The Tuesday Taste: McDonald's Big Mac (with fries)

 

 

A worried man with a worried mind

No one in front of me and nothin behind

There's a woman in my lap and she's drinking champagne

 

In-N-Out Burger is a true classic American hamburger chain. Based out of California, they have... oh wait... I have things confused *ruffles notes* Oh! Oh. This one.

McDonald's is an American hamburger chain, based out of California. The original McDonald's restaurants were a small southern California franchise in the late 40s that entrepreneur Ray Kroc aggressively expanded into undoubtedly the most successful fast food corporation in the world. I definitely suggest you read about all that stuff because it is fascinating. The genuine model of what "fast food" is, was established here.

Personally I have an unusual McDonald's perspective: that I've rarely eaten it in my entire life. As a child, I was self-convinced for multiple years that hamburgers made me sick... so ballpark guess I probably went from ages 7-12 without eating a cheeseburger. Once I discovered how damn tasty they can be though... I was hooked. McDonald's though never appealed to me, even in junior high... and this perception continued even into my early 20s times of downing pints with buddies in the Annex. These friends and I would consistently end up at the McDonald's location at Avenue Road and Bloor: they'd order massive combos while I'd just sit there perfectly content with nothing as they chowed down. It's not like I wasn't hungry, and their food smelled good... I just was honestly never tempted (beyond a friendly stealing of a french fry).

Point is, I can try this with a very unique and objective viewpoint. I'm genuinely just not all that familiar with what this tastes like. Hey though! I'm kinda a food reviewer type person now, so why not try it again with my experienced perspective! 

So... I wandered off to a closeish location in east Leslieville, ordered a Big Mac (no onions) with a small fries, found a nearby park and dug in.

Yeeeeeahh....

I know lots of you love this stuff, crave it, treat yourselves to it. Honestly, whatever makes you happy and whatever reward you want to give yourself for something positive: that's all good and I support it. I'm here, without particular attachment, to analyze what qualities this as food actually has. And I have a very strong conclusion:

It's bad. 

Like, it's just very, very not good. I don't mean a "it's bad for you health-wise" way, which it also obviously is... but this just also doesn't taste like food. I went into this expecting to be underwhelmed yet find some kind of renewable charm within. Nope. Not even that. Allow me to dissect it in my usual way:

First off, the bun sucks. It's very stiff, utilized as nothing more than a basic edible containment for the content within. It has the consistency of a fresh bread you left exposed overnight, without the freshness. The sesame seeds are for show because they have little impact on the taste. Also, what's up with that middle bun? It barely matters. Second: the cheese (as you can see it photowise) is barely melted. As far as processed cheese goes this is rather okay, but unmelted cheese on a cheeseburger? No! Suspicious Fail. 

Third: the hamburger patty itself, and the biggest weakness of all. It's fast food, I get it, and I doubt the patty in a Whopper is much different (I'll get to BK eventually, I promise)... but I had to taste the beef by itself and really dug deep it to find any flavour resembling what it's supposed to be. That flavour? Overcooked ground beef. What a winner!

The composition of the burger itself is genius and that deserves credit. The problem is that the product simply gives you the sensation of eating something. The texture is enjoyable and addictive (I did finish it despite not liking it), but the taste is forgettable surface. I enjoy consuming food, therefore I like this and therefore it is food.

These legendary McDonald's fries are likewise the same. Are McDonald's fries crisp, salty and great to snack on? I can't deny that. Is that because they taste so good? Um... they taste like salt and oil, and they're so thin that -that initial crisp tries carrying your taste buds through the experience. They remind me of Ruffles brand chips: a classic flavour that departs immediately... leaving just texture as you chomp the nothingness away. It's no wonder they're addictive because that first instant is so gratifying but then it fades so fast, your brain wants that first feeling again and again.

I'll throw a positive though: the Big Mac sauce ("Secret Sauce") is pretty nice. I mean, it really is just warm mayo mixed with relish and maybe a sweet mustard? My biggest conundrum was trying to figure out why it has that light red-ish colour, but the mayo/relish combo is obvious. It's very similar to a tartar sauce. Also! A dude in the ordering area was training somebody for potential employment right when I walked in to make my order... and his instructions were so unceasingly basic customer service stuff that it amused me. As a former(? who the hell knows) customer service bartender type person myself, it was so fascinating to see somebody 100 percent committed to just lessoning somebody (not a real word, I know). 

Anyway. The Big Mac sucks. The fries are simply crack potatoes. That's just my opinion though. We're all human and I won't think any less if you delight in eating one. Jim Gaffigan explains it better than I can.

 

Burnt Ends -- Lots and lots of stuff! I'm on a bit of a bender reviewing independent restaurants nearby me here in the Beaches, so check out my latest East End Eats! Here's Mira Mira Diner, or Big Boy's Burrito. There are plenty more to come as well, and please wherever you are, do support your small local spots. This nightmare is especially nightmarish for most of them and every bit of business helps them stay afloat. 

Other stuff: my buddy and I will eventually begin our look at the Radiohead albums, but in the meanwhile I've started re-listening to the Pink Floyd catalogue and think I might write a piece ranking those records very soon. The history of that band is endlessly fascinating, tragic, and frustrating. If you're into that kind of stuff, here's a great look at the Rolling Stones' discography written by another excellent and thoughtful writer I hold in extremely high regard.

Pre-Prohibition -- Can you imagine living through this pandemic without booze? Don't lie, many of you can't (I am right here with ya). I found this very interesting article about anti-alcohol laws in late 19th century New York and how establishments wiggled around those rules. It's fascinating stuff, here's the link:

Now... unpleasant reality.

Hey Doug -- you greasy wacky waving inflatable inner tube, I wouldn't rely on you to manage a kid's lemonade stand. The children would be crying within ten minutes and you'd claim they were too hard on you. Your attempt at public sympathy by "tearing" up during a press conference is made so infinitely irrelevant by the concrete fact that you have done nothing to help anyone, beyond your circle of rich corporate donors of course. And still your government will not approve paid sick days for minimum wage workers, the ones forced to keep this economy churning along. You know what? You're a fucking evil prick, you stain of feces smeared against a bus stop. All those tears were just a show, weren't they Dougie? We're not as dumb as you think, you useless sack of petrified potatoes. Remember when you cut healthcare by a shit ton, Dougie? And now you cry like you don't have the infrastructure to make things better? You're a loser. You're a goddamn loser and history will hate your guts you worm. See you next week! Hopefully not though, just resign already you pathetic embarrassment to human decency.        

Tuesday Tune -- It certainly isn't the first Bob song I predicted I'd share on this weekly deal, but hey it's a good one and feels fairly relevant. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, the irreplaceable... Bob Dylan.  

 

Wow. This was quite an episode. Thank you all who read, commented and or support in every way you do. My final thought on McDonald's reminds me of Principal Skinner when he says "yes that's true! But I was only there to get directions on how to get away from there!" It's the most popular guilty pleasure in the world, and I can respect it at that level. I'm starting a mini-arc with this so stay tuned for next week if you're still here! I hope you are. But until then... be well, take care of each other, tell a belligerent anti-masker to grow a pair... and don't spill the mustard.

 

 

East End Eats XXV: Big Boy's Burrito

 

 

Another review, so quickly? Hey, it's like people eat everyday or something.

 

Big Boy's Burrito is a spot I'd seen in the corner of my eye on those rare occasions I wander up the cliff to the Kingston Road/Victoria Park (like in the Beforetimes to return empties at the Beer Store there because I needed laundry change). 

Regardless of that, some time ago I noticed their little shop on the north side of Kingston and filed their existence away for a time I happened to be up there and hungry for a burrito. Well the time finally happened! (obviously) so lets take a look at Big Boy's Burrito.

It's pretty small inside, as most burrito joints are (they can't all be Burrito Boyz on Adelaide with like two dozen tables). There's a key bus stop two doors west and with multiple schools nearby, including the high school Neil McNeil less than five minutes south... Big Boy's has an optimal location for a burrito spot. 

I went in, knowing I wanted something with chicken... but unsure precisely what when faced with their multiple choices. The 'Tequila Chicken' option is where I landed ("Huge" size because it's a burrito: go big or... go bigger and go home) pumped full of my usual buritto fixings: lettuce, rice, refried beans, green peppers, sour cream, burrito sauce, cheese if it's on the house (in this case it was), a touch of hot sauce and maybe some cilantro if they've got it (they did). As well they offered nacho chips (yes), which a handful of were crumbled upon the other toppings as a finishing touch.

Once ready, I took it home, snapped that not-amazing photo you see above (the lighting/colour is too faded) and proceeded to chow down. First off, this photo well hides how much this thing was dripping (there's a nice puddle of sauce behind/underneath the right half). It was very saucy, which I like, and every bite had a good enjoyably juicy texture to it. The cheese and the rice were layered together to create a melted-cheesey-rice base for this burrito, which is as tasty as it sounds. 

Most of the other elements filled their minor roles admirably: green peppers for some body and slight crunch, lettuce and cilantro to add a fresh taste etc. The nacho chips were an exceptional touch, as while being tucked tight in a hot burrito robbed most of their crispness... they added a nice hint of corn tortilla flavour that I'd argue works just as well as actual corn. The tequila chicken itself though would be what made or broke this...

The tequila sauce itself might not be for everyone but I thought it was quite nice. It arguably dominated a bit too much since any chicken bite was glued to it, just short of the point of overwhelming everything. It's a very salty-sweet sauce, kind of like a thin BBQ mixed with lemon or lime and there is a hint of citrus here. Not my favourite thing ever but it was interesting, intruging as a minimal flavour touch. When it was dripping out and I took a bite of that... kapow! I think this sauce would be very effective with ribs, actually. Something with a smokey taste would compliment this well. 

Anyhow, to wrap it all up (see what I did there)... I'd say this was quite good. The place smelled amazing inside, as did my burrito when first unwrapped, and overall there's solid care and quality in ingredients here. They offer a bunch of other items also, like tacos, nachos and... poutine? You don't see a burrito place offer poutine particularly often. Anyhow, I'd recommend them as a good 'B' level burrito option that won't blow your mind but surely won't disappoint.     

 

East End Eats XXIV: Mira Mira Diner

 

 

I really have a knack for picking the coldest days of the week to venture out and try these food places. It's a labour of love though! I mean, maybe not that Tuesday Taste Subway sandwich episode... but most of them: labour of love. Especially when you're heading out to try something new that could, maybe, be quite good.

This time I checked out the new Mira Mira Diner at the corner of Kenilworth and Queen out here in the Toronto Beaches. That's been another one of those "cursed locations" you tend to notice when you've lived somewhere for a while. Growing up on Isabella Street just east of Yonge, there was a spot next to the Artful Dodger pub that must've changed about six times between the time I was in Grade Six and when I graduated high school (it was a Korean bar last I recall). Likewise, the corner of Kenilworth/Queen was a St. Louis Wings when I first moved to the Beaches in late 2014. It closed a blink later, sat vacant for at least four years, then opened up as this two floor bar called 'The Big Bruce', with the adjoined upstairs running as a small live music venue called 'The Cut'.

It was a cool idea, and live music is something sorely needed in this neighbourhood especially with the Salty Dog shuttering last winter weeks before the pandemic. Unfortunately, the owner of 'The Bruce' was a bit sketchy to say the least... and by February the landlord had locked him out. Last time I went there I lost my knapsack and never got it back. Not a big loss at all (the bar, not the knapsack. I had a good pair of headphones in there).

Enough backstory. Okay fine a little more... but about the new tenants! Mira Mira Diner is the second location of chef Amira Becarevic, following up the Leslieville Mira Mira (a small corner spot I may have dropped off a resume at in the Beforetimes) and before that Mira Mira had a stall downtown in Assembly Chef's Hall. 

Both active restaurants bill themselves as comfort food with high quality ingredients and the basic menu does reflect that. The Beaches location comparatively seems more likely more utilized as a sit down diner since it has significant patio space (in better future days, of course). Well for now, in I went to put this comfort food to the test. 

I knew I wanted something that seemed a bit more interesting than just trying a chicken sandwich or a cheeseburger, and fortunately they offer the perfect middle ground: a crispy shrimp/cod burger. You can see it in the photo when you look closely how that isn't beef... so if I fooled you... huhaeheheh. 

It was too cold/windy to eat outside so I had to hightail it home. This didn't do the potatoes here any favours ("crunkle cut coins" by their description) as there was little heat left there. Lousy Smarch weather. Thankfully though, the sandwich wasn't an ice cube yet and while I almost always eat my sides before the burger (crazy talk!), this was for a review and I had to get at the main attraction while it was still warm.

Lets just say I chose wisely. This sandwich is essentially a gigantic fried fish cake and it works, oh baby it works. The texture is on point: crunchy on the outside, but it doesn't start crumbling to pieces once you're progressed within. It holds together its thickness, and yet never tastes dry in any places either... not even once it gets cold... remaining tender throughout. Flavourwise, the cod dominates but you get just enough hint of that sweet salt of the shrimp to know its there and its enough of a presence, at least while the sandwich is still fresh.  

The supporting elements of the sandwich are fairly minimal: just coleslaw, thinly sliced baby pickles, a lemony mayo on a brichoe bun... and there isn't anything that feels lacking. Crunchy veggie with a bit of vinegary zest? Check. Slightly sweet creamy sauce? Check. Soft bun? Check. What else ya want? Maybe if you're feeling something spicy I could see it, but I personally can be fairly simple with my sandwich/burger toppings and this one has everything it needs. I'm seriously impressed.

As for the supporting sides... the potato coins are nicely seasoned but it's hard to judge since they were cold (chilly days close to a lake and no working bicycle... not ideal for this kind of thing). They're like neatly disced (is that a word? it is now) homefries and you gotta get those steaming hot. Still, they weren't chewy or rough either. The side of spicy ketchup was pretty nice. Not really a fan of ketchup at all but I liked how this had some kind of subtle chili kick. There also was a side of coleslaw (their sandwich combos allow you two sides, which is cool). The slaw solo was probably the weakest link here though (not so cool). This could be a personal taste thing, since I didn't mind it on the fish burger at all... but by itself it's a too vinegary for me. I'm a sucker for creamier slaw I've realized, and so this one isn't my bag of cabbage. It has excellent crunch, tastes extremely fresh... but once that sourness hits I can't overcome.        

This has been a longer review than I planned (they usually are, heh) so lets wrap it up! Overall... this was a very damn tasty sandwich and I would gladly get it again sometime. A truly terrific fish sandwich that isn't drowned in sauce or cheese is a rare thing, and this one strikes a terrific balance between multiple positives (crispy fish, texture, crunchy slaw, just enough sweet sauce and a good bun). I might not elect for the combo next time, since those sides weren't quite as strong, but they aren't bad and hey for a review you want to try as much as you can. 

Some final notes: the service was excellent (I know it's just take-out but they were also semi-busy and the two servers were on top of their games taking new orders, updating people waiting, dealing with Uber Eats etc. It was good friendly service and that might not be as easy a gig as you think). Lastly, it was definitely trippy my first time inside after my (hazy tequila) memories of the Big Bruce. That place was dim, aside from some neon lights... Mira Mira is so bright with pinks and yellows that frankly if it weren't for the bar (now a coffee/service station) being in the exact same place I'd have thought it was a different building. It's like in Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past, when you go from the Dark World back into the Light World. Had to work in a Nintendo reference, of course I did.   

The Tenth Tuesday Taste! - Subway's Sidekicks

 

Ohhh my, heart is sinking

Same old useless one-eyed thinking

Live your life in the court of kings

Bow to the ruler and kiss the ring

But we don't even understand a thing you say

 

Yeah! Another Tuesday, another taste! This has not been a good week for anybody living in Ontario, as I unfortunately do and am rapidly regretting with each passing second... but! I won't let that shadow of endless doom linger over this review. 

This is now the tenth edition of this weekly Tuesday Taste series... so I want to make it particularly special to all of you who have read, commented and supported these since the beginning. And if this is your first time reading, hop aboard and enjoy! I have no plans to end this anytime soon.

For this big ol' 10th episode... I did a something. The extremely prevalent sub sandwich chain Subway have recently been advertising a quartet of somethings called "Sidekicks". By the suggestion of the posters on their windows, they're intended as hungry temptation additions to the sub sandwich you've already come inside for. I mean, why else would it be called a sidekick?

A plan immediately seemed obvious to me: order all four and try these little sammichs in one go. SIDEKICKS.... ASSEMBLE!!!!!!! 

I mean please, enjoy all of the meats of our cultural stew...

 

(also before we begin, for consistency I ordered the same compliments on each different sandwich: lettuce, cucumber, green peppers, and whatever sauce fit the name of the title. Giddy up).

 

Savoury Turkey Ranch

 

  

Hello...! ...misleading titles. Nothing about this is ranch, and this whole enterprise is the opposite of savoury. If you want to stretch it... reeeeeallly far... well sardines on toast (according to Wikipedia, citation needed) are considered a savoury dish. And hey, there are sardines used in Caesar dressing*... therefore... Caesar dressing sauce on a sandwich makes it savoury! They nailed it!

*cough* hey... it's actually anchovies. 

Ferthelovaaagawd.

I don't get this title. It ain't savoury, and it ain't ranch either. And those two things wouldn't work together regardless.

Taking this for what it is: a tiny turkey sandwich in a slider bun, drenched in Caesar dressing... it's very meh. In theory it's a good match for that great texture of turkey... but nah. The meat is a decent quality, thankfully not on the cheaper side of processed, but there's little aftertaste. Good turkey meat has a way of settling down and resting inside ya as you eat. Accept no imitation. 

When it comes to turkey, a nice turkey sandwich should be 50 percent turkey, 50 percent anything else (and half of that should be gravy). Drowning it with cheap salad dressing? Bad move.

Honey Mustard Ham

 

 

First bites can be like first kisses. They can last forever, and they can fade into oblivion. Hey! No... you're jaded.

The honey mustard sauce is what holds it together, and if you don't like honey mustard... well A: you're crazy. B: this example is a nice sauce, kinda creamy in a mayo way with honey and just enough mustard to make it yellow. 

Once I tried the ham solo though... well it wasn't a good enough Star Wars spinoff. That's a double burn. Good ham should have a nice sweet scent to it, texture that collapses delightfully and juicy once you start cooking. This though... it wasn't dry sure, but it was just nothing. Texture for the sake of texture, disguised by sweet sauce. No. Don't try to fool me.

 

Chipotle Chicken

 

 

This was the one I was most skeptical about. Chipotle sauce in any form is waaay overdone these days (gimme ghost pepper if you're promoting power) and Subway's chipotle goo is lacking by those dated standards. It's a Nothing Burger Sauce Edition: regular mayo mixed with President's Choice Spicy Mayo... aiming for that neutral zone and missing well below. Damn.

The chicken itself gets semi-points for occasional moments of roasted interest. It's actually quite fine and not dry thankfully. I'd never confuse it for a legit bird slow cooked on a fire pit, but it goes for that flavour and achieves a hint of it.

Italian Aioli

 

 

By description this is the vaguest one of the four. "Italian Aioli?"? What's the aioli? Is it a garlic mayo that tastes like pizza? Damn...if that actually exists I'm ordering that sauce.

It's funny how this final "Sidekick" had the most forgettable photo, yet the most lasting taste. This one I genuinely liked.

The salami, combined with the garlic aioli... it's a good combo of distinct lingering tastes. Sustained salty pork beside creamy mayo garlic. It just worked for me, and the salami was certainly a notch above these other forgettable meats. This was more of a cheap option at your local deli, but it's a good deli and the cheap option is the whispered secret.  

 

Might as well grade and rank em just for fun:

 

Honey Mustard Ham: C- (nothing beyond the sauce)

Savoury Turkey Ranch: C- (decent turkey but any boring thing, like Pizza Pizza, would be way better jammed up with ranc... I mean Caesar dressing)

Chicken Chipotle: C (This has the right idea. Pulled chicken is a nice sandwich texture, but it needs more and the overall flavour is lacking)

Italian Aioli: B- (the only one I'd actually consider ordering again. Garlic and salami at a slow pace, is quite the place for me)   

I have to mention the patient dude who prepared all these for me, like a total pro, at the Coxwell/Queen Subway location. Didn't even blink an eye despite my weird request, and set it all up with the skill of a wicked bartender preparing multiple drinks at once. Damn. I miss that.

  

Burnt Ends - Might be going nuts with my other series, East End Eats, so stay tuned.

 

Tenth Taste - I honestly really want to thank everyone who has been reading this so far. Ten is a cool little milestone, and one I frankly wasn't totally confident I'd live up to every week. But I did and it really is thanks to all of you for reading, supporting, and commenting (please don't be shy!) I wouldn't be doing any of this if no one read it. Lots of ideas in the tank so get reading! It's going to be even more fun.

 

Speaking of unfortunate beginnings... the new feature!

Hey Doug - you griddle-faced, crusty-ass Biff Tannen cosplayer. I wouldn't trust you to run a home dishwasher: you'd probably somehow set the kitchen on fire, refuse the help of the Fire Department and then blame public services for not showing up fast enough. Just beat it, leave the scene like you so want to you piss-soaked tumbleweed... the house is burning and you clearly don't give two craps about anyone inside. See ya next week! Hopefully not though.

Tuesday Tune - It has to be this song, by a great Canadian band.

They were my first concert ever, when I was 12 at Fort York... they double billed with Great Big Sea. To memories of better times... and to this songs' apparent sad relevance today.

 

That's it for now. This was not an easy one to write. I truly don't aim to be was hopeless and angry as I was last week, but the obvious darkness is such a shadow. Be good to the ones you love, stay safe and don't spill that mustard.

East End Eats XXIII: Amma Momo House

 

 

Checking out another spot five minutes from my house, and another cuisine I'm totally unfamiliar with. 

Amma Momo House, by their own description, offer a mix of Indian, Chinese, Hakka and Nepali dishes. I had to look up what a momo actually is, discovering it's a type of dumpling. 

This will sound insane, but I'm not a super huge fan of dumplings. To be fair, I haven't had one in a very long time and probably never tried an elite one. Regardless, I was in the mood for something a little more saucy and complex anyway... 

...so yes... it's yet another curry.

Hey though, this is only the third one I've done, and the first chicken one! I previously reviewed a lamb korma at Cinamon Indian Bistro (totally excellent) and a lamb saag at Nepal Curry House (very good) back in May of 2020. You know, nine years ago.

This one from Amma was very different than either of those offerings. Simply billed as their "House Special Chicken Curry), this sauce has more of a tangy flavour than those creamily bitter Saag or decadently rich Korma dishes. It also has a lot of little touches going on (as the photo shows) with topped green onions, various herbs I can't entirely identify (cilantro? thyme? some other kind of chive?), pepper seeds and some assortment of seasonings. This sauce itself isn't as thick as those other ones I reviewed (and do go read em again, wink wink) but fortunately all this extra "stuff" also adds texture to the base and prevents it from being at all watery. 

You also might think there are carrots in there from the photo (I did at first) but nope those orange chunks are the chicken pieces submerged below. Yeah, I get it... the lightning in my place sucks... I've been stuck inside here so long I've become too used to it. 

Spice-wise, I opted for "medium" (I prefer not blasting my taste buds when trying a new spot) and this had some pleasant sweet kick to it, mostly thanks to that roast pepper taste with a bare pinch of heat. The chicken itself would be the biggest weakness: it was merely ok. Tender enough to absorb some of the curry sauce, but there wasn't anything particularly distinctive about it.. a bit like if it had been cooked separately but then added afterward to order, rather than slowly stewed with the sauce. 

My final verdict would be... fairly good. The meat this time was mediocre, but I would go again to try something else and most of that is because of the curry sauce... just solid quality stuff with a lot of flavour variety to it.    

     

   

The Tuesday Taste: Butter Chicken Roti's - Lamb Curry Roti

 

 

This won't be the most in-depth review ever. Not by any fault/simplicity of the establishment and item I tried (though this ain't 3-D Chess either)... but it's been some week and I'm not in any mindset of proposing playful setups or nostalgic description.

Baggage aside, I just don't have much to say about this. I'd never ordered a roti from anywhere, and found at first it very similar to a quesadilla. Except...! thankfully larger, not crispy, not sliced, and so stuffed with filling that most of it oozed out when I made my incision for the header photo.

There's not a whole lot beyond: it is quite tasty, the fatty lamb is tender and flavourful (and chunky), the curry sauce slightly nutty with a hint of spice. Enjoyable texture but it needs just a bit more punch... the flatbread slips in nicely into the equation and.... that's it. Solid B, maybe slight B-.

My intention was to try their trademark dish (an actual butter chicken roti) and in my endless brilliance I didn't notice it as a special menu item until my fallback lamb choice was already computed. Biggest disappointment? The lack of sides. Not even Raita or hot sauce or rice type things... I mean the absence of anything else in the oversized brown paper bag I got. No napkins, plastic forks or knives, nothing. Just the box. It's likely I missed those utensils were self-help-yourself, so... just a case of me not paying attention. Familiar failure on my part... but man just gimme a tiny side sauce of something when its over twelve bucks.

This food, in its bare simplicity, is pretty good I'd say. Cinamon Bistro in the Beaches makes a far superior product, but I did like this. It's deceptively filling, and tasty even once cold. Considering my misinterpretation of the menu (wanting their namesake dish) and my general malaise writing anything right now... this will be an eventual do over, however. You're welcome for wasting your time!

 

Burnt Ends - If you're still here... well aside from my final TNG review of the worst episodes from seasons 6-7, or my review of Chinese Fusion Burrito joint Chino Locos...  shrug? Ghost town of ideas now... yeah. I warned this wouldn't be a fun one. 

 

Tuesday Tune - If you're even still this far... well I hope you like this song at least, because I certainly like it more than the quality of this review so far.

I was still in high school when a friend of mine told me about this band. Not soon afterwards I was working at the Drake Hotel, where this band would consistently play fun, dance-filled gigs in the Drake Underground on legendary Elvis Mondays. 

Spiral Beach was just delightful... mixing an early B-52s off-kilter danciness with early Pink Floyd psychedelia... while being just a total crazy energetic live experience. They even made it on the cover of NOW magazine back in the day. This particular song was on an album I bought at their release party on the Toronto Islands, for a friend, probably in 2007... he in turn gave me a burned copy of the album which sounds super muffled so... well we haven't spoken in almost a decade so I doubt he's reading this. He still sucks though.

The band broke up over a decade ago now... each member going off to do their own separate things. Hey though, enjoy this cool tune that totally didn't pop into my mind because I constantly feel like an actual ghost. 

 

 

That's all for this week. Tune in next time when somehow, some goddamn way...  this nightmare can somehow get even slightly better. Until then, be kind to each other, be kind to yourself, give an anti-masker the finger and don't spill any mustard.

    

East End Eats XXII: Chino Locos

 

 

 

I'm pretty sure that through twenty-two of these East End Eats, this is the first time I've reviewed a burrito. Shocking!

Actually not really. Burritos are damn delicious, but I find I don't crave one as often as certain other items (gee I wonder what tops that list...). They're also much more of a meal than a snack I find, unless you order a small one but WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER DO THAT? 

They're also tougher to review since... well, they're all sorta the same. What I mean is, unlike with a pizza where I can comment on texture, cheese, oiliness and such, a burrito is a more consistent product. A lesser one will still have the standard elements just at a lower quality. I guess what I'm getting at is it's probably much easier to make a bad pizza than a bad burrito: with a bad burrito I think you'd have to really try to make it bad on purpose or through astonishing negligence. The tortilla would have to be stale, the main filling dry, the sauces unpleasant and the rice crunchy. If you've experienced bad burritos please do let me know, I'm very curious what makes a bad one (and also so I can avoid the place he he ha ha hah).

Well here's Chino Locos! They were a place I consistently forgot existed: Greenwood is noticeably west of me and when I ride a bike I usually avoid Queen Street, which is exactly where Chino Locos is. Regardless, it is a well regarded establishment (it topped BlogTo's Best Burrito list in 2017, however you want to value that) and they've opened a second location on Broadview. 

What sets them apart from other burrito joints is that they add a bit of Chinese fusion to the menu: instead of rice you can substitute chow mein noodles, which I didn't do because... I just wasn't in the mood for noodles. Maybe that means I didn't get the "unique" Chino Locos experience, but bah whatever I'm more interested in how a place executes the basics first, especially when it's my first time there.

I got the "Sweeet" can, I mean pork option... medium spice with everything but red onions. It's good! Very good. The pork is more tender than juicy, with a subtle sweetness that's good not to overwhelm the other fillings. There is a lot going on here, as a fully loaded burrito should, but what stands out most is the nice extra flavour of the scallion-ginger relish, which adds a different dimension to the ensemble of tastes, even if not featured in every bite. That's another aspect of trying to review a burrito: one bite could be just sour cream and guacamole then the next rice and beans. The individual elements mix up and finding distinction among them is who cares I'm hungry! That's why I ordered a burrito!

Fortunately, Chino Locos does stand out from being just a typical burrito spot. The relish is certainly different, the noodles option compelling, and their hot sauce is very on point. Between mild, medium and hot I went for the middle and this baby got me one or twice in some unsuspecting places (gee, that sounded different in my mind). This burrito was just really good, and I'd be curious to go again for the fish option in the future. Spoilerrrsssss....?????   

One last quick thing: when I worked downtown at a certain music venue, oftentimes after shifts we would go for post work burritos at the Burrito Boyz on Adelaide. Those really did hit the spot, even a calamari one I tried which was cooked to just the right texture to be a presence in the wrap, but not too tough or chewy. Maybe once we're done working on the time machine here at West C Street I'll take a quick trip back to 2018, before this everything nightmare happened.