Not too long ago I made one of my rare trips into the downtown core of Toronto (naturally the TTC is an impressive mess right now, even by that consistently low standard) and the thought occurred to me that on my way back, I could easily check out a new pizza on my forever increasing Endless List of Places To Try.
Oswald's is a place I'd discovered the existence of via Instagram, and as an establishment doing a Detroit style pizza but offering slices of said style... I was immediately intrigued. Places like Descendant or Slowhand are damn bloody good, but if you want a chance to try multiple offerings on their menu you really need to go with a few other people so to trade slices with each other (or just spend eighty bucks on three whole pizzas to yourself... not my style but that's more of a money thing than an ambition one).
It'd been quite a few years since I'd been inside the Chef's Hall on Richmond near York street... in fact the last time was probably to try the pizza at The Good Son stand (it was truly excellent and they've since moved out for their own sit-down type of restaurant... good on them). If you're unaware, Chef's Hall is essentially a food hall with about 8-10 food stands that offer many different genres of cuisine. There's communal seating everywhere and it's open to anyone, not sectioned off by the various establishments. It's like a mall food court, except fancier, cleaner, more comfortable chairs, actual natural light, smells less like grease and you can order booze if you so desire.
Anyhow, Oswald's appears to be the pizza option for Chef's Hall at the moment. I arrived within the last hour the hall is open (they close at 9pm) and I am certainly aware that a pizza slice is rarely its freshest so close to the closing bell. The two slices I ordered were the Truffle Shuffle (great name) and the Mac Daddy (meh).
Starting with the Mac Daddy...no surprise this is indeed another pizza take on the famous McDonald's Big Mac. Maker Pizza made a name for themselves half a decade ago doing this very thing, and their pizza crust has the crucial sesame seeds also. Still, an unoriginal idea doesn't necessarily mean the pizza itself will be uninspired.
Here? Well... it's very okay. Tasty in a couple ways, but kind of a minor let down. They nail the Big Mac sauce (definitely left that mayo out in the sun!) and the lettuce is nice, fresh and crisp... probably better than any shredded lettuce you'd find at 99 percent of McDonald's. The full pickle slices are a nice touch also. As for the overall flavour though... this kind of resembles what throwing a Big Mac into a blender and then topping it on a cheese pizza would be like. There isn't much substance beyond that surface taste, it's very one-dimensional (so they definitely nailed the McDonald's flavour.... zing!)
The ground beef on the slice itself doesn't add much of a presence (there isn't a whole lot of it anyway) and definitely lends more into the "drunk at 3am food purchase" vibe of the enterprise, whether that's intentional here or not. A fun curiosity but not very remarkable as a pizza. I'll get more into how well they execute the Detroit style pie when discussing the next slice... which is now!
This is the Truffle Shuffle, another white pizza but with mushrooms, truffle oil, plenty of cheese and topped with arugula and a sauce drizzle. Definitely the one I was most excited about... Descendant's "Truff-Guy" was an epiphany the very first time I tried it (pizza can taste like this????) and going back way before that... back over a decade ago when I worked there, Pizzeria Libretto had a white mushroom pizza with four different cheeses, one of them a melty blue, that opened my eyes as well.
Oswald's here... falls way way short of any of those. Where the Mac Daddy was enjoyable in its lane but slightly disappointing, this was like asking a girl out and first date discovering she proudly collects frog bones or something. Nice to meet ya but we are not right for each other.
This ain't how you do it, folks. Maybe some people out there reading this will enjoy it more than I, but my stomach felt a little off after this one. Time to talk about good Detroit style pizza: a big key is that soft bready/cheesy texture in the center, and then the thin layer of crispy-almost-burnt cheese along the edges. The contrast, when done right, is sublime. Oswald's got one right: that center is entirely fine, a nice soft bite, the cheese isn't too hard or tough and it has a nice feeling in the mouth. Perfectly enjoyable. The bread doesn't have anything interesting about it (unlike Slowhand's San Francisco sourdough approach or Descendant's focaccia) but it works and is overall good.
The edges though... on both pies? Very stale. Sure, I got there later in the day and all, so these slices simply sitting there for a while could've been a factor in that... but I've also reheated other Detroit styles the next day and even then they never were this rubbery. Even those super crispy looking bits... not a whole lot of flavour beyond "burnt", and at a certain point that's not a "made it eight hours ago" kind of thing (also hopefully that wasn't the case either because "eight hours ago" is a different kind of unpleasantness).
Speaking of unpleasantness... this slice. Okay well, some of it is fine. The arugula is a fine touch, adding some spicy green to the affair, and this slice is sufficiently cheesy and creamy in that center. As for the rest? No sir. You barely get a taste of mushrooms or of truffle (did it shuffle away?) and that lack of richness leaves the resulting creaminess way too strong here. Even if that were all, this would still be okay-ish... except for that drizzle. Ughhhh that drizzle. See... it's just regular mayonnaise. Not a truffle aioli or a homemade sauce (and if it actually is, it's the blandest of those I've ever encountered)... just from the jar ol' Heineman's or whatever mayo. Trust me, I know what regular mayo tastes like, and this be it. Just no. I didn't think a simple drizzle of something could turn a mediocre pizza into a bad one, and yet here we are.
Overall... yeah I cannot recommend Oswald's. It's also expensive (both slices were eight bucks each), not particularly filling, and for the quality you're getting? Pass. This is far from bad, but it's just not particularly interesting beyond that surface level taste. It's unfair to keep using this comparison (even if they have set the Toronto standard for this), but Descendant, Slowhand, 8Mile even... there's something way more vibrant in the flavours they create. A taste that pleasantly lingers in the mouth for a long moment. Here, the style is appealing but the taste fades fast and you're left searching for anything resembling that vibrancy. I'd probably give the Big Mac slice a B- and the "Truffle" one a C--... it works out to something like a "C++". Even had the slices been fresher this couldn't have been anything higher than a B--. Sadly a disappointment.
Been a while since I let my gremlins loose, you know.
Yeah. Back in the early days of my initial Pizza Quest of 2018... I was trying several different pizzas a week... and so was quick to sting any spot that fell short of my standards. For example, at the time I gave 2-4-1 an "F". An F! And while 2-4-1 is hardly good... it's not close to even being the worst pizza chain in Toronto, never mind deserving of such a brutal score.
The world has changed of course, as have I... and most places I've checked out and reviewed recently have been because of praise. Either from friends with trustworthy tastes, via something appealing that pops up on my media feed, or just general acclaim in food circles. In a way, these pizza reviews have become predictable because it's going to be a place I've heard positive things about, and odds are my impressions will likewise be overall positive. The level of how much I like it is really the variable.
This one, though. Fiamma. This was refreshing. At least, refreshing from a reviewer's perspective. As an experience? God no.
I was on my way to a softball game in a heavy rain, coming down from trying Pizza On Fire (review coming soon!), but knew I still had enough time to try Pizza Fiamma at Lawrence and Victoria Park. I'd never heard of the place before until a Reddit commenter on one of my reviews strongly suggested I check them out, praising them as his/her new favourite in the entire city. Lofty heights indeed, and intriguing enough to catch my attention. Toronto is littered with hidden pizza gems, after all, and it would take even me a lifetime to seek out them all.
The interior of the place was weirdly spotless, with goofy facades on the perfectly painted walls of a pleasant cartoon chef in sketch form happily making a pie. Seemed like it had been recently renovated or something as there wasn't a lot of character about the joint, everything looked too fresh... like a pizza place coldly designed in a lab. Still, I'm in a good mood at this point... who wouldn't be when they're ordering a damn pizza. I go for a small one topping (bacon) and ask for the crushed garlic, listed as one of the 'free toppings' on the menu as an addition. Dude behind the counter bluntly tells me: "That's mixed into the sauce".
Yeeeeeah. That's a problem. Aside from whatever interaction we had (and there's more of that later)... uhhhhh so if that's actually true, lots of people have food allergies. Soooo... maybe mention that on the menu? (it was nowhere to be seen, I looked). I mean... for instance a good friend of mine can potentially die if tomatoes come anywhere near him. You're gonna just rudely brush it off with "oh it's not a free topping, garlic is in the sauce"... like huh? Would you have mentioned it if I hadn't asked and had a garlic allergy? I hope you were just being lazy, a terrible host or lying instead of criminally negligent. For the record, there definitely was not garlic in that sauce... so draw your own conclusion.
It doesn't matter since this sauce had nothing resembling interesting flavour. None of this pizza did. Instead, that sauce actually had a gross sweetness to it, like almost sugary, with a similar texture to those cheap pizza sauce squeeze bottles you see at grocery stores. Just awful stuff, man. The rest of the pizza was so painfully generic and overcooked that it's a waste of time to even dive into it. This is an easy "D++" on quality alone... and yet there's more.
Let the record show: I tried to be optimistic about this. I tried. Bad service, the place was a sleek ghost town... I've gone to dreadful vibes like this before and emerged with a stellar pizza regardless. Bad days exist (I know em well). But at the end of the day, you're running/for a business. Even in those lower moments... especially in a customer service industry... you gotta at least give a microbe of effort. Or, bare minimum... not make a random customer (myself) feel so unwanted that I'm happily trashing your weak-ass product to an audience. And yeah, sorry Fiamma but... you earned this! This pizza was far from worth defending. I mean, I literally accidentally dropped most of it on my way home... and didn't even care! And this is me we're talking about... the dude whose lower circle of hell probably involves dropping a pizza for all eternity. You have to do something extremely special for me to feel nothing when that happens.
I've never felt so unwelcome waiting for a pizza in my whole damn life... and trust me, there have been many opportunities. After my order was complete (and I tipped, I always do)... Dude told me "Go wait". How pleasant. When my pizza arrived... I was still somewhat hopeful and thanked him earnestly. No response. No acknowledgement. Just a quick turn around, like I was another one of the perpetually empty chairs. Nice. You're doing great work keeping your furniture untouched by other human beings.
Back to the actual pizza for a moment. Imagine you move to a small town, there's a pizza joint closeby and the night you move in you get a big pie for you and your sweetheart. The moment is memorable of course but the pizza itself is so forgettable that within weeks of your new digs you've found better options and never go back. That's probably the best possible scenario I could imagine Fiamma pizza in.
Benefit of the doubt, maybe this was them on an off day? Maybe their ingredients weren't quite ready? Maybe the dude working was on his last day? Maybah fuck it. Excuses here are pointless and this place is not worth seeking those whatsoever. I'm still confused by the person who recommended this to me... was there a change in ownership since that comment? Was it the actual owner trying to fool me and promote the business on a public platform?
Is it because it's very cheap? That would explain why the Google scores are positive. Don't be fooled. This is nothing special, unless you consider mediocrity special... and frankly it would just be an instantly forgettable pie if the dude who served me had given any kind of vibe beyond "I wish you didn't exist". Thanks. Totally worth the journey. It's a D++ pizza but with that extra bit of service seasoning.... this gets that rare "F" from me. And unlike 2-4-1, actually earned and deserves it. Never go here. Ever. Going hungry is preferable.
Absent for a time? Most definitely and quite frequently... but in these parts, the pizza reviews never fully die...
We're back to look at a Californian pizza import that has been open in the Junction neighbourhood of Toronto for about a couple of years now. Burratino began in the mid 2010s as a pizza joint in the San Pedro area of southern greater Los Angeles, founded by a Korean-born immigrant from Uzbekistan (he claims to have never even tried pizza until making one while applying for a pizzeria job). Much like Dave's Hot Chicken (similarly of an LA origin), Burratino quickly became such a success that additional locations opened within a few years... leading to one landing here in Toronto in 2021.
The Junction area is adjacent to my old apartment in Toronto and likewise close to where I play baseball on Saturdays (a former teammate has even been telling me to try Burattino since they opened). Unfortunately, it's been over ten years ago since I lived there... I'm now on the complete opposite side of town and summer Saturdays are really the only time I'm anywhere near that area. Needless to say, I'd been putting this one off for some time.
But no longer. On one of those very same baseball Saturdays, I gave myself a sliver of extra time to call in an order so to pick it up on my way to the park from the subway station. Once picking it up, I sat in a nearby parkette at Clendenan and Dundas West to take a photo, eat a couple of pre-game slices... when something rather funny happened.
The instant I opened the box, a dude (and he was a "dude" in every definition) carrying a six-pack immediately started chatting me up about the pizza. He found out I was doing a review and offered to video record me taking the first bite ("not my style" I replied and chuckled). He inquired what platform I shared these reviews on (the answer being a written medium also surprised/confused him) and well, to wrap up the story of this encounter... I ended up trading him one of my slices for one of his beers (his idea, for the record!). It was a Kronenbourg Blanc, so you can decide who got the better end of that bargain.
Lets discuss the other end of the bargain. Burratino is perhaps most known in pizza circles for their utilization of black garlic on one of their signature pies... certainly intriguing to the likes of garlic-loving me. If you're unfamiliar (I certainly was foggy on it), black garlic is just regular garlic aged several weeks at a particular level of humidity and temperature (typically 60-80 degrees Celsius, according to Wikipedia).
I of course ordered this black garlic (and pepperoni) pizza, with a creamy white garlic dip you see on the side. Rather than as chopped bits or cloves, the black garlic is mixed/spread into the tomato sauce of the pie, lending its unusual flavour rather evenly into every bite. Speaking of that unusual flavour: it really isn't very similar to normal garlic at all... there's more of a jam/pastey texture to it, the sharp garlicky sting is entirely gone, and the taste at first reminded me of an earthier type of pesto, with a tiny bit of sweet bitterness. Very interesting stuff, and the flavour still has a bit of a pleasant lingering "roasted garlic" feel in the back of the mouth. Took some getting used to, but I definitely approve.
Now for the pizza itself: beyond the headliner ingredient, this is a standard pepperoni pie... and done so excellently. Particularly the dough and texture: the crust is on the thinner side and indeed has some pleasant crunch to it, but the rest of each slice is entirely soft, there isn't a whole lot of gooeyness nor is there an excess of chewiness either. Very good balance. This is good pepperoni also... not A+ level stuff but flavourful enough, salty and greasy enough to be what you'd expect. There is also a damn lot of it (they sell T-shirts advertising this, so glad to see it is legit) and it's perfectly cooked to be crispy on the edges, greasy/soft in the center.
Despite the black garlic effect mixed into it (and there was a lot, as the picture above shows), the tomato sauce is still an occasional presence, mixes nicely with that garlic and gives a nice little tap-on-the-shoulder when prominent. The cheese is the most unremarkable element here: nothing particularly wrong, probably overshadowed in this unusual pizza but I honestly can't recall anything notable about it.
Overall! Burratino is pretty darn good, even beyond the black garlic gimmick. Strong foundation and it's just an enjoyable pizza to eat thanks to that balance, differing textures, appealing flavour quality and an extremely tasty thin crust (you actually wish there was more of it). The creamy garlic dip was good also... not as assertive as the black garlic and far more on the "creamy" than "garlicky" side. Possibly best used as a chicken wing dip, to be completely honest. The biggest downside is the price: a medium eight slice pie will run you over at least twenty-five buckaroos and they don't offer slices, so this is far from a budget pick. Still, highly recommend trying them at least once. They get a "B++" grade from me, placing them somewhere in the Top 25 or 30 active best places in Toronto.
....and because it's been a while.... The West Collier Street Pizza Grading Scale!*
*I also would like to add... basically anything in the B+ range and above would be a place I highly recommend people seek out to try.
A (One of the very best you'll ever have)
A- (Mind-meltingly good)
A-- (Super Stellar)
B++ (Stellar, but lacking the seamless "oomph" for an 'A')
B+ (Great)
B (Pretty Good)
B- (Good... imbalanced but still possibly worth a visit)
B-- (Solid)
C++ (Mostly Enjoyable)
C+ (Okay, has some charm and is still pizza)
C (Decent but Flawed)
C- (Flawed)
C-- (Very Flawed)
D++ (Tastes Like Pizza At Least)
D+ (Resembles Pizza At Least)
D (Looks Like Pizza At Least)
D- (Calls Itself Pizza At Least)
D-- (Calls Itself Pizza And Is Lying)
F (That Sewer Juice Is Starting To Look Appetizing)
Once again it's been far too long since one of these pizza reviews has graced the screens of the interwebs. It's been a busy time, with little of the "free" variety of such to venture out and sample some of the many new intriguing pizza pie options popping up throughout the city of Toronto.
So as a long overdue comeback of sorts, instead lets take a look at some of the pizza offered in Montreal!
That's right, despite the fact we haven't had time here at WC Street to check out anything local... last month I took a brief getaway in Montreal and spent much of it in the most relaxing way imaginable... walking dozens of kilometres a day to try food places I'd read about. Yes. I am weird.
Anyhow! A few of those MTL food spots I tried were indeed pizzas (shocker) and so lets now take a brief look at each of them.
Pizza Bouquet
45 Rue Beaubien E
Tucked on the corner of a side street in Montreal's Little Italy, Pizza Bouquet gives off the vibes of a tiny, greasy little old-school pizzeria that would be overwhelmed well into the morning hours by drunken vistors from any nearby mega-pubs (think Papa Ceo/Cora in the Annex). Of course, Montreal is a city wired somewhat differently... and so Pizza Bouquet closes at 9:30pm(!), even on weekends. I imagine the staff are very grateful for that.
As you can see Pizza Bouquet offers slices (bless them) and I went for a standard pepperoni with these hot banana peppers you can also see. My first impression was that this is a very droopy slice: it's a thin foundation and the weight of all the toppings and cheese made it initially flimsy to eat, even when folding it over. Despite that, this is still a slice with some nice crispness on the edges and the crust is quite tasty in addition to that... just very well rounded texturally (totally a word).
Flavour-wise, you get a nice balance of sweet and spicy, which fits a salty cured meat like a birthday suit. The sauce reminded me of a lasagna: there was something very enjoyably hearty about it and the cheese likewise seemed melted to the point of mostly merging with that plentiful sauce. Oftentimes I find that problematic, since cheaper cheeses lack flavour and paired with a bad sauce... you get something aggressively bland... but here there was a good balance where the cheese was still a presence taste-like and the sauce (as mentioned above) stood out to me anyhow.
I liked this pizza quite a lot. Good crisp texture, great flavour balance, and quite filling for a single slice. Comparing it to my Toronto grading system, Bouquet probably lands in the "B" to "B+" range... meaning it's definitely worth popping in to try should you be walking down Rue Beaubien and feeling snackish. Looks can be very deceiving in this case.
SEGRETA (Pizza Al Taglio + Epicerie Italienne)
413 Beaumont Avenue
SEGRETA is very much like the Montreal version of Toronto's Mattachioni (at least the Dupont location... haven't been to the east end one yet): essentially a shelf shoppe specializing in Italian foods that also doubles as a restaurant. While Mattachioni has tables for actual sit down dining, SEGRETA is more like a cafe with limited seating by the window... with the hot food available to be ordered at the counter. Another major difference is that SEGRETA serves Roman style slices: which are baked in a wood-burning oven but in rectangular trays (resulting in the shape you see above).
I walked into SEGRETA about an hour after trying Bouquet, having spent that hour walking through a chilly day (again, I'm weird). This is a very small space and so the counter where all the slices are dominates the room, and you face it immediately upon entering. There wasn't a menu describing the slices they were offering (at least that I could see, and even if there was I probably wouldn't be able to understand the French well) and their selection was extensive: at least eight different combinations and both white and red type pies were well represented.
A friend of mine will likely shake her head in severe disappointment at me upon learning I didn't choose the white mushroom slice (which also had a drizzle of a tasty garlic looking aioli) and went for the one you see above. If you've read my (many) pizza reviews before, you know I like to go off the traditional book and fully embrace the creativity of a place over a typical cheese/pepperoni offering.
Thing is, I probably went too far off the book with this one. Blame the absurd amount of walking or the dim lighting inside SEGRETA on what was an aggressively overcast Montreal day... but in the moment I thought I was ordering a white pizza version of a Hawaiian (the yellow bits being pineapple... which again seems absurd now that I've looked at this picture multiple times).
I took a bite and, confused by the starch I was tasting... then assumed this was a pizza slice with some kind of noodles on it. Pasta noodles on a pizza slice is actually something you'll see in New York slice joints fairly often, but on this occasion I was disappointed since that wasn't what I was in the mood for. Then after another bite... I realized these were actually potatoes and I deservedly felt like an absolute fool. Not only did it take a "third time's the charm" approach to even realize what I was eating, but that I couldn't recognize freaking potatoes... both my Irish and Ukrainian ancestors would be so ashamed...
So here I was with a potato and sausage slice of pizza. How was it? Well, that combination certainly doesn't sound exciting and there's only so much you can do with that profile... and to me SEGRETA has completely raised that bar. This pizza was simply fantastic: the potatoes hit that sweet spot of light, buttery and fluffy with enough solid texture to very much be presence in the mouth. Speaking of texture, the bread foundation was likewise extremely on point... providing a wheaty crunchy bottom but also easily chewed through (as any good and freshly baked bread should be). The cheese and sausage were more of a supporting element... and well you can definitely do worse conceptionally.
Certainly one of the more unusual pizza slices I've eaten, but it was akin to a hearty home-cooked dinner and the high quality and subtle flavour was without dispute. Exceptional stuff, and I will definitely visit again next time I'm wandering those street (just for a more traditional slice offering next time, heh)... easily a strong "B++" if we're comparing this to Toronto pies.
Adamo Pizza
4629 Notre-Dame Street West
Adamo is another slice joint but in the "somewhat off the beaten path" neighbourhood of St. Henri in the southern-west portion of Montreal. If anybody remembers the now long departed (and briefly existing) Yeah Yeahs pizza near the Summerhill subway station here in Toronto, Adamo gives off a similar vibe in terms of atmosphere. Wherein Yeah Yeahs had a Super Nintendo for customers to play (and why don't more places do this?), Adamo has a fuzball table and similar decorations to both invite folks to hang around a bit longer in homey comfort and provide something for the kids to play around with.
As for the pie though... bit of a disappointment. This isn't the nicest looking photo of a pizza you'll see (the sun legit shone for maybe ten minutes in Montreal the four days I was there) and the texture of this when eating it? Somewhat stiff and gummy at times. The flavour is fairly predictable: cheese, sauce and pepperoni is a classic for a reason and don't get me wrong this does it successfully... but the taste just didn't leave much of a unique impression upon me. Well, aside from the tomato sauce... which was actually rather vivid, garlicy, seasoned and distinctive. It actually elevates what would've been a sad generic pizza into something in the low "B--" or "C++" range.
There really isn't a whole lot else to say about Adamo. If you're in the area and peckish? Sure. But not a "must visit" destination if cruising the Montreal pizza scene (despite the cool vibes and fuzball inside).
Pizzeria No. 900 (Laurier location)
1481 Laurier Avenue East
It's almost unfair for me to even review or comment on this one: at this point of my trip (and this particular day especially) I'd been walking for several hours, wasn't particularly hungry after nibbling on a Portuguese chicken poutine (and sipping beers along my long journey) and really only ordered this pizza you see above because my friend I was staying with asked me to pick up dinner for her and her sweet little toddler. With all the peppers and other sharp flavour notes on this pie... this perhaps was not the best choice for a toddler...
Pizzeria No. 900... so with all those caveats what can I actually say? Well... it is indeed quite good! No. 900 is in fact a sit-down dining restaurant chain with at least half a dozen locations throughout Montreal, which immediately brought the comparison to Pizzeria Libretto to my mind... and both places do very much tow that fine line of casual restaurant with extensive wine lists, high-end service (although at 900 I just got takeout) and just the general vibe of classy-meets-accessible.
As a pizza... I'd probably still lean Libretto (not that I'm biased... and I definitely didn't work there for two years... nope) as their overall quality is just a tiny notch above (the crust and sauce in particular)... but No. 900 is surely in that ballpark. This was a considerably enjoyable pie: that pesto spread really added a nice dimension to the salty sausage, sweet sting of the peppers and the foldable softness of the rest of the pie. Probably a pizza that's best enjoyed sitting down with friends over a glass of wine, and not walking for seven hours with a giant poutine in your bag and multiple Quebec wheat beers in your belly. I'll have to try them again... but I think my impression of a solid "B" maybe "B+" likely will hold true.
Anyhow! Those are a bunch of Montreal pizzas I tried about a month ago. I'm sure I missed a bunch of places that are legendary, and so I would love to hear any recommendations for the next time I go (which hopefully won't be another five years like last time). In the meantime, stay tuned for some Toronto pizza/food reviews in the near future.
Whether you love them or not, you have to admit that is one of the most excellent names for a rock band imaginable.
It's impossible to write about the backstory of QOTSA without beginning in the late 80s/early 90s music scene of Palm Desert, California (a place I actually know rather well). In 1987 (great year) a band was formed by schoolmates John Garcia, Brant Bjork, Nick Oliveri and Joshua Homme. Initially called Katzenjammer, which is German for "hangover" (how fitting), they soon changed it to Sons of Kyuss (and eventually just 'Kyuss').
To be fair, an entire piece could be written here just about Kyuss... an incredibly influential group in the circles of metal and "stoner rock" (a term each member still strongly hates) despite enjoying little commercial success. Just their legendary "generator parties" could fill several pages, where they'd play concerts in the middle of the desert and plug their equipment into generators ("good for evading the cops but not the local meth gangbangers", according to Garcia).
After four full length albums (two of which are truly incredible) Kyuss disintegrated in 1995 for a variety of reasons. Homme, who'd been exclusively a guitarist in the group, was looking for his next move. He was still incredibly young (22) for somebody who'd just spent seven years in a notable band, and quickly caught on as a touring rhythm guitarist for Mark Lanegan's (more on him later) Screaming Trees. Homme in the meantime worked on writing his own songs and jamming with other musicians he knew in the Palm Desert scene, leading in 1997 to the creation of the Desert Sessions (yet another project involving Homme that potentially deserves its own piece... dude likes to play). The Desert Sessions are particularly important as not just a bed for the conception of many of QOTSA's most famous tunes, but really as the origin of something so key to both the Queens and Josh Homme's usual overall musical approach: collaboration.
In late 1997, there was some leftover Kyuss material kicking around and so Homme, along with Chris Goss (who'd produced Kyuss' last few records) released an EP split with these Kyuss songs (one a cover of Black Sabbath's "Into The Void") and Homme's new material. Homme wanted to call his new project "Gamma Ray" but facing potential legal problems from a German band of the same name, went with "Queens of the Stone Age" instead, as that was supposedly a nickname Goss had for Kyuss when they were still together.
Josh Homme himself is an unusual character (both for better and worse) and an unusual guitar player. Very much a rock renaissance man, who approaches his craft with a spiritual seriousness. He began playing guitar at age nine but took guitar lessons from a polka teacher, leaving him unaware of many standard rock chords or even a guitar pick until already a year into the lessons. Many folks (strawmen if you will) are quick to dismiss heavy sounding rock music as just loud, basic noise... but describing Homme's particular playing as that, even on the heaviest of QOTSA/Kyuss songs, is a grand disservice to the man's talent. He has an exceptional ear for what makes a melody work, is incredibly creative at inventing hooks that probably shouldn't work but do, and his guitar style is both unmistakably distinctive and endlessly versatile. He's one of those guys you can't decide is better as a rhythm player or when soloing, and it probably doesn't matter since he'll often bleed the distinction of those together regardless.
Yes yes, Queens of the Stone Age are of course a band and not just Josh Homme, and there have been some pretty remarkable names who have rolled through QOTSA over the hills and through the years (see what I did there). The Queens are unmistakably Homme's band, though. He's the leader, he decides overall where they go... and this has mostly been the case since the debut album. Which is not to say the man is closed off to ideas... his love of collaborating with pretty much anybody who breathes music suggesting very much the opposite. Strangely enough, this current iteration of QOTSA is actually by far the longest any one lineup has held together in the band's history, and once you gloss over drummer Joey Castillo switching out for the truly awesome Jon Theodore in 2013... this current lineup is approaching a decade and a half together. Wild when you consider the revolving door of members coming in for a song or two on the earlier records.
Speaking of those very records, it's time to take a looksy at them. Lets dive into these masters of the lost art of keeping a secret.
#7. Villains (2017)
***
The album universally considered QOTSA's weakest is also their most recent, though "recent" is hardly applicable considering it was released over half a decade ago. Their sporadic output since 2007 is fairly indicative of the band's success: Homme is financially secure enough that instead of having to tour and grind with his most famous group, he can go off and do whatever he likes. Whether that be forming a rock supergroup (seriously, them Vultures have to make one more album soon... JPJ is getting old damnit), revisiting the Desert Sessions, producing/appearing on songs for other artists (Arctic Monkeys most notably), or just drinking enough tequila to kill a stable of horses.
Villains reflects these many musical directions Homme has wandered down, most notably his Dean Martin inspired (no, seriously) "The Way You Used To Do". Onboard to guide this eclectic affair is producer Mark Ronson, most notable for being behind that Top 40 hit you hear a few years later and say "oh.... THAT song". Thankfully, Ronson doesn't encroach too much on the heavier, guitar driven instincts of QOTSA... instead adding a layer of sheen to the songs. This sometimes works but plenty other times make these tunes quite forgettable and same-sounding... and I frankly like "The Way You Used To Do" quite a lot despite it completely not sounding anything like a Queens of the Stone Age song.
The album just lacks punch and grittiness. I like the prog-rock influenced "Un-Reborn Again" with its keyboard moodiness, while the very Led Zeppelin inspired "The Evil Has Landed" completely steals the record... the only moment the band sounds like they're breaking through the layer of polish and unleashing glorious nastiness again. I saw the Queens during this tour (they're an incredible live band, even if its a night Josh looks like he's having trouble standing) and the Villains songs are indeed far better live... but still the highlights of that show were not connected to this record.
It's not great, but is a solid rock album... especially for the late 2010s when nobody wants to sound like this anymore. Sadly this is better on the surface than anything else. It's also weirdly the only Queens record not to feature any guest performances, which is what it is but kind of takes some of the fun away. These guys have done way better.
#6. Era Vulgaris (2007)
***1/2
I bought this the actual day it freaking came out... at the long, long gone Sunshine Records near Bloor and Yonge here in Toronto. The cute girl behind the counter suggested I also check out The White Stripes Icky Thump, which had also just been released. Icky Thump turns out is the superior record, but Era Vulgaris will always occupy a certain place in my heart, rent free.
This is where the modern QOTSA lineup begins to settle in... that being Homme singing and on guitar of course, Troy van Leeuwen on... stuff(?), Dean Fertita on keyboards and other... stuff (for real, figuring out who does what beyond Homme and the drummer on a Queens record is usually a serious blur), Mike Schuman on bass guitar (this was his first album onboard) and Joey Castillo on drums. Vulgaris as a result plays like QOTSA's tightest record to that date, with many of the songs sounding like the turning gears in an oiled rock machine instead of the earlier haze of sound. It's extremely clean and direct, compared to the intentional haze of the Queens previous records.
As an album front to back though, it is wildly inconsistent. The second half is much weaker than the first, but some of these are just killer songs. "Turnin' On The Screw" might be my favourite opening track on a QOTSA record ("might" be... the obvious one probably still tops the list), that simple beat while the guitar just grinds the riff into you. "I'm Designer" showcases Homme's rather underrated lyrical ability with its not so-subtle humourous jabs, "Sick Sick Sick" just pounds that dirty lick into your mind (and features Julian Casablancas singing like he's trying to escape), "3's and 7's" belongs in a Tarantino film and then "Misfit Love"... I can't resist a buildup like that and then the complete change of feel at the end. I mean, come on.
A decade and a half later (geez, really? Ugh) Vulgaris is probably best known for its ballad: "Wanna Make It Wit Chu". It's a great sweet song, and one that Homme had been kicking around for several years since one of the early Desert Sessions. Those early versions are neat as a cute curiosity, but this is surely where the song hits its full completed power.
#5. Lullabies To Paralyse (2005)
****
With one exception, I find the better QOTSA albums have the worse album artwork. Era Vulgaris is a wonderful cover and Villains is effectively creepy (not to mention the only time Homme's likeness appears on anything he's ever done... and even then it's just as a drawing by Boneface.)
For the longest time this was my favourite Queens album... my stubborn reasoning that it was the very one that got me so much into them (right around when it came out). I've clearly become more objective over the years (how fun) and Lullabies has slid down the list. It's a fantastic album but the run of extended songs in the middle make it feel like by far the longest album by length in their canon (it's actually 2nd, miraculously coming in just under an hour. Never would've guessed it was that short).
This is the album where QOTSA really becomes Josh Homme's band, or (rather more accurately) that the world was made aware of this fact. Bassist Nick Oliveri had alternated lead vocals with Homme on the previous two records and the two had both played in Kyuss together, but Oliveri's behavior on tour (whatever it may have been, most of the rumors sound not great) led to Homme firing him. Because of the Kyuss connection and that they shared vocals almost equally, many fans at the time considered this some kind of power trip on Homme's part and once the next album, this one, came out, with the band now completely different from the last record... some were eager to dismiss this as some kind of sell-out product (an assertion well fueled by the two successful pop singles on here).
All of this is ridiculous, of course. Early QOTSA needs its own book of footnotes to keep track of the many musicians playing where and what, and nobody could seriously have expected Dave freaking Grohl to commit full-time to the Queens when the Foo Fighters were also, you know... kind of a big goddamn deal. Frankly, I find Lullabies quite the opposite of being a "commercial sell out" record: if anything this damn thing is so long and eerie sounding, like wandering through some haunted woods knowing something is going to grab you from behind. It's unsettling!
But amazing, in most moments. Even the "sell out" song, the out of place hit "In My Head", is a really damn good power-pop song. Meanwhile, you've got the horror romance of "The Blood is Love", the spooky "Burn The Witch" featuring Billy F(ucking) Gibbons (the band covers "Precious and Grace" with Gibbons singing as a bonus track in deluxe releases), an early killer back to back punch in "Everybody Knows Your Insane" leading into "Tangled Up In Plaid" (still a live favourite), and of course "Little Sister"... a huge hit that the band seems a bit sick of having to play all the time at this point (every band has at least one).
Lullabies to Paralyse is sort of the bridge between the early era of QOTSA and the modern one, featuring many of the old cast members (Mark Lanegan, Chris Goss, Dave Catching) with the new (Van Leeuwen, Castillo)... and yet it sounds very little like either of those eras. Very much a uniquely haired child in the catalogue, and underappreciated as a result.
#4. ...Like Clockwork (2013)
****1/2
Yeah.. I have a personal story with any QOTSA album on this list, and ...Like Clockwork is no exception. I remember buying it (on CD!) when it came out in 2013, putting it on for the first time late at night on headphones (with some herbs to... enhance the experience) and my first impression was... kinda not liking this. In retrospect, I didn't get it. Many of these initial complaints were problems I'd likewise later have with Villains (except for the latter those never went away): this all sounds like its trying too hard and there's nothing beneath it. Turns out there was plenty.
Sometime in the early 2010s Josh Homme needed routine surgery to repair something in his knee. For whatever reason the surgery went very nearly as badly as a surgery can go: he developed a severe infection and was medically dead for a moment. At least... that's probably what happened. Regardless, for months he was stuck in a hospital bed to recover, allowed few visitors and fell into a depression he describes as being "lost in the dark". Once back on his feet, he brought the band back together to tour the debut Queens album, but found the experience wasn't helping recapture the passion and joy for music he had before.
Homme considered quitting all of it, but instead decided to look into the darkness he was avoiding. The result was ...Like Clockwork, an album not easy to make for anybody involved considering Homme's state of mind. Longtime drummer Joey Castillo departed halfway through due to the difficulty. This brought back old friend Dave Grohl to fill in on the recordings but not to tour with the band, as well as former Mars Volta drummer Jon Theodore to play on the closing title track (Theodore has since become the band's full-time man behind the kit, and he's a damn good one).
Despite the strained recording sessions, Clockwork features the usual army of guest contributions you find on any QOTSA album that isn't Villains. The late great Mark Lanegan makes his final appearance on a Queens record, his distinctive whiskey-soaked croon singing backing vocals on the Stonesy funk of "If I Had A Tail", one of the few moments the album really grooves. Also onboard various tracks to help out are Alex Turner of Arctic Monkeys (Homme had helped produce their third album, Humbug), Trent Reznor, Jake Shears of Scissor Sisters, Nick Oliveri's return on a QOTSA record (singing backing vocals on a track), and a little known artist named Elton John. Yes, that Elton John. It seems Sir Elton called up the band himself, musing that they "needed an actual queen on the record", and so he sings backup on "Fairweather Friends".
...Like Clockwork does have its moments of fun, like the slow and slick "Smooth Sailing" or the heaviness of "My God Is The Sun"... but for the majority this is an incredibly introspective record. It finds Homme searching outward and inward as he still comes to grips with what has happened, whether it be the people around him ("I Sat By The Ocean") or coming face to face with death itself ("The Vampyre of Time and Memory" or "I Appear Missing"). The latter is the emotional peak and climax of the record and is simply mesmerizing... Homme dangling on a wire above the darkest abyss and baring his soul for all to hear before its too late... while it rocks pretty damn hard too.
While ...Like Clockwork retains that unmistakable Queens swagger and style, much of the usual sexiness is stripped away for naked feeling and emotion. This isn't as fun as many of their other albums... this is like a long look in the mirror after a questionable week. It's a very dark record in sound and substance, and as such is probably their least accessible work. It certainly took me a while to warm up to it. This is still a fabulous album with some incredibly powerful moments, but a tough one to revisit frequently.
#3. Queens of the Stone Age (1998)
****1/2
The LP that started it all, and was released to such little notice at the time that it was out of print for a while (Homme has since remastered and re-released it multiple times so it isn't exactly a rarity anymore).
This debut album finds Homme between what Kyuss was and what early QOTSA would eventually become... like an intersection where past and future greet each other. The bone rattling desert riffage of Kyuss is unmistakable here (some of these riffs are so low you'd think Josh grabbed them from the bottom of the ocean), as is Homme's evolving gift for agreeable melody and hooks. It also finds the former lead guitarist on vocals for the first ever time (he hadn't sung a single track for Kyuss) and while he does a pretty impressive job considering, you can tell he's still finding his voice at certain moments.
Most of the record is just Josh Homme and (one of) Kyuss' former drummers Alfredo Hernandez, with Hernandez on drums and Homme playing pretty much everything else (this is the birth of his bass playing alter ego, Carlo von Sextron, which just an awesome monikeer).This is a great record for bassists by the way, with those addictive low licks that swagger their way into your mind.
Queens of the Stone Age is very much a "nothing held back" hard rock album, going from one heavy guitar riff to the next without apology. As such, the biggest weakness is that lack of variety, since some of the lesser tracks tend to blend together (I still get a few of the names mixed up). Even if stuck in that one particular lane, however, this record does a hell of a lot with it. There is some distinctive songcraft going on here, whether it be the hypnotic opener "Regular John", the brooding obsession tale of "You Can't Quit Me Baby", the lightning fast romps of "Give The Mule What He Wants" and "How To Handle A Rope", or the downright gritty "Mexicola", where you can almost smell the gasoline in the hot desert air while listening.
The two standouts for me however are the closer "I Was A Teenage Hand Model" (QOTSA just have some wicked song titles, eh) and "If Only" with its semi-borrowed Stooges lick. "Hand Model" sounds like nothing else here, a slowed down piece driven by a dissonant electric piano and Homme softly singing about... who the hell knows. I agree though the final minute of the song where all you hear is the grating sound of a whirring tape machine... very obnoxious! (although if you stick through it, you eventually get the recorded phone message of Nick Oliveri agreeing to join the band, which is rather neat).
All in all, with the debut QOTSA album I find people who are also big Kyuss fans appreciate this one significantly more than myself (I like Kyuss a lot but not nearly as much as the Queens). There's plenty of great heavy guitar on this record and very underrated melody... while the overall feel of it bleeds together this is far from the same song played over and over. It's one hell of a debut, but this band (once additional personnel joined) was about to take even bigger steps.
#2. Songs For The Deaf (2002)
*****
Hey, it's my list. If I wanna put one of the greatest rock concept albums ever made in second place... well I'm probably wrong but whatever!
Deaf is rightfully regarded as QOTSA's masterpiece, and probably the greatest hard rock album of the past twenty years. The "concept" of the album is straightforward: it takes the listener on a drive through the southern California desert (the destination probably Joshua Tree) with various fake radio stations coming in between songs as a framing device for the journey (most of the "DJs" are musician friends of the band).
Even without those interjections (and they are incredibly funny, such as Jesse Hughes of Eagles of Death Metal doing a preacher bit), this would still be a phenomenal record because most of the songs are just killers. It gave QOTSA two big hits in "No One Knows" and "Go With The Flow", which are terrific but definitely about as poppy as this record gets. No, much of this album scorches and blisters: the sheer power and muscle of songs like "The Sky Is Falling", the title track, "Songs For The Dead" (still a live highlight), Mark Lanegan's "Hangin' Tree" or the opening wakeup punch of "Millionaire" (a leftover of Mario Lalli from an early Desert Session). And yet still none of these wicked songs hit quite the way "God Is In The Radio" does, with it's trance-like melody and Lanegan warning/prophesying about a deity he's convinced is in the transistor.
Speaking of the vocals, Songs For The Deaf employs a three-headed singer approach that really works considering how different each of the three leads are. Josh Homme brings his usual smoothness and is a nice contrast to Nick Oliveri's fondness for screaming at the top of his lungs... meanwhile Mark Lanegan was just such a goddamn legend, switching from mellow croon to hard rock soulman so naturally you forget its the same guy.
So why is this masterpiece in second place? Well... like any long car trip, there are some points where the journey lags a bit. It's taken me over a decade to warm up to/not skip Oliveri's "Gonna Leave You", and his "Another Love Song" is probably the record's most uninspired track (for the record I quite like "Six Shooter", he sounds legitimately terrifying on it). It's a record that, because of the grand scope and idea of it, plays a lot longer than it actually is... I was shocked to find the runtime is less than an hour and that's including the hidden closing track "Mosquito Song" (another winner, I've heard rumours of concerts where Homme comes out alone and plays it as a second encore once almost everyone has left).
Anyhow, it's freaking Songs For The Deaf. A landmark album that belongs in the collection of any fan of hard rock.
#1. Rated R (2000)
*****
....and my friends all rolled their eyes thusly, suspecting I couldn't resist putting R in the top slot.
Where Queens of the Stone Age was a culmination of Josh Homme's solo material he'd had kicking around since the end of Kyuss, the second album Rated R is when QOTSA truly becomes a cohesive presence. The lineup (as it constantly would be, it turns out) is extremely fluid, sure, but this is where we first get bassist Nick Oliveri's distinctive scream and Mark Lanegan's unmistakable presence.
Much of your opinion of R may likely hinge on your opinion of the opening track, "Feel Good Hit of The Summer", wherein Homme simply names off multiple drugs over a very repetitive 'A' note (it does go to 'C' though!). Myself, I've always quite liked it... the catchy simplicity of it becomes rather irresistible... plus that's indeed Rob Halford of Judas Priest singing harmony in the final chorus (he was in a neighbouring studio).
What really sets Songs For The Deaf and R apart from other QOTSA albums are their melodic variety. Sure, every album after the debut hasn't been wary of experimenting or changing the style... but often times these less successful forays into different styles often come across as trying something for just the sake of it (it's mostly Villains and Era Vulgaris that are guilty of this). I love R so much because none of these songs (save Oliveri's two screamo numbers) sound at all like each other, and yet they're all excellent, flow together naturally and are unmistakably Queens.
"The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret" is just great late 90s alternative rock, showcasing Homme's underrated pop skill... Oliveri's "Auto Pilot" finds the gruff bassist toning himself down for a soaring kinda-ballad (it's more likely about being drunk on a plane, but whatever it rules)... "Better Living Through Chemistry" harkens back to the first album (except done with deeper intention) and gets the band into familiar trippy metal territory... "Monsters In The Parasol" is an acid trip gone wrong and then Lanegan's "In The Fade" steals the show... spooky, soul-searching, cinematic, intense... one of QOTSA's very best songs and mind-blowing when live, even now with Lanegan long gone and Homme's higher vocal pitch singing it.
The closing "I Think I Lost My Headache" deserves mention as well, not only because it's great (assuming you stop the record three minutes early before the grating horns kick in, a deliberate move to wake up listeners who may have fallen asleep)... but that it utilizes an unusual 15/8 time signature. Dave Catching's wonderful acoustic guitar instrumental "Lightning Song" is another quick track that just adds so much flavour to this record as well. That's really why I have R here in the top spot: there's a buffet of atmosphere and melody and unlike Songs for the Deaf, I dearly love every song on here. Yes, even "Quick and To The Pointless". It's QOTSA at the pinnacle of their creative powers... they've reached this impressive height many times since on pretty much every record, but never this consistently or tightly through an entire play.
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Since Villains in 2017, the Queens have been pretty quiet. Despite that close call with death, Josh Homme still has a knack for getting himself into trouble (which is even more of a problem when you're 6'5 and notoriously drink tequila to the point where people who tour with you hide so not to drink any more).
Homme, mired for a while in some serious and weird family troubles, has been mostly busy producing other people's songs, like the latest Royal Blood album, while other QOTSA members like Mikey Schuman and Dean Fertita are prominent members of other groups. The Queens are playing a few shows in Europe this upcoming summer, which lends some hope that new music might be on the horizon soon. Even if their last album was overall underwhelming, they're still an excellent band, incredible to see live, and nobody really sounds anything like them. Here's hoping.
