Thursday, 10 June 2021

Ranking The Pink Floyd Albums

 


Where to begin with a band like this... a career loaded with twists and turns, dramatic personnel departures, legendarily elaborate live shows, iconic album covers, multi changing musical directions and all of it ending as one of the best selling groups in music history. There's a lot that can be said about these guys.

Three of them (Roger Waters, Richard Wright and Nick Mason) were architecture students in London who met at school and began playing music together. Guitarist Syd Barrett, a childhood friend of Waters, eventually joined their band and after other members departed, this remaining quartet is what gradually became Pink Floyd (the name imagined up by Barrett based on two blues musicians he had in his record collection). They slowly drifted away from R&B/blues covers and into psychedelic rock as Barrett began writing original songs, and the rest is history.

Some of that history is truly mindblowing. Other parts... whatever the opposite of "mindblowing" is. Lets jump in and take a look at the Pink Floyd catalogue. First some quick housekeeping: I won't be ranking any of the completely live albums (like Delicate Sound of Thunder or Pulse), their EP length soundtrack albums (like The Committee) or soundtracks that were unreleased and not entirely new material (La Carrera Panamerica). I'm also not including Relics either, which is terrific and includes a lot of great songs that never appeared on albums ("Julia Dream", "Arnold Layne" and the incomparable "See Emily Play") but is also a compilation. These are just the fifteen studio records, ranked and discussed for your enjoyment. So lets go and breathe, breathe in the air.

 

#15. The Final Cut (1983)

**

 


 

It never should've been called a Pink Floyd album at all, of course. If not for contractual obligations it probably wouldn't have been. 

That being said, it even says on the back "A Requiem For The Post War Dream by Roger Waters, performed by Pink Floyd" which neatly sums up how this band was (dis)functioning by then. It's the only Floyd album to not feature Wright (he'd left or been fired by Waters while recording The Wall, depending who you ask) and drummer Nick Mason's contributions were mostly reduced to minimal sound effects mixing. This is the Roger Waters show, full stop.

It's pretty clear Waters at this time wanted to make albums that were like immersive auditory novels, and his first couple solo albums afterwards reflect that ambition. The problem here though, is that these songs simply aren't very good. Some were leftovers from The Wall, to which David Gilmour quipped: "If they weren't good enough for that record, why would they be good enough now?" Touche. 

Waters isn't a particularly dynamic vocalist and he simply isn't capable of carrying an emotional album like this by himself. Since the lyrics are what's supposed to carry this concept (the tepid music sure doesn't) his singing often becomes grating, and there isn't anything melodically captivating to mask it. 

This is just a bad album. "Not Now John" at least shocks you back to life near the end, but the rest is just such an irritating slog of bland political angst. Better as a concept than an actual record.   

 

#14. A Momentary Lapse of Reason (1987)

**1/2


 

See my notes about The Final Cut, but replace Waters with Gilmour. They're very different records stylistically but their problems are the same: the songs to me just aren't interesting. Gilmour's guitar playing is usually excellent but here it sounds like he's repeating the same generic solo for an entire album. There isn't much musical imagination to this, while the lyrics leave little lasting impression. "Learning to Fly" is a decent song I suppose, and they did bring Rick Wright back... but the rest of this is a painfully aged 1980s aged-rocker album. No wonder Waters wanted to sue them for continuing to use the name "Pink Floyd". 

 

#13. Ummagumma (1969)

****

**

 

A very difficult album to judge. The live disc is simply fantastic: these versions of "Astronomy Domine" and "Set Controls For The Heart of the Sun" arguably surpass their studio versions, while the stirring "Saucerful of Secrets" does so easily. And that moment when "Careful With That Axe, Eugene" kicks into madness is truly bone chilling. 

The studio half though is a difficult listen. It's an interesting experiment: each member gets half a side of an LP completely to themselves. The band was still figuring out what they were now with Barrett gone (this was their first non-soundtrack album completely without him) so the idea of giving everyone a shot seems logical. Undoubtedly the Gilmour and Waters halves are the strongest: Gilmour's "The Narrow Way" being a solid piece of late 60s space folk (though Gilmour himself reportedly hates it), while Waters' "Grantchester Meadows" showcases his acoustic singer songwriter side and "Several Creatures..." showcases his scare-the-shit-out-of-you-with-vocal-loop-effects side.

Unfortunately, Wright's chaotic "Sysyphus" suite is formless prog-piano noodling (and unlistenable for long stretches) while Mason's "Grand Vizier's Garden Party" is little more than forgettable ambient background noise. Floyd would get much better later on with their noise experiments but here they don't quite work beyond existing for their own sake. The rating is a 4/5 for the live record and a 2/5 for the studio side, which evens out into a 3. 

 

#12. The Endless River (2014)

***


A very bizarre album to listen to if you know nothing about it going in. Spoilers alert? 

The record came about when, after Richard Wright passed away in 2008, Gilmour and Mason revisited some unused material from The Division Bell sessions. They decided to use Wright's keyboard tracks and create a new album around them, the intention of it being the final Pink Floyd album. Roger Waters unsurprisingly had nothing to do with the project, but upon release it appears he simply didn't comment on it... rather than judging it as "useless rubbish" as he had the previous two Floyd albums without him. Oh, Roger.  

The album is almost entirely long instrumental pieces until the final song "Louder Than Words", which Gilmour sings with his wife Polly Samson (she also wrote the lyrics). Of any album post-The Wall this sounds the most like a Pink Floyd album, with keyboard touches reminiscent of "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" and occasional flashes of the heavier disco-rock moments of The Wall. It plays like a really, really good Floyd cover band jamming for almost an hour, which might not be for everybody but is a fascinating listen. It does meander for long points, with the substance not much more than just mood and texture... as music (while well played and produced) it doesn't really have anything new to say. 

It's a band delivering a modest homage to itself as a farewell, and it is good to hear Wright again one last time. A genuine 21st century Pink Floyd album, which in of itself is strange and decent enough.

 

#11. The Division Bell (1994)

***

 

After A Momentary Lapse of Reason, David Gilmour seemed to acknowledge he wasn't a good enough individual songwriter to carry a Pink Floyd album. Many of the lyrics on Division Bell he co-wrote with his then-fiance Polly Samson, and Rick Wright (now back as an actual band member... he'd only been a well paid session player on Lapse of Reason) gets to sing lead on a Pink Floyd song for the first time in over twenty years. 

Division Bell and Endless River certainly feel like companion pieces (Gilmour has even said this) and it is true that both albums rely heavily on mood and texture. Division Bell is the more pleasant record atmospherically, as these are light songs of reminiscence and desire for communication. It's very inoffensive soft rock music. The album is overly long while the theme and music perhaps lacks the ambition of their truly best work. These are stronger songs than on Lapse of Reason but they also do blend together a fair bit (aside from the closing "High Hopes", a terrific finale).

 

#10. More (1969)

***

  

Charming in its rawness, with some standout tracks. They wrote and recorded it extremely quickly for the soundtrack of the film, which shows in how haphazard much of it sounds. It was the first album without Syd Barrett and the space rock freakouts of the first two albums are completely abandoned here for riff heavy blues guitars ("The Nile Song", "Ibiza Bar"), quiet keyboard ballads ("Crying Song") late 60s pop ("Cymbaline") or just film score music (the last 20 minutes of the record). To say it's all over the place would be underselling it, wherever "it" is.

It's also the first Floyd record to prominently feature Gilmour as a lead vocalist (he'd shared duties on Saucerful of Secrets) and he gives a good showing here, despite the unpredictable material. "Green Is The Colour" is simply a gorgeous little song. Waters likewise, who wrote all of the lyrics, begins to show how good he was at that type of thing, and the rest of the band is in fine form. The sporadic soundtrack stuff that actually plays like a film soundtrack though is pretty uninteresting to listen to by itself, and occupies sizeable chunks of this record.

You could see, even without Barrett, how talented these guys still were... but stylistically as an album this is pretty random and unfocused, a problem of theirs that would persist for some time. 

 

#9. Atom Heart Mother (1970)

***1/2


It's strangely similar to Ummagumma: one half devoted to showcasing the band as a whole, the second half giving each member a section for individual songs. This time though, with the exception of Nick Mason's "Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast", each member's contribution has a traditional pop song structure. Plus, as a collage of sound, "Alan's Breakfast" is sonicly far superior and more interesting than "Grand Vizier" on Ummagumma. It's still weird and hard to define as "music" but as a novelty it is oddly enjoyable.

The highlight of the album is the opening self titled 23 minute suite, and it really is the first instance that this version of Floyd could pull off such an extended song in the studio. Their live jams are legendary of course, and so many of those eventually formed the basis of their very best songs... but at this point in their history the only time they'd pulled it off with any significant success in the studio was "Interstellar Overdrive" with Syd Barrett leading the way. "Atom Heart Mother Suite" does have some lulls though, and recording it was incredibly difficult (the record company didn't want them splicing their new fancy tapes together, so Mason and Waters had to play the drums and bass respectively for the entire 23 minutes each take). Ron Geesin was recruited to arrange and compose an orchestra and choir to fill out the song, which he described as: "difficult... nobody knew what they wanted, they couldn't read music".

The other songs have some charm. Waters continues his pastoral sound with the mostly acoustic "If", showcasing his improving songwriting talents. Wright sings "Summer '68", a lament for a groupie that has some nice melodic changes and keyboard work, while Gilmour's "Fat Old Sun" (supposedly written because they locked him in the studio and forced him to make something) progresses from something seemingly mundane into indescribably grand as his electric guitar kicks in, like listening to a setting sun. A tremendous song. 

What saves this second side is that, unlike Ummagumma, each member contributes to each other's songs for the most part (Gilmour did most of "Fat Old Sun" himself, even the drums, with Wright on organ). You can say this for pretty much any band ever, but especially with Pink Floyd in how much better they were when working cohesively together (with an exception or two). Atom Heart Mother isn't exactly their breakthrough but it really is when they started figuring out what they were. 

 

#8. A Saucerful of Secrets (1968)

***1/2

 

A transitional album if there ever was one for a classic rock band. Syd Barrett was barely functional during most of the recording, though he does contribute the albums closer and various other guitar parts throughout. It's the big in-between from what Pink Floyd was when led by Barrett and the direction they'd go on during the next few albums without him. Miraculously, with that as a shadow, it is a pretty good record.

Wright sings a lot on this one, getting two lead vocals of the seven songs and doing harmony with Gilmour (enlisted during the recording to fill in for Barrett when needed) on the opening track "Let There Be More Light". There's still a strong sense of that whimsical "wandering-through-a-children's-fairy-tale" stuff you sense from the first album. Barrett's legendary space rock guitar freakouts though are replaced with a quiet spooky uneasiness, like the title track or Waters' excellent "Set the Controls For the Heart of the Sun". 

As a quick aside: After Endless River, drummer Nick Mason formed a touring band named after this album (he regards Saucer as his personal favourite), dedicated to playing early Pink Floyd songs in small venues. Roger Waters even joined on stage in a show in New York to sing "Set Controls" in 2019 and seemed delighted to do so, praising Mason's band: "you guys are doing this better than we did way back then".

Back to 1968, this was a band going through some serious problems, but you'd hardly know it by listening to this album. Gilmour's guitar (though not quite reaching his trademark style yet) fits in seamlessly, Mason's frantic drumming propels the record through the chaotic opener or the unsettling "Set Controls", and while Wright's songs are fairly fluffy psychedelia they still give this record some much needed respite from the chaos happening around it. 

I have to of course mention Syd Barrett's final song with Floyd, "Jugband Blues". It is a great song and he obviously was such a tremendously talented songwriter... but it is a hard song to enjoy so many decades later and knowing his story. "Jugband Blues" hardly disguises his feelings about his bandmates phasing him out, throws in a wacky interlude with a freaking kazoo leading the way, then the final section of the song sounds straight out of his later solo album Madcap Laughs, just desolate uncertainty and insecurity... like somebody having a conversation with themself you're not meant to hear.  

It's a good Floyd album. Even if the mood of it jumps all over the place, it's a necessary addition and frankly is somewhat underlooked in their canon. 

 

#7. Obscured By Clouds (1972)

***1/2



I had to rank a personal favourite at some point, and this one's mine. Many regard this as one of the worst Floyd albums, even rating it significantly lower than Final Cut. Are we listening to the same record?

It also isn't an album they apparently put a lot of thought into: they were commissioned to make another soundtrack while on a break from touring, and while having also started work on a different high concept album (guess which one). I'll admit, the biggest weakness of Obscured By Clouds is how it feels like just a collection of random songs they wrote, recorded, released, and never gave much consideration to ever again. Seeing as they rarely ever played any of these live, that's a fair assessment. 

However I think this is a fairly underrated album because the songcraft is really coming together. It isn't an album full of background music (like More), instead the instrumental pieces achieve the particular mood they aim for and don't overstay their welcome. Wright gets to shine on this one, either when his keyboard adds dark atmosphere or when singing lead on a little piano ballad ("Stay"). Some of these tunes have genuine kick to them, like Waters' catchy and lyrically bleak "Free Four" or my absolute favourite "The Gold... It's In The" with its carefree adventurous blues rock. "Childhood's End" meanwhile imprints with inevitable low organ and suggests the direction Floyd was about to go in (strangely enough, one of the very last Gilmour wrote entirely by himself).

The biggest weakness is how underdeveloped it sounds, production-wise. They were already thinking about something else when they made this, which does show in the lack of polish here. Thing is, even if as an album it has some puzzle pieces that just don't quite fit, it's an important album in regards to their development and has multiple great songs. 

 

#6. The Piper At The Gates Of Dawn (1967)

****


A landmark album in British psychedelic rock, and a stunning debut. Pink Floyd didn't sound like this for a particularly extended period of time, but they certainly did for long enough to have serious influence on future artists. One of my favourite Toronto live bands ever, Spiral Beach, clearly had some love for this type of sound 40 years later. 

My grade may seem low at "just" a 4/5, and that's because as a complete album it has some misses. I love "Interstellar Overdrive" (I even covered it with a band) but at nine minutes the freakout gets a bit long. Likewise I never cared for "Chapter 24" all that much... so much of the album is dreamy whimsy already and that one just never goes anywhere. Plus, Piper just really.... really is tethered to the period it was released in regards to production. It screams "1967".

Enough criticism though, because this album is still darn good. It is the evidence that Syd Barrett isn't just some fallen rock icon to romanticize about, he was a seriously talented fella. His guitar playing may seem tame nowadays within the context of 54 years of additional popular music and guys like Thurston Moore doing similar freakouts, but listen closely and you'll find Barrett truly is quite distinctive. Lots of precise bluesy echo, delay, and just anything he could invent to make you trip out more. In an alternate universe, we lose 70s Pink Floyd and instead get whatever a stable Syd Barrett could have imagined. I wouldn't trade for the uncertainty, but damn I'd sure like to know what that would've sounded like.    

Songs like "Lucifer Sam", "Bike", "The Gnome", "Candy and a Currant Bun" (a B-side I know), or "See Emily Play" (another B-side) demonstrate the depth of Barrett's imagination, alternating from fairy tale to space rock freakout to catchy 60s pop tune. His lyrics can be basic descriptions of simple things ("Lucifer Sam" just describes his cat, that's all), bizarre associations, personal truths hidden in riddles, or just charming nonsense. Barrett was probably the best singer Floyd ever had also (at least the best who wasn't hired for one day).

Piper isn't just Syd though, because even though he wrote most of these songs and was the dominant figure of this show... Waters, Wright and Mason all sound fantastic respectively on this record. Waters is the only one who gets his own song (the odd but solid "Take Up Thy Stethoscope and Walk") while Wright harmonizes with Barrett on a couple tunes... but seriously it shouldn't be any surprise how well and tight these three play together with a unified vision. This sounds little like what Floyd would become most well known for, and yet is essential for any serious fan regardless.

 

#5. The Wall (1979)

****1/2

 


It's an album I've gone back and forth on in my life: teenage me loved it, pretentious early 20s me thought it full of tedious filler, and now early 30s me again thinks it is a work of genius. With some flaws, of course.

The recording of it was a nightmare. Rick Wright left the band halfway through completing it (he joined the tour as a "hired musician") while Bob Ezrin was brought in to help produce it and just added to the animosity between everyone (like Wright he was dealing with personal issues). His biggest contribution was co-writing "The Trial" with Waters.

Speaking of Roger... you can't deny this is his album. Inspired by an incident in Montreal where he spat at some unruly fans, Waters envisioned some way of building a physical wall between the band and the audience (the Animals tour was not at all good time for these guys) and ran with that idea. He sings most of the songs, wrote all of the lyrics (though that was typical in this era of the band) and the entire concept was his idea. Supposedly Waters had two ideas for an album and proposed both to the other members, who all overwhelmingly preferred this one (the discarded one would eventually become his solo album The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking).

The Wall works so well because it is an interesting concept, an engaging narrative and the music well executed. It also works because, as much as this entire enterprise belongs to Waters... this album would never have worked without Gilmour's guitar and contrasting vocals. He is utilized in just the right moments to keep the story of Pink chugging along without falling completely into a musical ode to self indulgence. The Final Cut fails because the music isn't interesting or diverse enough to carry the story, but The Wall has different moods and different layers and that's because other members are more involved. 

It can be a depressing listen, and it's hard to find the abusive, violent and unstable Pink a particularly sympathetic character. There lies the albums greatest weakness: it can lose some steam in the middle as some of those songs wallow too long in self-pity. Still though, this record has some outstanding tracks. "Young Lust" is catchy in its animalistic sexual cravings. "Hey You" showcases the Waters/Gilmour alternating lead vocals which feature so much in this albums best moments, and is just such a great sad song regardless. "Goodbye Blue Sky" relates the loss of war with the loss of innocence, "Run Like Hell" proves Pink Floyd could make a disco groove sound better than anyone, and "Comfortably Numb"... well it's goddamn "Comfortably Numb".

The Wall is more of a rock album than most Floyd albums of this era (Wright's keyboards are seldom heard in the mix) and Gilmour's guitar is all over it, not exactly a bad thing since he's in great form and provides some of his most iconic solos. It's a grand, ambitious record and even if it is somewhat bloated, it flows from one part of the story to another quite naturally. 

 

#4. Meddle (1971)

****1/2



 

They were beginning to demonstrably improve as songwriters on Atom Heart Mother, but Meddle is really their big leap forward. It shares the sonic experimentation from that previous album and refines it, tightening up the song structure to sound more like complete concept pieces instead of vague mood music. 

Meddle does feel more like a collection of songs rather than having a cohesive theme or style: "San Tropez" might be the most un-Pink Floyd tune they ever recorded, though I quite like it a lot (when else has Waters written a song so charmingly aloof). Not every song quite hits the mark. "Seamus" is considered by many to be the worst thing they ever did (it's just silly filler in my mind) and "A Pillow of Winds" sounds cool with those acoustic guitar effects but never goes anywhere. 

The rest though is pretty damn impressive. "One of These Days" may simply be one of the best album openers in classic rock, period. Waters' delay echo bass guitar slowly throbbing, Wright's keyboard adding simple notes that resonate the unsettling mood, Gilmour's guitar sounding like a motor trying desperately to escape... then the only lyric of the song is spoken by Mason through distortion and all hell really breaks loose. 

"Fearless" might be the best song that truly exemplifies early post-Barrett Floyd: a bit of late 60s/early 70s country twang with a catchy progression, straightforward lyrics and of course sound effect manipulation (this time a recording of a soccer crowd chanting "You'll Never Walk Alone". True story, an old former housemate of mine is a huge Liverpool F.C fan and, knowing the chant, was very confounded one day when I played this song). 

It's impossible to talk about Meddle without the centerpiece that occupies the entire second side. "Echoes" (originally referred to as "Nothing, Parts 1-24" by the band) was a collection of various sound experiments that were consolidated into a complete 23 minute song. Waters' lyrics certainly hint at the everyday human interactions he later explored on... a later album ("strangers passing in the street/by chance to separate glances meet/and I am you and what I see is me"). Meanwhile Gilmour and Wright vocally harmonize brilliantly, the band transitions from proto-funk instrumental interlude into scary noise that resembles being stalked by giant birds, and then well frankly stop reading this and just go listen to the song. One of their very best, as is this album within their catalogue. A bit bumpy and uneven, but the peaks are phenomenal.

 

#3. Animals (1977)

*****

 

Really the album where Roger Waters takes over. He was already writing all of the lyrics anyway at this point, and in retrospect this album definitely has his bleak spitefulness all over it. That being said, at least this was before he got gratingly personal with that stuff (*cough* Final Cut) and here the emotional desolation fits the cynical mood and concept of the album: three different segments of human society. 

It's an interesting idea (and an Orwellian nod) but as an album and record it only works because the songs sound terrific. Considering there are only five of them, and two are the almost identical opener and closer to the record... it's a miracle this works at all, nevermind as a semi-underrated masterpiece. Animals is a testament to how brilliant these four could be together, and considering Wright's limited contributions to The Wall, this is really the last time all four of them truly created something together.

"Dogs" is simply a stunning song, a 17 minute epic that grows more haunting the deeper it gets. Gilmour's guitar here is simply excellent, both acoustic and electric, and melodically the piece takes you through so many twists and uncertain turns around corners. They actually had performed it as early as 1974 under a different title and tightened it up here for the record. What a shame that would've been had this only existed as an incomplete tune on a shabby bootleg. 

"Pigs" is where Waters gets political, taking specific aim at Mary Whitehouse. Charade you are. I think Roger gets a few points for that one. His vocals sneer through the entire song, which as a singer is not him at his best, but the venom fits the mood and again the band just sounds so good... that uncertain opening synth doodling from Wright, Mason's beat stopping and starting (and cowbell, done right, in a Pink Floyd song) and Gilmour's guitar actually oinking through layers of effects. Relations in the band weren't good at all by now, but like I said this is the last album they sounded all together and like everyone gave a shit. That stuff shows.

"Sheep" is cool and funky, maybe the least lyrically captivating song (kinda like Waters ran out of ideas how to analogize this certain animal) but Richard Wright seriously shines here with his jazzy intro solo that sounds straight out of a Steely Dan album. The main part has a frantic urgency yet open space atmosphere to it, combining the pastoral with intense instrumental freakout... except within the same verse instead of a four minute progression. 

Even Waters' mostly identical acoustic bookends to the album, barely three combined minutes, simultaneously add hopefulness and desperation to this record via their simplicity... it's just damn great. Floyd are unbelievably tight and focused here despite the extended song lengths. Maybe not every moment of the record captures the imagination, but overall it's a mighty impressive musical and creative statement.       


#2. The Dark Side of The Moon (1973)

*****


I won't go long into this one. One of the best selling albums ever made, a classic "must listen" record for young aspiring musicians, an urban legend that it lines up with Wizard of Oz (I've tried this... it doesn't except for a couple moments which are eerily on time) and is simply considered one of the greatest musical things ever recorded. Frankly... yeah, it is. 

All I can add to the extensive discourse regarding this album is: that the band clearly knew they had a good idea and worked extremely hard on making it sound exceptional; also that they're not very good at giving other people much credit for it. Clare Torry, who sings the stunning non-verbal vocals on "The Great Gig In The Sky" had to eventually sue the band for a co-songwriting credit (she improvised her take in the studio, astonishingly). Alan Parsons, who engineered it, has some thoughts on other people involved in the production who deserve more credit for their contributions. 

That aside, as a piece of music the album is simply flawless. Each song, each concept, each sound or theme mixes into the other seamlessly, without compromising the overall feel or flow. The actual making of it is endlessly fascinating and I suggest you check out some of those documentaries. Maybe the production quality finally seems antiquated in this modern digital age of recording, but it sure sounds light years cleaner than any other rock record of the time. 

Most simply though, the timelessness of it is about relative human experience, our places and purpose in society, wondering if there is any purpose at all... something that binds and connects all of us even as it separates. Floyd always had something like this in them, and here was where all those comets finally collided. Simply an incredible piece of music. Listen to "Us and Them" and try arguing.

 

#1. Wish You Were Here (1975)

*****

Seems a bit awkward to go off about what I think is one of the greatest albums ever made, and then immediately jump into why it isn't even the best one that band ever made. That's Pink Floyd, everyone. Not the most consistent band, but when they were on.... yikes. 

Wish You Were Here takes the top spot because, well it's obviously my favourite album of theirs... but also because I think it truly is the definitive Floyd album. Long instrumental moments? Yep. Disillusionment with the music industry? Yep yep. Allusions to lost leader Syd Barrett? Yep again (the story of him randomly visiting the studio while recording a song about him is one of the stranger and sadder stories in rock lore). 

The songs are simply sublime. They thankfully and wisely decided to split "Shine On" in two halves to bookend the album, containing the other themes within and giving them grander context and meaning, like a delicious pie. What makes Wish You Were Here such an experience is the gauntlet of feelings the mood and texture guide you through. It is tragic, angry, hopeful, bitter, longing, nostalgic, sarcastic, sad and accepting.

Needless to say the band is at their peak. Gilmour and Wright mention this as their favourite Floyd album and their harmonies with Waters in "Shine On" are powerful. None of those three have particularly stellar voices when alone (Gilmour can be okay) but all three together in that precise moment.... it hits you. The lyrics lamenting the lost friend and genius of Barrett still sting and still feel so heartfelt even after decades. 

Half this ranking could be reasons why I love this album so much (I mean.... explaining why it's so damn good) so instead I'll be concise. "Welcome to the Machine" is almost seductive in its inhuman industrial sound... its mechanisms luring you in with an impossible prize. "Have A Cigar" I just love so much, with it's funky rhythm (great bassline) and while Waters supposedly wanted guest singer Roy Harper to convey it with more brutal bitterness, Harper instead created a different kind of realism with a sarcastic, playful attitude to his voice. Hats off to Roy Harper for that one. 

The title track needs little introduction, or explanation. It's overplayed, but just so sweet and beautiful in its lonely simplicity. While again it probably was written about Syd, the song itself can be about deeply missing anyone, or even a part of yourself... anything making life seem incomplete. It just hits the soul everytime. Damn what a song.

You could argue that Dark Side is the more important record, or musically more enduring and essential. To me though, when you think of Floyd this is the one that best captures everything they were and sounded like. And the beauty of it will hit ya every time. Shine on, everyone.




Tuesday, 8 June 2021

The Tuesday Taste: Pizzaiolo Calzone

 


 

Can you name, name, name

Name 'em today?

Can you name, name, name

Name 'em today?

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste! It was not a good week over here at WC Street, mental health is truly something to cradle when everything finally feels right. But! I'm feeling quite pleasant at this moment and so let's talk about Pizzaiolo.

This was my go-to "cheap pizza slice" option when I was at UofT: wandering off from the E.J Pratt library... looking for food costing below five bucks. Thing is, I did this so often that I eventually became sick of this pizza and so deliberately avoided it for many years afterward.

Now though, with those years behind me, how does Pizzaiolo hold up? And in calzone form?

Well... pretty darn good. It's way too expensive (14 bucks for a two topping calzone??? not cool) but at least I got some good quality. The surface is nice and oily, that good kind of greasy "to the touch" feel. There's a drizzle of parmesan which melts into that slippery exterior texture, very enjoyable.  

Inside, it's what you would expect from a calzone but what impresses me is how every element is in equal measure. There isn't excessive empty space or bubbles ruining every other bite (*cough* Pizza Pizza *cough*) but there isn't an excess amount of cheese either, which in my opinion can obscure the quality of particularly mediocre pies. Pizzaiolo has terrific tomato sauce, for a pizza chain, in that it has consistently agreeable tomato flavour: you notice the sweetness, the slight acidity and the texture. Sauce on pizza can be so boring when it's just generic "something-something-imitation-red-stuff"... a good tomato base is the basis (see what I did there) for any great pizza. Unless we're talking white pies... or pesto bases... but hey that's a whole different delicious conversation.

I don't think Pizzaiolo is truly amazing (I've written about these things before, don't ya know), but it was rather good here and the toppings inside (in this instance just pepperoni and bacon) hit the mark. It's actual fried bacon strips (unlike that salty bacon crumble you find in Domino's or Pizza Pizza) and the pepperoni has some seasoned depth beyond just saltiness. The cheese (used in thankfully not overwhelming amounts) holds it all together and really has that squeaky consistency you look for in mozzarella. Seriously, this was quite delicious... but why is it 14 bucks? That there is the biggest, most unforgivable flaw. Calzones, even at the best of places, should never be that expensive. At least the quality, and quantity, of this one hit the bullseye despite the price.

 

Burnt Ends -- I write about baseball too don't ya know. Also here comes my Pink Floyd discography review Wednesday! I have to share and announce that now, or I'll just never do it. You know how these things work. So stay tuned! Beyond that... maybe I'll review a random Star Trek episode for fun? We shall see.

 

Hey Doug -- The premier of Ontario is clearly an idiot way out of his depth even operating a lemonade stand, but even his pathetic idiocy is overshadowed by this article by total hack Jesse Kline. Just astonishing in it's blind arrogance of... basically everything! Oh so you're cool paying five bucks to access a public park, therefore everyone else is? How welcoming to people who can barely live on five bucks each and every day. It's amazing how fools like this have such a platform to spew their toxic waste into our minds. I'm just your friendly neighbourhood food reviewing fool over here, and I certainly don't think the solution to homelessness is charging the public to enter a goddamn fucking public park to keep the "undesirables" away. An astonishing level of useless thinking I feel bad even bringing attention to. 

 

Tuesday Tune -- This is simply one of my favourite songs of all time, full stop. Enjoy it, my friends

 


 

That's it for now. Watch out for my Pink Floyd review soon, but until then, be safe, be kind to one another, lets all hang together in this nightmare and especially don't spill the mustard.      

Tuesday, 1 June 2021

The Tuesday Taste Returns: Burrito Bandidos Spicy Pork Burrito

 


I've got the demons in me

I've got to brush them all away

I feel the demon's rage

I must clean them all away

 

Another Tuesday or two, another Taste! Apologizes for missing last week: my genuine intention with these weekly reviews was to pull off a Cal Ripken-like streak of consistently getting on the field every game for this, but alas mental health does not abide by such schedules. Now though we're back. Back in black! Er... not really. As a return though, I really wanted to review something special and memorable to really catch back some momentum. Either something phenomenal or something truly dreadful... just a meal so electric on either side of the scale to really dig into and explain with passionate perspective. 

Nope.

This spicy pork burrito from Burrito Bandidos makes the ultimate mistake, at least for a food reviewer: it's merely okay. Kinda good, even. Kinda. Damn it! I have so little to talk about or analyze here, but I'll try. 

Even the website story is extremely lacking in flavour. Once you get past the bizarrely worded "Our Story of Best Food Delivery" banner (huh?), you get a generic story of their first location opening downtown (not even mentioning where) and since 2009 they've expanded. Geez, I thought I was shy. 

I happened to be hanging out with my long time friend Chris when I ate this, and via my descriptions he summarized it perfectly: it's like a mediocre first date. There are moments of chemistry and overall it's a moderately enjoyable experience, but I'm not in a hurry to call you back either. It's quite cheap for a burrito joint (a large was 11 bucks) and strangely not very filling. The "spicy" pork is accessible but not particularly hot in isolation, rather flavourless and overly chewy when isolated. Everything else is standard burrito filling stuff: refried beans, lettuce, green peppers, rice etc. There's some nice heat but I really can't tell if that's their hot sauce or the jalapeno slices. The ultimate C/C+ meal. 

As I warned you, this one is rough to review because I just don't have much else to say about it. The texture is fine....ish? It's more watery than juicy? Welcome back! Overall I'd say I'm unimpressed, but more so by the mediocrity than anything offensive to my tastes. Truly the definition of average: I can't suggest you stay away but I also can't really endorse it. Best eaten while drunk maybe? It certainly is food.

 

Burnt Ends -- I haven't accomplished very much writing recently (surprise) but I can say that my look at the Pink Floyd discography is nearly complete, quite likely to be shared later this week. Stay tuned for that, if that is your kind of thing! Even if it isn't, well read it anyways for the cool album covers because Floyd was also quite good at that.

 

Hey Doug -- You're such a massive failure I think you have a future working for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Too soon? Nah.

Speaking of the Leafs though... I feel for all you fans out there. You deserve better than watching Sideshow Bob constantly walk into rakes for fifty-plus years.

 

Old Man Yells At Cloud -- I'm very late to this (since I didn't write anything last week) but the way Woodbine Beach was trashed on Victoria Day weekend seriously pissed me off. Before I fall too deep into NIMBYism... is it really so goddamn hard to not be an idiot and clean up after yourself? I was at Woodbine Park (close to the beach for you non-East-enders) on that Sunday around 7pm, already having a devastating panic attack, watching a lineup of cars for several blocks all entering the beach. This is why I've accepted being unemployed and stuck at home for almost a year and a half? FFS. If you're visiting my only outdoor (and mental) escape, please don't leave it like a gigantic garbage bomb went off, for the love of gawd.

Also, this is just so obviously disgusting and needs to be a way, way bigger story than it has been so far. Spread the awareness.  

 

The Adventure of Link(s) -- Gotta finish on something more positive than that. This has not been a triumphant return thus far! First off: the always charming Andrew Rea (Binging With Babish) did a video Q&A and it's a good watch if you're like me: eager to learn more about cooking but unsure which questions to ask. 

On that level, this article I stumbled upon about the best way to prepare a hot dog is equally delightful. I've always been either a pan fry or boil type guy (the latter method was a source of much mockery from an ex-girlfriend) and this article really test-trials all of those ways and more! Worth a read.

 

Tuesday Tune -- Just shaking out the cobwebs, chasing away the phantoms

 


 

 

That's it for me. Sorry about missing last week, it was what it was and hopefully it's a blip in the history of the Tuesday Taste and not a regularity. More so than ever... be kind to those around you and be especially kind to yourself... stay healthy take care and don't spill that mustard.  

    

   

 

Tuesday, 18 May 2021

The Tuesday Taste: Osmow's Lamb on the Stix



 

And when your hand is on your heart

You're nearly a good laugh

Almost a joker

With your head down in the pig bin

Saying, "Keep on digging"

 

Like an uninvited guest long overstaying, the never ending nightmare of these modern times keeps on chugging, now with the seriously escalating conflict between Israel and Palestine. This is a way too complicated topic to even approach on a bloody food article, but in some way I have to comment how the damage and casualty count sure seems to be awful goddamn one-sided doesn't it. John over here explains it better than I can.

Hey, there's still food to review. Woooo! Something I'm actually qualified to do! Sigh. Anyways if you're somehow still with me, this week I went off and tried Osmow's for the first time. 

I'd never even heard of them until about a year ago, seeing the commercials with a certain Toronto Raptor or two (I'd love to try one of those "shemarmas"). I still miss Norm, go Blazers. The Osmow's story began (according to a framed poster I read in their Danforth/Dawes Road location) when Sam Osmow (an Egyptian immigrant) was running a struggling submarine sandwich shop in Streetsville. So the legend goes, one day Osmow made himself a middle eastern lunch that smelled so good, a customer requested one instead of a sub sandwich. Shortly afterwards he rebranded the restaurant towards such cuisine in 2001, and thanks to food festivals (remember those) and free samples they built up a following. Now in 2021, there are over 85 locations.

It's a nice story, but does the food taste as nice? I ordered the lamb "On The Stix" (french fries), wandered off to Ted Reeve park and gave it a try.

At first it was a bit overwhelming: there is a lot going on with all these spices and sauces. The garlicy sauce is the most notable and probably their most famous addition (this location advertises selling it in bottles), and to me the thin creamy sweetness of it reminds me of a donair sauce. The Halifax donair was in fact invented by a fellow who immigrated to Nova Scotia from Greece, which of course is directly across the Mediterranean Sea from Egypt. Geography lesson! The other dominant sauce tastes more like a finely blended red pepper paste, which not only adds some colour but an earthy pinch of heat also.

The dish is heavily seasoned, giving much of every bite a peppery, chili flake or herb (rosemary?) sensation. It carefully toes that line between just right and overkill (my La Sala review). As for the main attraction, the lamb, I was pleased to see it cooked on a griddle to order and the results show. The texture is quite nice, juicy and tender, and the amount is plentiful. Usually for these reviews I'll order the bigger size but here the medium was plenty large enough. It's quite tasty, with that nice fatty peppery taste I greatly enjoy with lamb, yet is not at all greasy. The onions that are sauteed along with it are minimal but just enough of a presence to add a hint of that classic fried onion sweetness. I'm quite impressed.

One thing I find with items like this, such as chili cheese fries, poutine etc, is that seeking out and eating the fries first is a good strategy. I mean, fries with some toppings. French fries are just no fun once they get cold, with occasional exceptions, plus if you have a ton of toppings left but are full... save it for a sandwich! (damn I'm far too thrifty sometimes... times are tough, man).  

They can't all be winners, though, and the biggest weakness by far here are the fries. Er, I mean "Stix". Given the choice between Stix or "Rocks" (rice) I only went for fries because, well.. reviewing what rice tastes like seems a bit too obsessive on detail even for me. The fries aren't bad, just your standard generic (definitely frozen) cheap fare. To be honest I kind of expected that and I'm not really disappointed, just that now I know and certainly wouldn't get them again. There are also the options to get your meat/falafel/beyond meat option atop a salad or chickpeas. I like chickpeas, but not enough to eat a whole bowl of em.

Overall, I'd say this is a tasty dish and I'd be curious to try some of the other options. Apparently they offer a chicken shawarma (or shmarmma if you're Fred VanVleet) poutine at the moment... yeah no I ain't trying that. The prices ain't no bargain for a fast food joint (even the daily specials exceed ten bucks) but the meat is of a good quality and with all those sauces and seasonings it surely isn't bland. A solid outing. 

 

Burnt Ends -- Ughhhh fine I'll get to the fireworks factory already!!! Yeah there isn't much new to report this week in regards to my other writings. My review of the Pink Floyd albums has progressed to the point I've listened to every album and have a first draft of my thoughts upon each one. Honestly though I spent most of the last week writing new songs, which is something else I do.... just not often since I began these weekly fast food reviews. Now the fun part:

 

Hey Doug -- You slimy cartoon buffoon with a drawn on smile and your ears plugged to the world. What're you just sitting on a pile of missing money like Scrooge McDuck while just throwing your arms up and crying poor? Watching you try and come across like a down trodden "man of the people" while attacking anyone disagreeing with your government's obvious gross incompetence is about as enjoyable as poking my eyeballs with pine needles, and at least doing that would give me a fresh piney scent. Playing politics in a pandemic... there's no limit to how pathetically low you go, so just go. Away. Forever.              


Requests??? -- Don't worry, I'm not running out of ideas yet (I've actually got something really fun and cool planned in about a month) but if you've been reading and enjoying these reviews, and there's something I haven't tried yet that you'd like to see me give a shot... drop me a line! The only criteria for the Tuesday Tastes are that they have a minimum of four locations (which thankfully the wonderfully delicious Rudy does). For instance, I could actually review Pizzeria Libretto now (um, again), but I can't do PG Cluck's (damnit), at least not for this particular series. Anyways lemme know if there's a place you want me to check out and I'll add it to the queue. And thanks for reading! (especially getting this far this week).

 

My Old School -- Another new segment? Sorta. I noticed something on BlogTo and despite their typical disingenuous click-baity headline, it was a interesting read about a UofT food truck I remember very well. Ol' Brown Ideal Catering wasn't my usual go-to in those days (I liked the Chinese food truck usually stationed a bit north, their portions were like two meals) but I definitely ordered a sausage and fries on many occasions I had a late class at Sid Smith. The fries in particular I remember being really solid, fried in that old type oil that makes the edges a bit brown, while the flavour of countless previous french fries drips out of these things. And they were always crazy hot, you had to wait like ten minutes before even attempting a bite. Pure nostalgia. Maybe if we ever reach a point of life resembling what it once was and that truck returns (and I'm still doing this, hopefully), I'll do a bonus review of it. That would be a trip for me, no doubt. 

(also someone please get my Steely Dan reference)   


Tuesday Tune -- You can probably tell by my opening that I'm not feeling particularly chipper this week, and so here's a song combining politics, anger and a band I'm writing about! That's what we in the writing biz call a.... *checks notes*.... *realizes there are no notes*.... um.... a Threeve-er...? Just go with it. 



That's it for another week, another taste. Until next time, be kind to one another and at least try to keep more sane than I am (hummus and chips for breakfast? Ahhhh F* it no one cares). For now, stay cool in these upcoming summer days and don't spill that mustard.


 

 

Tuesday, 11 May 2021

The Tuesday Taste: Rudy's Rude Dude Double Cheeseburger

 

 


 

In the corner of the morning of the past

I would sit and blame the master first and last

All the roads were straight and narrow

And the prayers were small and yellow

And the rumour spread that I was aging fast

 

Shake Shack is a New York hamburger chain that has garnered attention through their excellent "smash" burger style and... damnit! I did it again...

This time, the comparison is on level ground. I definitely want to wax poetically about the great classic American cheeseburgers I've had (and they do wax well)... Rudy though... if you want to call it an imitation you might have to check your mirror. I don't even know what I mean by that but damnit I'm standing by it!

My conclusion is that, as an imitation of a classic American smash burger, this is simply flawless. Each bite carries a differently enjoyable texture... the melted processed cheese assists the natural juiciness and the best bites seem to dissolve in your mouth. So... that's a positive.  

Another positive is how the burger patty tastes like actual beef. Not overly seasoned to hide its flaws... it genuinely shares the likes of high quality meat and that, combined with the expertly melted cheese and just soft enough bun... every bite is marvelous. The texture stands out most to me: the outer edges of the patty are crispy and greasy... loaded with flavour like crunchy bits circling a burger doughnut. Inside, it's all prime juicy hamburger beef and cheese taste... just wonderful to sink your teeth into . 

A burger this good invites nostalgia: and not shyly, it's holding a party. I wouldn't quite put Rudy within that highest regard of In-N-Out or Shake Shack, but it comes pretty damn close. Rudy definitely strives to be more of a Shack kind of burger, and it certainly has the right idea. Even the logos are somewhat similar. 

The fries meanwhile, remind me of McDonald's fries, just better. Instead of relying on salt and oil, these taste like actual potatoes (the aftertaste lingers longer and at least gives you the sensation of consuming actual food). To paraphrase a line from my dear friend Amanda Ryan, who accompanied me on this one: "these taste like what McDonald's fries were probably like back in 1950". It balances that line of salty, thin texture, without that feeling of instant regret as you consume chemicals. These are solid fries: not as good as the burger but impressive enough to catch my tounge with their thin crispiness and consistency. 

Overall... yeah Rudy is pretty damn good. Probably one of the better available burgers you'll find in Toronto currently. They get the details (crispy exterior patty, super melted cheese, good bun) right, and I respect that endlessly. This concludes my mini classic double-cheeseburger arc, and the results!

 

Big Mac: very bland, kinda bad in every way

Burger's Priest: solid, the quality is good but it's overrated and pricey 

Rudy: brings the goods, I really have no negatives to say

 

Burnt Ends -- I'm making significant progress on my Pink Floyd ranking article, it's been a curious journey listening to every album again... what a truly exceptional band. Meanwhile, I've been writing about baseball, and on that subject I also recommend this historical article about the Chicago Cubs from an excellent writer I hold in very high regard. Beyond that... 

 

Hey Doug -- you vacuum cleaner sucking up failed ideas, you rancid pile of dumpster refuse forgetting garbage day... all you have left is just blaming anyone else for your obvious failings, like a Wack-A-Mole that spits venom if the player misses. When the going gets tough, you ain't tough one ounce... clearly you hide in the corner until the next photo opportunity. Hey nobody fall for his pathetic charade, please. Resign you fool. Maybe that way I can possibly get back to work this century.

 

100 Up/Tuesday Tune -- A personal moment: I feel very out of shape. So, I've started running north up my street (which happens to be a cliff) every day for the next 100 days. I'm really only mentioning it at all as a way to keep myself accountable. Secret reveal! Anyway, I'm gonna keep trying it, but meanwhile here's the first song I charged up that evil angle to:

 


 

Hey! Oh! That's it for me. Be kind to each other, get that jab if possible, let's try to build a better world tomorrow and the first step is don't spill that mustard.

 

Tuesday, 4 May 2021

The Tuesday Taste: The Burger's Priest's High Priest (with Cheese Fries)

 


Belligerent ghouls

run Manchester schools

Spineless swines

cemented heads

Sir leads the troops

jealous of youth

same old suit since 1962


Another Tuesday, another Taste. In-N-Out Burger is a long established California burger chain that frankly is... oh wait! Wrong review. Damn I did it again.

Burger's Priest is a Toronto-based burger chain that has now expanded dramatically, and fairly recently: their flagship and original location on Queen Street East here in Toronto only opened in 2010, according to their website. Calling them a success would be an understatement, as they now have over 25 franchises all over Ontario and Alberta. Not bad.

Also according to their website, their founder grew up in California (truly the genesis of the "great American cheeseburger" and moved to Toronto for seminary school, which explains the Burger's Priest name. I'm not sure if it's the same dude, but I'm quite positive one of the people behind starting up Burger's Priest is also behind the Dundas West pizza point 'Fourth Man In The Fire'. Actually, considering that is another religious reference... it's probably the same guy. What'd you say? Look it up? Hey, that would require me clicking my mouse a few more times. I'm not made of airports!

Anyway it's the same guy. Shant Madirosian clearly likes these literal heavy concepts in regards to his restaurant ventures. Both 4th Man and Burger's Priest imply that their mission is to uplift our taste buds from the general blah we've been subjected to, enlightening our tongues to a higher place. I'd call this pretentious nonsense... except I also reviewed a Big Mac last week and anything to scrub out that experience from my brain would be most welcome. Plus I'm also somebody planning to review the catalogue of Pink freaking Floyd... when it comes to pretentiousness I can't throw stones. 

Fourth Man In The Fire is legitimately very damn good. I've even reviewed it before. But what about Burger's Priest? It claims that it wants to redeem the idea of hamburgers back to what they are supposed to be, like it was in the beginning. I spent a lot of my childhood in California, and so I'm very familiar with that classic ideal of an American cheeseburger. Does this one stack up? Can it hold a candle to this messiah it clearly strives to be?

No. It doesn't. This is good, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't completely blow my mind... which is what the scripture (and price) wants to do. Overall this is a solid, tasty double cheeseburger: you can taste that addictive melted cheese everywhere, shredded lettuce, the grilled onions are a nice presence (and yeah, I hate onions but when you can sneak them by me and I actually like it... several bonus points). It's exactly what a classic double cheeseburger is supposed to be, and what a Big Mac simply isn't.

But it isn't perfect, or even exceptional. The patty is the weakest part: at least it tastes like beef, that's a good and reassuring thing... but there isn't much in the way of juiciness or seasoning flavour to really let it ascend. It's rather bland in a "good quality" kind of way. I don't want it buried in seasoning salt (like A&W), don't get me wrong... it's simply mediocre in texture and taste. It does the job just fine, which is my biggest criticism: this is good... quite good, but not great. 

The supporting elements do good work, and really are the strongest part. They give much needed texture: the cheesiness compensates for the beef intake, the sauce is a nice mayo touch (and this burger is good enough that it doesn't use it as a crutch like the Big Mac... *cough*), and the onions really do make this a nice inbetween between a classic Cali cheeseburger and an east coast or Winnipeg smash burger loaded with fried onions. 

I think I got what I expected here: something good but not living up to what it thinks it is. Keep in mind I am fortunate enough that the closest location to me is the very original one at Queen and Coxwell, so this is as genuine an article as can exist for this. Frankly, I enjoyed it. The cheese fries were an exceptionally pleasant surprise (like generic good fries: fried in good oil, not dry once cold and tasting like potatoes) and the cheese sauce they use is really gooey, thick and delightful. There needs to be more of it.

Burger's Priest overall isn't quite so amazing that I'd rave about it to everyone, because it just isn't. A solid 'B' in my books, and maybe I'm spoiled because I've had the chance to try the places Burger's Priest really wants to be. Still, I'd consistently go back to BP if they weren't so damn expensive...

 

Burnt Ends -- Little bit slow on the East End Eats this week. I went to a new place here in the Beaches Saturday night with the intention of reviewing them, but they were so backed up with orders I would've had to wait over an hour! A good sign. Gotta support your local restaurants, and I'm patient enough to go try again during a less busy time. 

Beyond that I'm hacking away at my review of the Pink Floyd discography. It's definitely a trip, and I'm nearly finished listening to all these albums. Meanwhile my buddy and I are still ironing out our Radiohead article collaboration. Both of these things are coming relatively soon so... ugh unintentional rhyme... stay tuned.      

 

Hey Doug -- Ugh, you get off easy this time... you greasy burnt doughnut. I'm in a good mood so I'll settle for calling you an inept villain in a Garfield cartoon, whose obvious buffoonery is casually thwarted by a feline easily bribed by lasagna. Just resign already, you garbage bag full of rancid laundry. See you next week! 

 

Tuesday Tune -- I pulled a fast one on those of ya who know and love the band whose lyrics I used in the opener. Well here's a great song by a great band, but this here is a cover by an even greater band (and you'll rarely see these fellas playing a tune and having this much fun):

 


 

That's it for me! Until next time, stay safe, stay healthy, be alert and don't spill any of that mustard.