production (lots of empty space and drum machines) with strange beats, occasional keyboard and vocal delay. There's a subtle sense of impending and accepted doom to the music, like a world preparing for inevitable apocalypse. Geez, maybe this album came out twelve years too early.

My only issue is how it loses steam in the middle (when it goes for weird sound over stronger songcraft). Modern Guilt really has some exceptional songs though. "Profanity Prayers" is an all-time great Beck song, the way its groove picks up like a chugging train yet sounds dissonant at the same time. "Orphans" (the opening track featuring Cat Power) is a perfect introduction to the poppy desolation present throughout this record, and "Volcano" carries you up to the summit with its bizarre disturbing story, like you're on the precipice staring into the lava and cannot look away.  

Modern Guilt, despite having a couple tunes that miss, is in my opinion the last great album Beck has made. There's still time though. Crossed fingers.

 

 Mellow Gold (1994)

****1/2

 

 

This is where I suspect fans will disagree with me, since Mellow Gold is considered by many a seminal album of the 90s and one of his masterpieces.

Hey, I agree. This is a great album and I always enjoy it whenever I pop it on. "Soul Suckin' Jerk" with its incredible bassline and insane lyrical washout story.... mixing hip-hop with grunge with a wink. What makes Beck so good on albums like this is his vocal adaptability: he does so many different things that are perfect for each of these diverse, bizarre songs. He can rap well, he can adopt a Jim Morrison type brood... he can wail like Ozzy Osbourne if he wants.  

Mellow Gold isn't quite as strong, in my opinion, as him truly at his pinnacle. I find it somewhat uneven: a mishmash of raw experimentation but lacking the charm One Foot In The Grave carries. Still, this is an incredibly capable musician exploring what he could do and, unlike his noisy earlier bootlegs, really tightening up and delivering on those talents. It's a terrific record and really showcases his incredible range of songcraft... but he has albums that do even better.

 

Guero (2005)

****1/2

 

 

I'm gonna come out and say it: I don't think "E-Pro" is an amazing song. It's fine, but I hope people don't judge this album (and my high ranking of it) because of that song. Honestly, I usually skip it to get to the good stuff I like more.

And yes my friends, this album is full of good stuff. You have the wandering semi-salsa flair of "Missing" (which looks long when you realize it's a five minute song... but it doesn't linger)... the amazing groove of "Scarecrow" (great bassline)... the urgency of "Black Tambourine" (the song sounds like a close friend whispering in your ear about something completely meaningless)... "Hell Yes" is an enjoyable electro stomp finding Beck back in weirdo hip-hop mode (always reliable, at least until Hyperspace)... 

Honestly, this album is "Odelay 2005", but done exactly how that kind of album should sound. It was fun back then, and it holds up now as just a good reliable listen. Each song gives you something different. Just a greatly enjoyable album front to back, full of Beck at his funky unpredictable best.

 

The Information (2006)

****1/2

 

I probably like this album more than anyone I know. Heck, most of my musician friends aren't even too familiar with it.

General consensus is that this is a solid Beck album... so my deeper affinity for it is tied to a few situational aspects. It was released around the time I started working at the Drake Hotel (I was barely 19) and during a staff party we all booked it from a staff party because we got word that Beck (the man himself) was completely out of nowhere going to perform in the Drake Underground within the hour. Luckily we all made it in time and... oh man... it's something I'll never forget. A surreal moment. 

So I always associate this album with that period in my life. That period post high school of not exactly knowing what I'm doing (how things have changed ha), and anytime I listen to this album it takes me back to 2006... my feelings of living at home still, the friends I talked to a lot that summer... working a new job at the insane place that was the 2006 Drake.

All of that said, beyond my obvious nostalgia, this album is so damn good. Even now, 14 years later, it has such a futuristic feel to it... like this is music that we'll be listening to when we get to Mars. Once those drums in "Elevator Music" kick you into the groove, you know you're in for a great album. "Strange Apparation" is a song I've performed live myself, and (when I'm not doing it) it totally sounds like a Rolling Stones song left off of Let It Bleed. It sounds nothing like any other song here, which works since these none of this feels like it should fit together musically. But it does: this is a record imagining a weird, diverse future.

It's a long album, so I suspect folks could be bored listening to it front to back. I disagree, personally, because unlike Mutations this record brings lots of variety, consistent groove and occasional bursts of dance energy. Each song doesn't blend into the previous one, rather it builds off and makes something new and fantastic from that information (see what I did there). Songs like "Solder Jane" with its fast rhythm... "We Dance Alone" with its irresistible disco groove... "Movie Theme" with how it haunts you like being an astronaut lost in space... a collection of out-of-place tunes blended together to create something cohesive.

I love this record so much, and while I suspect most people who are reading this won't like it as much as I, do seek it out and give a listen or two. It's worth the journey and will reward tenfold more than it disappoints.

 

Odelay (1996)

*****

 

 

Gotta keep this short. Odelay is, in my opinion, one of the best albums of the 90s... and yeah I know Nevermind, OK Computer, Day For Night and Mock Tudor exist (among many other greats). This album though is a masterpiece to me because first: this is Beck blending genres of music together in such a way that he makes it seem lazy and easy, when of course the complication and imagination required is substantial. His imagination here is incredible... an album impossible to think about its major influences because there are so many and Beck just throws them into a blender to create something completely different. 

This album is so damn good (just look it up in the Becktionairy... I meant the rhyming Becktionairy). Songs like "Jack-Ass", "Ramshackle", "Hot Wax" and "Minus" are simultaneously rooted in the 90s while still sounding fresh even now. Just listen to "The New Pollution" and yeah you shall understand why I think this album is so damn timeless 24 years later... that song would be a huge hit today. What else can be said? A classic for a reason.

 

Sea Change (2002)

*****

 

 

A very personal choice. It's a breakup record and it will remind you of those demons, but there's a sweetness to the bleakness. Something vulnerable and so human in the atmosphere and songwriting.

Yeah it's definitely a breakup album, in the way Dylan's Blood On The Tracks is a breakup album... filled with themes of lonliness and emptiness from losing somebody who has moved on.

I find Blood On The Tracks dances around those themes more than Sea Change, which is more direct and melancholy in mood, which probably will turn some people off. Bob is often bitter and vengeful on much of Blood, while Beck here is desperate and blinded by loss, struggling to gradually come to terms with reality as the happy memories fade. Sea Change is an album of emotional peaks and valleys where one song like "Lonesome Tears" is loaded with moaning despair and heavy strings, while "Lost Cause" softly laughs grim acceptance of bleak heartbreak. So many emotions grab the mic... tied together by the feeling of losing somebody and knowing (as much as you don't want to admit it to yourself) how they'll be gone and will never be back. It's not a record you play at a party.  

Some people like to think of Morning Phase as the sequel to this, which okay. Sea Change is far superior though because the emotion just breaks through above all else here. I like the production (even if it can be heavy handed at times) because it compliments that overall sense of being emotionally lost, helping those lyrics find melodic context rather than smother them. Morning Phase, while a solid record, doesn't reach the same height and feels too subdued or fabricated in places.

There isn't a bad song on Sea Change, really. Each one explores that same theme but with different feeling: expressed through a different melody or a different lyrical perspective. It's an album of desolation and isolation and is so beautiful in that sadness... "Golden Age" is just a gorgeous song so full of longing, soul and just a question of... "what do I do now", with that slight delayed twang adding a perfect touch. It's not an album you listen to all the time, because you have to be in that mood... but it is just a quiet beach to listen to and reflect.

 

 

Woo! That's my look at the fascinating catalogue of Beck. What's next? Who knows. Stand by and be surprised. It'll come with a free frogurt*!

 

(*the toppings are also cursed)

  

East End Eats XX: Bulging Burger

 

2021 hasn't exactly been the sigh of relief most of us were hoping for after the miserable choking hazard that was 2020. With social restrictions tightening once again, local businesses and small restaurants will need our help more than ever to survive. So I'm relaunching my food review series, in hopes that maybe it can give some of my local spots a small bit of coverage. Plus I finally have a phone/camera again so I can take pictures of things.

 

Today I'm looking at the Bulging Burger, a little corner joint just a block away from the Neville Park streetcar loop. Instead of opting for a burger (I've had it before and it's huge, and decent) I really wanted to try their poutine. See, I've been on a mini-quest trying to find the best poutine in the Beaches. No Bull and Fearless Meat, both on Kingston Road, are absolutely exceptional (you'd be crazy not to get smoked meat on the Fearless Meat one). Beaches Brewery, back in the beforetimes, also had an insanely tasty brisket and mushroom concoction which I would probably award the crown to, for now.

 

Bulging Burger keeps it simpler. Just the main elements: thin salty fries, a nice thick rich gravy and tons of cheese curds. Like, an actual ton. I have a habit of removing and saving excess cheese when I order things like this (yeah I'm a weirdo) and while the amount here was excessive to my taste, I will never complain about quantity when the quality is high. This is a basic poutine done very well. Not exciting, and I'd definitely prefer an option to add bacon or mushrooms, but this is a sizeable, sharable meal, reasonably priced (under eight bucks) and is just loaded with the good stuff (gravy and cheese). If you ever fall asleep on the Queen streetcar in the middle of the afternoon and wake up at the end of the line... at least you won't be hungry on the way back.  

My Favourite Video Games I Beat In 2020

 

2020 has been such an unspeakably miserable year for me that it doesn't even deserve me writing about why that is. So screw that, I'm gonna write about video games instead.

 

I haven't always been a consistent gamer, and over the recent years (aside from my annual Christmas tradition of beating Mario 3) I barely played them at all. This changed in 2020, due to a combination of being stuck at home by myself for like 98 percent of this hell year, and discovering YouTube shows like Angry Video Game Nerd that rekindled my love of retro games (especially the Super Nintendo, which I played more than any other console). My actual SNES died a decade ago, so most of these games I beat were using an old emulator (without save states). Anyway lets get into this

 

#12 - Mario's Time Machine (SNES)

Beaten before 2020? - Who cares

Recommend? - Dear god no no no no no

I really only played this (and the Waldo game) just to see if they're as bad as I remember from when I was a kid. At least "Waldo" is short. This game is bloody awful and tedious.... you spend a good chunk of the game as Mario on a surfboard trying to collect mushrooms and go into whirlpools. WTF? Sure, it's an educational game (though several of its facts are historically incorrect) but there are ways they could've combined that and made this actually something resembling fun. Mario traveling through time, thwarting Bowser and his koopas? That could've been awesome! And I enjoy reading about history! 

But no... it sucks and you'll be bored after five minutes. Bad repetitive music, flat graphics, annoying quiz questions, irritating dialogue... combine that with probably the most unsatisfying and lazy ending in any Mario game (apparently there are three endings and I got the bad one, but I'm never playing this shit again so screw that)... this is legit the worst game I've ever played long enough to beat. They should send it back in time to where it can never be found.

 

  

 

#11 - The Great Waldo Search (SNES)

Beaten before 2020? -- Yep. Who can't beat this?

Recommend? -- Only as a joke

 

This is probably the easiest video game I've ever played. And one of the worst, though it slips into "so bad it's hilarious" territory. I remember getting it probably when I was ten and being excited, since I loved the Waldo books, then being extremely confused after beating it so quickly. I tried it again here 20+ years later... and beat it again in twelve minutes. Twelve. On "Expert Mode" no less. It's the kind of game I like to show people only because it's so funny in its awfulness, but even as a joke it lasts even less time than the game itself. 

 

#10 - MVP Baseball 2005 (PC)

Beaten before 2020? -- not sure. Can't remember if I played 2004 or 2005 back in the day

Recommend? -- If you like baseball games and don't care about updated rosters  

 

There's not much to say with this one. It's a perfectly fine mid-00s sports game and it give me my fix when MLB was shut down during the late spring. The graphics aren't pixelated too much and the different stadiums are distinctive and unique (aside from bad crowd animation, which seems a constant in these games). I like this one, and seeing these old rosters is definitely a nostalgic trip (top of my head I think only Albert Pujols and Miguel Cabrera are still active players). 

Since you usually can't "beat" a sports game, I count this one since I won the World Series. All right next.

 

#9 - Kirby Superstar (SNES)

Beaten before 2020? -- No

Recommend? - Yes

 

A very colourful game, with tons of fun items for Kirby to use and the graphics are stunning. My only complaint is while the different games have their own unique quirks, overall the game is on the easy side and the levels/bosses do get somewhat repetitive in their design. Still though it has some neat moments, like the one where Kirby has to take down a giant airship, or a boss battle where you fight a trio of enemies in RPG hit point style. It's a fun, lighthearted adventure. 

#8 - Aero The Acrobat 2 (SNES)

Beaten before 2020? -- Yes

Recommend? -- Yes

 

One of my favourite games on the more obscure side, Aero 2 finds you controlling an acrobatic bat (get it) on a quest to destroy an evil clown. The graphics and level design are why I love the SNES, with three dimensional backgrounds and big levels filled with secret bonus stages. It also has one of my favourite soundtracks of all time, and there's an entire level based on disco music! The biggest flaw is that the story, while creating its own world, feels underdeveloped and somewhat vague. Nevertheless this game is fun, hilarious and great to look at, with enough tricky secrets for replay value. I love this game and it feels weird to rank it so low, but I played a lot of great games this year.

 

#7 - Super Mario Bros 2 - All-Stars Edition (SNES)

Beaten before 2020? Yes

Recommend? - Yes, but it's not a typical Mario game

 

Probably my least favourite of the original NES Mario trilogy, but still a wonderful game. It was strange at the time (early 90s) when I first played it, since I was surprised how you could choose between the four different characters and each one has their own strengths and weaknesses. I've always chosen Luigi, which many people have told me is the character they pick the least, but I'm just used to his weird jumping mechanics I guess.

My only faults are I find it the easiest early Mario game, and some of the dungeons can get a bit tedious and predictable in terms of having to grab the key and evade the floating masks, over and over. Still though, the final world is hard as steel to beat and definitely provides a good challenge. A great game and always fun to pop in and listen to the delightful music of the overworld stage. 

(also for you nerds out there yes I now about how it was Doki Doki Panic in Japan etc etc)

 

#6 - Super Mario Bros - All-Stars Edition (SNES)

Beaten before 2020? - Not without Game Genie as a kid

Recommend? - Uhhh... duh?

 

To be totally upfront, if this were the original NES version it would rank higher. The All-Stars version, while more colourful, gets a bit monotonous with the backgrounds and the updated iconic music just doesn't sound as good as the 8-bit classic. 

Other than that, there's not much else to say. It's the first goddamn Super Mario Bros... undoubtedly one of the most important and famous video games of all time. And it's awesome of course. I also find it rather difficult, especially once you get to World 8 and every kind of enemy is coming out to get you (Hammer Bros in this game are evil, man). Actually beating it is extremely satisfying, knowing that finally the princess is not in another damn castle! Anytime I'm in a barcade (which has been a while obviously) I have to give this game a go. 

 

#5 - Mega Man X (SNES) 

Beaten before 2020? - No

Recommend? - Yes

 

I came into this with basically no experience playing any Mega Man games. I never owned any of them, and when I first started playing emulators this game slipped through the cracks. Which is a shame because this game is just damn awesome. Cool weapons, distinctive levels, a basic but effective storyline, and of course... the soundtrack is just amazing. I'm not sure if it was my learning curve from being so unfamiliar with the controls or the difficulty of the game itself, but I had a very hard time playing this game at first. The bosses regularly pummeled me until I finally found one I could beat, and it then got quite easier once I got more weapons and more powerups (I've heard Mega Man games usually have a specific order of bosses to beat to make things easier, but I didn't want to cop out and look it up). The final stages are still a great challenge, and beating Sigma felt really damn good. A nearly flawless game.

 

#3 - Super Castlevania 4 (SNES)

Beaten before 2020? - Yes a few times

Recommend? - Oh hell yes

 

I would've really loved to have given the original Castlevania on the NES a solid go, since it's a game I owned as a kid, is notoriously extremely hard and as such I could never get past Stage 10 as a youngster. Unfortunately my NES emulator doesn't even allow a controller to work and beating the game using a keyboard, which while undeniably super impressive, is an experience I'm sure will overwhelm with frustration (I actually did try one night and did get to Stage 12, so take that eight year old me!).

On to Castlevania 4, though, one of my favourite games of all damn time. The game is perfect: awesome controls (whip in any direction), the level design is extremely innovative for the early 90s (like the levels that rotate) and look distinct in their colourful creepiness, while the music is just so kickass. The intro, with the lightning hitting the gravestone as fog rolls in, still gives me chills every time. It might not be as hard as the earlier games in the series (which again are notorious for that) but it always provides a sizeable challenge even for someone like me who has played it so much, especially once to get to the bosses before Dracula (who himself is also a frustrating battle). Straight up, I love this game and the journey is always fun, creepy and satisfying.

 

#2 - Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past (SNES)  

Beaten before 2020? - No

Recommend? - Yes yes yes

 

Before this year I'd only played Link To The Past once a little over a decade ago, and while I got pretty far I guess late-teens me got bored with it (dumbass). I am glad I came back to it, as it is widely considered one of the greatest video games ever made and it lives up to that reputation easily. There is so much I could talk about in this game in regards to the various characters, the story, the diverse overworld etc... and all those elements add to its greatness. This is such an immersive game because it takes you to a world filled with so much detail, so much to explore and gradually uncover that when you think of so many modern games that do the same thing, it's unbelievable a game like this came out thirty years ago. Maybe the graphics aren't as realistic as those newer games, but I like the colourfulness on display here. It's simply a masterpiece that will probably hold up another three decades.   

 

#1 - Super Mario Bros 3 - (SNES/NES)

Beaten before 2020? Many times

Recommend? - Yes yes yes yes yes yes

 

This shouldn't be a surprise if you know that this is my favourite game of all time, and one that brings back so many memories every single time I play it. This year I beat it on my SNES emulator this past holiday season (though not without some public frustration) and on the original NES at a friend's house several months ago. To be honest I don't really have a preference on which version I like better: the classic NES version still looks great by 8-bit standards, while the All-Stars version beautifully spruces up the graphics and adds some really stunning backgrounds. It's also always a harder game than I remember: I think this year I came in a bit overconfident (especially after beating the NES version so recently) and forgot how hard this game gets near the end. Some of the levels in World 8 are just insane with enemies and jumps that need to be perfectly timed. Anyway, it's the best. Love it.

 

Well hope you enjoyed this dive into retro games. Some of you might wonder and ask why don't I play any more modern games. While sure, I have played games like GTA 5, Fallout 4 etc at friend's houses... the desire to buy a modern console just has never been there for me. I stopped around the time of GameCube and never much liked that one anyway. There's something about a game from the 80s/90s done well, I guess I just find it more appealing and nostalgic. Anyway, until next time.

 

               

    

  

 

Hope and Viruses

 

I lost/wasn't able to work three jobs this spring/summer/fall because of Covid-19, which while deeply depressing to myself I accepted it because shutting down my usual gigs (event venues) made sense in terms of public health, despite the personal pain and to others. During the Now eight months into this, and seeing how much worse it has spiked now (and how ol' Dougie Ford's natural inclination to be an imbecile has resurfaced in its obviousness)... I don't know what real point I wanna make here except that I'm disappointed. At no one in particular* either... not the bars that reopened so patrons could come in and help sustain their troubled businesses even slightly... or the parents optimistically hoping to send their kids back to school back when "maybe" this all looked better. 

 

'Hope' is what drives us all to do anything: whether it's hoping to bring your small local back into the black, hoping you can see your friends again on a consistent basis, hoping for a day just being outside doesn't carry any awkwardness, or hoping for a level of normalcy that children can go back to schools and not endanger all they come in contact with. Maybe I'm disappointed in hope for misleading us... seducing us in these such complicated times. This winter will not be easy for a lot of desperate, isolated people, but ideally hope can be some kind of light that I, like many others, can be disappointed in but not completely abandon.

*(all those anti-maskers/hoax believers who keep rallying and parading... yo dickwads go suck my ass you dumb fucks. And you shit-for-brains probably would because you don't believe in social distancing.... hey I'm not all lofty and poetic all the time you know)

East End Eats XIX: Beach Hill Smokehouse

 

 

I came into this one with big, big expectations. Every review of this place I've seen just raves about them. They've been open at their original location at Main/Gerrard hardly two years and they consistently sell out of product, and so have already opened a second outpost on Danforth. 

Needless to say, this is some premium you-know-what. Doing these reviews, I had to try this one just to understand what all the fuss is about. So in I went, got the sandwich you see above and... hmmmm.

Okay... it is legitimately very good. Very good. I think though that I did it wrong.

Let me explain. So I went for what is simply a brisket sandwich with BBQ sauce, with a pork rib (like a pickle) speared on the top bun. I'll start with the rib... holy moly. No sauce, not overly fatty, but this rib just melted in your mouth with tenderness. The flavour was just perfect lightly smokey meat, each factor (smoke and meat) working in equal measure. Frankly, it was the star of the show for me... truly one of the best ribs I've ever had. 

The sandwich though... this is where I messed up. If I had seen that another of their sandwiches had coleslaw, I'd have gone that way. I love brisket but a sandwich with just that, sauce and a bun? Even high quality brisket (which this is), in my personal taste gets boring about halfway in. That aside, the meat was a bit gamey in the teeth, lacking some juiciness... but tasted terrific. I prefer sweeter BBQ sauces and this one is top level: not sugary sweet but tangy, with a hint of smoke to compliment the slow cooked meats it is meant to compliment. 

I almost want to review this again and do it right-ish. Ideally I would get a sample platter of almost everything they've got: slaw, mac and cheese, different sauces and meats etc. Thing is, I don't have like 120 bucks to blow on something like this, and even splitting it with friends would be tough because: pandemic (and one of my best friends is a vegetarian so it would be very weird including him in such a thing anyway). 

Hey though, this place is high quality, well deserving of the high demand and check em out if you get the chance. Maybe one day I'll do a follow up where I can explore their menu more thoroughly.         

East End Eats XVIII: Fearless Meat

 

 

Way back in early April, when I first conceived of this local east side food sampling/tour, Fearless Meat was one of the first names I wrote on my list. As much as I enjoy writing about delicious food (especially pizza), nearly as big a reason I embarked on this journey was as an excuse to finally try some of these spots after years of never getting around to them.

Fearless Meat would've been one of my very first reviews here (it's just up the street from my house) except when the Covid-19 pandemic hit they closed down, and remained closed for quite sometime. I even scratched them from my list at one point, lamenting that this shuttering seemed permanent. So I was quite pleased to discover in mid-July that this was not the case, and that they had been open again for a least a month at that point. 

Up the cliff I went! While I'm not a burger expert (at least compared with my pizza expertise), I do have a certain method of determining the truest quality of a hamburger: go for the simplest thing. No, not just patty and bun (because those people are psychopaths and need to be stopped... ick) but pretty close... I often skip the extra charge cheese and keep my free toppings very simple: lettuce, mayo, pickles, and the most interesting mustard available. 

Now I definitely understand the argument towards getting the craziest, most indulgent thing on the menu: it's a better reflection of the creativity and ingenuity of the place. For me though... first off if I was actually working for a publication (or any actual publication) that covered my expenses then sure! Gimme a triple patty, grilled cheese bun, smoked meat tower with extra crispy onions, showered in secret sauce and then hook it to my veins. Then call the hospital. My counter-argument: a quality burger doesn't need much more than basic toppings (not even cheese sometimes, which I'm sure people will disagree) because that inherent quality of well cooked patty and fresh bun will shine through no matter what.

Well that's what I did here... aside from springing an extra dollar for a slice of Havarti on there because it's an underrated sandwich cheese and you rarely see it offered anywhere. Cheddar can be a bit overwhelming and so the lighter Havarti was a good choice here, because this is definitely a solid burger my friends. What I love is the texture: a bit crunchy on the outside (similar to a smash burger, though not as greasy or crumbly on the edges) yet still juicy enough on the inside. There are layers here (layers, Jerry!) and the beef doesn't overwhelm you with saltiness (like A&W) or saucy blandness (Burger King). The meat is top notch, and while even really good beef isn't as flavourful as other delicious meats (*cough* pork *cough*) really good beef prepared well is enjoyable to eat because of the subtle taste and the soft juicy feel in the mouth. 

This burger rules. It's different than 'No Bull' (which I reviewed recently) and I like that one also, so it's rather nice to know when the craving hits I've got two exceptional options very close by. If only they weren't up that damn hill though...

(And no. I will not make a best burger in Toronto list. ....for free. Heh.)      

Ranking The First 10 Black Sabbath Albums

                                                   

Black Sabbath, for me, has been a recently acquired taste. They're a band I only began exploring in my late 20s, once I'd already been a musician for several years with my own ingrained influences. Because of that, I don't hold a lot of personal connection with most of their music, unlike say The Beatles, Led Zeppelin or Queens of the Stone Age. 

But I cannot deny that at their best, they bring the power. I'm a sucker for some good heavy riffage and these guys were masters at it. 

I'm going to stick with their first ten albums because... well those are the only ten I've bothered to and been interested in hearing. 80s/90s Sabbath is full of lineup changes (Iommi is the only consistent member) and many of albums are universally considered terrible. So this is a review of "Classic Sabbath", with all of the original members (for the most part). This basically covers their peak and their most influential records anyway. 

All right lets get these war machines turning.




#10 -- Technical Ecstasy (1976)

**1/2

 

There are worse 70s prog-rock/metal blends, and credit to Tony Iommi he is always willing to try new things.
 

This doesn't work though since the album is so inconsistent. Not completely terrible... but most of it ranges from forgettable to truly unbearable. Ozzy's vocals sound really out of it, like he's mumbling his way to get through this one (and "The Osbournes" wouldn't even air for twenty-plus years). The experiments like Bill Ward's ELO-like ballad "It's Alright" or the flat shuffle of "Gypsy" just feel like they meander without finding purpose. Meanwhile "She's Gone" is such an over the top, overproduced ballad that "The Long And Winding Road" would say tone it down. Definite cringe. 

The true nadir of the album, though, is the awful "Rock And Roll Doctor". It's the worst Sabbath song I've ever heard, and even their good albums have some clunkers. They sound like they're trying to sound like KISS... the bad version of KISS (and I am not a KISS fan).

What saves the album from true awfulness are some great moments though... the brooding "You Won't Change Me" which dials up the prog-rock a bit too high, but is still a captivating track. "All Moving Parts (Stand Still)" is an experiment in funkiness done well, and "Dirty Women" is a guilty pleasure as a "so bad it's good". It's them trying to be KISS again but kinda making it work this time.

Technical Ecstasy isn't a good album though. Even when it's on, it's off... like constantly thinking you're on the wrong street when trying to find a friend's house... for like an hour... while dogs bark at you.


#9 -- Never Say Die! (1978)

***

 

 
 

It isn't nearly as bad as its reputation (considered by some as Sabbath's worst album, or the worst with Ozzy). Some people defend it adamantly, including a dear friend of mine.

I've tried, my friend... but I just can't get into it. I have it above Technical Ecstasy only because that album has multiple tunes I truly loathe. Never Say Die! confuses me more than it makes me wonder if my ears are bleeding.

Its best songs explode upon first listen, but wear out after a few listens and so lack noticeable resonance. The first three are the best: the title track hypnotizing you with energy, "Johnny Blade" getting the spacey prog keyboard perfectly timed with a heavy Iommi riff in the bridge, and "Junior's Eyes" strong groove showcases Geezer Butler's overlooked bassist ability. 

Then the record just... kinda... trails off... drifting through a mix of quasi riffs and keyboards that don't offend but leave little impression. The only interruption is the damn bizarre "Breakout", a jazzy freakout so out of place you'd suspect the producer put it on the wrong album. It sort of leads into Bill Ward's "Swinging The Chain", which is interesting (and Ward is a solid singer) but it just leaves you feeling so lost because... none of this sounds like anything that would ever be on a Sabbath record. And yeah, I know they'd throw some random quiet instrumentals in there on earlier albums... but those were usually really short and had atmosphere that fit somewhat into those records. This is like Steely Dan hijacked the last two songs one day and Sabbath just shrugged and walked away.    

The original lineup was completely falling apart at this point and much of the early production of  Never Say Die! was done with a different singer, who wrote completely different lyrics. Ozzy eventually came back and refused to sing those, yet so many of these songs were already semi-finished and well... it explains the way this album really runs out of steam fast, or fractures somewhat on repeated listens. It isn't exactly bad... but after hearing it a few times I'm mostly done with it (except "Junior's Eyes" because that groove is great).
 


 #8 -- Sabbath Bloody Sabbath (1973)

***

Oh yeah. Here comes the surprise hate. 

My favourite thing about this album... is the cover because it is seriously badass. But overall, I don't like this album. It's uneven... and grates me in so many places.
 

Don't get me completely wrong. The opening track is an epic, crushing stomp... hitting all the right spots of melody, heavy guitar riffs, soft interludes to throw you off... and general uneasiness. It's doom, Sabbath style. Then comes "A National Acrobat", one of the best songs Sabbath ever recorded. It's wonderful, that a memorable weaving hook that seems like it itself is balancing on a wire, while Ozzy sings resigned to the point of being crazy enough to walk it. The lyrics are just great in their existentialism, and Ozzy hits it perfectly. What an opening one-two punch on this record.


The rest of the album is so weird because it has other incredible highs (the irresistible low key rock of "Sabbra Cadabra" like something Zeppelin might've snuck onto "Physical Graffiti"...  and then the true doominess of "Killing Yourself To Live"). Afterwards though, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath bottoms out fast. Once Ozzy starts singing "Spiral Architect" it really starts to suck (like a song designed in a lab to start a fan wave), while "Looking For Today" and "Who Are You" are likewise pretty low on the Tolerable Lameness spectrum. 

This record is either a great heavy rock classic or unpleasant shlock rock, which sums up these weaker Sabbath albums quite well... like a Jekyl and Hyde dynamic.  



#7 -- Sabotage (1975)

***1/2

 

 

Sabotage has probably my favourite Sabbath song of all, the opener "Hole In The Sky" (which I have definitely listened to multiple straight times, several times). The opening guitar lick sounds like it's launching you into the clouds like an airplane of chaos and it's exactly where you wanna be.

This is a solid mid 70s rock album. Full of great riffs (the super heavy "Symptom of the Universe" and its surprising groovy acoustic finish)... the haunting plucking of "Supertzar" (which I like, but would've been better at half the length)... or the sprawling epic "Megalomania", building on some trademark Ozzy gloom before the band kicks into overdrive on maximum rock mode, Ozzy's wails following right along. One thing you see on this record for the last time with the original lineup is how tight they could be (this song as a great example). Even the best moments of the last two 70s Sabbath albums can't compare with this song and the energy it pops.

My biggest criticism of Sabotage is that the second half of the album doesn't punch as hard as the first. It's fine (aside from the drearily flat "Am I Going Insane") but more forgettable. There's definitely a prog-rock influence beginning on the band here (explaining Technical Ecstasy and "Insane"). It works for the most part on Sabotage because it doesn't rob, it compliments the good foundation of heavy rock, adding touches instead of becoming part of the sound. 

I do think this album is good, but not a good starter for a casual listener to dive into... since this is the band in a transitional mode. Good record, but start elsewhere.

(aside from "Hole In The Sky"... seriously take a break from reading me and go listen to it. Now.)



#6 -- Mob Rules (1981)

****

 

 
Ah, Dio.

Again, I haven't listened to any later Sabbath-ish stuff past this one, including the one (Dehumanizer) where Ronnie James Dio reappeared to sing vocals. That being said, I'm confident this list gets the best two Dio Sabbath albums.

There is debate amidst fans of the band loyal to the original lineup that this version of the group should've just renamed themselves, since this incarnation only had Iommi and Geezer left (Vinny Appice sits in for Ward on drums). I mean... shrug? The Mob Rules lineup would eventually record an album of new material as a "Heaven and Hell" band in 2009, so maybe after a few decades they were more open to the idea. But also... Black Sabbath was a much different presence in popular music in 1980/1981 than they were in 2009, when at that point they hadn't released an album in fourteen years. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. I know musicians sometimes get annoyed about this stuff (Roger Waters notoriously sued the remaining members of Pink Floyd when they kept the name and continued on without him).

One thing you can say about Mob Rules related to my last point: they do sound a bit like a different band now. The different drummer certainly changes the dynamic, but mostly this album broods more in tone and lyrics than Heaven and Hell. Dio is a big part of this... sounding less knights and dragons and more personal here. His vocals are undeniably a big part of these songs. I'm not a huge Ozzy fan as a vocalist.... he has his moments and at his best he invokes a haunting specter of doom. Dio though powers through a song with urgent energy or subdued grace, always in total command it seems. Just a wonderful soaring rock voice. 

Mob Rules is a very good album, and will always remind me of one morning a few years past when I was incredibly hungover waking up at a friend's house. He played Mob Rules on cassette and we chatted until I had to go play baseball that evening. That title track is loaded with frantic energy... like an actual mob is going to grab you from inside your own headphones and drag you into the new law. "Voodoo" has the kind of sludgey addictive hook that got me into playing music sixteen years ago, Dio singing like he's an actual demon collecting his due... "Over and Over" is classic 80s metal lamentation sung by a master, with a guitar master backing him up.

Overall, the band is in fine form for arguably the last great Sabbath album. Not perfect, but very solid throughout (aside from "Country Girl" which never clicks and tries too hard). 


 
#5 -- Heaven And Hell (1980)

****1/2   

 

 

Like I said, love me some Dio.

 
Heaven and Hell and Mob Rules are siblings of course, recorded just a year apart. I give Heaven the nudge ahead because it sounds a bit tighter, has more of a classic heavy Sabbath tone... whereas Mob Rules loses focus during a song or two. 

The first time I heard Heaven and Hell my first thought was how much it seemed like the band was trying to copy 80s metal. Then I realized this album came out in 1980... leading me to the opposite conclusion: lots of generic metal bands have instead desperately tried to copy this great record.

It kicks you in the butt right away... "Neon Knights" blasting full speed out of the gate and introducing Dio's impressive pipes. The mood quickly shifts over to the grand slow building "Children of the Sea" showing that despite the final two 70s prog-rock Ozzy albums, Tony Iommi's guitar can still bring the firepower.  

This doesn't sound like 70s Sabbath at all, with gloom and doom traded for emotion and spookiness. A lot of that is Dio, who sounds nothing like Ozzy obviously, and this record seems so less murky than previous Sabbath outings as a result. Classic Ozzy Sabbath is loaded with the sense of impending biblical ruination, while Dio sings more of mythical legends and dangers. It works so well and is still very much Black Sabbath because those two things are different yet compatible genres of imagination. If you had to ask me... I'd prefer Dio, but that's entirely because I love his voice way way more.

My one criticism would be that the album sounds somewhat dated, since so much of its sound would be later mimicked by other 80s metal bands. This is that but done extremely well, and it makes Heaven and Hell Sabbath's great comeback album. And the cover is just fantastic. 

#4 -- Paranoid (1970)

****1/2

 

The album I knew best before digging into their catalogue. It has the hits: "Iron Man" (probably their most famous song), "War Pigs" and the title track (which they wrote and recorded in an hour! They needed one extra song for the LP and bam. Crazy stuff).
 

Paranoid is an album seventeeen year old me would've loved endlessly, but this thirty-three version merely greatly enjoys it. The thrills are impressive but as a cohesive album it has an uneven flow. It ranges from epic rockers ("War Pigs", "Iron Man", "Hand of Doom") to strange loungey pieces ("Planet Caravan") and drum interludes ("Rat Salad"). This is fine in theory, since its good for an album to have some variety... its just that these don't completely fit together, like a puzzle piece that almost locks in but the image is off. Additionally, for a band with consistently great cover art (at least until the 80s), this one isn't quite up to their usual level.

As for the good stuff... there's a lot. The title track is one of my favourite rock songs, full stop. It's so simple (and easy to play) yet it always grabs you: the riff, how it stops at the perfect time every time, Ozzy's bleak loner vocals... I just love all of it. "Hand of Doom" is a great lyrical track for this band, capturing the desperation of a drug addicted Vietnam veteran so well it gives one chills. The whole album has that kind of sense to it: the pointless of war, the devastation it or radiation can have on people.

My all time favourite on this one though is, "Fairies Wear Boots", which is either about Ozzy and Geezer picking a fight with some neo-Nazis (you love to see it) or just them on a bad acid trip, depends who in the band you ask. The song starts out with this proto-funk to it, then just jumps into this hard stomp of heavy guitar, slowing back down when Ozzy starts singing (though the heaviness lingers in the background, ready to burst through again).

Paranoid is a classic rock album and is great, but certain songs *cough* "War Pigs" *cough* "Iron Man" have been overplayed so much they lost some edge. We're getting to the best of the best here and there's some even better company.   

#3 -- Black Sabbath (1970)

****1/2

 

The way the opening track begins... the thunder... the church bells... such atmosphere... and then that sludgey, evil three note riff kicks in while the drums crash... what an entrance. It promises a certain reckoning, reaching out for your hand to welcome you along for the ride. A legendary opener and surely the best ever song that shares its name with a band (they actually wrote the song first, named it after the horror film "Black Sabbath" and then just ran with that name).

One of my dearest friends (you know who you are) considers this one of his favourite albums of all time. I'm not personally quite there, but this is definitely a classic rock masterpiece that has grown on me over time. Beyond the opener, this finds Sabbath at their most bluesy... bringing tons of extended grooves (Geezer's bass is especially notable in the mix) busy drum fills and of course those classic Iommi guitar licks. Songs like "N.I.B" hint that their impending heavy metalness, but this album is full of groove and open space. "The Wizard", "Wicked World" and "Evil Woman" (which isn't great, frankly) are rockers sure, but they resemble late 60s blues rock much more than anything the band would later do.

"Warning" (actually a cover) is just a wonderful document of a tight band at their very, very best, and a song that never feels as long as its fourteen minute run. A funky trip with some absolute great Iommi guitar interludes.  

The first Sabbath album is probably not what most would expect, if (like me) you started at Paranoid, listened up until Sabotage and then went back. It is unique in their discography since it doesn't maybe 'rock' as hard as later albums, but this is them at their roots (they started out as a pure blues band) and it blends heavy blues rock into an impressive debut album.

One final note about the cover: first, it's terrifying. Second, I always thought that was Ozzy as the person in front of the cottage. Turns out it was actually a female model.

 


#2 -- Vol. 4 (1972)

*****

Listening to this album, for me, is like trying to recall a vivid dream you had years ago. Full of notable moments, yet the sound and feel of it drifts hazily from full speed insanity to lonely ballads within its dreamy logic.

You can tell this is around when the band really started to get heavy into drugs (they've confirmed this themselves)... I mean listen to "Snowblind" for crying out loud. This influence leaks into the sound of the record: the opening track sounds like waking up from a night of mayhem, only to take a few seconds before the headache (heavy guitar) kicks in, as do the old habits.

All that considered, this is an incredibly great album. There are a lot of different ideas happening here, from the murky drugginess of the opener... the rocket charged "Supernaut" (which just kicks so much ass)... a sweet guitar instrumental "Laguna Sunrise"... the spinning round and round riff of "St. Vitus Dance"... the low rumble of "Every Day Under The Sun"... random guitar delay effects on "FX"... each song offers something rather different than the rest. It's all over the place, but not unfocused in its songcraft and consistently intriguing (except for "FX").

All that said, I still think "Changes" is damn lame though. I've tried. Ozzy in melodrama mode never appeals to me, with one exception.

Vol. 4 is a damn great album, almost a masterpiece even... really showing what the band could do. It's also where the excess and indulgence starts wearing them down, leading eventually to their weaker output at the end of the decade. Also, just another damn awesome album cover.   

#1 -- Master of Reality (1971)

*****

 

 
A predictable choice and the easy one. To me though, this is the definitive Sabbath album. It consolidates their classic heavy guitar attack, is full of cryptic lyricism and has some of the most memorable riffs in rock music. 
 

My argument for it at number one is just from how well it progresses and flows together. Each song naturally leads into the next in both in mood and concept. This is the first album Iommi started downtuning his guitar (something he came up with because it was too painful for him to play in standard tuning... he lost some of his fingertips in a factory accident as a teenager) and the results are amazing. This album sounds like it's rumbling up from underneath you.
 

I think Ozzy is really good on this one, since he's scaled back and his voice is complimenting the heavy mix, not trying to screech above it (one of my biggest issues with later Ozzy-era Sabbath). He sounds less like a rock star and more like a narrator here... carrying the listener along down through this journey. And this album really goes on an interesting journey: starting with the gratitude of "Sweet Leaf" (another song totally not about drugs... cough-cough-cough-cough) but it gradually descends into fear ("Children of the Grave"), lost souls ("Lord of This World"), the loneliness of longing ("Solitude") and finally the apocalyptic "Into The Void". That opening riff is such an all-time great one, with its odd timing and how it builds, I'm such a sucker for it.

To sum it up, Master of Reality is a masterpiece (see what I did there) of 70s heavy rock and probably their most influential album. Lots of metal bands that have come since either give kudos to this record for inspiring their own sound, especially when it comes to that lower tuning. So for all of that, it wins the prize.

Well... that's it for Black Sabbath. Hope this article has inspired you to maybe dust off some old CDs and pop on some godfathers of metal. Just kidding... nobody listens to CDs anymore. Next up I'll jump forward a few decades and tackle an essential artist of the 90s and profoundly interesting in the 00s (and not so hot in the 10s). Until next time.