The Tuesday Taste: Grillies' Tacos

 

 

The creature in the sky

Got sucked in a hole

now there's a hole in the sky

And the ground's not cold

And if the ground's not cold

everything is gonna burn

We'll all take turns

I'll get mine too

  

Another Tuesday, another Taste. These ain't exactly cheerful times here at WC Street, what with the unending nightmare that persists on ruining our lives/killing us by either direct effect or influence via its existence. To be honest a big reason the TT was started up earlier this year was as way to deflect, at least for a little while, the troubles of the world, both for the enjoyment of you dear reader and for the author myself... well. It's real damn hard to call this, or any deflection, anything resembling a success. 

I'm a stubborn asshole though, consistently desperate for anything resembling success... so lets keep this train wreck rolling as long as possible. This week I checked out Grillies! 

Grillies is a taco/burger/burrito(?) chain with five locations throughout Toronto. Never heard of em? Hey, me neither. At least, until about a month ago... but anyplace open until 4am during weekdays on the Danforth that isn't an A&W gets my attention. 

If you thought the history of Kibo Sushi House on their own website was vague... well Grilles has you checkmated, good sir or madam. The only tangible bit of information I got is: "they've been providing delicious food for years now". Cool. I'll be the judge of that subjective "delicious" term.

I don't get the opportunity to review tacos on the weekly show as much as I'd like, so upon seeing how Grillies has such an item... I simply had to. Add a cheese fries to this equation, much like the Taco Bell's 'Fries Supreme' I spent many a junior high lunch hour chowing down on? How could I not. For my three tacos I went pork, beef and chicken, as a curious carnivore would do.

 

 

Starting with the pork... the surface seems quite overdone, like fatty meat fried and done to crispy excessiveness. The exterior of the meat is damn chewy and oily, but also simultaneously has some give to it. There's no dryness, thankfully, more like an tough pork shoulder swimming in its own juices while also tough around the edges because it was cooked at a high heat for too long. We can all relate to that, right? Right? Bah.

It's honestly fine, not exactly great though and man it is sooooo greasy. You taste more grease/oil than anything, it oozes from each bite, which combined with the tough texture surrounding these little bits of pork... we're not off to an ideal start.

 

 

Onto the beef taco... which is clearly composed of just generic medium ground beef. Sometimes I think restaurant chains have caught onto my reviewing/assholeish nature and do this deliberately. 

Actually, if that were actually true I'd definitely take it over my current reality. Despite that crumbly ground beef texture that screams "I can make this at home", I liked this one the best. The beef is cleverly seasoned, there's a bit of sweet and spicy to the beef itself, like it was pre-sauced or marinated in some way, and while it has some BBQ sauce tang to it there also isn't any stickiness or aggressive sweetness in play. A solid taco!

 

 

Finishing on the chicken offering... well. You know when you get cheap Chinese food, order a chicken dish and you get that dark meat and overly oily taste? That's definitely this. Quite juicy (you'd expect dark meat chicken to be so) but there's an odd salty taste to it. It's still enjoyable, though as drippingly greasy and fatty as everything else here. These three tacos all have different tastes, which is good, but all this meat is excessively oily in their own ways... I honestly can't tell if that's because of cheap ingredients or just a general recipe kind of thing. It's unfortunate, since there is clearly some care given to seasoning and concept towards flavour.

Oh yeah, the cheese fries. The fries themselves are very blah, your typical "frozen in a bag, fry when needed" cuts. What saves this somewhat is that combination of sauces: while there's very little cheese taste to this, the assortment of a sour cream and like a chipotle BBQ/salsa creamy drizzle genuinely saves this item from pointlessness. Much like the tacos, the texture of this is all wrong but the flavours jump out and make themselves known. There are sprinklings of tomatoes and cilantro etc but it's definitely that sauce dominating the taste.

Overall... I can't recommend Grillies. It's like they're almost there, they clearly have the right idea in regards of flavour and sauce... but the texture (of the tacos especially) is just off. It's so greasy, occasionally cheap tasting (the chicken and pork in particular) and price-wise not exactly a bargain either. 

I certainly didn't hate eating this, unlike my Quarter Pounder review... and it's also unfair to call Grillies even average. It's a bit better than that: the taco shells for instance are of a good quality (nice crunch and a solid corn aftertaste) but the greasiness does the enterprise an injustice. It's like window dressing a cheap supermarket meat with an excellent supporting cast... and it tastes good but suspicious as a result. Unfortunately, I can taste the cheapness.  

 

Burnt Ends -- I'm posting my ranking of the Led Zeppelin discography tomorrow (Wednesday). Gotta clear out my vault and the cobwebs while things are at least terrible.

 

Hey Doug -- Go Fuck Yourself.  

Tuesday Tune -- It's 'Pixies', not 'The Pixies'. Glad we sorted that out for the 1/500,000 people who actually would give a shit. Anyway, great song. Was in a house band once and we would've covered this very tune for a show except it was March 2020 and everything soon went to shit, and is still that. This monkey's gone to heaven.

 

 

That's it for me. Things are pretty bad and I'm gonna forgo my usual farewell message of positivity because I, like all of us, am just done with this fucking virus ravaging not only ourselves but also our livelihood. Did my part, I'm vaxxed... still here we are. A lot of what got me personally through 2020 and much of 2021 was at least the idea of hope... that this would actually end eventually and these sacrifices would mean something. 

Maybe they still do, yeah probably/definitely do...  but me, I'm no superhero. I can only handle so much, on top of my usual problems. Hopefully I can keep this weekly thing going, I genuinely enjoy doing it... and so without diving deeper into my personal mental health lets say goodbye for now. Let's finish by admitting... I'm very sick of my hope being so misplaced... but I hope to be back next week, hope you read it when I do, and don't spill that fucking mustard. That's the last thing you wanna do.

 

The Tuesday Taste: McDonald's Quarter Pounder w. Cheese

 

  

Business and pleasure

lie right to your face

Divide it in sections

and give it away

There are no big secrets

Don't believe what you read

We have great big bodies

We got great big heads

 

Thrown back from a Tuesday into the shadowing Monday. An evening of downed pint glasses clicking in my brain, trivia questions unanswered, witnessing dirty deeds in cars and cold winds signalling closures of new beginnings. In an affected state of mind, tired from effects. Creaky wheels my only chance at a journey back to sanity. Still one final stop to go, a plastic cherry to cap a long winding day. 

Bloor passes by in grey and black blurs as the time goes, the wheels spin. Past neighbourhoods of childhood, forgotten jobs, old girlfriends, all with mornings and late nights like this one. All inside a different place and time. Here I'm just some traveler between moments, somewhere and nowhere like an unending yellow traffic light. Bounce. Damn potholes, scaring you back to life from the daydreams.

The bright vortex of the viaduct surrounds my sides, a colourful gateway to the east world. Getting close now. Another rider passes me, both hands in his pockets. It is cold, I suppose. Minutes elapse as street blocks discarded by distance. Up ahead I see it, the famed place I've never been. A scene of overnight crimes and trouble once upon my time as a local. The lights are on inside, the parking lot is empty save a single car. A sleeper over a steering wheel. I attempt entrance into the bright building--

--the uncaring thud of a locked door. Confusion, difficult to process in affected states of mind. The Drive-Thru open, I'd need twice as many wheels. Another entrance to the side. A hesitant wander over, a yank, and inside the light. It's an airport, it's Tuesday again, a completely different time and place. Everything is bright and busy, families sit at tables, it's my turn in line. The effects have worn off.

Package ordered. A widely accepted suspiciously short period of time unfolds. Package received. A spot outside. The package is opened. 

"Damn, there is way, way too much mayo on this thing"

---

I really don't have much to say about the Quarter Pounder. It's... definitely a burger. 

First off they goofed up my order, hilarious considering I only go to McD's maybe twice a year and specifically for these reviews. I received the BLT Pounder instead of the regular one I ordered, easily remedied by removing the lettuce and bacon (don't worry I still ate both, wasting perfectly decent bacon is criminal). The tomato on here was so white I couldn't tell if it had seen a ghost or itself was one. 

The burger itself... I just don't get the love. It's hard to explain: the sensation is there, the feeling of eating a cheeseburger (which is something)... but it just doesn't taste like anything. Well not true, it tasted like mayo. Seriously, I love overly saucy sandwiches/burgers (like dripping level) and if I think you've gone too far you've probably got a problem. The beef texture gives a sense of something that's been reheated to within a micron of its life... its dry and spongy, quasi-juicy but lacking the usual flavour juicy fresh cooked beef would have. It was already cold too. Even the bun, while nice and firm tastes more of butter than actual bread. It was like eating rubber cleverly disguised as a cheeseburger. I dunno, maybe overseas they call it a "Rubber Royale" with cheese.

This may sound like I totally hate it and I'm trashing McDonald's yet again... well I'm definitely trashing them but I actually didn't hate this. For me to hate a food I have to be reviled by it, where the very experience of eating it is gross and unpleasant. The Country Style breakfast sandwich is an example of this. Still there's no way in hell I'd ever recommend the Quarter Pounder, even with the bacon and lettuce. You have to dig to Hades to find any real flavour. It's a rouse, a disguise, a magic trick of misdirection designed to fool the mouth. If some people like the magic trick though... who am I to judge that enjoyment. I just really, really, really did not like this. Mickey D you're 0 for 2, hit the pine.

 

Tuesday Tune -- The name of this band is Talking Heads.

 

 

Thanks everyone for reading! Hope you enjoyed the double feature and the perhaps unconventional approach taken with the second installment. We'll be back next week with something new and so once again, stay safe, stay healthy and don't spill that mustard.

 

 

 

The Tuesday Taste: Kibo Sushi House

 

 

Find me and follow me

through corridors, refectories

and files you must follow me

leave this psychedelic factory

You'll find me in the matinee

The dark of the matinee

 

At last... another Tuesday, another Taste! Last weekend ended up being strange, unpredictable and busy and so there wasn't time to properly go try something for the sake of a review. This week though we're back at it, jumping into a food squarely and firmly in my unique and particular wheelhouse....

Sushi. Sushi??? Goddamnit who makes these decisions? Oh, right.

Believe it or not, I've actually reviewed sushi before. Last summer for my ongoing East End Eats series I checked out Yumei Sushi House here in the Beaches, where I also again admitted how unknowledgeable I am about this particular dish.

To be fair to myself, I will say that I can definitely tell good sushi from bad sushi. My first experience trying it was back in my Drake Hotel days, where they had (and still do I believe) a genuine sushi bar with trained chefs behind it. A good initial exposure I'd say, and most definitely on the upper end of my (very limited) sushi quality spectrum. On the bottom of that? The prepackaged Bento (I think) stuff you find on shelves at Shoppers Drug Mart. The rice tastes chemically sticky, the insides bland and unappealing, everything is horribly chewy... dreadful stuff. I made the mistake (twice!) and never again. 

With that scale in mind (and Yumei would be on the upper end of it, for the record), lets approach our featured restaurant this week: Kibo Sushi House. I'd never even heard of them until this past summer (I'm an expert don't ya know) but they have nearly 30 locations throughout the GTA, including one on Kingston Road right near my doorstep. Their website doesn't tell you anything about their origins beyond "Kibo" being a translation of hope and how 'hope' can endure you through all of life's problems. Sure, I guess. 

A slightly better history can be found in this BlogTo article, which despite the predictably brain-dead headline calling Kibo the 'McDonalds of sushi' or something (good lord...) at least provides some backstory to the company. Assuming the article is correct (a leap of an assumption undoubtedly) it appears Kibo opened their first location in 2013 in Cabbagetown here in Toronto, quickly expanding to multiple outposts within a couple years and then popping out like rabbits during the past five. Sounds like a story of a small business done good and reaching the quick pinnacle of success, right? Well... actually yeah it does seem that way. Seriously, it is extremely hard to find any inside information about this chain beyond an occasional bad online review (you know the kind I'm sure).

All right lets actually get into this. Unsurprisingly I checked out the location two blocks north of my house, which I had attempted to try before! That evening though their internet was down and were cash-only, so that week ended up being my Papa John's/angry-at-asshole-drivers article instead. Fun. At least, having been there before, I knew this location of Kibo had an intriguing daily special: 8 pieces of spicy salmon roll and 8 pieces of spicy tuna roll, plus salad and soup, all coming in under sixteen bucks with tax.

I'll start with the soup, which I considered a "happens to be here also" type of bonus. I'm not really a soup guy: I never make them at home for myself, although I do enjoy a nice cheddar broccoli or a well done tomato soup on a cold day. This was a Miso soup, something I've heard of endlessly my entire adult life but had never tried until now. Honestly, it's hard to critique it without a frame of reference, but this wasn't for me. It (or at least this version) is a very brothy, thin kind of soup... with a bit of a bitter leafy taste and quite salty body. Probably too salty. I had a few tastes and gave up.

The salad: now we're on a better track. It's a basic house salad sure, but I like how it understands "basic" doesn't have to mean "bland" if you have fresh ingredients and enough texture and theme tying it together. You get your lettuce, shaved carrots, red cabbage, so plenty of crunch, but it's really the dressing that makes it work. It's rather like a sweet mango/pineapple taste (they have a mango salad on the menu) that thankfully isn't syrupy sweet or sticky, instead more of a very (very) fine puree blended into a dressing. I really liked this, which may shock many of you but yes it's true: I actually do eat (and enjoy!) salads. 

 

Onto the main event! Since there are two different types here, I'll tackle them on their own merits separately and then discuss the overall quality after. The tuna rolls: well damn I gotta say this one ambushed me. Lots of immediate flavour, that gamey texture of the tuna somewhat there but the taste of it (unlike say a Subway tuna sub) stands alone and rightfully so. Not overly salty or fishy, rather more like a tasty baked fish cake that obviously hasn't been baked. It still has that slightly tough mouth feel of tuna (why do you think so many tuna subs are drenched in mayo) but here in raw form all that is far reduced while the pure flavour shines through. Once I got used to it on the final pieces of the roll it was merely very good, but damn those first few completely blew me away. Seriously impressed. 

The salmon rolls were likewise extremely good, although not as initially dynamic as the tuna was. Salmon sushi is by far the type I've eaten the most, in both good and bad qualities, and so here was something harder to knock me off my feet. Hey, non-feet-knocking aside, this was still quite tasty. With cooked salmon you get this flaky, salty and tender taste that when done well is truly marvelous. When raw, obviously it won't be flaky (at least you hope so) but there's an inherent water saltiness to it that makes it (and a lot of seafood, honestly) unmistakable. The advantage of it raw is how the flakiness transforms into sheer delicateness: a good salmon sushi roll should slowly dissolve in your mouth as you go. The texture of it is key, and I'll say that Kibo got this right here. There's a tricky balance with raw food where it can't be too dry but also not too slimy, and again while I'm no expert I very much enjoyed this as well and think they very much understand that balance. 

 

Lets talk about the overall quality before we depart. Comparing an actual restaurant dish (especially one that really really should be prepared to order) to pre-packaged trash isn't totally fair, but whatever it's my show wuahaha. What I like about the very best sushi I've had, and (spoiler) Kibo would be in that tier, is how imprecise the rounds of rice and seaweed are, the imprecision of something made by human hands. The pre-packaged stuff is made in nearly perfect circles or squares, appealing to the eye but unappealing to the tongue once it's too late. 

The rice tastes very natural here, not too sticky and not too loose either. These crumbly things in various colours you see in the picture add a nice bit of light crunchy texture to counteract the softness of the fish and the rice, like a tempura batter dried out and broken up? (I seriously don't know what they are, help me!). Also I have to mention the spicy drizzle, the exact kind of hot sauce I enjoy. While it tastes nothing like it, the progression is like tasting a honey mustard and then going immediately for a hot dijon: just substitute a more creamy sauce with an eventual sweet chili pepper kick. 

Look, if this is the "McDonalds" of sushi... maybe I should rethink how I think about McDonalds! Ummmm... no and definitely no. From a true novice of the cuisine, Kibo is legitimately tasty. If you can find one with a likewise good daily special, this is a thumbs up recommendation. I'm not gonna do that hokey YouTube review thing and say "Wow! Everyone needs to go here right away and I'll be heading back there again reeeal soon! Smash that "Like" button and subscribe!"... nah, it's just quite nice to know something of this level (and affordability and quantity) is so close by. Most importantly, it was one of the very few times I've eaten a large amount of sushi and not still been hungry. Well done.  

 

Burnt Ends -- I really haven't done any writing at all so far in December, despite my grand promises of Many Things On The Horizon(TM). There are still such grand things though... watch for my Led Zeppelin album ranking soon, plus my dear dad was kind enough to provide some DVD copies of the Star Wars prequel trilogy, meaning I can review the Star Wars films! Yesss... rise, Lord Collier Street... the time has come...

 

Tuesday Tune -- It's damn weird to call songs and albums that came out when I was in freaking high school classics or nostalgia, but it's also true this album came out in 2003... like nearly 20 years ago. They warned me getting older wouldn't be fun, they warned me! Ah whatever, as long as I can still ride a bike and play baseball. In the meantime, this song kicks ass and reminds me of Grade 11. 

 

 

That's all this week! Thanks for sticking around, stay tuned to the show because despite my silence the past week there are a lot of fun things upcoming. Be on the lookout for those, while in the meantime stay safe, stay healthy and don't spill that mustard.

 

 

 

The Tuesday Taste: Papa John's Pizza

 

Sometimes I get overcharged

That's when you

see sparks

They ask me where the hell

I'm going

At a thousand feet

per second

Another Tuesday, another Taste. I've managed to avoid being run down by the complete maniacs driving cars in this city for another week, and to celebrate that I went for a pizza at Papa John's!

Ugh... what a week.

Some quick history: the origin of Papa John's dates back to Jeffersonville, Indiana in 1984, when founder John Schnatter began operating a pizzeria out of the back of his father's tavern. This proved popular enough for him to open his own separate restaurant within a year, and by the 1990s it had become a franchise with hundreds of locations. In recent years Schnatter has (very) reluctantly stepped somewhat aside from the company on account of numerous controversies... having a scummy dude as the name and face of your product can't be good for business. I mean, watch this abomination if you're not convinced... pure cringe. 

Papa John's seems relatively new to Canada... I don't recall seeing any at all until sometime in the past decade. There happens to be one a pretty close walk from me, so I made my way up there, dodged an asshole fuck who nearly pancaked me with an SUV, and ordered a large four topping. 

This was a frustrating experience: the lady taking my order, while friendly, didn't seem to understand I was trying to order parmesan cheese as a topping. Seriously, this took a minute to explain... and in the end it still got screwed up. I also requested a garlic dipping sauce and instead got a ranch. What, did I trample the flowers in some karmic garden or something? Good gawd.

Needless to say, considering the shitty founder, dim service and my own general rage at nearly being a traffic casualty (yet again)... I was ready to rip this pizza a new orifice. It would've been delightful to do so, but I'm also a fair monster and I actually can't insult Papa John's pizza. At least, not very much. It's actually rather decent... damnit.

My four toppings were an attempt to recreate a pizza I loved as a kid, sort of a meaty, cheesy Hawaiian style. Bacon (which was bacon crumble, so minus points there), pepperoni, pineapple and then parmesan to add something dry alongside the salty and sweet. Well there's definitely no parmesan on this, but otherwise the three turned out to be a successful combination. The pepperoni is a bit buried in there and not super plentiful, so you definitely taste more of the salty bacon bits and sweet pineapple. 

Quality-wise... meh. It's very ordinary. The pepperoni is generic, the bacon crumble is bacon crumble (try it once you've tried em all) and the pineapple is semi-dry and not particularly juicy (this is what happens when you bake canned pineapple instead of the fresh stuff. When fresh it can hold it's consistency better in heat). Also can we talk about pineapple on pizza again for a quick moment? I just don't get why some people are so militant about it, like it violates some sacred standard of pizzas. I've met chefs like this as well, it's not just a layman thing. Frankly I've heard of people eating peanut butter, jam and pickle sandwiches, which while completely disgusting to my taste I don't think it breaks some kind of PB and J sandwich code. Ah whatever, I'm grouchy this week. Get off my lawn! 

Finishing up my thoughts on this offensively okay pizza... the sauce is your typical "whatever tomato sauce" with a texture so unremarkable it's not even worth acknowledging again once this sentence is over. The crust though... probably the best base element of the pie. There's a light wheatiness to the dough, reminding me of a white bread baked in a supermarket, and the softness (at least when fresh) is quite enjoyable. As for the cheese... I get the sense either they thought I ordered double mozzarella (ecch, I never do that) or that they like to really load the cheese on there to hide the scarcity of the toppings. Probably a bit of both, but I am glad the sheer amount of cheese doesn't strangle this thing to death (call it The Domino's Effect, heh). The reheat value is solid as well, with the ingredients not becoming gross or stale after a few hours.

Overall! Man, this is twice in a row I've gone for a pizza review very ready to unleash some venomous slander... instead I get mediocrity thrown at me again. Does this mean when I finally review 2-4-1 Pizza it might not be awful? (I wouldn't cross my fingers). Anyhow, I wouldn't call Papa John's good in any way... like Domino's it tricks you when fresh because the sensation of eating warm pizza is so enjoyable. This is better than Domino's though: while the ingredients are as generic, the outer dough isn't as stiff, the overdone (and overcooked) cheese at least doesn't blanket every corner and you don't get that weird cornmeal crumble at the bottom. There's actually a place called Rosina here in Toronto that makes excellent pizza (reviewed em once before) and I loved everything about it except that they do that same cornmeal thing. Those little bits are distracting and the cornmeal base for whatever reason dries out and doesn't reheat well. 

Lets give Papa John's a 'C' grade. Perfectly acceptable and better than Little Caesars (bland) or Domino's. It's so painfully average though in every way I'm not even sure what could make it better... a deeper, more interesting sauce perhaps? More variety of toppings? (their selection was pathetically limited). People who know what freaking parmesan cheese is? All right I've got to go yell at a cloud.

 

Burnt Ends -- It's been a week of editing! Mostly on my look at the Led Zeppelin albums, which I think will be ready around the time of next week's TT. Beyond that, trying to find a way to watch the Star Wars prequels so to torture mysel-- I mean review the Star Wars movies! Frankly it'll just be a lot of fun to write such a thing... explore the history of the franchise as an appreciator of the universe but someone far from hardcore fandom. Still thinking that could be my big "end of 2021" piece but I'll have to get on that wagon soon. 

 

Okay, Blue Jays -- So you're telling me that while the Jays lost both Marcus Semien and Robbie Ray to free agency, neither are going to the Yankees or Red Sox or AL East... meanwhile Toronto locks up Jose Berrios and nabs another high price pitcher in Kevin Gausman. Some will always throw thorns at this front office, but you can't say they've been off the ball or cheap here in this case.  

 

Bikes and Cars -- Look, people know that I'm both a committed cyclist and I complain about drivers a lot. Thing is, I'm not at all interested in the "bikes versus cars" debate Toronto seems to like having and that's because it's a stupid fucking debate. Like seriously, what does that accomplish? The real problem isn't cyclists are entitled idiots or drivers are stupid and dangerous... the problem is stupid and careless fucking people. 

Take it from me, your friendly neighbourhood foodman, in that certain cases it doesn't matter whether somebody is driving a car, riding a bike, gliding on a scooter or using their feet... they're just a complete clueless moron endangering people around them. Maybe they have the awareness of a hammer, maybe they just don't give a shit about anybody but themselves? I dunno! I'm not a pathetic waste of skin.

I see people make the argument that cyclists should have registrations and licenses and what not... okay sure but then you gotta do the same thing for e-Bikes, electric scooters... I dunno anything that can travel faster than 10km? I understand the spirit of the idea, but you also have to consider this will act as a further hindrance to people getting on a bike at all (and the dangers of riding downtown is a big enough hindrance as it is). Hey, I love having open lanes all to myself but I also think as a society we should be biking more, not less. 

My biggest argument against cars isn't that the drivers are overall dumber, it's the 1/100 buffoon you encounter is operating a two tonne death machine that can and does kill people. If you want to counter me with a "bicycles can hit and hurt people too!" argument, well you're an idiot and should probably stop reading this. Consider: I crashed into a thin tree once on my bike, probably with the circumference of a beer tall can. Damaged my bike a bit, maybe the tree was scuffed and I had a few bruises. A car crashes into that same tree? It's completely destroyed, probably uprooted and is off to be kindling. Trees: also not quite as soft or delicate as human bones and organs.   

This is becoming longer than my actual review (almost getting run over by a cretin will do that) but regardless, my argument stands that this isn't a vehicle problem but a human stupidity one. I've got so many insane stories in my years biking... one drunk fuck took a swing at me riding past him, an e-Bike riding the opposite direction on a One Way Street full speed towards me on Richmond (and told me to fuck off)... plus I've been hit by cars twice! Literally fucking twice, both on green lights for me. If Thing is, I've had altercations with dumbass pedestrians and just total prick cyclists as often as negligent drivers. Huh, maybe when I said I was a "committed" cyclist, what I meant was that I should be committed somewhere.... heyo! That's how you end a rant, people. 

 

Tuesday Tune -- I had a totally different song and band in mind this week, but to be honest this whole review has not gone according to plan. My intention was to try a completely different restaurant but their internet was down and were cash only, and since my bank is nowhere nearby I had to adjust. Then that fucker in the SUV almost runs me over at Kingston and Silver Birch (for the record, when you have to jump out of the way and they're not signalling, I think that qualifies). Sorry not sorry for my crassness this week, go enjoy this wonderful song sung by a man very rightfully afraid of cars. 

 

 

That's it for me. Until next time, stay safe out there, don't act like an entitled and dangerous jerk, be kind to each other and don't spill that mustard. 

 

The Tuesday Taste: A&W's Teen Burger + Mozza Burger

 

I was, smoking with the boys upstairs when I

heard about the whole affair

I said "Whoa no

William and Mary won't do now"

Well I did not think the girl

could be so cruel 

And I'm never, going back

to my old school

 

Another Tuesday... you know what that means. We've got a double (heck, triple) feature on the Taste this week, meaning I'll be a bit more concise than usual? Fat chance! Tune out now while you still can!

Luckily to all of you still with me, this nostalgia is a good story. I've commented on the weekly show how it's oddly funny I've reviewed A&W multiple times via their veggie burger or Nashville chicken attempt... yet never an actual beef burger from them. Wendy's, McD's, freaking Burger King... an A&W beef option seems pretty overdue. Once I found out there was an A&W location on the corner of Church Street and Hayden here in Toronto... well there are A&Ws basically everywhere now in Toronto but that particular spot has extra personal meaning. 

In that carefree spring/summer of 2015, I was in an inbetween situation. Still adjusting to living in an awkwardly inaccessible area of the city (which is still my home), but more crucially battling a job market while trying to balance a university schedule. One job had proven to be pathetic in providing me hours (and featuring a "hands on" manager so clueless he'd probably go hands onto a hot iron despite warnings)... I needed something else desperately and Spirits Bar and Grill rescued me for a few months.

I grew up in the Church/Wellesley area, went to high school there, and while it was never one of my underage watering holes (RIP Duke of Gloucester) I always was aware of Spirits. Getting an interview there, despite living a dozen kilometers away, and getting hired on the spot... still lingers as one of my finer "selling what I can do" moments. The job was strictly daytimes and I mostly greeted people as they entered the pub, sat them at tables with menus... then when we got super busy I'd switch into food running mode and handle the complications of our busy lunch services. I was 27, had bartended somewhat already but man, I just really liked the vibe of the place... my coworkers were friendly and worked even harder than I... the management stern but fair... the owner... well I helped her move a huge 50 pound microwave out of the unit above the restaurant and she bought me a beer for it... damn I genuinely loved working there. Getting a free meal every shift also helped, but also the money wasn't great and I'm the worst morning person who ever lived. The fact I did this, biked 12 km at 9am from Monday to Friday for five months, and still was sad when it suddenly ended... 

And end suddenly it did. The news ambushed me after one slow shift, but there had been a lot of those and they simply couldn't afford me. I recall the newly opened Firkin On Bloor stealing some of our business and personally swearing to never support a Firkin ever... little did I know. Within a year or two the owner, wanting to retire after decades, sold the building and Spirits was no more. I'd figured, like everything of Bloor/Yonge I remember between 1994-2008, the building would be demolished and some cold new lifeless steel thing would take its place. Nah... instead, it's a(nother) fucking A&W. The building still stands though.

Renovations have made the original interior layout unrecognizable: the main entrance (where a small front patio was) which led to the tiny bar has been completely erased. Instead, the new entryway leads into the main seating section of the old pub, where they once had musical acts and comedy nights. The ordering station cuts off a huge back section of seating that used to lead into their formidable back patio, which instead of showing dozens of tables is now a parking area with a dumpster hidden away. The benches built along the wooden outer walls are still there, as a final remnant of what once was there. I'd show up an hour early to power wash this patio every Monday... now it rests next to dumpsters. Time waits for no one. 

Hey, was this supposed to be a food review? It was, you say? Your romanticism towards the past is excessive, you say? Sickening, you say? Fork in the eye, you say? Bah. Look, we're talking Canadian A&W here. In my opinion, they're reliably... reliable. I'll get into it, don't worry, but dissecting A&W is like picking apart something you think is overly adequate. It could be a lot better in many ways, but they do a lot of things right. So 15 million memory lane words later, lets talk about A&W and compare their two flagship options: the Teen Burger and the Mozza, while also grading them upon their individual merits. 

Here's the Teen first: I think this is a burger that can fool you if you're not paying attention. Not that it's bad, but it perhaps relies on an overwhelming exposure of flavour to hide it's averageness. Consider the dominant taste of a Teen Burger: what is it? To me, I get a lot of ketchup and pickle... then some bacon and burger patty... a bit of sliced tomato (no onions for me ever) and a stiff but light toasted bun just firm enough to keep it together. The varying tastes are salty (bacon and beef) against sweet (pickle, ketchup and tomato) and while it all works there's no middle ground where both meet. The cheddar cheese barely factors in and the beef patty itself is mere salty texture against these stronger presences. It's a burger that tricks your tounge by being so flavourful, yet it's dominant flavours aren't all that deep, or really compliment each other well. I'm still much, much happier to eat a Teen over a Whopper or a Big Mac (both of which lack flavour to offensive levels) and a bacon cheeseburger is always a bacon cheeseburger... I'd recommend less or no ketchup and (to the irritation of friends of mine) eliminate the pickles. 

How about the Mozza: when it comes to burgers I've always been one to veer on the side of simplicity. My level of minimalism (lettuce, mustard, mayo and maybe cucumbers) is probably not for anyone, but in this case it's damn effective revealing the overall quality of a burger without bitter or sugary shields. The result: pretty decent? Shrug? Some tasty elements: the bacon on a Mozza burger jumps out at you much more this time, as does the cheese (more in texture than taste... you get some buttery-ness and know it's there at least) which speaks to how less can be more. No ketchup, no pickles, no onions... just a "secret sauce" type spread (mayo, relish and something sweet blended hard together) along with the cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato and beef. I like the Mozza burger more as a reviewer (since I can appreciate it with less obstruction) and as a consumer, since it's more of what I want. I wanna taste that bacon, that crunchy lettuce, that salty beef patty, that burger sauce on the tip of my mouth... it just works better. Still plenty of flavour, but they work in better harmony here.

Now look, I have to comment on the A&W beef and this is the same for both burgers I tried... they remind me of ground beef you probably overcooked the first time, but keep reheating again and again. It's not overly chewy, but its rather lifeless and empty beyond the outer layer... the juiciness cooked out of it and no amount of over-seasoning and salt can hide that. Hey though, at least it still tastes like actual beef... there's enough of that left to convince even a killjoy like me that this is the real thing. Overdone and reheated yes... but there isn't that gross processed McDonald's taste, or Krusty brand imitation gruel of Burger King. 

Overall... the Mozza burger is a consistently good late night burger. The Teen is solid as well, once you tone down the secondary elements. I enjoyed eating both of these, and did so within five minutes of each other because I'm a glutt... I mean I biked 33 km that day. Their burgers are far still too salty/over seasoned (hiding their absence of texture) but otherwise, hard to find a more prevalent late night food chain with this level of acceptable quality. Not a recommendation, rather an acknowledgement of solidness.           

 

Burnt Ends -- Geez, enough of me already. Here's my latest Star Trek review (of an actually great TNG episode by the way) and I did a baseball thing evaluating the top 60ish MLB free agents and how they could fit on the Blue Jays. 5500 words on the latter... yeah I need a life or a girlfriend or something. But read those articles anyway!

 

Caesar Me? Caesar Him! -- Oh yes, there's an extra review this week. 

 

 

So Settle in! Here comes my super duper extensive look at these canned Caesar cocktails... don't even think of drinking another drink in your life until you read these next few words!

 

   

Motts -- A smooth initial greeting and finish, though inescapably artificial in feel... very salty... tastes decent but also like it's very very bad for you. It's fairly okay.

 

 

Matt & Steve's -- More of a pickled taste, which I like... more of a something to it. Still not like the real thing: a drink mixed with skill and care by a talented bartender, with fresher non-canned ingredients... I mean there's no substitute for that ever. Again this is quite decent though.

 

 

Walter -- The most genuine of the three and perhaps the weakest, undone by it's better quality. Hard to explain, but this one forgoes an accessibly thin and salty texture for pure tomato paste. It's thick enough to stick a finger in and residue lingers on the release... clearly this recipe strove for something resembling the real thing and only just missed the mark via its ambition. The salty tomato taste is there, and I don't mind the thicker texture (just takes longer to drink, longer to enjoy it) but damnit it needs more of a kick, more of a punch. Not just alcohol-wise (4.5 percent) just something beyond thick gulps of tomato dipped in celery salt... a stronger version of this would be delightful. Anyhow, this could be an excellent substitute for Clamato if you plan on trying homemade caesars... kinda recommend that, to be honest.    

Tuesday Tune -- What? No, you've used up your reserve nostalgia privileges for the next seven decades. Bah, while the jury sorts that out (the trial never ends, Jean-Luc)... enjoy a song I've loved since I was 14 years old. A band that fools you with a smooth sound while singing a different story. 

That's it for me! Bit of a longer one this week, hope you all enjoyed the journey that eventually (I hope) led to a satisfying conclusion. Until next time, stay safe, be well, send some well wishes and perhaps help, if you can, to those folks affected by the horrible mudslides and weather on the west coast. Turns out climate change is a thing, who knew? Right, basically every expert ever. Anyhow, don't spill that mustard. 

This Week In Star Trek: TNG -- The Nth Degree

 

 

 

We're back everybody, with another look at a Trek episode! We've been looking at some pretty goofy ones lately (Abe Lincoln in space, 1940s casino cliche land) so it seems a good time to veer in a different direction. Also: here be spoilers. Always forget to add that with these.

The Nth Degree is a Season 4 episode of Next Generation that sees the return of beloved guest character Reg Barclay. Apparently bringing Barclay back was something that took the writers a while: they loved the character but didn't want to tell the same story as they had with Hollow Pursuits. 

What really makes Barclay work as a character (and likewise this story focused around him) is how he comes across as a real, believable person. Our main characters, while certainly with their own little blemishes, really can seem like Starfleet Superheroes... like they're the Space Avengers or something. Whereas Barclay with his extreme social phobias, nervous quirks and general discomfort makes him relatably human, and guest actor Dwight Schultz nails the visible awkwardness of the role. 

What also works for Nth Degree is how genuinely funny it is. Despite not being a straight up comedy or farce (like Fistful of Datas) the show sprinkles in these delightful little moments throughout, such as Barclay's cringeworthy acting as Cyrano in the opening scene (Dr. Crusher's desire to run a theatre on the ship always struck me as odd, though Barclay as Cyrano is an effective literary parallel). By contrast, another scene you get is the then enhanced Barclay attempting to smoothly pick up Troi in Ten Forward, with Riker later asking her if it worked... which she smirks at and walks off. It's these little interactions and moments that feel so natural which give really good Trek episodes so much to them. 

This story itself takes some inspiration from classic sci-fi tales, "Flowers For Algernon" jumps to mind, as it follows a man (Barclay) suddenly given super intelligence and abilities... exploring what that means both for himself and for the ship on which he serves. Unlike say a tragic monster character who's new abilities lead them to evil, Barclay's biggest crime becomes smug confidence, which thankfully isn't overplayed or used as some kind of cheap lesson in the end. Barclay is now the smartest person onboard but doesn't lord the fact over anybody, at first his instincts and intentions are still to want to help the ship from his same standing. 

What frustrates him is how the tools to do so have become inadequate to his advanced state, which leads to his solution of merging his mind with the Enterprise computer. I remember this reveal freaking me out when I was younger, seeing this spooky blue light with these laser beams darting upon Barclay's head... his voice calmly explaining what has happened while his face just looks on without expression... seems something out of a classic horror movie. Once Barclay begins a dangerous experiment with the ship, the tragic monster plot appears to be where we're heading. You know the one: the crew comes up with a crazy solution just in the nick of time and somehow everything is back to normal. Instead, perhaps surprisingly, the crew actually fails to stop Super Barclay. 

Fortunately for everyone, the experiment works and launches the ship into the middle of the galaxy, where an alien race appears (as a giant head on the bridge! Classic) to explain the reason for all the weirdness: they're driven explorers who never leave their own solar system and so bring other species to their world, learning about the universe that way. Kind of a lazy way of doing things but interesting nonetheless, just maybe don't try that with the Klingons or the Borg eh? 

Barclay also appears on the bridge to help explain, now disconnected from the computer and his regular human smarts restored. They do hit the reset button on this story pretty quickly, which is its only weakness. It would've been nice to learn a bit more about these aliens beyond just one scene, or why this "travel across the galaxy instantly" propulsion technique could only be used this episode. Otherwise, hey USS Voyager! Stranded in the Delta Quadrant? Just travel to the middle of the galaxy and find these goofy aliens! Watch out for the Evil God from Star Trek V!. 

It never feels like a high stakes episode, yet there are multiple moments with genuine urgency and tension. Nth Degree mixes good character scenes, humour, sci-fi horror elements and just a terrific performance by the guest star. Schultz's Barclay convincingly evolves through this episode from the nervous wreck we know... into a man given an intellectual gift he is slowly realizing... into a factual supercomputer attempting to happily explain how he's doing what's best for everyone. It never seems like he isn't himself or possessed by some other consciousness, rather that he is a different version of who he is. His comment in the final scene of feeling "smaller, much smaller" now that he's back to normal sums up the experience with understated self-reflection, telling you everything you need to know. It's a stellar episode, finishing strong on that closing bit of Barclay and Troi walking by a chess table and him making a brilliant move to win a stranger's game. "I didn't know you played chess?" "I don't!" Just great stuff. Warp 8 all the way.               

The Tuesday Taste: Dave's Hot Chicken

 

Keep believing the things

that you tell yourself

Everyone needs something

they can tell themselves

To hold onto cause after all of it's said

and done will you know

 

Another Tuesday, another Taste! Oh yeah. After doing pizza (and beer!) last week it's time to mix things up a bit... really dive into something new, something we definitely haven't reviewed here on the TT... a fried chicken sandwich! 

How has such a popular food item slipped under my radar? Well it's.... sorry what's that? We have reviewed a fried chicken sandwich before? Multiple times you say. To the point of madness, you say. Damn, after like 38 of these you'd think we'd be more on top of things... guess it's time to fire all of my many assistants... one moment please...

All kidding aside, I'd been curious to try Dave's Hot Chicken for quite some time. And, seeing as I recently tried Chica's out in The Junction (which was damn amazing) and also want to erase the KFC Double Down from my mind (not damn amazing)... it seemed like an ideal moment to move onto Dave's.

There are now three locations of DHC here in Toronto, one short of my usual criteria of needing at least four to qualify for the Tuesday review. However, there are at least a dozen more throughout the United States, mostly in southern California, Texas and a couple scattered about in Michigan and Illinois. Their story is pretty cool: basically four friends (including the titular Dave, a trained chef) started up a food stand pop-up in an East Hollywood parking lot and thanks to online buzz became an overnight sensation. 

Lets see how this sensation has translated up north. I went to their new spot in Leslieville, exactly where the beloved Stratengers pub used to be, and walking inside was definitely weird as hell. Where the pool tables were is now closed off by newly built walls, making this new interior significantly more narrow and tighter than my old post-softball game watering hole once was. At least they've utilized the upstairs as a seating area, which was an often forgotten and neglected section of the departed pub. 

I looked up their menu online beforehand and was baffled by the bare simplicity of it, assuming it to be a website bug of some kind. Nope, instead it really is pretty straight forward once you wrap your brain juices around it. They offer chicken tenders and sliders (initially worrying, considering the small size associated with those) which can be ordered in combos. Meanwhile everything non-combo is considered a side: tenders, sliders, fries, cheese fries and mac n' cheese. Considering the gigantic font size of the combo options and the relatively cast aside menu for the sides, it's no mystery which direction they're trying to steer ya.

Not a fan of fast food combos in general, I went for a slider with cheese fries (because, come on. They're cheese fries). They have a specific spice scale you order, starting at no spice whatsoever up to "Primal Rage" or "Super Death" or whatever (it's actually called "Reaper" which I assume is a nod to the Carolina Reaper hot pepper). Normally I go "medium" for these reviews to get a better taste of the main item itself... but damnit "hot" is in the Dave's Hot Chicken name, so I went with that ("Hot" is the third highest on the scale).

 

First the cheese fries. My two biggest complaints immediately: this is not a large portion for six bucks, and there's barely any cheese sauce on here (as you can see). Blame it on personal taste, but when I go for cheese fries I want those potatoes drenched my friend. This is the opposite of that. Seeing as this is clearly a side portion of fries anyway... you're paying an extra dollar for a teeny little drizzle of sauce, like it's caramel on a fancy dessert. Lame.

Complaints aside, these are quite good. The fries themselves (crinkle cut is always a nice touch) find that perfect combination of light and crispy: wonderfully soft and fluffy yet with just a slight crisp give that feels satisfying to chomp into. They're well seasoned also, not overly salty or anything but just enough to remind you there's something there. The cheese sauce definitely has that gooey element you find in a melty nacho cheese, except this has less of that 7/11 plastic dispenser flavour and more of an understated orange cheddary kick. Damn tasty fries, good mix of textures, an agreeable sauce... why isn't there more of it?

 

Lets move onto the sandwich, the real make-or-break. Despite being called a slider, this is a decent enough size. I hear "slider" and think either baseball or a tiny sandwich you can conceal by closing your hand around it. Thankfully this is larger than that. A bit unwieldy considering the awkward cut of the chicken doesn't fit in the bun, but I'll take that 100 times over a cookie cutter processed "chicken" product that aligns with perfect snugness. I'd estimate this is about the same size as a Popeye's chicken sandwich, maybe slightly smaller... but there's a lot more to it. 

First, this combination of red cabbage and a herb (maybe cilantro) mixed with a relishy mayo sauce which makes their slaw. It's creamy yes, but also modestly crunchy, a bit peppery and leafy bitter... possibly not for everyone but I found it interesting and different. They also don't shy away from loading pickle slices on this thing, which is probably the most uninteresting element here because there are so many other flavours working in better harmony... you can barely notice the pickles are there. 

The chicken itself... well it's very soft and juicy, even the thicker parts of the piece. Not really crunchy in any part, aside from the more cooked edges that are mostly skin and batter. It's an incredibly oily affair: even the bun will leave some residue on your finger tips, so stock up on napkins. 

How about the spice? I'd describe it as accessibly hot. Frankly it reminds me of a vindaloo maybe, a gradual earthy heat that never stings or overwhelms but sneaks in just enough in spikes. It's definitely a sauce, as the drier seasoned parts of the chicken are not spicy... rather the thicker parts where it has seeped into the bird itself. I quite like it, there's a very good flavour in there balanced with enough of a spicy jab to the corners of your mouth.

Overall... it's a bit overpriced portion-wise (especially the fries) but the quality is there and the sandwich itself really goes in a neat direction. The slaw is unique compared to your standard coleslaws the likes of KFC and Popeyes offer, while the chicken is both deliciously cooked and really loaded with interesting tastes and texture. I've seen on Google that this location has a 3.1/5 rating and I'm somewhat confused by that: either people have the same complaints I do (which are valid) or people have gone in and gotten something entirely different than they expected. I'm not suggesting that those reviewers are incorrect in their opinions, just that after trying* and reviewing many various fried chickens this past year it was refreshing to experience something a little different. Worth a try, I'd say. 

*I still gotta give it up to Chica's though. Seriously if you're near Keele and Dundas West that place is great.

 

Burnt Ends -- I swear, often I wonder if I've started writing Star Trek reviews as some passive agressive way of converting everyone I know (and perhaps strangers) into the greatness of classic Trek. It's almost definitely not working, but hey read my review of a TNG episode anyway. It's Riker, Worf and Data in a 1930s/50s/??? casino simulation and is way goofier than you could possibly imagine. 

Beyond that, bah it's the usual editing ideas and such. Might have a baseball thing up soon on one of those other websites I sometimes write for (yep, I'm clearly a two-timing swine).

 

Tuesday Callback -- I've already reviewed Burger's Priest before (they know how to smother their cheese fries right) and came across this article about the original founder of The Priest, who has since moved on from the chain and into pizza (good man) with Fourth Man In The Fire. To be honest, the article is pretty vacuous beyond that the dude is quite pleased to see that something he helped start has become so wildly successful now, with their 26th location opening in Newmarket. Annnnnd I've now told you every bit of relevant information in that article with about 300 fewer words.   

Anyways, I maintain Burger's Priest is pretty overrated but 4th Man In The Fire is legitimately terrific, check them out.

 

My Old Street -- There's a reason (well several) I don't live in downtown Toronto anymore and have no intention of ever doing so again. Because of constant condo development my old neighbourhood is barely recognizable now as is, and here is yet another step towards that. My thoughts exactly.

 

Tuesday Tune -- Finishing on some good news, one of my favourite bands has just announced they're releasing a new album next February... their first since 2017! In honour of that, here's a great tune from their great 2002 record Kill The Moonlight.

 

   

That's it for this week! It's starting to get cold out, which will make these adventures to try places a bit more interesting/challenging. So if there's a blizzard for a week... I dunno I'll probably just review something at A&W I haven't tried yet or something. They did finally open one here in the Beaches... Anyhow until next time, stay safe, be well, enjoy these remaining days of temperatures in the positives and don't spill that mustard.